Disclaimer: I do not own the Shichinin-tai, Inuyasha, or Harry Potter. Yup.
AN: I warn you, do not read this fanfic if you are faint of heart. It is FEAR, in the broadest definition of the word. I don’t know what kind of crack was slipped into my supper to actually make me write this, so unfortunately, you can’t ask me for it.
Enjoy hearing your own tortured screams – er…I mean, the fic. Yes. Enjoy the fic.
Reality is transparent. Especially in the hands of a Badficcer. You know that show, ‘America’s Most Wanted’? Well, the people on there didn’t really commit the crimes it said they did; actually, their offense against humanity was being Badficcers. That should tell you something.
The following story is one of pain, suffering, horror, and most of all, FEAR. The Badficcer in question, a prepubescent girl who happened to get her grubby hands on some decent Inuyasha subs, has requested that I not be a ‘meanie’ and give away her real name. Thus, she shall hereafter be known as “Ima McDaft – Prat”. Currently, she resides in a maximum-security cell in Internet Jail™, and asks that if you must come to throw something at her, she prefers soft shell tacos and banana bread.
Our story began on a fine Christmas day. Little Ima was terribly excited about opening her presents – she had picked them out herself this year, and was so very proud of it. Two of them in particular seemed to gleam from the moment they were removed from their Santa-and-Rudolph covered wrapping.
“Wow! Like, Oh-em-gee!” Ima squealed, thoroughly confusing her relations that were not into Hip Internet Slang. “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on DVD, and Inuyasha DVDs with the episodes about the Sh – sheee – sheeeeeeee…cheeeeen…eeeeen…tiiiiiiieee…”
Ima’s relations covered their ears during the girl’s squeaky, strained enunciation of the word ‘Shichinin-tai’, however, she was far too engrossed with the hot braided man on the cover to care.
“Oooooh, I wonder who he is!” she said enthusiastically. “I’m going to take this and Sirius Bla – er…Harry Potter into my room to watch right now!” Ima then remembered that the Japanese, whom she strived to emulate in every way, were polite to their elders. Quickly, she turned to her parents, bowed, and yelled, “HAI! WATASHI KAWAII AISHITERU OKAASAN-CHAN WA OTOUSAN-KUN, SUMIMASEN SHIRI!”, which she thought meant ‘Thank you, dear parents, from your cute and lovable daughter’ then ran to her room to watch.
Hours upon hours later, Ima staggered out of her room, feeling giddy. Not only were the Shichinin-tai hot and funny and cool with cherries on top, but after seeing the Harry Potter movie, she had skimmed her brother’s Harry Potter books, and noticed that it mentioned Sirius Black used to be very good-looking.
“I want to write fanfics!” she exclaimed to the open air. “But…what to write them about?”
Stumped, Ima plodded into the kitchen and viciously devoured a dozen pixie sticks. When this failed to produce an idea, she gulped down a few Pepsis. Suddenly, a feral grin came to her features. “AHA! Why write two fics when you can combine everything into one! I’m gonna send the Shee – sheee…oh, screw it – those people to Hogwarts when Sirius was there! EL-OH-EL!”
And so it was done.
Gentle readers, the next part is Ms. McDaft – Prat’s actual fanfiction. I took the trouble of running it through a spellchecker and a grammar checker so as not to cause anyone’s brains to fall out through their ears.
If you are pregnant, nursing, or have kidney or heart problems, you should see your doctor before continuing your read. He can’t make the fanfic any better, but he can probably put you on some wicked painkillers.
One day, the Shichinin-tai were walking around. They had just been revived by Naraku, and since this is my fic and I can do what I want, he was letting them have some free time before they had to kill people and stuff. Jakotsu was being all obsessed with Inuyasha because Naraku showed him pictures of the people they were supposed to kill and Jakotsu thought Inuyasha was really cute and stuff. (‘Ima’s’ AN: My oneesan told me pictures are an ‘anachronism’ here, whatever that means, LOL XD Sisters are weird.)
“I can’t wait to meet Inuyasha! I-NU-YA-SHAAA~” sang Jakotsu, doing a merry dance.
Bankotsu was secretly jealous. (‘Ima’s’ AN: REMEMBER THAT LINE!!!! It’s, like, important because it shows how deeeeeeply in L-O-V-E Banky is and it like, makes room for future plots LOL!!1)
Renkotsu thought Jakotsu was weird. “Jakotsu, you’re weird,” he said.
