We Succeeded: Diary of a Pokémon Caretaker

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  1. #1
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default We Succeeded: Diary of a Pokémon Caretaker

    Continuing on from my last idea about Saturn, I have written a second one-shot, about another character I've always found interesting: Mr. Fuji.

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    2-27-1996

    I feel my heart beat slowly and heavily inside of my chest. This is the third time I have had to write this entry because of the tears that flow so freely from my somber eyes. What have we unleashed upon this world? What have we done?

    We dreamed of creating the world's most powerful Pokémon. After years of searching, my associated and I discovered a Mew on a far-away island, and brought it back to Cinnabar for observation- or so I had told Blaine. I only took a few cells... I didn't think the end result would have been so horrifying. Oh God, what have I done?

    My natural ambition took complete control over my actions immediately. The computers, the gene sequencers, the generators all hummed ominously, as if they were trying to warn me of what was to come. It unnerved me, but I repressed the urge to quit, for fear my intellectual hunger would never be sated. It was as if my hands had been possessed, and, with the initial sequence, I had irrevocably crossed the Rubicon.

    So obsessed with my task I had set upon myself was I that I found myself thinking only about whether I could, and never about whether I should. If only I had stopped to think about the ramifications of my actions, maybe this all would never have happened. Maybe the pain I caused would never have occurred. Maybe the pain that stabs so deeply into me would never have pierced my very soul.

    The embryo survived. We had succeeded. I had seen it as divine interference at the time, but now... Less than one percent of cloned embryos survive the cloning process, so it was a miracle that we succeeded on our first try. But only now do I realize that it was simply a miracle of science- no miracle of nature nor God. We quickly implanted the embryo inside the Mew, which gazed up at us with forlorn eyes pleading with us to stop. I had been so obsessed that I had regarded the expression on Mew's face as nothing more than the effects of the sedative drug administrated before the operation began. But the eyes...

    Mew grew fat, pregnant not through nature, but through unrestrained science, over the coming weeks. With Mew's small stature, we estimated a short gestation period of only a few months, but we were wrong. Only weeks after the procedure, Mew gave birth, and we named the miracle child “Mewtwo”.

    Through the splicing and the restructuring... the “perfecting”, as we'd thought of it during those days... Mewtwo had gained unspeakable power. Days after its birth, we discovered it torturing a Rattata that had gotten inside using its telekinetic abilities. The small purple rodent gazed pitifully up at us with frightened eyes, looking to us to save it from the punishment. It was begging us to stop the pain. But we considered Mewtwo to be just as pure-hearted as its mother, so we only saw the playing of children in the torment. But the eyes...

    Mewtwo grew quickly, growing several feet over the course of less than a month. Only a few weeks after its birth, it towered over its mother, who managed to curb its erratic and insidious behavior with merely its presence. Around Mew, Mewtwo became calm, relaxed, and even playful. It even played chess with one of the other scientists with Mew spectating, and won. We cheered, amazed by the fast pace it was learning at.

    Then Mew was harmed when an electrician making a house call over a faulty light switch was startled by it, and fell on top of it. Mewtwo became enraged at the sight of its mother being harmed, even to such a miniscule degree. We had never witnessed such wrath before, as Mewtwo's psychic abilities tossed books across the floor haphazardly, overturned chairs and upended tables, spilling everything and everybody on them onto the floor. The mansion was quickly enveloped in a fire that destroyed much of its structure. Mewtwo gazed so angrily through the flames that licked around its body, and we finally knew. Through the efforts of Blaine and his gym trainers, we were able to make it out without injury, although the mansion was destroyed. But the eyes...

    After the incident, I obtained a house in the tiny town of Lavender. I discreetly returned Mew to that far-away island soon after, leaving behind no trace of its existence in the Kanto region. Officials reported that an electrical fire had destroyed the home of famed scientist Dr. Fuji, and the case was closed. Today, I take care of stray Pokémon that the children of Lavender Town bring in. Some have called for a new Lavender Town Gym, with me as its leader, but I must decline. I work towards the happiness of all Pokémon in the world, and battling causes too much pain for me to bear. If I can help any Pokémon, it consoles me. It reminds me that I am capable of thought and action. Through helping Pokémon, I hope to erase the memories of the pain that I caused to both Mew and Mewtwo, but it is never enough. I still see in my dreams the eyes...

    We dreamed of creating the world's most powerful Pokémon. We succeeded.

  2. #2
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: We Succeeded: Diary of a Pokémon Caretaker

    I liked it! It was cool how, instead of saying "We cloned a Mew fossil in a tube and it went crazy and escaped", you tried something different.

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    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: We Succeeded: Diary of a Pokémon Caretaker

    Thanks! The game script was pretty barebones when it came to this little sideplot, so I decided to expand it a little.

    I'm glad you liked it!

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    Triumphant Return betagold's Avatar
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    Default Re: We Succeeded: Diary of a Pokémon Caretaker

    I rather enjoyed this. A good amount of text without seeming too long or short, enough plot, and a good piece of character development.

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    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: We Succeeded: Diary of a Pokémon Caretaker

    Thank you! I don't know if you've read it, but the first one-shot I wrote similar to this is in the Archive subforum!

  6. #6
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: We Succeeded: Diary of a Pokémon Caretaker

    Well, considering how this was nominated for the awards and all...

    Emotional output: 11/20

    I dunno, it just didn't really evoke that much of a feeling in me. Perhaps I was listening to unfitting music at the time?

    The entry reads like a factual recount of events more than a recount of Dr. Fuji's emotions.

    Level of darkness: 9/20

    I almost typed "90" there. You would have like that, wouldn't you XD

    I just... couldn't really feel the darkness in this fic. It felt muffled by all the factual info you were putting in there. Perhaps you could have spent a bit more time describing Fuji's feelings. For example:

    We quickly implanted the embryo inside the Mew, which gazed up at us with forlorn eyes pleading with us to stop.
    You could have spread that out a bit. At least make it into two sentences or something.

    Novelty: 8/10

    This certainly puts a new spin on things - Mr. Fuji was the originator of the Mew experiment?

    Grammar, style, and flow: 8/10

    No complaints here. It flowed naturally and smoothly.

    Overall rating: 63/100

    The concept is a good one - however, I'm sure that the execution could have been a bit better.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 10th October 2010 at 11:05 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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