TEEN: SKYRIDGE: Ted's Story - Liberation

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    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default SKYRIDGE: Ted's Story - Liberation

    Note: Important thingy first; I've put it as teen, because mostly it's fine, but there are some fairly dark, violent bits dotted here and there. And I mean, the violent bits aren't just fist fights, so just a warning. I didn't feel that they were frequent enough or that there was anything else so bad to rate it adult though.

    Right guys, so here's the deal. I suppose loads of people here are thinking the same thing, but I wanna be an author. Like, really badly. I have done since I was like nine, but I always assumed I'd never be good enough and not to bother. However, my English Lit teacher seems to like some of the stuff I've written, and after seeing the Vlogbrothers videos by Maureen Johnson, I figured I may as well give it a shot.

    Baisically it's your typical Pokemon fanfic. It's set in the Pokemon world as you know it, and it's about my own made up character. I'm gonna try to make it as believable as possible, as in that it could actually be a story in the Pokemon world. It's set six years after the events of HeartGold and SoulSilver. It's based mostly on the games, except for the Geography, which is more like that of the manga, in that the actual map is the same as it is in the games, but, for example, Saffron City is an actual CITY instead of just rows of maybe 30 buildings.

    EDIT: If you wanna put it in a genre, I guess it's sort of an interupted journey fic :S

    I want constructive critisisms. At the minute I only have one chapter done, I don't want to continue it if it sucks. And if it DOES suck, tell me it sucks, I want to know. Tell me what I could improve on. I also think that, for a fanfic, the first chapter may be slightly too long. If that's an issue tell me. It's also moving quite slowly at the minute, and I'm scared it's going to read like Twilight. If it does, let me know, because I'd honestly rather kill myself than write that kind of book.

    And without further ado, here it is, I guess...

    Contents
    Chapter One: Preparations
    Chapter Two: Viridian Forest
    Chapter Three: Stolen Fossils
    Chapter Four: The Gym Challenge Begins
    Chapter Five: The Hunt
    Chapter Six: Diglett's Cave
    Chapter Seven: Bulbasaur
    Chapter Eight: The Lightning American
    Chapter Nine: Poison Ivy
    Chapter Ten: Silence Bridge
    Chapter Eleven: Insanity's Past
    Chapter Twelve: Insanity's Present
    Chapter Thirteen: Fuchsia City
    Chapter Fourteen: Ledge
    Chapter Fifteen: Introductions
    Chapter Sixteen: Awaiting Challenges
    Chapter Seventeen: Familiars
    Chapter Eighteen: Farfetch'd
    Chapter Nineteen: Sunset Summit
    Chapter Twenty: War Stategy
    Chapter Twenty-One: Loose Ends
    Chapter Twenty-Two: Goldenrod City
    Chapter Twenty-Three: Underground Chaos
    Chapter Twenty-Four: Alexander
    Chapter Twenty-Five: The Radio Tower
    Chapter Twenty-Six: Insanity's Future
    Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Task Ahead
    Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Indigo Plateau
    Chapter Twenty-Nine: Leagues Unite
    Chapter Thirty: Background
    Chapter Thirty-One: Revival
    Chapter Thirty-Two: The Calm before the Storm
    Chapter Thirty-Three: War Cry
    Chapter Thirty-Four: The Battle for Sliph Co Begins
    Chapter Thirty-Five: Golurk
    Chapter Thirty-Six: Sliph Co Decimated
    Chapter Thirty-Seven: Alexander's Fury
    Chapter Thirty-Eight: Collapse of Chaos
    Chapter Thirty-Nine: Many Small Problems
    Chapter Forty: Gathering of Heroes
    Chapter Forty-One: Awareness
    Chapter Forty-Two: Return to Cinnabar Island
    Chapter Forty-Three: A Link to the Past
    Chapter Forty-Four: Flashback
    Chapter Forty-Five: Message
    Chapter Forty-Six: Confusion
    Chapter Forty-Seven: Feeling Homely
    Chapter Forty-Eight: Teamwork
    Chapter Forty-Nine: Flak
    Chapter Fifty: Saviour
    Chapter Fifty-One: Captives
    Chapter Fifty-Two: Infiltration
    Chapter Fifty-Three: Rebellion
    Chapter Fifty-Four: Ohms and Joules
    Chapter Fifty-Five: Secret Weapon
    Chapter Fifty-Six: Fossil to Fossil
    Chapter Fifty-Seven: Love Thy Enemy
    Chapter Fifty-Eight: Ambush
    Chapter Fifty-Nine: First Scar
    Chapter Sixty: Godzilla's Final Gambit
    Chapter Sixty-One: Resting Place
    Chapter Sixty-Two: The Funeral
    Epilogue: First Contact


    EDIT: Also, now that I'm looking back on it, it looks like a bit of a block to read. Let me know if and how I should break it up.
    EDIT: Never mind, fixed it.
    EDIT: Pokedex count added, bear in mind it's a Pokedex count, Ted has probably seen other Pokemon before hand, but he would never have been able to put these Pokemon into his Dex
    EDIT: Chapter titles added
    EDIT: Warning, although it seems innocent enough at first, this fic becomes steadily more violent and much darker; for this reason, I rate it a 12+
    REALLY BIG EDIT: So after reading through this introduction almost nine months after I wrote it, especially after everything that's happened, seems really cheesy. I doubt anyone who's already read this introduction will see it, but thank you to everyone who's supported me along the way, and to those of you who are maybe reading it for the first time, I appologise for what I now realise is a somewhat cheesy first few chapters, but I swear it gets better :P. I'm proud of my work, and again, I thank all of you who support me :)


    Skyridge
    Ted's Story
    Liberation


    Chapter One: Preparations
    The sunlight streamed through the window, splashing his face. His eye-lids fluttered, and then gradually opened. Looking at the time, he decided that 9:34am was too early for a teenager to be expected to wake up, and that he had time to sleep more, only realising about a minute later what day it was. Today, Theodore James Fox turned 15 years old.

