And I'm sorry, but that wasn't the game mechanics error I was referring to. Basically, in FRLG Charmander cannot learn Smoke Screen before evolution, so the only way Blue's Charmander would have been able to use Smoke Screen as early as it did would have been if Blue had had it sent to Hoenn, where it could have learned it and then gotten it back and since he didn't do that, it couldn't really have that move. It's a really small thing that doesn't really matter, but it did bug me, so I just thought I'd point out that I didn't screw it up.
And Tyranitar's right about the anime style battles, that's how I prefer to write, a turn based system works when you're playing a game (in fact, if you're playing a game that's damn near the best way to have a battle) but if you're describing a story it lacks something.
Anyway, as always, thanks for your comments everyone, I'll try to have another chapter up in a few days, just as long as my internet doesn't have other ideas.