When Evil Meets Evil (Book 1) (COMPLETED) - Page 5

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Thread: When Evil Meets Evil (Book 1) (COMPLETED)

  1. #61
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Quote Originally Posted by NikNak3000 View Post
    As the end of this fix draws near, I sense an explosive finale...

    The plot stays good, but it does get a bit repetitive after a while, what with battle after battle. In your sequel, try to spice it up a bit - maybe a grunt discovers a secret goldmine, or Team Rocket blow up the Devon Corporation (since it takes place in Hoenn).

    There are, like other people say, quote a few mistakes. Try using a spell check to improve your accuracy, but remember that they can be unreliable...
    Thanks so much for the help. I promise that this last Chapter will "Blow" you away.

  2. #62
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    It's a little rushed and "tell" as opposed to "show", but overall, you're continuing to improve.

  3. #63
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    thanks a lot

  4. #64
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    One of the best chapters for the story, you added more description and the story is great.
    good job!

  5. #65
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Thanks, that meens so much to me. The final part wil;l make you head turn and blow you away. Your fic is awsome too.

  6. #66
    Back to KM Kantomasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    i cant wait for the next chap!
    My 3ds FC: 0018 2172 7225 Safari: Rock Feel free to add me! I can only get on wifi maybe once a week at most though!
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  7. #67
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Only if I can finish it. I have writers block oh gosh!

  8. #68
    I'm back Wheels's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Cool chapter, although I was rooting for Giovanni, now it's up to the G man, Gary (my favorite character).


    Props to Instrutilus for the sick banner.

  9. #69
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Hey Alster. I enjoyed the last chapter with Cyrus defeating Giovanni. I really can tell from reading it that you love writing, so that's a plus!

    I would only suggest that you be sure to concentrate on 'showing' the reader what's going on with a lot of description, as opposed to simply 'telling' the reader what's going on. Paint a picture for the readers with your words. It will make your already exciting fic that much more enjoyable to read.

    I don't want to make it sound like your story isn't good though. There are plenty of good points. Your description has improved, and your enthusiasm is really good. When the readers can tell an author is excited about his story, it makes it fun to follow! Keep up the good work!

  10. #70
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Thanks for the good points. I will try much harder in the final chapter.

  11. #71
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    The fic isn't half bad, but you do need to use a lot of description with the surroundings and the characters. Though I did like what you did with Cyrus defeated Giovanni I always thought Cyrus was stronger and more evil than him.

  12. #72
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Thanks for reading.
    Scheduled due date for final chapter: August, 12th 2010

    Sorry I cant make it any sooner because Im going to be gone till August tenth and I wont have internet access but I still will be writing. Its coming out the day after my birthday so this is going to be a chapter to remmber. I also want to thank everyone that has commented by helping me improve and make this story a lot interesting. I dont know what I would due without your advice. Also if you really like When Evil Meets Evil than you will probably love the sequel because there are lots of mind blowers with twist and turns.

    Thank you all again.

  13. #73
    I! AM NOT! A MORON! Sith Droideka's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    Archie vs Cyrus: who will win? I'm hoping for Cyrus to win in Hoenn and Kanto (and one day Johto), and declare all of Japan (-Isshu) to be the Galactic Empire! Then Cyrus can rename himself Palpatine, and after a fierce battle in Mt. Stark Lucas/Dawn will be reborn as... Darth Vader.
    ALL Pokémon Are EQUAL, But SOME Pokémon Are MORE EQUAL Than Others

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  14. #74
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Part 7 Posted) Please Read

    A new date for When Evil Meets Evil The Final Chapter is up. Sorry for the sudden delay I had a long trip so I NEED TIME TO RELAX AND TOMMAROWS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

    nEW dATE: August 20th

  15. #75
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil (Completed, Final Chapter Out)

    After a long time from posting a new chapter due to a unexpected trip. I bring to you the final chapter of When Evil Meets Evil. Finaly I have finished this story and I would like to tell you all thanks for reading. I have grown so much in this fic that now I am a much better writter. Well enough talking here it is the Final Chapter.