    He jumped out of bed, into his slippers, and ran downstairs. His father was already there, making eggs and bacon. He turned and gave a huge grin.

    'Happy birthday Teddy!’

    ‘Dad, I hate it when you call me that!’ groaned Theodore.

    ‘I know, I just can’t help it, sorry’ he said, laughing.

    Theodore preferred to go by the name of Ted, as he thought Teddy sounded childish and silly. His dad usually abided by his wishes, but not today, and to be honest, Teddy understood why, and didn’t mind all that much. Not today anyway.

    His father and he had always been close, as his mother had died when he was five years old. She had always been frail, for no other reason than she just inherited it from her own parents. An accident on a holiday near Snowpoint had been her demise. She had tripped and broken her leg on a rock hidden in the snow, and with no phone near by, when Ted’s father had finally gotten help, the cold proved too much for her.

    Luckily, she hadn’t passed on her frailty to Ted. He was by no means muscular or strong, but he was reasonably attractive. He was quite skinny, and of average height for his age, about 5’8. He had quite a round face, and freckles. He dressed like any teenager would, in jeans, green converse, a plain yellow t-shirt, with a plain green, short sleeved shirt on top. He did however have other striking features. His hair, which was about an inch long all over, except his fringe, which nearly covered his left eye, was green. Not naturally of course, but it went well with his face. His most intriguing features of all though, were his eyes. He had rather long eyelashes for a boy, which made it more noticeable. They were purple, and although people rarely believed him at first, this was natural. His mother had been albino, and his father had brown, almost amber eyes, but no-one really knew if either of his parents had contributed to it in anyway, and the doctors had just called it ‘a genetic muddle’ when he was born.

    His father, along with his light brown eyes, was shorter than Ted, but only by an inch. He was in his late thirties, but was already starting to gain a bit of a belly. He had short, scruffy, fair hair, and a receding hair line had developed in the past few months.

    He set a plate in front of Ted. A fried egg, a slice of potato bread, and some bacon. Ted scoffed it all down in less than two minutes, being too excited to wait much longer.

    His father, who’s name was Walter, laughed.

    ‘Excited then?’

    ‘What do you think? I’ve been waiting for this day since I was like seven!’

    ‘I know, I know. Well come on then, since you’re so giddy.’

    Ted followed his father into the back garden. It was quite small, but very pretty. The grass had always been very green, there was a shed just to the right of the back door, and Walter had always tried to do his best to keep the flowers at the bottom as good as they had been when Lilly, Ted’s mother, had looked after their garden back on Cinnabar, but it was never quite the same.

    ‘Scarlet!’ called Walter.

    To his surprise, the little fox Pokemon came out the open back door behind him.

    He sighed. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’ll miss her, but she sure was impossible to house train.’

    Scarlet, was a Vulpix. She had been Lilly’s six year anniversary present from Walter ten months after Ted was born; it had seemed fitting considering their surname and home. Her and Ted had been best friends for as long as he could remember. They went everywhere together, all Ted’s human friends were jealous of him, she was practically his Pokemon already, she obeyed his orders, and they had always had a special connection, even when Ted was a baby.

    Ted picked her up and placed her on his shoulders, as his father went into the shed and came back outside with a big cardboard box. They went back inside and set the box on the kitchen table, and Scarlet climbed off Ted’s shoulders onto the table, as he opened it.

    Inside, there were ten Pokeballs, one of the newer versions of the Pokedex, and a small, yellow backpack. Inside the backpack, was a thick sleeping bag, a couple of potions, an antidote, and a wallet. He lifted the wallet out, and looked inside, over the moon when he found 5000 Pokedollars.

    ‘Yes! Thank you so much dad!’ He said, dropping the wallet on the table and hugging his father.

    ‘Don’t mention it son.’ Said his father, smiling. ‘I know we’ve talked about it before, but are you sure you want to start here in Kanto? I’d be happy to take you to any of the other regions if that’s what you want.’

    ‘I know Dad, and thanks, but I really love it here in Kanto, and besides, this is where Red had started!’
    Red had been Ted’s primary influence on becoming a Pokemon trainer. The battle between him and Blue, for the champion’s title, had been live on TV when he was six. He had recorded it, and has watched it again at least a hundred times since.

    ‘So uh, I guess this is it, huh Teddy?’ said his father, clearly worried and nostalgic. ‘I’m gonna miss you son.’

    ‘I’m gonna miss you too Dad…’ replied Teddy, giving Walter one final hug.

