Twins of Fate: On The Run (Book 1) - Page 5

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Thread: Twins of Fate: On The Run (Book 1)

  1. #61
    Back to KM Kantomasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    YAY!Grovyle 9/10
    My 3ds FC: 0018 2172 7225 Safari: Rock Feel free to add me! I can only get on wifi maybe once a week at most though!
    my stats[/SIZE]|ranger

  2. #62
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    Aw man, Mac died.

    Nice writing of it, though. You're definitely improving.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  3. #63
    ^^ Safe-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    damn man that was great i didn't think you were really going to kill him, mac was such a good character :'(

  4. #64
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    Oh. You know, I think I just realized something that might be important to the story. Hold on, I'll PM you about it, so as not to spoil anything.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  5. #65
    I'm back Wheels's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    I have read every chapter, as you requested, and I thoroughly enjoyed the fic so far. It has great characters (Guillotine especially), dramatic twists (Mac dying and Treecko evolving), and great potential. I will be reading, 10/10.


    Props to Instrutilus for the sick banner.

  6. #66
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    Thank you to everyone who took the time to read the story!
    Whether you liked it or not I want to thank you for taking that time.

    Whether you have been following since Chap. 1 or just read them all I want to sinceraly thank you all.

    Wheels thanks for the story and the review.

    I will make sure the rest only gets better.

  7. #67
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    Pretty good story u got here thabet! I normally don't like the typical wake up receive starter pokemon stories, but this is pretty good and detailed. Keep it up!

  8. #68
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    NEWS FROM DA WRITER!

    I like that title
    Thank you every one for the responses and encouagement,
    I'm currently caught up in other stuff not to mention writting a chapter and requesting a new banner, that one is sorely outdated.
    I'll change it, thanks to Ashy-boy for it though.

  9. #69
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Eight is up

    Chapter Nine: Guilt


    "Where am I?" I inquired as I drifted slowly in emptiness. The past terror and pain was gone, and I felt surprisingly calm. The atmosphere was mysterious yet peaceful, I could've gotten used to that.

    "I suppose I'm not dead," I decided. To be frank, I wasn't very happy about it either, my life in the past few weeks was a rollercoaster of chaos and terror and the one friend how helped me was dead because of me. I would only miss Treecko - Grovyle- we had become such good friends.

    However, it only took a low hissing sound to break my thoughts.

    I turned to glare at my hated foe, or my biggest fear. Its pincers snapped impatiently, it wanted to finish me, like it had tried in so many dreams before. Its short brown body seemed to shiver in anticipation to snuff another life. The long flat teeth did the wave in excitement. It seemed to be more realistic than his predecessors. The bloody corpse still lay behind it, puncture marks decorating its neck, and its blood coated the pincers.

    I quickly reached for Grovyle's Pokeball at my waist only to find myself grapping air. I had forgotten I was in a dream. I was alone and helpless.

    The hissing intensified as it came towards me.

    The huge pincers opened wide to crush me.

    Its thin clawed arms outstretched to grab me before I run for it. The hissing was becoming very loud now…

    Just before it could pounce, a roaring flame engulfed the monster hiding it from view. I could only stare in shock at the scene before me. The roaring red-orange flames swirled around the Pokémon as it screeched in pain. It hands raised to the sky and teeth flailing wildly, it disappeared into thin air, leaving a slight singed smell in it.

    I turned to look at my savior, and was surprised to see what it was. A small figure, about the size of Treecko cloaked in flames. All that I could see through the flames was two small red eyes staring at me. Then with a swirl of flames, it also disappeared.

    And as if things could get even weirder, a small hole peeked in my surroundings. And gradually, the hole became larger and larger, until I was able to clamber through into consciousness.