    Part 8 Kanto’s Last Stand

    Gary fell to the floor knowing he wouldn’t stand a chance against there massive army of prevailing Grunts. Gary didn’t stand a chance against all of them even with his powerful Pokemon team. Archie just stood there and watched even laughing a little. The fact that Gary could even think of fighting all of them seemed hilarious to Archie at least.

    Cyrus on the other hand wasn’t amused. The only thing he was worried about was taking out Archie’s pathetic Team. All that was left was of Archie’s Team was Ludicolo and Mightyena but for Cyrus, he still contained a full team.

    Both sides Pokemon were back on there feat. Ludicolo on Archie’s side and Weavile on Cyrus’s side. Archie resumed the battle with one of Ludicolo’s most powerful move.

    “Finish that Sinnoh weakling off with Focus Blast,” demanded Archie making his move. Cyrus watched as Ludicolo placed his arms together while a blue shining ball grew from the palms of Ludicolo’s hands. Then Ludicolo slowly ran after Weavile with all his might. He then forced the Focus Blast right on Weavile’s chest. The blast made their ears shatter with the air filled with smoke no one was able to see the outcome. Weavile was no where to be found.

    When the smoke cleared up Cyrus wondered where Weavile could have gone. So did Archie but then he declared that Weavile fainted.

    “Looks like Weavile in no where here so that must mean Ludicolo wins,” laughed Archie. All of a sudden Weavile fell from the sky using Dark Pulse on Ludicolo who was un aware of the attack.

    Archie shouted “I could have sworn Ludicolo hit that Weavile.” More dusty smoke filled the air. Both Pokemon were in Peril. Ludicolo barley stood up but Weavile couldn’t stand at all. The Dark Pulse really injured Ludicolo a lot. Both Pokemon couldn’t move so nothing was happening.

    “Come on finish Weavile off now. We have things to do and I don’t like to be kept waiting,” scolded Archie who clearly wasn’t aware that Ludicolo was paralyzed.

    “Weavile, Im going to leave this move up to you,” said Cyrus who let his Weavile choose its own move. Weavile’s brilliant mind paid off as he got back on his feet charging at Ludicolo with nothing to lose. His sharp nail clawed into Ludicolo’s flesh which brought terrible pain to him. Weavile successfully finished off Ludicolo with Metal Claw.

    Flabbergasted at the results, Archie couldn’t bare watch anymore. He was down two and Cyrus still had three Pokemon left. Cyrus remained calm, not excited, and not angry. Things weren’t finished until Archie’s next Pokemon met the same faith as Ludicolo.

    Archie didn’t waste anytime as he just through his next Pokemon out for the battle. Immediately he ordered it to charge. Both opponents Pokemon had incredible speed which added more interest to the battle. Things began to heat up; both Pokemon avoided each others scratches and attacks. After a while both sides had enough of the senseless attacks. Archie then had a smile on his face. Out of no where Weavile was sucked into the ground and thrown out unconscious.

    Cyrus stood amazed; He didn’t know what just occurred. The watching Grunts wiped their eyes not believing what they had just seen with their own bare eyes. Cyrus had no other choice but to bring Weavile back and give his next available Pokemon a chance to shine.

    Honchkrow was next for the battle. All of a sudden the smile that Archie had quickly became a frown. Honchkrow was a quick flying type bird Pokemon and Mightyena was just a quick wolf type. Honchkrow soared into the air away from Mightyena. If Honchkrow got to close it wouldn’t be pretty. Cyrus made the first move. Before he started the move he through a small seed on the ground but Archie hadn’t seen it.

    “Arial Ace, now,” ordered Cyrus.
    Honchkrow got into his ready position and then shot down quickly with its beak, gleaming and pointing at Mightyena.

    “Dodge it now. Use Bite,” commanded Archie. While Honchkrow was on the ground it had no time to escape. Mightyena’s sharp teeth sunk into Honchkrow’s fur and flesh. Its teeth were so sharp and shiny which made the pain unbearable for Honchkrow. Honchkrow shouted from the blistering pain. It was too much for even a bird like Honchkrow to handle. Mightyena wouldn’t let go until it tore Honchkrow’s head out of hits own body.