    ‘Well I suppose you’d best get going then. Even for the Warden’s old Pidgeot, there’s quite a lot of distance between Fuchsia and Viridian!’

    Ted and his father had lived on Cinnabar before the eruption, and had been forced to move in a massive hurry when he was just nine, to Fuchsia City. He liked it here. He could watch Catching Shows, go to the beach, and he had made friends here too, but it was nothing to the breath taking beauty of the old island that he still considered to be his true home.

    ‘Yeah I guess you’re right… I’ll come and visit you, and I’ll e-mail you as often as I can!’ Teddy was getting a bit giddy, scooping up his bag, and shoving all the Pokeballs but one in the front pocket, he then clipped the Pokedex to his belt and ran to the front door.

    ‘Bye Dad! Love you!’ He yelled down the hall.

    ‘I love you too son…’ said his father, carrying Scarlet towards him. She licked Walter on the chin. She’d never been as close to him as Ted, but he was the one that adopted her when she was abandoned at a Pokemon Center, and she had once been Lilly’s.

    ‘I’ll see you soon, I promise, wait ‘till you see, I’ll have made it to Janine in no time!’

    ‘I’m sure you will’ replied his father, laughing. ‘Bye son!’

    ‘Bye Dad!’ Ted yelled as he sprinted out the door, with Scarlet at the heel.

    He looked around as his run steadily slowed into a fast walk. He wasn’t as attached to it as Cinnabar, but he was still going to miss it. He only had a few friends here, four to be exact, he’d never been that close to them, and one of them had moved to Hoenn recently anyway.

    As he was reaching the end of the street, into the plaza where the Gym was, he could see the Warden in his back garden feeding his Pidgeot, and giving it instructions in the distance. He started to run again, through the Plaza and out the other side. The Warden’s house was just at the edges of town.
    His father and the Warden had been best friends ever since they moved here. They often went fishing together, when he was on holiday from running his new Safari Zone in Johto, which was often, since it pretty much ran itself. Despite knowing him like an uncle, Ted still thought it polite to knock.

    ‘Hello!’ said Baoba, crashing open the door. ‘I’m sure you’re excited then! I’m gonna miss you kiddo! Follow me out back.’

    ‘Thanks Baoba, and I’ll miss you too!’ Ted said, almost in stitches. He’d always admired the ever ageing man’s energy.

    ‘Now, you’ve flown a bit on him before, but never this far. Stevie’s the best flier I’ve ever known, and that’s not just a biased opinion!’ (Ted knew that it was, Stevie the Pidgeot was easily one of the most unreliable Pokemon in the world) ‘You’ll be nice and safe, and you’ll get to Viridian in no more than five minutes!’ (It would take at least an hour) ‘When you get there, you don’t need to do anything! He’ll just fly back on his own!’ (After a few days of Viridian Forest hunting.) ‘Got it?’

    ‘Yes!’ said Ted, half laughing, have frustrated, he wanted to go already!

    ‘Oh! But before I go, give me one minute’He knelt down to Scarlet, holding out the Pokeball he hadn’t put in his bag.‘Now listen Scarlet. I know that you didn’t ever want to go inside a Pokeball, but you have to, just this once okay? When you go in you’ll officially be mine, and I’m not legally allowed to battle with you otherwise. And besides, you’ll probably need to go in anyway for the flight.’

    Scarlet purred sadly, but seemed to understand why this needed to happen. She licked the tips of Ted’s fingers, and he opened the Pokeball. She wilfully allowed herself to get sucked in to it, as she transformed into a blob of red energy, which rushed like water, in to the ball, as it snapped shut. Ted clipped the ball to his belt and stood up.

    ‘Right-ee-o then! Time to go!’ Baoba said, as he helped Ted on to Stevie’s back. ‘I’ll look forward to seeing your battle with Janine!’ he winked.

    ‘Thanks’ laughed Ted ‘I’m gonna miss you Baoba.’

    ‘I’ll miss you too kiddo. Now, no time to lose! Hurry up, do you want to be Champion or not!’

    ‘Alright, alright!’ chuckled Ted. He hugged Stevie’s neck as he started to flap his wings.

    ‘Thanks again Baoba!’

    ‘Any time, kiddo!’

    And with that, Stevie took off, at incredible speeds. Within seconds Baoba was like a little beetle, and it took Ted a couple of seconds to recover from the shock. Anytime he’d flown before it had just been a gentle ride down to the beach!

    As Stevie started to steady himself, flying straight instead of up, Ted looked South into the horizon as the sun, still pretty low in the sky behind him, climbed steadily higher, he could just make out Cinnabar, the Seafoam Islands, and what he assumed must be Knot island, smoke billowing from it’s volcano, he then turned his attention forward. His view on all sides was incredible. To his right, in the North, he could see Mount Moon, and the towering Celadon department store, in that ever bustling city. Dead ahead however, is what really intrigued him.

    He could see Viridian, and could just make out the tiny Pallet town. But further in front again, was the epic Mount Silver, the top obscured by a few clouds.

    He had heard rumours that Red was the first trainer to reach the Summit, and that he still went often, training day and night. Someday, Ted wanted to battle him. That was his real goal. Being champion would be too much work, if he managed to beat the League, he’d leave like Red did, train more, and maybe go to other regions. And then, he would challenge the greatest Pokemon Master of all time.

