Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    Secrets Behind Giovanni OneShot


    Giovanni stepped out the door into a beautiful winter day. The fields were covered in shiny white snow and the waterfall was frozen shut. No water was found in the lake, just solid ice.

    Giovanni said his last words to his unforgettable family and walked away, leaving them alone in the harsh weather conditions. Giovanni walked away from where he grew up. His family suffered from the cold nights while Giovanni searched for hope. Giovanni explored the pathway to his new life. He was done with dealing with his disgraceful family.

    Still moving through the snow he came across a destructive snow storm. With nothing to do, he was forced to sleep the long night in a dark cave. He barley survived the night waking up with a terrible cold. He was forced by his health to spend another night trapped in a small cave. Pokemon from the wild also joined him in the cave. The night flew by with all the Pokemon worried for their friends and family.

    The sun rose revealing the first day of Spring. The snow melted and Giovanni could finally see the green on the ground. He was also feeling a lot better and decided to walk into a beautiful Spring day.

    "I am almost at Viridian City. I just need to take care of business and I am set to explore." mumbled Giovanni to himself.

    Giovanni took his time with no rush needed. He loved the outdoors, it was what kept him calm. The birds chirped gracefully while the wind blew strong. Moving at a constant place he was at Viridian City with in a short second.

    "Time to take care of business." Giovanni headed towards the trainer house which is where he was suppose to go to find his loot.

    "Ha there's my man. Now give me the loot." said Giovanni sticking his hand out, reaching for what was not his.

    "I changed my mind Giovanni. This loot is mine and that's how its going to stay." replied the brave man.

    Giovanni took a small step closer and punched the man in his face. Blood dripped constantly on his face. His cheeks red and mouth swollen, the man attempted to fight back.

    "Don't try me." growled Giovanni pushing him towards the ground and grabbing his stolen loot. Giovanni continued to travel alone but now with lots of cash.

    With his cash in his pocket he walked to the pokemart, slammed the door open and bought every single potion on the rack.

    He gave the clerk the money and said "Keep the change, I am filthy rich," He placed all the potions in a bag provided by the Pokemart then decided that he needed a small briefcase for all his belongings. He returned to the Pokemart with the same smirk on his face, bought a briefcase and then left again.

    He poured the Potions into the small briefcase and set on foot again. Giovanni continued to roam Viridian City, looking for anything of use.
    Shortly after his trip to the Pokemart and moved again towards Pewter City. Giovanni moved through Viridian Forest knowing the way inside out.

    "That's the one," yelled the man from the Trainer House pointing his fingers at Giovanni. The man had a bunch of cops that began to chase Giovanni.

    "You get back here or we will shoot you down." yelled out a cop with a fierce tone. They were on his tail so Giovanni began to move through the massive trees until he lost the determined cops. He climbed a giant tree to be on the safe side and spent a night trapped in the giant tree.

    The next day the world new about Giovanni and his deadly actions. He was to create a new identity and a new stubborn look.

    Giovanni walked to Pewter City with his face covered behind his flat hat. Giovanni marched through the open gates slowly approaching the Pokecenter for a nice place to relax.

    "One room please." requested Giovanni standing still and quiet. The women handed Giovanni the sign in book. He filled in the needed information with complete lies of himself.

    "Right this way sir." replied the women handing him his room key. "Your room number is fifty four and it's up those stairs."

    Giovanni followed the given directions to find his room nice and quiet. Giovanni jumped in to bed, laid down and took a long snooze.

    During Giovanni's nap, the cops marched into the Pokecenter and revealed photo's of Giovanni to the front desk worker.

    "Have you seen this man enter the Pokecenter? He goes by Giovanni," asked the Cops making sure they receive the correct answer.

    "Yes I have. He is in room fifty four. It's up those stairs," replied the women stepping back so the Cops can move.

    The Cops raced up the stairs to find Giovanni's rented room. They dug through everything and there was no site of Giovanni anywhere. The only evidence found was the open window.

    "How is that possible. This room is on the second floor. No one could survive a jump like that," questioned a curious cop amazed at Giovanni's getaway.

    "He is not in the Pokecenter. That's for sure." said a cop walking towards the exit.

    The Cops left the building and thanked the women for all her help. They searched the streets for any evidence. They asked questions to random citizens but found no answer to Giovanni's run away.

    While the cop's searched for the suspect of the hit and run, Giovanni continued his breakaway. He left Pewter City not stopping at all for any sort of break

    As a result of leaving Pewter City, Giovanni successfully escaped the Cops and reached Mount Moon with no harm done. He gazed at the glorious Mount Moon loving it's texture and shape.

    "It's beautiful," said Giovanni revealing his soft side. After that said, Giovanni heard voices of running people and began to sprint away.

    "Hey I see him. He is running quick," said the chasing Cops. Giovanni was done dealing with the cops ,so he had to find a place that they would never expect from him. He was going to move backwards and move back to Viridian City. He jumped into the bushes and waited for the cops to chase by nothing.

    "He's gone," admitted one of the cops stopping for a rest. "He must be in the tree's over there,"

    The night passed by quickly for Giovanni sleeping on the bare ground.

    The next morning of Spring, Giovanni woke to a loud shriek in the forest.

    "What was that noise," questioned Giovanni to himself. "It's probably just
    a Pokemon playing around,"

    Giovanni denied his heart because it was telling him to check the piercing noise out. Giovanni was not the kind of person that helped people. He was the bitter kind that caused problems for people just like his family. His family did not like him. He was just there way in getting money to survive their stressful life. Giovanni missed his family terribly. He had no one to love now. He was on his own with nobody that could help him. His life passed by roughly. He was constantly being chased by the police for attempting murder or shoplifting. He wanted to take the nice road down life but it was to late for him now.