“I’m proud of it too! WHEE!” yelled Jakotsu. “Does anyone have PepperJack cheese?”
(‘Ima’s’ AN: I made Jakotsu like PepperJack cheese because I like it!! ^_^ ^.^ :D)
Suikotsu wasn’t listening. The doctor was trying to get control and stuff, but he wasn’t gonna let it!
(‘Ima’s’ AN: Stupid doctors LOL. I don’t like them.)
“Gesh gesh gesh,” said Ginkotsu. He spat a package of PepperJack cheese out of his mouth.
“Yay!” squealed Jakotsu. “I wonder if Inuyasha likes PepperJack cheese…”
Bankotsu was secretly jealous.
Suddenly, a big hole opened up in the path they were walking on. They all tried to run, but they couldn’t and they got swallowed up and stuff. Jakotsu was sad because his PepperJack cheese stayed in Sengoku Jidai.
A really, really, really, really, really, really hot boy was, like, playing Quidditch with his friends. The boy’s name was Sirius Black, and he was really hot. His friends, who were almost as hot as him but not quite, were named James Potter and Remus Lupin. This stupid, fat, ugly kid called Peter Pettigrew was there too, but they didn’t really like him; they just let him hang around.
(‘Ima’s’ AN: I think Pettigrew is stupid and not sexy ROTFLMAO!!!)
“Peter, don’t stand there. A bludger will hit you,” Sirius warned. He didn’t care how messed up Peter’s face got, but he knew the nurse lady (‘Ima’s’ AN: I can’t remember her name) would get mad if she had to mend it again. Peter was always getting hit by things. Sirius liked to think that the very first thing that had ever hit him was a big old Ugly Stick.
“But I want to!” yelled Peter, stamping his feet.
Just then, seven people all fell out of the sky. They all landed on Peter and killed him dead. (‘Ima’s’ AN: Hahahahaha! I KEEL PETER!!!!!!111 YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!). No one cared that he was dead.
Kyoukotsu ate him.
Sirius, James, and Remus cheered.
Once they were done celebrating, Remus asked, “Who are you guys?”
The Shichinin-tai got up and dusted themselves off. Jakotsu stepped forward and licked his lips as he laid eyes upon Sirius, who was very hot.
“You’re SO kawaii!” shouted Jakotsu, forgetting entirely about Inuyasha and his lost PepperJack cheese. (‘Ima’s’ AN: ‘Kawaii’ is Japanese for cute. I speak Nihon-jin! ^_________________^)
Bankotsu was secretly jealous.
“I know I’m very hot,” said Sirius arrogantly, flipping his hair attractively. Several passing girls swooned, and Mukotsu caught them, then ran into the Forbidden Forest with them.
(‘Ima’s’ AN: I don’t like Mukotsu either, so now he’s gone for the rest of the fic! ^.^ ^.^)
“Anyway,” said Bankotsu, trying not to show how secretly jealous of Sirius he was, “we’re the Shichinin-tai. I’m Bankotsu, that’s Jakotsu, that’s Suikotsu, that’s Kyoukotsu, that’s Renkotsu, and that’s Ginkotsu.” He pointed to each of them in turn.
“Who was the guy that looked like Peter who ran into the Forbidden Forest with those girls?” asked James, interested.
“Mukotsu,” said Bankotsu. “I don’t think he’ll be back anytime soon.”
(‘Ima’s’ AN: Like, for the rest of the fic, Banky LOL!)
Everyone looked at each other.
“Wicked,” said Sirius. “Let’s go get some butterbeer.”
Thus chapter one was concluded. There was, however, a very flummoxing author’s note at the end, which said:
OMG LOLZ!!!!!!!11 Tiihs iz leik hte bestest ting I evah rote!!!!!!!!!!!111111R+R evry1 cuz I WONT CONNTINU UNLES I GET 10 REVEWS!!!!THAT A PORMISE!!!!!! plzplz revew!!!!11 Banky-Chan nad Siurus r rilly hott *drooooool*
I, for one, cannot make heads or tails of what in the world that is supposed to say. You have my sincere pity, gentle readers, if you are able to.
Er…yeah ^^;;. I decided that this is going to be multi-chaptered (yeah, as if I don’t have enough fics to worry about u.u). FEAR.