    He hadn’t realised how quickly the time went by, Stevie was already making his decent. With ambition in his mind, and dreams in his heart, Theodore James Fox, had just begun his very own Pokemon journey.

    Seen: 2 - Just seen: Pidgeot
    Owned: 1
    Party: Scarlet (Vulpix)
    Last edited by BlueNostalgia; 7th September 2011 at 11:12 AM.
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

  2. #2
    Registered User brickwork's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    OK...
    I like it. There are a few grammatrical errors, and it is, pretty much, a wall of text but it is pretty well written, and Vulpix is a unigue starter Pokemon. Keep it coming!

  3. #3
    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Thank you :) I've actually already started on Chapter 2, I couldn't resist. What could I do to fix the blockyness? And if you wouldn't mind, could you (or anyone really) point out the grammer errors :S I'll fix them ASAP, and I'm trying to keep a perfect master copy as I go.
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueNostalgia View Post
    What could I do to fix the blockyness?
    Space out your paragraphs. They should be double-spaced on the Internet.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Thanks, I'll fix that now.
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

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    Yeah XD Danerius Jr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Haay BN that was actually very impressive
    I like the main character, but he dose physically appear to be you ;P
    Just out of interest are you gona make Ted go the red/blue route of gyms or are you gona change it about a bit?

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    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    well yeah, his looks are sorta based on me :P but his personality isn't.

    for those of you who don't know me, I'd like to clarify that I don't have green hair or purple eyes, I just thought it'd be a nice feature to throw in there.

    I am at first. But something's gonna happen before he gets his fourth badge. The plot isn't about becoming champion, I have something more original planned, but I don't want to give away too much. He'll probably end up doing the badges in the correct order until then, but if he ever goes back to get other badges, they probably won't be in the right order.
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

  8. #8
    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Thanks for the advice guys.

    I've finished chapter two, and there are a lot of things coming up in it that I fear may scare a few people off, so if you're worried about that, read the spoiler that I put in before it, but it IS a spoiler, if you read it, it'll ruin the chapter a little.



    Anyway, here it is :)

    EDIT: Pokedex count added
    EDIT: Chapter titles added
    EDIT: Sammy (Cubone) now stays outside his Pokeball.

    Chapter Two: Viridian Forest
    Stevie swooped down, down, further down, until he was only a few feet above the roof of the Pokemon Center. He circled it once and finally came to rest just a few feet from the door.

    ‘Thanks Stevie! Now try to get back to Baoba soon, otherwise he’ll get mad at you again!’

    The immense bird just gave an eager squawk, and took off again, in the direction of Viridian Forest. Ted laughed. Typical.

    Ted immediately took Scarlet’s ball of his belt and let her out, watching as the red energy poured out onto the floor, slowly taking the form of a Vulpix, and finally solidifying. She purred loudly, clearly glad to be out, then she smiled at Ted, and quickly clambered up onto Ted’s shoulders, where she spent most of her time.

    ‘This is it Scar! Are very own Pokemon journey! What should we do first?’ And that’s when it dawned on him. He had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do now. Did he go and train Scar? Try and catch other Pokemon? What if Scar wasn’t strong enough to even try to catch another Pokemon? She’d never been in a fight before! Ted looked around, as if somehow a solution would pop out at him, and surprisingly, it did.

    When he first saw it he flinched in awe, and just stood, his mouth, gapping open, for about two full minutes. Viridian City Gym. Somewhere inside that glorious building, was Blue, one of the most amazing Pokemon Trainers ever. Ted knew there was no way he was going to be beating Blue in a hurry, but he might as well check it out, right?

    When he finally reached the door, just about to knock, he heard an old voice saying ‘Oh good grief, here we go again.’

    He turned to see an old, bald man with a long, wispy, grey beard, wearing what appeared to be a navy dressing gown and grey slippers.

    ‘Excuse me?’

    ‘E’s not in! He’s never in. The wee runt don’t know any sense of responsibility. ‘E’s probably out showing off to some young lass somewhere. ‘Nd even if ‘e was in, what makes you think ‘e’d ‘ave time fer an inexperienced lad like yerself?’

    ‘Oh… Well, I guess, sorry…’

    Ted started walking back to the Pokemon Center. How could he be so stupid? What a way to start his journey, being called a noob by a vegetable who couldn’t dress himself in the morning.

    ‘I guess we’ll just go to the forest, eh Scar?’

    ‘Purrrrr’ Scarlet sounded enthusiastic enough. They started to walk up north. Ted had never been to this part of the country before. It was surprisingly green, the grass looked healthy, and there were tall, evergreen trees all over the place. The scenery quickly and dramatically changed, however, as he entered the huge maze known as Viridian Forest. The trees changed in shape, from being tall and full, to being much shorter, with the branches and leaves almost completely obscuring the now bright blue sky. As the sun, now nearing the half way mark on its trek across the sky, blasted down its bright beams, the rays shone through the leaves, casting a deep green over everything.

    Ted started hearing noises everywhere. He knew that Viridian was supposed to be infested with bugs, but he didn’t mind.

    Speaking of which, what was that?

