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  1. #751
    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Hmm, this is an interesting development. How will this go for Giovanni and Blue?

    Good chapter, Gama, I see you're setting up a big bang for the ending =P

  2. #752
    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Wow, that was good, at first I thought Blue was like suicidal and then smiled when I learned his friendship with Red had established. Too bad it didn't last long. Though I do wonder what Giovanni is looking for Blue for, maybe it has something to do with HGSS and his gym, well at least Blue's gonna get a chance to be a hero again.

  3. #753
    Impossible is only a word BlueNostalgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    fantastic. Absolutly didn't see that coming, although I suppose it was obvious.

    Congratulations on finishing it all :) it's been a fun ride
    "I can't see the end of the road anymore! But I suppose, that's part of the adventure..."

    - Danerius Jr, my best friend and greatest Pokemon Rival

  4. #754
    Yeah XD Danerius Jr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    That was brilliant. I thought Maxwell would be back but I didn't expect Giovanni to be back!!!
    Sometimes I feel I should a more topical name!

    Without Mew!
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    Without Mew!
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  5. #755
    Man, Myth, Legend Marik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Awesome, Gastly. Just awesome.

  6. #756
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    What a twist! *shot*

    Now I'm very interested in where you're going.

  7. #757
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I agree. Very interesting twist, Gama! I really wasn't expecting this, but it was a pleasant surprise!

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  8. #758
    I need beer money dammit! Rob Anybody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Giovanni at Mt Silver? Will Red beat him before Blue gets there? Oh btw Congrats on the story, We will not see its kind for years. This was something special.
    I don't calculate stat values, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are. I just play the game normally. If you agree copy & paste this in your sig.

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  9. #759
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Good story.Bravo.

  10. #760
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Okay, now that I've seen this story nominated for the awards, I feel a duty to give it a voting review.

    If any of the grades seem unfairly low, I apologize. If you can provide any explanation as to why my explanations are wrong, I'll gladly take it into account - I don't want to seem (or really, to be) harsh without reason.

    Plot: 6/20

    While it's well written and all, it doesn't seem to stray from the game plot much at all. It seems like a transcript of a game, converted into story format. The characters appear to be concentrating on battling, battling, battling, collecting items, battling, teaching moves, training, training, and battling some more. There are very few interactions that do not also happen within the game itself. While this isn't a bad thing in itself, making it the exclusive theme in your story is bound to take away some of the interest that (well, at least I personally) have in it.

    Actually, in this regard, Chapter 96 is by far the best one yet, since it actually provides us with some original plot, and it's one of the only scenes that's not actually tied as firmly to the games as a mushroom is attached to a Paras.

    Sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but it's just the way I feel about it when I actually go through and try to read it.

    Characterization: 17/20

    Like Legacy in The Power Inside, you do a smashing job of this. Especially the little details with Blue and his background/personality/etc.

    Grammar, style, and flow: 8/10

    You really nailed this, and it's pretty smooth for what's essentially a transcript of a gameplay... there are no grammar errors, which is nice.

    Overall rating: 73/100

    It would be unfair to let the plot rating drag the overall rating down too much. After all, the plot isn't what's important in this story - it's pretty much all about the character.

    At least that's the impression I get from this story.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  11. #761
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Zekurom View Post
    Okay, now that I've seen this story nominated for the awards, I feel a duty to give it a voting review.

    If any of the grades seem unfairly low, I apologize. If you can provide any explanation as to why my explanations are wrong, I'll gladly take it into account - I don't want to seem (or really, to be) harsh without reason.

    Plot: 6/20

    While it's well written and all, it doesn't seem to stray from the game plot much at all. It seems like a transcript of a game, converted into story format. The characters appear to be concentrating on battling, battling, battling, collecting items, battling, teaching moves, training, training, and battling some more. There are very few interactions that do not also happen within the game itself. While this isn't a bad thing in itself, making it the exclusive theme in your story is bound to take away some of the interest that (well, at least I personally) have in it.

    Actually, in this regard, Chapter 96 is by far the best one yet, since it actually provides us with some original plot, and it's one of the only scenes that's not actually tied as firmly to the games as a mushroom is attached to a Paras.

    Sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but it's just the way I feel about it when I actually go through and try to read it.

    Characterization: 17/20

    Like Legacy in The Power Inside, you do a smashing job of this. Especially the little details with Blue and his background/personality/etc.

    Grammar, style, and flow: 8/10

    You really nailed this, and it's pretty smooth for what's essentially a transcript of a gameplay... there are no grammar errors, which is nice.

    Overall rating: 73/100

    It would be unfair to let the plot rating drag the overall rating down too much. After all, the plot isn't what's important in this story - it's pretty much all about the character.

    At least that's the impression I get from this story.
    Thanks, Zekurom. I take this review as a massive compliment. I'm not too bothered about the low plot score because, as you yourself said, that's not the main point of this story (although that sounds a bit ridiculous). Perhaps the next few chapters will get a higher plot score though.

  12. #762
    Inactive swampert_rox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    You have outdone yourself, GM. I haven't been around for a while, but now that I've read what you've added I have to say that you have done the impossible and become better than before. Personally, I thought you'd have a plot twist of some sort, like Red would lose his first E4 challenge.

    By the way, when will you start Dragon Days?
    Swampert_rox



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  13. #763
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by swampert_rox View Post
    You have outdone yourself, GM. I haven't been around for a while, but now that I've read what you've added I have to say that you have done the impossible and become better than before. Personally, I thought you'd have a plot twist of some sort, like Red would lose his first E4 challenge.

    By the way, when will you start Dragon Days?
    Wow, thank you very much - that's really nice of you to say.

    I'll start DD a little while after Rival's Story is finished. I'm gonna release a couple of one shots before that though.

    Chapter 97

    On the hike to Mt. Silver, Blue was already beginning to regret bringing Maxwell with him – the man was useless. Maxwell and his damned, useless Wartortle couldn’t even take out one wild Pokémon by themselves, not even a Ponyta, which Wartortle was strong against. Maxwell’s incompetence was spectacular and Blue was quickly losing patience with him. At first Blue just lent him a Pokémon, but even that didn’t work out – most of Blue’s Pokémon refused to obey Maxwell flat out and the rest were so poorly instructed by him that Blue had to take over anyway. Alakazam, in particular, ignored everything that Maxwell said to it – the Psi Pokémon had become incredibly humble since its cockiness had potentially cost it the battle against Red but around Maxwell it couldn’t help but act superior. In the end, it was easier for Blue to simply fend off any wild Pokémon that came near Maxwell and Wartortle himself.

    The weather was quite harsh on the way up to Mt. Silver – it was pretty heavy snow and the walk was quite physically draining, but Blue was determined to get there as soon as possible. His heart was pounding, wondering what important job Giovanni could possibly have for him. He recalled his battle with Giovanni and remembered how brutal the man had been and yet, at the same time, how effective – Blue was sure that if he hadn’t been on the receiving end of his homicidal tactics that he would’ve been impressed by them. During the walk, he had thought over his decision to blindly trust the man but then he conceded that he had given him a second chance after all and so he should at least hear him out – he could always leave.

    “Can we stop for a rest?” shouted Maxwell ahead to Blue.

    He had to shout just so Blue could hear him, there was a lot of wind. Blue looked back and noticed that Maxwell had actually retreated Wartortle to its Poké Ball – the walk must have been too tough on it. Blue didn’t bother to shout back, he just held up his hand in a thumbs up and retreated Gyarados, the Pokémon he had been using, back to its Poké Ball. The pair of them sat down on a few nearby logs.

    “We better not sit still for too long,” remarked Blue, “We’ll get buried in snow if we do, it’s coming down pretty heavily.”

    Maxwell nodded and tried to catch his breath. Blue stared out into the distance, but all he could see for miles was white in one direction and a huge mountain, looming over them, surrounded by white in the other. Mt. Silver looked a lot closer than it was, this was turning out to be a pretty long journey. Blue continued to look out into the distance and he could’ve sworn he saw a figure, but he couldn’t be sure. He tried to ignore it at first, but then it just became more obvious.

