Thank you all for the comments. I will learn from my mistake in the next few chapters.
Thank you all for the comments. I will learn from my mistake in the next few chapters.
I totally wrote out this big, long response to this... and promptly lost my connection.
1. Add more description. When the scene changes to a new area not explored before, begin with a paragraph describing the area. Show us, as they say. I want to know how green the trees are (but don't say "very green"), I want to know how deep the rivers are, I want to know everything. Use all five senses: what it looks like, what it sounds like, how it smells, and (if applicable) what it tastes and feels like.
2. Get into character. When writing as a particular character, you must speak (or write in this case) how they would speak, move how they would move, and emote how they would emote. This is especially important with previously-established or canon characters. For example, you can't have Cyrus burst into tears at the sight of one of his own helicopters exploding. Also, Maxie might "swagger" or "strut" instead of walk, because he's arrogant. Giovanni might "cackle" instead of laugh.
3. Dialogue. Make sure the words each character says would actually be used. Check your diction (the words used) often.
Thank You for the critisim. I promise part 6 will be a lot better. I just cant remeber the people that much.
Interesting, I'll be keeping an eye on this, VM me when you post a new chapter/part.
What do you guys think of them new When Evil Meets Evil Banner. It was made by BlazakingEX the person who makes most banners.
After a cuple of weeks I finally completed Part . I am sorry for the delay. I have been extreamly busy. Warning ths Chapter apperes to be very long. Probably the longest Chapter I have ever written.
Part 6 Giovanni Takes on Cyrus
Giovanni moaned as his floating parachute finally reached the grassy ground below him. Giovanni found unexpected guest as he finally found the land he awaited for.
“Well, if it isn’t the heart splitting Giovanni. I have heard of all your mischief to the world,” moaned Cyrus has he introduced himself.
Giovanni looked around to make sure he was still alive in Kanto. Finally his team reached the ground to greet him.
“If you must know, I am Giovanni, the one that you will bow down to once I reach victory. You must be the one who wants to use the two fierce dragon beasts to create your own world. Since that didn’t work you decided to control the world that is already here. I see the connectivity,” outlined Giovanni, slowly walking up to Cyrus’s crunched face.
Giovanni was right when he explained all the material of there planned schemes. He was the one that didn’t understand it himself.
Slowly, Cyrus lifted his hand stiffly and smacked Giovanni directly at his standard sized head.
“Are you trying to make your next boss upset,” whispered Cyrus as Giovanni fell firm on the verdant ground.
Giovanni slowly rose to his feet and then landed his fist unswervingly in Cyrus’s now bruised stomach of pain.
Cyrus nearly chocked and then all of his grunts backed him up. The Team Rocket grunts ran towards there rivals and began the fist fight.
The fist fight began with Giovanni and Cyrus leading the group battle. One grunt fought another and it continuously ended up in pain and wretchedness.
Ashes continued to fall from the dark, cloudy, sky. Unexpectedly, rains poured onto there sweaty, wet, heads and were completely drenched in acid rain. They were too occupied in the fight, so they didn’t even notice the frigid rain that fell before them.
“Its time you taste defeat,” announced Giovanni softly. “The games are over.”
Cyrus stumbled back slowly while Giovanni followed with his powerful fist waving in the blowing, murky, air.
“I can’t express this enough. I am the one who went through the trouble to capture Dialga and Palkia and these stupid twerps began my misery. I have given up in Sinnoh to come to the weak Kanto. I took the time to pack so now time is mine,” explained Cyrus now forcing Giovanni to move from his spot.
The fight began to slow down along with the now soft rain. Giovanni stopped punching and kicking and Cyrus laid back to relax.
“I have a better way and finishing this. This one that won’t kill both of us,” said Cyrus and began his idea. The grunts listened and so did the mischievous Giovanni.
“I would like to here more,” replied Giovanni and he listened has Cyrus demanded a Pokemon fight.
I think that we shouldn’t suffer from fist. It is our Pokemon. That is what they are made for, violence.
“What a splendid idea. I shouldn’t take the heat. That is why I carry Pokemon. A three on three battle will satisfy enough,” answered Giovanni adding his little devious smirk.
Giovanni turned his back on Cyrus and went to his Team executives for advice on which Pokemon he should use to dominate Cyrus. Cyrus did the same and trembled his way to Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn.
Cyrus faced Mars expecting her juicy plans and thoughts to create the battle mischief.