    There was a large rustling just a few feet to his left, in a small bush. Scar jumped off Ted’s shoulders growling at the bush. The rustling steadily grew more and more violent. Ted braced himself; Scar took a step back, and starting heating up her mouth, preparing to do what she could to protect her master.
    The entire bush was shaking like crazy now. Ted was starting to get quite scared actually. And then, all of a sudden, BAM! Anti-climax! A small, green, bug Pokemon wriggled its way out of the bush. A Caterpie. Ted groaned, and then laughed; Scar gave him a cheeky little grin.

    ‘Well, I guess we may as well start filling this Pokedex! Hold back on this one Scar, this is going to be an easy first Pokemon; we don’t want to make it faint by accident. Try a Quick Attack, but remember, be gentle!’

    Scarlet dashed this way and that, as the Caterpie noticed them for the first time, she was easily able to clip its side with her impressive speed. The poor creature, clearly terrified, was thrown backwards behind the bush.

    ‘Quick! After it!’

    Scarlet sprinted round the bush; Ted right behind her. When they reached the other side of the bush, the Caterpie was already frantically making its way behind another tree. Again, they followed it, and the same thing happened again!

    ‘It’s a bloody worm! How can it be moving so fa-…?!’

    He was cut short. As they went round the nearest tree they found themselves gazing into a small, circular room-like area, about ten feet either way, created by trees, very close together, with all possible openings cut off by branches. The arms of the plants grew over the top of the room, creating a low ceiling of no more than eight feet high. And the whole thing was filled to the brim with Caterpie and Metapod. The entire floor was crawling with the little green creatures. They climbed up the sides of the trees too, they were everywhere. At least forty Metapod hung from the ceiling, the whole place was a writhing mass, but out of the whole room, there was one little thing that stood out.

    On one of the trees, dead ahead of Ted, climbing slowly upwards was another Caterpie, but this one was different. This one was very different. This Caterpie was gold.

    Ted had heard of shiny Pokemon, but he had never seen one. He knew how rare they were. When he thought about it, he wasn’t even sure Red had any, and he’d been a Pokemon Trainer for nine years now, travelling absolutely everywhere! Ted had to catch it, at all costs. Scarlet had noticed it too, her eyes, fixated on it, she stared in wonder, even she knew how special this was.

    ‘Scar, I need you to grab that gold one, okay? Just snatch it up, and bring it back out of the swarm, but don’t hurt it!’

    Scarlet carefully took a few steps forward, and almost immediately, all the Caterpie began to back away, terrified. Fire was strong against bug types; they must have felt the heat coming off her. As they all backed up, so did the gold one, starting to get further up the tree! If Scarlet didn’t grab it soon, it would be gone. She clearly realised this, and just ran up and picked it up, as gently as she could in her mouth. It was a Caterpie for crying out loud, it wasn’t like it was going to escape from that position.

    As she brought it over to Ted, the little creature didn’t seem scared or hurt, just slightly confused. It was really quite beautiful, the gold colour glimmered as the sunlight glared down on it through a gap in the canopy. It looked up at Ted in interest, as he knelt down on one knee, taking of his bag and opening the pocket with the Pokeballs in it.

    ‘Hey there! Don’t be scared!’ The little worm looked at him, quizzically. It wanted to know what the bag was for. It slowly squirmed over, and to Ted’s surprise, climbed inside the Pokeball pocket. Then, something very bizarre happened. When trying to explain it in the future, Ted would never be able to accurately describe the noise the little creature made that day. ‘Just, imagine if a worm could squeal, that’s what it sounded like’ is what he would say to people he told the story to in the future. A red glow erupted from the little pocket, and suddenly the bag started shaking. Ted, finally realising what was happening, leapt at the bag, and pulled out the shaking Pokeball, trying to hold it as steady as he could. He hadn’t gotten a chance to weaken it at all! But then again, it was just a bug.

    The ball stopped shaking, the little red light that emitted from the button faded away. Ted had caught his very first Pokemon, and at that, it was shiny! This was incredible! He added the page to his Pokedex, that told him that it was a girl and decided to return to Viridian, to look up what a shiny Butterfree looked like in the Pokemon Center, so he could decide on a nickname.

    By the time he had got back to the Pokemon center, it was about 3:30pm, and he was hungry. By the time he had looked up shiny Butterfree and decided on a good nickname, Rose, it was 4:30pm, and he was really hungry. By the time he bought himself a fillet burger, and eaten it, and then fed his Pokemon, it was 5:00pm, and the sun was starting to set.

    ‘Well, I guess we’ll just try to get some training in before bed time, trying to tackle the forest now would be just plain stupid. Hey, bug Pokemon evolve pretty fast, don’t they? Let’s see if we can get you evolved in to a Metapod before tomorrow!’

    He headed south, to Route 1, and started hunting down wild Rattata, and having Rose beat them. He also caught one, as well as a Pidgey, just to fill up his Pokedex a little bit. Sure enough, as it approached 9:15pm, Rose started to glow with a brilliant white light, as she started to spray silk into the air, and before Ted knew it, she was a glittering, red Metapod!
    ‘Yes! Awesome!’ Ted was over the moon; soon he’d have a shiny Butterfree! And it would be the first Pokemon he had ever caught! He really could not believe his luck. He called Rose back to her Pokeball, and calling it a night, they returned to the Pokemon Center.