    Giovanni moved down the road that led back to Viridian City. He quickly changed his mind knowing that he was a wanted criminal in Viridian City. Everybody knew his face so it was best not to move back. Giovanni finally realized that his briefcase was in Pewter City's Pokecenter. It was to late now. If he returned he would get shot down and will quickly be dead.
    Cerulean City was the closest place for Giovanni to travel. It was about a mile up hill and then a half a mile down hill.

    Hour's passed and Giovanni saw civilization for the first time in a couple of days. Kid's played in the parks provided by the town. Adults shopped till they dropped. Teens enjoyed playing with their friends. The Pokemon had a great time battling and spending time with their trainers.

    Giovanni walked the few steps needed to reach Cerulean City. He walked the streets as other's stared at him as if he was a dirty chimpanzee. The City was large with buildings that reached the clear skies. Houses were scattered across town. Many of the people were friendly and a lot were curious with open minds.

    "What are you looking at," growled Giovanni to poor helpless elderly women in a wheelchair. The women burst out drowning tear's and Giovanni made a run for it.

    He could see the cops again but they did not see him. He spent about two minutes in Cerulean City and was already wanted for frightening a poor old women.

    The Cops asked the women what was wrong. The women explained what he looked like and the cops knew Giovanni had struck again.

    "Why can't I do anything right." said Giovanni as he exited the city leaving a poor old lady crying. "I guess I am just a nobody who cant do anything sweet for anyone in the world. Why am I a vicious old man with no loving heart?"

    Giovanni's questions swarmed in his cluttered mind. He continued to walk until he reached Kanto's Power-plant. He sighed and entered. The Power-plant was full of dangerous wires and serious equipment that were not toys. The building was big with electrical equipment here and there.

    "If I am no use to the world, than I shall not exist in this cold hearted world." Giovanni ripped a wire from the electrical box then electrocuted himself so badly that the wire itself burned out along with Giovanni's cold blooded heart. Giovanni lied on the floor dead moving to his next stage.
    The cops continued to follow Giovanni. "Lets check the Power-plant." contributed a cop. They slowly walked into the Power-plant to find a man dead on the floor.

    Suicide was not the best answer for Giovanni's problems. He should have given himself up to the cops. After the death of Giovanni, his wife went through a brief heart attack that took her life away. His kid's were sent to a orphanage where they were put up for adoption. As for Giovanni, he was sent to the place where all dead criminals go.

    Giovanni was buried behind the Kanto Power-plant and no one ever knew Giovanni was died. The police kept it a secret, which is probably what Giovanni would have wished for.


    Last edited by alster08; 15th June 2010 at 09:56 AM.

  2. #2
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    You have good discription and I like the intake in Giovonni's mind. But you have many issues, for instance:
    Quote Originally Posted by alster08 View Post


    "You get back here or we will shoot you down until you explode" yelled out a cop with a fierce tone. They were on his tale so Giovanni began to move through the massive trees until he lost the determined cops. He climbed a giant tree to be on the safe side and spent a night trapped in the giant tree.


    First off, that sentence the cop yelled was kinda lame, You could've done it like
    "Freeze! Or I'll turn you to swiss cheese!"
    Or something like that.
    About his escape you never truly mentioned the trees where they came from how he managed to get there.
    Its things like these that leaves the story hanging in the wind, if you want a gripping story never leave room for the reader to imagine the story for you, unless you want to.
    In the end, I hope I helped to advance your Fanfic and in the end help you out.
    Best of luck.

  3. #3
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    Thanks I will try to fix it up a bit.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    You do have a fair amount of grammar issues ("They were on his tale" (tail), "He should have gave himself up to the cops" (should have given), etc.) but otherwise not bad.

  5. #5
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    Thanks I reall apriciate this.

  6. #6
    May Still Have Hope TeamGalacticMercury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    First of all, it was expected. Giovanni runs. Giovanni dies. Second of all, this is a One-shot! You do not edit it. You just leave it be. That's all there is. Otherwise, it is a short story.

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    Slammin' Flower Child Integration's Avatar
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    To be honest, it was a little bit boring. The way you wrote it, it was all like, "He did this. Then this happened. This person saw it and then they did something." It got a little bit better toward the end when you started describing more things, but there was one part I was confused by. The part where Giovanni hears the shriek, there's that bit about how his family didn't like him and how he was a bitter person. But then it says that Giovanni had no one to love and he missed his family...I think I understand what you were trying to say, but it was a little jarring. That might just be my personal preference, though, so yeah.

    Also, some grammar things because I'm obsessive about these things:

    - Commas after dialogue
    No: "Blahblahblah." said Giovanni.
    Yes: "Blahblahblah," said Giovanni.

    I noticed you did it sometimes, and sometimes not. And sometimes you ended it in commas even when nothing followed, which kinda weirded me out. Periods for when nothing follows, commas for when things follow.


    - Don't use apostrophes for plural words
    No: Photo's
    Yes: Photos


    - "Their" is for possession, "there" is for places, "they're" is for "they are"
    No: He was just there way in getting money to survive their stressful life.
    Yes: He was just their way in getting money to survive their stressful life.

  8. #8
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    Thanks for the comments.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Secrets Behind Giovanni (ONESHOT)

    no offense this was okay but giovanni doing suicide not cool i give it a 5/10 sorry :(

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