Tough Journey, Tougher Life

Hey! It’s TRL here , with a new fanfic! It’s sort of a sequel to my other fic, (Which I will post later), but not quite. This story starts during the events of Chapter 5 of my other fic. Now, in this world, Mewtwos co-exist beside humans, and have the exact same rights, etc. as humans. (Idea by Shadowed Mewtwo[onTPM])

And yes, the first prolouge is VERY SHORT.

Tough journey, tougher life.

Prologue 1 - July 13, 2078

“Mommy, can we also invite William to the party?” A little boy asked.

“Sure, Billy, I mean, we still have lots to plan, your birthday’s 8 days away!” Billy’s mom replied “Come on, lets have some dinner.”

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After dinner, Billy and his parents watched the 7 thirty news. Soon, the weather report came on.

“............. Lilycove Weather Network satellites have shown us the trend of weather. We believe the warm front from Johto will be moving in on the 21st, but before.............”

“Well, if the weather guy is right, your party’s going to be a great success!” Billy’s dad said. Soon, Billy went to bed, as he slept, he dreamed about his 9th birthday party. The streamers, the toy drums making a rumbling sound, the firecrackers with big bangs.

Suddenly, Billy shot awake. There was a rumbling sound in the house, and the bangs, they sounded like gunshots! Billy quickly put on his slippers, and went downstairs. There was a terrible sight. Team Rocket agents were everywhere, shooting, setting fires, but worst of all, both his parents were very injured, and another shot killed them! Then, billy made a big mistake.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” He shouted. That definitely got the rocket’s attention. Billy knew, so he ran down the stairs, with Rocket agents shooting then, with a howl of pain, a bullet struck Billy’s left arm. The force of the bullet pushed Billy down the nearby stairs, and he tumbled into the darkness. But his senses dragged him back up, and ran around the corner, finally hiding behind the dryer. The Rocket agents were still shooting, and one hit the dryer, which exploded. Billy got knocked out.

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A few hours later, Billy woke up. From instincts, he knew the rockets were gone. In the dark, Billy tried to find a place to hold, to heave himself up, when he noted the big burn, which hurt like hell, on his left foot. Then, Billy’s right hand hit something, just as his right foot hit something else. Before he knew it, Billy was out again. His right arm and leg had both hit a big jumbo of exposed electrical wires from the explosion, and he was shocked very badly.

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There is the very short Prologue 1. The second Prologue is as long as a decent chapter. Cookies to everyone who can guess what happens to Billy.

Please REPLY!!!!!

Whoo...hmm...

First off, it's horribly rushed, even for a prologue. Second, re-read this paragraph:

Quote:

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Suddenly, Billy shot awake. There was a rumbling sound in the house, and the bangs, they sounded like gunshots! Billy quickly put on his slippers, and went downstairs. There was a terrible sight. Team Rocket agents were everywhere, shooting, setting fires, but worst of all, both his parents were very injured, and another shot killed them! Then, billy made a big mistake.

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All right, see what happened there? Exclamation marks (which should only be in dialogue), hardly any description, and there's such a sense of forced "you HAVE to think this is horrible!" that it completely detaches the reader from the events. Because of the simplistic nature of the paragraph, I thought it was a dream sequence from a kid's PoV.