    Scarlet fell asleep pretty quickly, but Ted was too excited to even try to close his eyes. He sat up, out of his sleeping bag on the sofa, and looked out the window, up at the sky. It was a beautiful night, there were so many stars! He let his mind wander. He started to wonder about all the Pokemon he was going to find, all the mysteries he was going to come across, the people he’d meet, the adventures he was going to have! And before he knew it, his day dreams became real dreams, as he slowly dosed off.

    He was woken by Scarlet’s warm tongue on his finger tips, tickling him. For a moment he forgot everything, and rolled over to sleep again, when the rustling of his sleeping bag reminded him that he was a Pokemon trainer now. This realisation filled him with excitement, leaping off the sofa; they were soon ready to go.

    **************************************************

    They had been lost for two hours now, and Ted was starting to get frustrated.

    ‘Where’s the bloody exit! He yelled. The excitement of managing to further complete his Pokedex by catching a Weedle, and even a Pikachu quickly wore off, as he found himself tediously going in circles.

    ‘Lost are we?’ said a female voice behind him.

    ‘None of your business…’ he grumbled, as he turned to see who had spoken, and when he saw her, all feelings of angst completely faded.

    She was gorgeous. She had a cute, pixie like face, with quite a reasonably pale, smooth complexion, that contrasted with her dark-chocolate coloured hair that fell over her shoulders in curled locks, beautifully. Her eyes were a brilliant blue, and she had a small mouth with full lips. She was a good four inches shorter than him, and very slender. She was wearing a purple hoody with a pair of average length denim shorts, and orange converse. At her feet, was a Cubone, that gave him a puzzled look.

    ‘Um, sorry, hi.’ stammered Ted, he felt bad for being grumpy now; she was sporting a lovely smile, and seemed friendly.

    ‘Woaw, you- your eyes!’ she whispered, slowly coming closer, so there was only a couple of feet between them. ‘Are those contacts?’

    ‘No, believe it or not, they aren’t actually’

    ‘They’re amazing!’

    ‘Um thank you…’ Ted caught himself blushing a little. He told himself to get his act together, she was just a girl. But Ted had never had any experience with girls before. He had known a few back on Cinnabar, when he was young enough to not care that they were girls, and just get on with playing. There hadn’t really been any girls his age in Fuchsia that he knew of either.

    ‘I’m Penny’ she said, still grinning.

    ‘Uh, my name’s Theodore, but call me Ted’ he replied, awkwardly.

    ‘Nice to meet you!’ she giggled. ‘I know the way out, you could come with me! Are you on a Pokemon journey?’

    ‘Yeah, yeah I am! Why?’

    ‘Cool! Me too! Maybe we could travel together!’

    Well that was unexpected, and a little sudden, but she looked him right in the eye and gave him another cute smile.

    ‘Sure, why not?’ He replied, ginning himself now.

    ‘Yay! Let’s go, come on, this way!’

    Seen: 7 - Just seen: Caterpie, Metapod, Weedle, Pikachu, Cubone
    Owned: 5 - Just obtained: Caterpie, Metapod, Weedle, Pikachu
    Party: Scarlet (Vulpix), Rose (Metapod)
    Last edited by BlueNostalgia; 22nd September 2010 at 03:38 PM.
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

  9. #9
    Registered User brickwork's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Well then...
    This was interesting. The description of the girl really painted a picture in my head. But a full party before Viridian Forest? Really?

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    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    He's not going to use any of those Pokemon, just Scarlet and Rose. I just figured that, if it were me, I wouldn't want to leave the forest until I'd seen all there is to see. :S sorry, I'll add a little Pokedex/Party count to the end of each chapter.

    Also, after much debate in my head last night, I'm changing the girls name to Penny. I don't know why, it just seems to fit her character better, I guess.
    Last edited by BlueNostalgia; 25th August 2010 at 05:44 AM.
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

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    Very fruity and batty. Noivern's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Hmm... It's rather good for your first fic. I'd give it 75 out of 100. However, there's this thing that is bugging me about this fic.

    Is it normal for a fic to be this long without the chapter ending? It's kinda too long. You might want to break it up into smaller chunks, if it is possible. Also, I noticed some grammatical errors, but that didn't detract from the experience.

    You are very good at describing characters. However, there is room of improvement for the very last part of Chapter Two. As in, suddenly they just travelled together for no good reason that I know of? It's strange.
    Hey, it's Noivern here. I like Noivern a lot. I like Katy Perry. I want a Hydreigon plushie. Also, I'm a total PC geek.
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    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Quote Originally Posted by Turtwig Lover View Post
    Is it normal for a fic to be this long without the chapter ending? It's kinda too long. You might want to break it up into smaller chunks, if it is possible.
    Yeah I thought you guys would think it was too long. I'll try and shorten the chapters a bit, sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Turtwig Lover View Post
    You are very good at describing characters. However, there is room of improvement for the very last part of Chapter Two. As in, suddenly they just travelled together for no good reason that I know of? It's strange.
    There is going to be a reason, again I don't want to give it away, but it'll explain it later. She's a very outgoing and spontaneous girl, and if you'll notice, even Ted thinks it's strange. Keep reading and find out :P chapter three is in the workshop
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

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    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Chapter three is done. The other chapters took up four pages on Microsoft Word with a font size of 12, this one only takes up two and a half. If it's still too long let me know. Keep giving me constructive critisism, advice, something to work with. I have big plans for this, but I want to make it really good, as enjoyable as possible for you guys.

