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  1. #1
    The Astute cynic
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    Default Social Commentary...

    Well. I figure I ha ven't been here in ages. I'm to make this my creative short corner. I don't want to flood the forum with tons of my shorts.

    I'll use this as a shouting ground. I've done many of these in the past. But, I'll give this one focus. Wanting or Wannabe social commentary.

    Here's the first one. It's a sestina I've been working on for a day or two.

    I've titled it "Wanting Social Comentary in Sextet", but the name's bound to change. Seeing it also has an three-line envoy at the end of it. But, I digress

    Wanting Social Commentary in Sextet: A Work in Progress.
    --
    Did the bird fly across the moon?
    And did its eyes swoon – gay? Or was it a simple twitter,
    Like the writer’s notes that litter. Such thoughts-plaid
    Shan’t enter my mind-fray’d. See, I was on tomorrow
    And it’s places to go. For that bird’s core will not exasperate.
    unlike Shakespeare’s Kate. In this all other thoughts that writhe still fly blithe.


    While on this bird-blithesome,
    Sit with me and drink-rum. Having not done so since that blue-moon,
    Has made me quite the loon, for does my blabber not exasperate
    You and society, of late. When the birds stop their incessant twitter,
    I shall be bit swifter. Laughing at what brings about tomorrow.
    Still having wild oats to sow in decayed fields. could I still dream in plaid?


    So many years later, I saw the bird knitted into a scarf-plaid
    Hiding her hair except that lonesome braid. Walking like a puppet, not at all Blithe.
    Yet her figure was oh-so-lithe. I coughed politely about her activities on the ‘morrow.
    And she laughed and put me in sorrow; cruelly held up a ring shining like the Moon.
    Maybe it was like this rhyme, a forced boon. Listening to more of twitter
    Would surely make me that much more bitter. Too late! That more than did
    exasperate.


    I have yet to find a bird, bent only upon exasperation,
    To the point I find myself again a track star on the run. Running in tube socks quilted
    tartan.
    Running on stone or tar spartan. But, I shan’t give up. Listening to the bird twitter
    Or walking my Irish setter, that’s what this life’s about, flying high like those birds
    blithesome.
    Ever a tune on my lips to hum. Filling up my resolve like that orbiting moon.
    Just look for the next songbird to croon. No sorrow . And wait. Hope’s a coming on
    the ‘morrow.


    Like Gauls thinking the sky could fall tomorrow
    How I act is only paranoia for show, still that’s damned exasperating
    an act to keep on stating. So like that imaginary cloud-boy on the moon,
    My act shall dispel soon. And maybe you’ll see the legit me: not gold just
    samite-plaid. .
    Just maybe after this act mayhap I fade, like that cloud boy appearing
    shackled still leaving blithe.
    So until then, my true thoughts are to hide, and you can only listen to me
    flitting and that bird’s twitting.


    Say? Do you tune me out? Or do you rev up the radio up over my grating
    twits?
    That I tell you as humorous bits, and not tease or ridicule. So as we sit here
    thinking of tomorrow.
    Forgive my taunts and attacks-low. Just answer truthfully. Just be of gay
    blitheness.
    I just want you to be the answer to this mess. Share your thoughts without
    worry of exasperating
    me or society. Just don't mind our berating. And just give your answer
    straight and not– you guessed it plaid.
    So tell me how does a hobo get paid, or how soon can you get that cloud boy
    of the moon?


    This twitter’s soon to end but meant to mend. Yet it will finally exasperate.
    Listen! Then tomorrow dream of sunshine beams, and girls in scarves plaid.
    But, think it pretty and blithe. Bide this to memory and don’t become that
    cloud boy of the moon.

    --

    SO, tell me what you think.

    edit: looks like the new update also added the updated WYSIWYG interface as well. Didn't notice the colour change when I C+p'd it from word.
    Last edited by tyger; 27th January 2005 at 04:46 AM.
    " Jesus Christ -The Lord and Saviour of the Christian faith. Also a big fan of FPS and Fighting Games. He enjoys shooting people in online games when they are talking, and "throwing up the horns" when he wins. Also known for his legendary skill in Mario Kart: Double Dash - for his ability to "bring those blue sparks" (qtd from Wikipedia).

  2. #2
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    The pattern is something I don't understand, but it's very enjoyable just the same.

  3. #3
    The Astute cynic
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    The format's a sestina.

    It's for french poetry in which rhyming schemes don't work well. The basic idea is that there are six six-liner stanzas and one concluding tercet (three liner).

    Pick six words and use each of them to end one of your sentences in the first stanza. then recycle the order these end words appear in each of the other five stanzas.then in the tercet use all six words but two per line. google sestina writing and you'll come upon some good links to how to do it.

    It's been a while. BUt here's a new work.

    I originally wrote it after reading a community entry in a livejournal community called 100_words. It had the words "kamikaze precipitation" in it and I was hooked. I couldn't let that idea get out of my mind. So sat down and wrote something about it.

    So here it is.
    ~
    Pitter patter go raindrops on my soul.

    Each of them hurting, stinging a little more

    Than ones before. Screeching singsong

    Right before that ultimatum. A grand finale

    Explosion on my soul. Japan to me grows

    Fonder day by day, Maybe raindrops reminisce

    Of feudal Japanese honour as crashing,

    Burning, killing themselves on my soul.

    A method of cheap revenge I suppose.

    But maybe – there’s a feudal warlord-emperor

    Of a cloud preaching and telling my raindrop

    assailants that it is for the good of the country-

    The sky. Under that hasty assumption

    I bare my soul to you - kamikaze precipitation.
    " Jesus Christ -The Lord and Saviour of the Christian faith. Also a big fan of FPS and Fighting Games. He enjoys shooting people in online games when they are talking, and "throwing up the horns" when he wins. Also known for his legendary skill in Mario Kart: Double Dash - for his ability to "bring those blue sparks" (qtd from Wikipedia).

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