Thread: Tarnished Gold: The Story of Cynthia (R/NC-17, Dark/Crackfic)

Originally Posted by Zekurom

But the lack of even a 9/10 troubles me.

Noone's that perfect. Dude, this is a kid's franchise. Don't expect perfection in every story this forum creates.

Originally Posted by The_Noob

Noone's that perfect. Dude, this is a kid's franchise. Don't expect perfection in every story this forum creates.

As in, I've reviewed at least ten fics with the 10-scale ratings now, and I haven't given a single 9/10 to any of them. In any area. Most I've given is 8, and that's a very tentative 8.

*edit* Oh, no, that's only for public reviews. I did give a 9/10 to betagold for grammar, style, and flow.

I'm not expecting perfection - the average mark is supposed to be from 35 to 49, remember? And that's out of 100.

Originally Posted by Zekurom

Most I've given is 8, and that's a very tentative 8.

Oh, no, that's only for public reviews. I did give a 9/10 to betagold for grammar, style, and flow.

Heh, I think you gave me an 8/10, for 'Stay Tuned, Folks' first and last chapter (Forgive me for having forced you to read that failed abortion of a thrid chapter). I'm hoping that I can fix what I got 5's on (ie; crackiness and darkness, the former I wasn't focusing on unless for humor (the Youtube spamming part wasn't meant for humor, it was meant to make Lucas look like a bad trainer, and I decided to use the idea of the Battle Recorder for part of the description), and the darkness I was trying to numb down until the parts that occur when Cynthia is an adult (which will be covered in the next chapter. How? Why should I tell you?), which become very creepy), and make better what I got 6's on. Also, next week, I'll be attending an extracirricular creative writing class for summer, which might get me out of the Writer's Block funk I'm in.

The sequel of sorts to the other one, eh? I like it so far.

Messed up dude. Grammar/spelling needs work, but trust me, no one's perfect. I have problems with it, everyone does. But the story part.... not really cracky but defiantly dark! I like dark fics.

Originally Posted by Ranger Jack Walker

The sequel of sorts to the other one, eh? I like it so far.

It won't take any of the elements of the past story, except for the death of The Trainer from the epilouge of 'Stay Tuned, Folks', which gets Cynthia marked for death. Also, I expanded Part II of Chapter I.

Originally Posted by TeamGalacticMercury

Messed up dude. Grammar/spelling needs work, but trust me, no one's perfect. I have problems with it, everyone does. But the story part.... not really cracky but defiantly dark! I like dark fics.

Thanks, and yes, I'm messed up. But, I think Chapter II (which hides a few big plot twists) will really show what I can do.

EDIT: New Update, Turned this into a bump post.

The grammar and spelling were a little better in the latest update.

Also, <Little>Cyrus is actually quite likable. Quite a change from the sociopath he eventually grows up be.

Humourously enough, I modeled the little dope (Cyrus) after myself. So, yeah, I made him likable, and got him lucky .

EDIT: Another Huge Update

You should probably post these new sections as new posts. Having to look back at a really long post can get annoying.

These updates have me more confused than disturbed, which isn't a good thing. I can barely follow the story as it goes along.

What has me the most confused is that there seem to be two Cynthias - one little one (who later on becomes the champion) and the existing champion, in 1980. That is correct, right? There's no strange time paradox going on?

There are two. Originally, there was a third named 'Kinatea', a sort of Jesus-like character who would have been mentioned in an ancient myth (owning a Walrein), and look similar to Champion Cynthia (1979). She would have been involved in a time paradox with the second Cynthia (in 2010), and the first Cynthia (1979) would only be a catalyst. She was seen in Spiritomb's rock's holding chamber, as a lithograph.

Champion Cynthia I (Past Champion, sender of note, short hair)
Little Cynthia/ Champion Cynthia II (Protagonist)

Yeah..... I'm gonna try to get back on the crazy train sometime, and get myself back the skill I had earlier. Also, I should stop turning every other post I do into a bump, and turn them into section posts. I'll start with Chapter II, Part I.

Also, have you guessed who Champion Cynthia I is?

Nope. Don't even know what you're talking about. Do you mean their relation? The two Cynthias?

Never mind.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a sec... Part II clearly says "Cynthia's 1980", yet all the events are still taking place in 1979.

And yeah, it is quite the random story.

The chapter ends in 1980, when Little Cynthia becomes Champion. The next chapter will present the events of what happens from that point on from the viewpoint of another character. (Take a guess, I dare you.) If this part dregs on long enough, I'll rename it something else, and then add a third part to chronicle the actual events of 1980.

Also, if you read into it, Champion Cynthia I and Protagonist Cynthia are mother and daughter. I spoiled my story only because I blantantly put it in there in the scene where Zoomer reads a note to Snapper that was sent by Champion Cynthia I to the old man and woman ten years before the events of the story explaining she was pregnant with a child she wanted the old man and woman to stall (ie; Little Cynthia, who was the obvious subject of the old man and woman's conversations). Whew. That was like explaining Lost. I'm going to be posting the last legs of Chapter I, Part II tomorrow and the day after.

Yeah, I am making this random, but I'm trying not to be (I should try to keep Little Team Galactic and the 2010 events from clogging the story up). I have a decent scene for Cyrus to unleash his 'wild side' that should satisfy those who like darkness.

Originally Posted by The_Noob

Also, if you read into it, Champion Cynthia I and Protagonist Cynthia are mother and daughter.

I figured as such. I wasn't sure what you were talking about, though, when you were asking what Champion Cynthia I was.