    EDIT: Chapter titles added
    EDIT: Sammy (Cubone) now stays outside his Pokeball.


    Chapter Three: Stolen Fossils
    After about fifteen more minutes walking, Ted and Penny finally emerged from the forest. Ted breathed a sigh of relief, and stretched his arms. It had seemed cramped in there after a while, in the deeper parts, the trees were closer together, and the top branches even lower. The Cubone seemed to be making friends with Scarlet as they walked.

    ‘See? It wasn’t that hard, huh?’ teased Penny.

    ‘No I guess not, thanks!’ he gave her a grin, wanting to be as friendly as possible. ‘So uh, what Pokemon do you have?’

    ‘Well, at the minute I’ve got this Cubone here, and a Horsea, but I haven’t got any of my own yet, my parents gave me these ones.’

    ‘Do you have nicknames for them?’

    ‘Um, yeah, Cubone, here, he’s called Sammy, and I’ve named my girl Horsea, Sally. What Pokemon do you have?’

    Now was his chance to really impress her, a shiny Metapod, what would she think? He didn’t know why he cared so much, he’d only met her.

    ‘Well, I’ve got Scarlet here, and I’ve caught a few others to fill up my Pokedex, but the only other one I’m using is Rose, and she’s, uh, she’s a shiny Metapod.’

    ‘What!? A shiny Metapod? Can I see?’

    ‘Um yeah, sure!’

    Ted pulled the little red and white ball off of his belt, it was the only one there, he had deposited Pidgey and Rattata in the PC before he left Viridian and the ones containing Weedle and Pikachu were in his bag, he was going to put them in the PC too.

    He pushed the little button and a beam of red energy fired at the ground, taking the shape of a Metapod, but as it solidified, a shower of sparks erupted from it, and out came the ruby-red Metapod.

    ‘Wow… It’s incredible… Do you - Would you mind?’ indicating that she wanted to lift it.

    ‘Sure!’ he smiled, it had worked, she was very impressed.

    ‘How did you get so lucky?’ she asked, cradling Rose in her arms. Ted then proceeded to tell a slightly exaggerated story about how he found and caught it as a Caterpie, why he decided to call it Rose, and all about the training he did back on Route 1. Ted noticed that Sammy and Scarlet seemed to be getting on very well now, playing as he talked.

    ‘Tell me about yourself!’ he then asked. ‘We’ve only just met.’

    ‘Well, my full name is Penelope Star, but just call me Penny. I’m fourteen, fifteen in two months, and I just started my journey from Pallet town. I’m not going to collect badges or anything like that. I just love Pokemon, and I wanna see the world!’ she smiled back at him; her teeth were perfect, no crookedness anywhere, white, but not dazzlingly so. ‘What about you?’

    He told her his full name, how he had lived on Cinnabar, about his parents, the full works really. He realised about half way through his story that he’d only just met her, and that it was really weird that he was telling her all this, but she seemed genuinely interested, and now that he’d started, he couldn’t really stop without making an idiot of himself.

    ‘Woaw, that’s so cool!’ she said, with another grin when he finished.
    ‘I’ve just been stuck in Pallet town all my life. I guess you might think that it would be good, with Professor Oak, Red, and Blue and all that, but Red and Blue never come home, and the Professor is always away. I’ve only met him once.’

    ‘Someday we’ll meet them all’ replied Ted enthusiastically ‘That is, if you still wanna travel with me? I’m going to be taking the gym challenge, a cheerleader and some company would be really nice.’

    ‘Sure! I already said I was coming with you silly!’ she nudged him playfully.

    ‘Why though? I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re lovely, and I want you to come, but, we’ve only just met!’

    ‘Oh, um, I dunno, you seemed nice, and I was lonely I guess.’ She hesitated after this, there was something slightly suspicious about the way she said it, but after a few seconds she looked up and smiled at him again. Then she looked forward and said, excitedly ‘Look! There it is, Pewter City! Come on let’s go!’ she started to run. The spontaneous way in which she did this caused Ted to forget about what she said before, as he started to run after her. Sammy was on her shoulders, the same way Ted usually carried Scarlet.

    The first thing they did in Pewter was heal their Pokemon. By now it was about four o’clock and neither of them had had lunch, so they did that, and chatted for a while longer.

    ‘I suppose you’ll want to take on Brock while you’re here then?’ she asked.

    ‘Um, yeah I guess… He uses Rock types, right? Scarlet’s not very good against them, and Rose would just get squished… Perhaps I should train more first.’

    ‘Okay, well then, first thing in the morning, we’ll go back to the edges of the forest, and get Rose evolved, then she’ll learn Confusion, and it’s a pretty strong move.’

    ‘Okay, sounds good!’ he replied, impressed by he knowledge. ‘But, what do you wanna do in the mean time?’

    ‘We could have a peek in the museum…?’