    Suddenly I found myself lying in a warm bed, the neon lights on the ceiling blinding me. I could hear a rhythmmatic bleeping sound coming from a machine next to me. Figuring that was my heartbeat, I got up warily, the smell of hygiene and sterile tools almost intoxicating. A young blonde doctor was standing by the bed, a pair of glasses was perched at the end of his nose. His eyes looked at me in annoyance rather than concern.

    "The sleeping beauty awakens," the doctor announced. "How are you feeling?"

    I scowled at him, "Terrible," I managed, my voice cracking.

    "Of course, after your fit in the cave, not to mention the seizures in the ambulance, they could barely restrain you," He mumbled grumpily, it was obvious I was keeping him awake.

    "Where am I?" I asked, repeating my question from the dream.

    "In the Rustboro City Hospital, it was closer than Petalburg from your location." He explained, "And now I have some sleep to catch," he grumbled, turning to make his leave.

    "Wait!" I called after him, "What happened to my friend,… is he dead?" I asked hesitantly.

    The doctor paused at the door, his arm clutching the frame. His head disappeared behind his arm in shame. It was almost as if he wanted to leave before I asked that very question.

    "No, but he is in a very bad condition. He lost a lot of blood and he suffered a severe trauma to the head." He said quietly, With a flash I remembered his bloody mangled body thrown at the cave wall by the Pinsir.

    But I felt like there was more to tell, like he was holding something back.

    "Well, what's wrong then?" I demanded.

    "He…. he's in a coma." He managed, I remembered seeing his mangled body on the cave floor. A look of shock graced his face.

    "We managed to stop the bleeding, but he was hit very hard on the head, by the time he got here, he was already in it."

    My heart sank, I ducked my head in my knees to steady myself. It was my fault he was like this, if I had not fainted inside there; maybe I could've done something or helped him. Grovyle could've dug through there, maybe I was to blame. I felt a certain self-loathing, to myself, and to my damned Claustrophobia. I had fainted when a friend needed me the most.

    Then I remembered the man –Guillotine-, he caused this, he kidnapped him, he had Pinsir attack him. Maybe this wasn't my fault only, maybe just partly mine. I suddenly felt a surge of hatred course through me, the fear of him was replaced by pure hatred.

    The doctor gave me a sad look and left the room hurriedly his footsteps echoing across the empty hall. I kept my pose for a while before I found it in myself to look up. Surveying my room, I could see my clothes were hanging on a chair in the corner. Wires ending in suction cups were stuck to my chest, I ripped them off angrily and went to change my clothes, I had to see a friend.

    After getting dressed I began searching for Grovyle's Pokeball. Luckily, I found it at the my belt undisturbed. I left my bag at the room; I would get it later and went to the front desk. The lady pointed me to Mac's room, which was down the hallway and to the left two rooms down.

    I walked down the hallway in a quick stride, fighting the urge to run to get there. Strange noises seemed to come from the hallway, people shouting, cameras taking photos and the grunts of people being shoved.

    I turned the corner to find a huge crowd of people in front of a room, stuffing their faces and cameras against the window to snap pictures of the patient inside.

    "Must be some celebrity," I muttered, as I began looking for Mac's room, but a news report from a lady in front of the room stopped me in my tracks.

    The pretty blonde news lady was dressed formally and was holding a mike in front of her as she relayed the news in a strong confident voice.

    "Here in this room lies the challenger to the elite four Mac Turner," The lady said, Mac? The same trainer, impossible, I couldn't imagine Mac the carefree guy a famous trainer. I was tutored by pro, yet I didn't feel proud, I was furious. I hated Mac for not telling me and myself for his condition.

    "Mac Turner was headed to Petalburg City to visit his family before heading to Ever Grande City to compete in the Hoenn league when disaster struck, he was found -unconscious and bleeding- along with another unknown boy in a collapsed cave." The reporter explained, "Our sources have informed us that the investigators suspect the two trainers were battling when the cave collapsed, luckily some locals heard the commotion and called the ambulance. No official statement has been released as to the boys' conditions or the cause of the collapse, but doctors have informed us that the boy and Mac are both alive. We will stay here however, awaiting news, this is Gabby Gold signing off," The news lady concluded.