“I have nothing. I have no idea what Giovanni could be planning. He is just a mysterious guy,” said Mars as she studied Giovanni and his plots.
“So what about you Jupiter; I could use your good intelligence to pick my team for this decisive match,” whispered Cyrus.
“This is the first time that my five years at Pokemon training school is not paying off. My mind just went blank. We can’t underestimate Giovanni’s powerful mind. He has got secret tricks up his sleeve,” replied Jupiter with her head down in embarrassment.
“Cyrus, I think I have just the team for you. You should definitely use Weavile. We need someone quick on his feet. We also need a flying type and Honchkrow will fit in that category. I don’t think it will hurt to add Houndoom to the battling team,” suggested Saturn before Cyrus could speak.
Cyrus appreciated Saturn’s ideas and was completely amazed at the best team that Cyrus could have used.
“This shall bring Giovanni to his knees and he will beg for mercy and he will not achieve it from me.”
Cyrus chose the Pokeballs suggested by Commander Saturn and waited patiently as Giovanni searched for his perfect team.
Giovanni completed his task to find a perfect Pokemon team and approached his battling stance.
“I suppose you are ready to meet failure. You are a foolish man to challenge me, Cyrus, your next emperor. I will start in Kanto, and then I will grow to the rest of this world.”
The Team Galactic and Rocket Grunts stood outside of the area of the battle.
“Now it is time to begin the three on three match with no substitutions,” announced Giovanni.
“Yes I know the rules. Let the super battle began,” replied Cyrus.
“Come out… Nidoking,” yelled Giovanni in his sinister voice.
“I choose you, Weavile,” announced Cyrus in an almost silent tone.
Cyrus said a few words under his breath right before the first move was made.
“Nidoking, use double kick.” Nidoking’s large purple body moved an inch closer to the quick Weavile. His body leaped into the gushing air and his foot landed right into Weavile’s small head.
Weavile was forced onto the rocky ground by Nidoking’s powerful foot. Weavile tried to lift his body up but it was almost impossible because both of his small feet were buried in enormous boulders.
Nidoking rushed over to Weavile to land his fist straight into Weavile’s skinny body. Weavile shrieked as Nidoking’s fist planted right into the center of his body.
Tears ran down Weavile’s face and his feet were still trapped in the unsatisfying boulders.
“This doesn’t look to good. What am I going to do,” questioned Cyrus in his dark thoughts.
“What’s wrong Cyrus? Nidoking got your tongue. You haven’t said a word to your weakling through the whole match. Are you already cracking,” said Giovanni who was obviously winning the unbeatable match.
Weavile wiggled to try and free himself from the heavy boulders. One foot squeezed out while the other foot uncomfortably was still penetrated under the rocks.
“Nidoking let them know that this is not a joke. I want to control this region even if it is the last thing I do. Focus Punch, now,” yelled the sinister Giovanni.
Finally Weavile broke free from the boulder’s clutches and ran to protect his life in the outraging match. Nidoking’s Focus Punch smashed through the tough boulder. His large hand was trapped in the boulder and it was now Weavile’s chance to fight for the needed win.
“Yes, Weavile, Good. Now they had there fun. Its time to speed things up just a bit,” stated Cyrus. “Use Night Slash before he can brake free.
Weavile rushed to meet his fierce opponent. Before Nidoking could say a word, Weavile’s glowing hand smashed into Nidoking’s sensitive face.
Has the Night Slash crossed through Nidoking’s face a faint noise was herd from the empty fields.
“Giovanni, you are not running away so easily. I am going to get you and stop you and Cyrus,” yelled the mystery voice from far, far away.
“It must be that brat from my aircraft,” said Giovanni to himself.
Everyone there watched as the boy and his Pidgeot arrived to end the show.
“I am here to save Kanto,” panted the boy breathing in hard. He raised his face to reveal scars and bruises from the ashes that fell on their wet faces.
“Who do you think you are running into the most important battle that exists in Kanto as of now,” said Cyrus directing it towards the interrupting boy.
“My name is… Gary Oak. You got a clue. I am the Grandson of Professor Oak. I was sent here to help Kanto in its needs. I will put an end to the war,” said Gary as he walked up to Giovanni.
“You have committed way to many crimes and this one has gone overboard. People are cramped into places that haven’t been destroyed by you or any of the other teams,” raged Gary grinding his fingers into Giovanni’s soft suit.