    And that’s just what they did. Nowadays, the museum was getting better funding, and even though all the expeditions were back, it was still free to enter. They saw many different types of fossil, and a few skeletons of ancient Pokemon. Ted recognised a few, having lived on Cinnabar Island before, near the lab, he had seen these fossils before, and he’d even seen a couple resurrected!

    There was also the space shuttle and a couple of Moon Stones, all things that he already knew about, but there were a few more expeditions now too. There was now even more types of stone on display, Thunder stones, Fire Stones, all the different types of evolutionary stone Ted knew about, some were even for sale! Ted was aware that Scarlet evolved via Fire stone, but he didn’t want her to evolve, not ever. He knew that generally, Pokemon became stronger when they evolved. But surely with enough training Scarlet could be just as strong as a Ninetales! Red had never evolved his Pikachu, and some say it’s one of the strongest non-legendary Pokemon in the world! And besides, she wouldn’t be able to sit on his shoulder any more if she became a Ninetales.

    A huge crash on the ground floor interrupted his train of thought. He gave Penny a quick glance, and they both rushed downstairs to see what had happened. When they got there, the place was a mess. The Kabutops skeleton had been knocked over, bones lying everywhere. Books and fossils were scattered all over the floor, and the guard was unconscious on the ground.

    Ted ran to the guard, and helped another member of staff get him up on to a chair. ‘What happened!?’ He asked.

    ‘A man in jeans and a black hoody burst in with a Manectric. He had it zap the guard, barged in, grabbed as many fossils as he could, and ran. The mess was caused by the Manectric, jumping around everywhere, making sure no-one tried to stop him. We’ve been robbed.’

    ‘No way! Is this guy gonna be okay?’

    ‘Yeah he should be fine…’ muttered the staff member. ‘It was only a Thundershock attack, nothing too powerful.’ He then proceeded to start picking up the Kabutops bones.

    Ted looked around, Penny was looking out the front door, and she seemed unusually quiet considering how she was before. Sammy was standing beside her, it was shaking. Ted found this puzzling, but ignored it and went to see how Penny was.

    Ted walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’
    She was silent for a few seconds, she didn’t seem to notice him, she was just staring in to the distance, and just before Ted was about to try and see what she was looking at, she snapped back to reality.

    ‘Uh, yeah, yeah I’m fine…’ she smiled at him again, but it wasn’t as enthusiastic as before. ‘Isn’t this terrible? I hope they catch the guy who did this…’ There seemed to be an undertone to her voice. ‘Anyway, it’s getting pretty late; we should probably head back to the Pokemon Center for the night.’

    Seen: 8 - Just seen: Horsea
    Owned: 5
    Ted's Party: Scarlet (Vulpix), Rose (Metapod)
    Penny's Party: Sammy (Cubone), Sally (Horsea)
    Last edited by BlueNostalgia; 22nd September 2010 at 03:38 PM.
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

  14. #14
    Very fruity and batty. Noivern's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Hmm... after reading through this, I actually want to continue reading.
    The fic is at an easy-to-read length, and yet still gets its message across. (I don't really know how to word it properly)

    If you use your style of capitalisation, then "*Whatever*-type" should be also capitalised properly to give it consistency with the rest of the writing.
    For example, "Rock-type" instead of "rock-type".

    You might want to elaborate on certain things, such as:
    "The first thing they did in Pewter was heal their Pokemon. By now it was about four o’clock and neither of them had had lunch, so they did that, and chatted for a while longer."
    You know, there are a lot of things to do in a city.

    By the way, where did you learn to write so well? I can barely fill a page before running out of ideas. Then again, it's not a (fan)fic...

    (Current score as of Chapter 3: 78/100 Good)
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    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Skyridge

    Quote Originally Posted by Turtwig Lover View Post
    Hmm... after reading through this, I actually want to continue reading.
    The fic is at an easy-to-read length, and yet still gets its message across. (I don't really know how to word it properly)

    If you use your style of capitalisation, then "*Whatever*-type" should be also capitalised properly to give it consistency with the rest of the writing.
    For example, "Rock-type" instead of "rock-type".

    You might want to elaborate on certain things, such as:
    "The first thing they did in Pewter was heal their Pokemon. By now it was about four o’clock and neither of them had had lunch, so they did that, and chatted for a while longer."
    You know, there are a lot of things to do in a city.

    By the way, where did you learn to write so well? I can barely fill a page before running out of ideas. Then again, it's not a (fan)fic...

    (Current score as of Chapter 3: 78/100 Good)
    Thank you! Your comments mean a lot :) I just have a good imagination I guess.

    It's sorta hard to get the balance. I originally had more stuff in at that point of the story, but then I got the comment saying that it was too long, so I cut a few of the less important things out, I'll try my best to even it out more.

    As for the Capitalization thing, I've always had trouble with that :S I can never remember what I've given capitals and what I haven't, and I'm usually so in to writing the story that I don't want to go back and check, but again, I'll try my best to fix that in future.


    On another note, I'm going to start posting chapters less often. Hopefully for the next week I can get out at least one every two days, but I'm having to prepare for going back to school, and then we I DO get back I'm going to have even less time, but I'll try my best to get out at least one a week. Hope you all understand, and thanks again for the support :)
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

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