I could post a Pokemon fic, but why? PADS is dead and it's never coming back.

Anyway, Beast Wars one-shot comedy. Enjoy.

Megatron groaned. He rubbed his sore steel side from where Optimus Primal had shot him earlier. "Bloody Maximals," he snarled to himself. Megatron sighed. He was stiff all over his metal body. "A nice energon soak bath is what I need," hummed Megatron. After all, he had so much to think about. The strange alien anomaly with that odd golden disk that Inferno had just picked up for him, a peace treaty with the Maximals, and, of course, the immanent arrival of the aliens. Megatron picked up a remote control lying atop a nearby table in his quarters, and clicked a small green button. Instantly, the whirr of running gears filled the air as one wall of Megatron's room split apart, revealing his own personal spa. Megatron gripped the faucet of his energon bath with his giant Tyrannosaurus-jaws hand.

The bath was finally poured, the steam of the boiling hot energon rising as little wisps of clouds into the air. But as soon as Megatron lifted his titanic leg into the bath, he noticed something awry. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was definitely something missing from his bath. Then, it hit him.


"Why did Megatron call us here anyway?" Terrorsaur complained in his dry raspy voice.

"Silence!" Inferno barked back, "The Queen's orders must never be questioned!"

"Maybe the 'Queen' is a tad off his rocker," Blackarachnia muttered.

"Oh, thizzzzz izzzz slag!" Waspinator whined.

"Hmmm, which begs us to question," Tarantulas pondered, rubbing his chin with his gripper-claw, "Why did he call us all to the main assembly room? Usually he calls meetings in the control deck. So why here?"

"Something must be bothering master Megatron," said Scorponok worriedly.

"Hello, my fellow Predacons," Megatron's voice boomed through the dark hallway as the Predacon leader entered the assembly room. "Atten- tion!" Megatron barked. The other Predacons scurried into a single-file line and made themselves straight as beam-poles. "At ease," Megatron whispered. The Predacons, excluding Scorponok and Inferno, reverted back to their respective slouches.

"Now, you are all probably wondering why I called you here, yes?" Megatron asked his minions. They all nodded in unison. "Well, I need your help," said Megatron coolly.

"Anything you ask! My Queen!" Inferno hollered with strict loyalty, "I shall serve the colony!"

"I wish he'd stop calling me that," Megatron groaned under his breath. "Anyway, I assume one of you knows just what I'm looking for, yes?"

The Predacons shook their heads.

"Well, allow me to explain," said Megatron. "I'm looking for an object, about, say, so, by so by so," he said, forming his hands into a cube, "It is smooth to the touch, and it is a bright yellow."

Tarantulas raised his hand meekly. "M-M-Megatron?" Tarantulas stammered, "Do you mean that Hyper-onic Cell Driver I installed last week- ?"

"No, my dear Tarantulas," Megatron sighed, "But I want a word with you afterwards about that too." Tarantuals groaned.

"Aha!" Waspinator chimed up, "Megatron mean Mr. Ducky!"

In a flash, Megatron was towering over Waspinator. "And how would you know that I call it 'Mr. Ducky?'" Megatron asked his soldier, "I do not recall telling you it's name."

Waspinator trembled underneath the bleak shadow of Megatron. "W-W- Wazzzpinator-" His words were cut short as Megatron clamped his Tyrannosaurus head's jaws around Waspinator's head. "Wazzzpinator heard from Terror-bot! Terror-bot!" Waspinator shrieked.

"Hey!" Terrorsaur grimaced as Megatron turned to him, "I heard that from Tarantulas!"

"I heard it from her!" Tarantulas babbled, pointing his claw at Blackarachnia.

"Ugh," Blackarachnia groaned, "Scorponok told me that!"

"Me? Inferno told me that!" Scorponok rebutted.

"I apologize, my Queen," Inferno said gravely, kneeling on one knee before Megatron, "I did tell the other drone the name of your quarry."

"Yes, well, you are forgiven, Inferno," Megatron sighed.

"Many gratitudes, O Queen!" Inferno said.

"Stop calling me that," Megatron groaned.

"As you wish, my Queen," Inferno replied. Presently, Megatron groaned again.

"Well now," said Megatron, releasing the terrified Waspinator from his grasp, "Waspinator, you are dismissed. You don't have the brains to steal from me anyway." And with that, Waspinator transformed back into his wasp mode, and fluttered off down the dark corridor and disappeared.

"My Queen," said Inferno, "Perhaps we should first interrogate the more. traitorous members of our Colony." Inferno laid an accusing glare upon Terrorsaur.

"Don't you look at me like that!" Terrorsaur screeched. Soon, Terrorsaur found himself in Waspinator's predicament, his head wedged between the rows of razor-like teeth of Megatron's Tyrannosaurus Rex's head jaws.

"Tell me, Terrorsaur," Megatron breathed, "Why should we believe you?"

"I- um- well- er- I- gee-" Terrorsaur stammered. Megatron had heard enough. The point-blank blast of Megatron's Plasma Cannon inside his T-Rex head took off Terrorsaur's head in a blink.

"Search his quarters!" Megatron roared.

A few hours later, the four Predacons returned to Megatron in the assembly room. "My Queen," Inferno said, "We searched the upsurper's lair high and lo, yet we could not find Mr. Ducky."

Megatron sighed. "Tarantulas.?"

"Why would I want your stupid rubber duck anyway?" Tarantulas growled.

Megatron now had Tarantulas in his T-Rex grasp. "I-I-I I mean, er, your rubber duck has no scientific value for me," said Tarantulas, "Why would I want it?"