“I don’t have time for you, brat. I will deal with you after I deal with Cyrus. For now take your little kiddy Pokemon and get out of here,” replied Giovanni wiping his shirt from the wrinkles made.
Giovanni pushed Gary aside so he could continue what he thought was more important. Gary fell to the ground and coughed from the smoke and ash. The smell was to strong for his delicate nose. The smell of fire filled the massive area and lots of Grunts coughed and squinted there eye’s due to the terrible smell and smoke.
Cyrus continued the battle and started the first move.
“There is not time to wait, end him with Dark Pulse,” demanded Cyrus catching Giovanni and Nidoking off guard. Weavile let out a loud and strong cough and then did what he was told.
Dark swirls appeared dimly in Weavile‘s tiny hands. As Weavile’s move progressed the dark circles turned into pure darkness and they got bigger than when it first started. A minute passed and Weavile ran into Nidoking who was still unhappy with his hands in the strong rock.
Giovanni turned his head and avoided the scene that would forever hunt him.
Nidoking cried out his last shriek and unconsciously fell to the rough ground that waited for his heavy body to fall.
Giovanni didn’t watch but knew that Nidoking had failed him for the first time. Giovanni retuned Nidoking and held out Nidoking’s Pokeball and then threw it far away from his site.
The Team Rocket Grunts gasped and the Team Galactic Grunts cheered there leader on.
“One down two more pests to destroy,” laughed Cyrus softly so no others would hear.
Giovanni sent out his next Pokemon in which he trusted. The queen appeared from her ball. Nidoqueen was well prepared to stomp all over the match. With the similar looks of Nidoking, Cyrus was greatly confused.
“All of Kanto’s Pokemon are hideous and so unfamiliar. Take a visit to Sinnoh and you will find a heck of a lot better creatures,” remarked Cyrus immodest over Sinnoh.
“That Weavile is such a Weakling. You call that from Sinnoh a high-quality battler,” defended Giovanni not wanting his region to sound feeble and scrawny.
“If he’s so weak than why did it turn your Nidoking up side down,” replied Cyrus obviously being the correct one.
Gary sat up and watched the bickering until he finally interrupted, “could you two just battle already so I can beat one of you up.”
Cyrus stopped and so did Giovanni and the battle continued and it seemed non stop. The fist went from face to face and stomach to stomach.
Finally Gary and the grunts became engrossed when Giovanni let out Nidoqueen’s signature move.
“These punches aren’t getting this battle anywhere. Nidoqueen, finish him off with Superpower.”
Nidoqueen’s baby blue body began to glow brightly and she was definitely powerful. Her fist dug into the ground and then she lifted a massive piece of the ground and flung it in Weavile’s direction.
“Dodge the rock quickly,” said Cyrus calmly.
Weavile ran from the rocks direction but Nidoqueen did not give up. He continued to through large bits of the ground below him at Weavile. They continued to miss and Nidoking’s power backfired on himself. He trapped himself in a deep hole in which he dug up. It was too deep for Nidoking to escape and Weavile had the advantage for this part in the match.
“Another flaw through your almost good moves. I laughed when I saw that your own Pokemon trapped himself while my Weavile just dodged rocks. Do you still believe that Sinnoh Pokemon are weaklings,” rejoiced Cyrus continuing to be the correct proclamation.
Giovanni ignored the true declaration moaned. He was down one Pokemon and his own Pokemon put itself in peril. Everything Cyrus said was true and Giovanni was afraid of failure.
Giovanni’s head was down but then a sharp idea popped in his mind. If Weavile tries to hit him, he would have to be in the hole as well. It is impossible to hit Nidoking unless he uses a move that doesn’t need any physical contact.
“This has gone far too long. I want him done…NOW,” scolded Cyrus with a happy but frightening grin.
Weavile was so smart until he ended up in the hole along with the attentive Nidoking.
Cyrus was furious with Weavile’s dumb moves that had brought him desolation.
Giovanni and Cyrus could not see the fighting in the profound hole. It was too far-off for their spots to see. It was them alone and no leader had control of Weavile and Nidoking.
In the deep hole the fist fights continued with both almost swiped off there feats. Eventually one fell and it ended up being the weak Nidoqueen.
When Nidoqueen was down no one could distinguish the fact. There was no proof that one was down and the two challengers were not permitted to see there leave there assigned spots.