    Archie ordered Mightyena to stop because even the pain was too much for Archie to watch. He ignored and continued to tear Honchkrow’s soft fur out of its large body.

    “Tell your beast to buzz off. It’s going too far,” said Cyrus who was worried as well.

    “Mightyena quit this instant,” scolded Archie. Mightyena was too indulged in Honchkrow’s flesh that he ran dragging Honchkrow with his claws.

    Honchkrow was already fainted but Mightyena wasn’t through. He tarred the fur off its back and then Archie ran to Mightyena. When Archie tried to grab Mightyena, his hands were caught in Mightyena’s bloody mouth.

    “Somebody get me its Pokeball,” cried Archie. One of Archie’s Grunts quickly handed him Mightyena’s Pokeball. Archie was upset for doing this but he returned Mightyena and was forced to forfeit the match. What Archie wasn’t aware of was that Cyrus was behind the whole thing, just like Archie was behind Weavile’s fainting. Both opponents cheated to get there ways by hurting each other’s Pokemon. When Mightyena was released, Cyrus threw a small seed on the ground in which Mightyena devoured. That seed was one of the most dangerous things know to Pokemon. It contained dangerous chemicals that would turn a Pokemon vicious, thriving for blood.

    Cyrus named the life threatening seed Vic for Vicious Immune Chemicals. It was his discovery that in fact made Cyrus win the match against his former opponent Archie. Team Galactic Grunts began to one by one capture Team Aqua’s Grunts. Cyrus held on to Archie who was also in terrible pain. Mightyena could have possibly almost ripped his finger off his hand. Luckily Archie ended up ok, but Honchkrow didn’t make it. It was dead and nothing could help it. Mightyena wasn’t the one who killed it; in fact it was all Cyrus. He killed his poor, now dead, Honchkrow for Kanto’s domination.

    Archie on the other hand didn’t kill Weavile. Before the battle Archie told a few grunts to go underground and pull Weavile underground. While Weavile was underground the grunts gave Weavile a pill that automatically makes Pokemon faint. With that done they shot him back up knowing that they have fainted Weavile for Archie’s evil schemes. Sadly they had cheated for nothing. Archie ended up losing from Cyrus’s evil plans. Archie didn’t know that Cyrus cheated so it all ended a mystery.

    “Looks like Kanto is Team Galatic’s. Everyone shall bow down to me as there complete overlord,” laughed Cyrus. After one long month of hurting, damaging, and threatening Kanto, he finally succeeded his plan to take over the region.

    In the background loud footsteps were heard. Cyrus assumed it was just a stampede of Pokemon but when he got a good look. It was stampede of angry citizens who were ran out of there homes and were forced to live through one entire month of destruction. Each person held a Pokemon that they would use to run the grunts out of their region.

    One person who seemed to be their leader shouted, “Get them and let’s claim what is ours.” This time they seemed to out number Team Rocket, Team Aqua, and Team Galactic all together. Cyrus gulped and knew that things didn’t end his way after all.

    Kanto’s citizens Pokemon fought the grunts and Team Galactic and Team Aqua stood no chance. Team Aqua was being forced into the water where they found there submarines with no harm done. They raced in tripping over one another. When they finally got in they voyaged back to Hoenn where they were meant to stay.

    Luckily for Team Galactic, one of their Professors flew in with a plane that could fly them back to Sinnoh in one piece. Ladders dropped and everyone climbed the rope at one time. After all of Cyrus’s headaches he didn’t end up conquering Kanto after all. Team Galactic flew back to Sinnoh where they would continue to plan for a different attack.

    As for the Team Rocket grunts who were abandoned by there former new leader Cyrus, were forced to run away form the angry crowd. After awhile the Kanto citizens gave up chasing them and decided to let them and Giovanni run their butts off.

    Gary was safe and Kanto lived in piece once again. All the Evil Organizations left and this time Kanto had ran the bad guys out. After that Kanto lived happily ever after for a little while.

    /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
    Well thats the end to When Evil Meets Evil. The Sequel is coming soon. In fact I already have 5 Chapters made. Please share your comments on the story. Thankyou.
    /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

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