Megatron released Tarantulas reluctantly. "Very well. You are dismissed," Megatron sighed. Tarantulas shifted back into his tarantula mode and scurried away.

"And you, Blackarachnia?" Megatron asked.

"I'm with 'Legs," said Blackarachnia quickly, "If it doesn't help me kill you, I'm not interested."

"You have a point, treacherous spider, yes," Megatron mused, rubbing his chin. "Very well, you too may go." Blackarachnia morphed into her Black Widow spider shape and scuttled off after Tarantulas.

Megatron sighed. "And so, it is down to you, my two. 'loyal' officers."

Scorponok and Inferno quickly glanced at each other.

"It was he!" Inferno shrieked, jabbing his fist into Scorponok's chest.

"Don't you point at me!" Scorponok shouted back, swatting away Inferno's hand with his scorpion pincher-hands, "It could have been you for all we know!"

"Bah! I will not tolerate such lies!" Inferno snarled back.

"Please, good officers!" Megatron sighed, "Let's handle this like civilized cut-throat Predacons." Inferno and Scorponok quit their bickering, still grumbling at each other.

Just then, Megatron noticed something. "Dear Scorponok," he said, "why do you hold your Cyber-Bee claw so tightly shut?"

Scorponok's mech-fluid ran cold. "I- I- I prefer t- to keep it closed," stammered Scorponok.

"True?" Megatron asked, "Oh do tell."

"Well, I, er," Scorponok stammered, "It's a little, um, rusty. It hurts to open it."

Megatron sighed. "Inferno, let me see your weapon."

"As you command, my Queen!" Inferno sharply barked, drawing his large Shockwave Cannon, kneeling down before Megatron, and handing him his weapon. Megatron took the cannon and examined it.

"Ah," he mused, "An excellent weapon, I must say." He ran his steel hand over the smooth shell of the gun. "Perfect craftsmanship, I do say so." And with that, Megatron held the Cannon in his hand, aimed the barrel at Scorponok's closed Cyber-Bee claw, and pulled the trigger.

The blast tore off Scorponok's claw, sending it flying across the room and skidding to a halt once it hit the wall. Scorponok screeched in agony, holding and pampering his new wrist stub. "Oh, dear me," Megatron said in mock surprise, "I had no idea that the safety mechanism was disabled."

"My Queen," said Inferno, "My weapon has no safety-" Inferno shut up once Megatron gave him a sharp glare.

"Well, my dear Scorponok," said Megatron casually, as he strolled past the withering and whimpering Predacon, "since the fault is mine, allow me to retrieve your claw."

Scorponok quickly leapt in front of Megatron. "Oh no, master Megatron," Scorponok pleaded, "Allow me."

Megatron quickly swatted Scorponok away with his Tyrannosaurus head hand, sending him crashing into Inferno, knocking both over. "Oh," he said with a cruel smile, "I do insist!"

And with that, Megatron took leaping bounds towards Scorponok's dismembered claw, and gingerly picked it up in his Beast Mode head-hand. Megatron tossed Inferno's weapon back to him as both fallen Predacons got back to their feet.

Presently, Scorponok began to tremble violently. "Aha!" Inferno shrieked, "See how he trembles so, my Queen!" Inferno kicked Scorponok sharply in the gut, bowling over the Predacon. He aimed his weapon at the trembling Scorponok and growled, "He is the thief! Give the word, my Queen, and he shall burn!" Inferno snarled as he switched his weapon from Shockwave Cannon mode to Flamethrower mode, and poked the barrel at the side of Scorponok's head.

"Patience is a virtue, Inferno," Megatron chuckled, "We must first see the incriminating evidence." Megatron gripped Scorponok's decapitated claw and pried it open. Scorponok and Inferno both bit their lower lips. Megatron slowly plunged his hand into Scorponok's claw, wriggled around in it, and then pulled his hand out, with an object in it. "A Cyber-Bee?"

Scorponok breathed a sigh of relief. "An ordinary Cyber-Bee. Megatron sighed. Megatron placed the Cyber-Bee back into Scorponok's claw, closed it shut, and tossed it to its owner.

"And thus, let us summarize," Megatron said. "It wasn't Waspinator who stole Mr. Ducky, and it wasn't Terrorsaur, Tarantulas or Blackarachnia. And so, if it was not Scorponok." Megatron trailed off, setting a gaze upon Inferno.

It took awhile for Inferno to register the scenario. "M-My Queen!" Inferno gasped, "Su-Surely there has- we've overlooked something-!"

Inferno's body was blown backwards and offline by Megatron's Plasma blast. "Scorponok, restore Terrorsaur and Inferno in the CR Tank, and then retrieve Mr. Ducky from Inferno's quarters," Megatron said. He turned on his heel and left the assembly room.

Scorponok pulled the lever, and the platforms that the still bodies of Terrorsaur and Inferno were lowered down into the energon liquid. "Pity, really," Scorponok muttered once the metal frames of his comrades were submerged in the CR Tank. "But, who wouldn't want to have Mr. Ducky?" he asked himself. "Such a cute lil' thing," he murmured. Scorponok opened his re-attached Cyber-Bee claw and took it out, holding it in his other claw. "Of course, Megatron got kinda' pissed though," he muttered to himself, leaning up against a nearby pillar, gazing at the bubbling lava that flooded most of the floor of the Predacon base. "You'd have to disguise it pretty well," he murmured. Scorponok squeezed the claw that held the Cyber- Bee shut. The Cyber-Bee's body strangely bucked easily under the slight pressure of the squeeze.

The Bee's body popped back to it's original shape once Scorponok released it, and let out a familiar squeal.