We are gathered here today to express our condolences to any family and friends that Turtwig's A-B-Cs may have.
You may know that Turtwig, foolhardy young man that he was, took it upon himself to pursue the Way of the Grader. The fearsome gauntlet of trials he was required to pass through to qualify are only exceeded in atrocity by the unspeakable experience of actually being a Grader. You may speak of mere chains and "hoity-toity" BMG admins diluting the standards, but old ways die hard. We who grade your stories: we know. We know.
It was our most completely sincere hope that Turtwig would find the Grader Test more than he could handle, that he would return to his happy life unmarred by the scars and torments of our profession.
Unfortunately for him, he succeeded.
We shall now bow our heads in memory of the passing of one of our own.
Let us observe a moment of silence.