Weavile needed to prove to Cyrus and Giovanni that Nidoqueen had fainted but he could not get out of the hole. He tried climbing up the step sides of the hole but would always slip down. Weavile tried yelling, but the hole was two far away for his faint voice to travel through the air.
“How are we suppose to acknowledge when one faints. We have to leave our positions right this moment,” said Giovanni stubbornly.
“I suppose you are correct. It is impossible as of right now,” replied Cyrus.
Giovanni and Cyrus walked to opposite sides of the hole and then they found that Nidoqueen had fallen and Weavile had won again.
Cyrus helped Weavile up and returned to his battling position. Giovanni muttered a few nasty words under his breathe than returned Nidoqueen to his Pokeball.
He picked up his next Pokemon and realized that this was his winning need. A flying type is what he needed and what he had chosen.
“Honchkrow finish this battle even if you have to suffer through three more of his Pokemon,” demanded Giovanni putting his fist down.
Giovanni was left with one Pokemon and Cyrus continued to contain three powerful Pokemon.
“Even without my Pokemon’s orders he still knocked your Pokemon down. Face it Giovanni, you can’t beat me, Kanto’s next King.”
Giovanni then replied in his nasty voice, “You are just the lucky one here. But your luck ends at this point. Honchkrow use Wing Attack.”
The blue bird type Pokemon flew into the dusty and smoky clouds and raced down out of the clouds with his wing shining towards Weavile’s direction. Honchkrow appeared from nowhere and Weavile was blinded and hit…hard.
Weavile was finished for the battle but served his needs. Cyrus was not mad when he fainted because he lasted far more than what he had expected.
“Don’t get to excited Giovanni. Honchkrow is about to meet his match. Have you ever had to battle a Honchkrow, because this is going to confuse both of us? I choose you Honchkrow,” yelled out Cyrus.
The two bird Pokemon stepped by one another and no differences were found. They looked like identical twins with nothing different.
“Good work Cyrus. Now both of us are going to have to suffer through confusion,” said the ignorant Giovanni.
Both birds were tall and had blue and white fur that covered their entire body. Under there sensitive wings, there was hidden red fur and at the end of their fluffy tail an inch of red fur was also located. With their orange beak, they made Pokemon battle’s beautiful and amazing.
“Time for the show to began, Sky Attack now,” yelled out Giovanni to his Honchkrow, knowing that his Pokemon would respond.
Both bird beauties flew to the sky above them and Giovanni’s bird made his move. Unfortunately it missed and Cyrus’s bird was much faster then Giovanni’s Honchkrow.
Both Pokemon began slamming into each other in the dark sky that still held drowning smoke and ash. They both barley breathed the toxic air.
“Arial Ace now,” yelled Cyrus so his Honchkrow could hear his call.
“Oh ya, Arial Ace too,” mimicked Giovanni wanting to show Cyrus that his Pokemon can do a move much better.
Both birds did as they were told and it didn’t end up well for one of the evil birds. One crashed to the floor unconscious. The winning bird flew back to his leader. Giovanni wondered if the battle would continue or was it already over.
Interesting plot. For starters:
1. Grammar, spelling: I assume English is not your first language, or at least your spellcheck is shot.
2. Exposition: we probably need to know why Archie, Maxie, Cyrus, and Giovanni are acting this way. Especially Archie and Maxie.
3. Cyrus: he's acting a bit too... friendly. Cyrus doesn't like to show his emotions, so all his cheerfulness makes me think that this isn't Cyrus.
However, there are several very amusing lines in this fic ("my Pokemon is so big and heavy and yours is just a light weight bat" is very amusing).
Of course, no offense.
I'll agree with Battle Droid--I want to know why the team leaders are acting OOC, especially Cyrus.
(OOC=Out of Character in RP speak)
Good chapter, Most of what I would say has already been metioned like OOC and maybe some grammar.
Be sure to check spelling, Aerial Ace was spelled wrong for instance.
I liked the chapter a lot though. Keep 'em comin'.
Im loving you poll atm
Best Fic Ever 9,000
Its alright 1,000
Very.. Suspicious :D
Team Rocket vs. Team Galactic....This is interesting. :)
What in the Johto? Your poll was tampered with. There aren't that many active users on here. Umm.... yeah. Kinda confusing. You kept calling Nidoqueen Nidoking. And the ending was really confusing. You might want to proof read.
What the hell is up with that poll. One more vote on the...crap it's closed.