    I stood there in shock, my jaw had already dropped. Mac was a famous trainer? This changed everything, this was why he was so good at battling and teaching me, Mac was a pro battler. Now he was in a coma, who knows when he would awake, if ever. Not only have I almost cost him his life, but also his career. My self-loathing intensified and my hatred towards Guillotine grew, he was going to pay.

    I knew it would be impossible to see Mac in private with the mob of reporters, so I took a seat and waited for them to leave. It took longer than I thought, but the crowd gradually thinned out and then finally dispersed. When there wasn't anyone left, I got up and headed for the room.

    The cold doorknob yielded when I turned it and the door swung open, revealing Mac in his weakest of times. His normally tanned skin was pale and his head was bandaged, his long black hair was a rat's nest. A long tube sprouted from his mouth; giving him oxygen, he couldn't even breath on his own. I couldn't believe my eyes; the once lively helpful friend was lying in a bed, helpless.

    He seemed so fragile, as if he would crumple to dust from the lightest touch. He was weak, helpless, some would say pathetic. As I stood there beside his bed, looking upon my mentor, I made a decision. One I would regret, one that would send me from chaos to pandemonium, I would have revenge. I was partly to blame -my fear had doomed him-, but I would get rid of the man who had the bigger hand in this, Guillotine.

    Hot searing tears slid down my face, my vision blurring from it. I was trembling violently, my fists balled so that my nails cut into my skin.

    "M- Mac…I'm sorry," I managed in between sobs, I felt ashamed to even stand next to him.

    "Excuse me?" A heavy manly voice behind me asked. "I'm here to give a Mr…" He consulted his chart hesitantly, "Mac? His anesthetic."

    I dried my tears with my sleeve. "Yeah, that’s him," I said pointing at him.

    "Alright, let's get this over with," he said flashing a surprisingly dark smile, he brandished a syringe full of dark purple liquid. The doctor was pretty tall and muscular, he was wearing scrubs and his hair was covered by a surgical mask for some reason.

    I wanted to stay next to him for as long as possible before I left to hunt down Guillotine. So I stepped back from the bed to let the doctor administer the medicine.

    I would leave tomorrow, Guillotine was going to pay for his actions.

    END OF CHAPTER NINE
    Last edited by Thabet; 15th July 2010 at 01:11 PM.

  10. #70
    I'm back Wheels's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Nine is up

    Awesome chapter - Guillotine is going down. I had a suspicion Mac was more than just a regular trainer. WHAT A BEAST! Good job Thabet. I will be reading.

    Wheels

    P.s.: Poor Mac


    Props to Instrutilus for the sick banner.

  11. #71
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Nine is up

    Thanks man. I hope you'll like the next installments.

  12. #72
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Nine is up

    Just one little nit to pick... "antistatic"? Doesn't that prevent the buildup of static electricity?

    And even if you did mean "anesthetic", I'm sure they don't give anesthetics to coma patients.

    Besides that, it's all good.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  13. #73
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Nine is up

    First off, that was the STUPID MS word. I type the word and it spell checks it.
    I'll change it, Thanks man!
    And there WAS a reason that I had the Doctor give a anesthetic, if you read closely and understand...

  14. #74
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Nine is up

    Quote Originally Posted by Thabet View Post
    First off, that was the STUPID MS word. I type the word and it spell checks it.
    I'll change it, Thanks man!
    And there WAS a reason that I had the Doctor give a anesthetic, if you read closely and understand...
    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That's why.

    That evil doctor!
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  15. #75
    May Still Have Hope TeamGalacticMercury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Twins of Fate: Chapter Nine is up

    Wow. It has gotten a lot better! Sorry that this isn't the best review that you asked for, it's just I got so caught up in the plot to see the smaller problems. Very nice!!!

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