    “Hey Maxwell,” asked Blue, “Can you see that?”

    Maxwell proceeded to strain his eyes to try and see, then flinched in surprise.

    “Is that a person?” asked Maxwell.

    “I think so,” answered Blue.

    “Should we go over there?” suggested Maxwell.

    “That’s miles away!” snapped Blue, “It’ll take us ages off course – it’s taking us long enough to get to Mt. Silver!”

    “It might be Giovanni,” retorted Maxwell, “What if he already needs help?”

    Blue nodded, Maxwell was right. He got Charizard out of its Poké Ball and the draconian Pokémon shivered with discomfort.

    “I’m sorry, Charizard,” said Blue to his starter, “I promise I won’t have you out here for long, I just need you to send a jet of flames in that direction. Can you do that for me?”

    Charizard nodded in response and fired a huge stream of fire in the direction of the distant figure. Blue retreated Charizard to its Poké Ball, then he and Maxwell waited with bated breath for a few seconds and after that, saw a huge jolt of electricity fly through the sky towards them from the figure.

    “That’s not Giovanni,” stated Blue unhappily, “I know exactly who that is and I didn’t think he would be invited.”

    “It’s Red, isn’t it?” asked Maxwell.

    “Yes,” responded Blue, “It’s Red.”

    “We should try to meet up with him,” said Maxwell assuredly, “He’s a good guy.”

    Blue wanted to disagree with this, he didn’t want to buddy up with Red but he couldn’t argue with the fact that Red was a good guy. During the whole time Blue was sulking in his room, it was Red who kept coming to visit him and it was Red who had been the only one to cheer him up the slightest bit. In fact, only yesterday, Blue would’ve called Red his best friend and now suddenly he found himself wanting nothing to do with him again – he was ashamed of himself for how jealous, pathetic and bitter he was. He was turning into his grandmother.

    “You’re right,” replied Blue, trying to fight through the feelings of hatred in his gut, “Let’s do it.”

    It was a long time before Blue and Maxwell managed to meet up with Red, who was there by himself. It took more than twenty minutes of walking, as well as three or four more signals from each of them, but eventually they managed to meet up.

    “Blue,” greeted Red with a smile, “I see you were invited too. I was hoping you would be.”

    Blue felt even more disgusted with himself after that statement – Red seemed to really mean it. Was this whole rivalry Blue’s fault?

    “Yeah,” replied Blue, “I’m glad you came.”

    “Curious about who invited us?” asked Red, “Apparently I’ve battled them before so I can’t wait to find out who it is.”

    Blue was dumbfounded – how could Red not know who had invited them? Had he just not checked the bottom of the letter? No, that wasn’t possible. Why would Giovanni have signed Blue’s letter but not Red’s?

    “You mean your letter didn’t say who it was?” checked Blue curiously.

    Red’s face took a suddenly serious expression.

    “You mean yours did?” retorted Red in apparent disbelief, “Who?”

    “Giovanni,” answered Blue honestly, “The Viridian City Gym Leader.”

    Red’s face dropped at this comment.

    “Giovanni?” he repeated furiously, “Are you serious? I’ve come out here to do a favour to Giovanni?”

    “Yeah...” answered Blue, “Did he try to kill you in your Gym battle with him?”

    “No,” answered Red, “What kind of a question is that?”

    Blue felt like this meant that Giovanni had turned over a leaf and perhaps deserved a second chance, unless, of course, it was true that the whole world really did like Red better than Blue, including homicidal psychopaths.

    “Well then why do you have a problem with him?” asked Blue.

    “Are you serious?” challenged Red, “He’s the leader of Team Rocket! The biggest criminal organisation in Kanto!”

    Blue was dumbfounded. He never would have guessed. Although, thinking about it, it actually made a lot of sense. Blue had felt even more terrified of Giovanni than he had of the Team Rocket Scientist who had killed Maxwell’s Machop and Giovanni had possessed a very Team Rocket air about him. It also explained how Giovanni knew about Red and Blue infiltrating Silph Co., in fact, the more Blue thought about it, the more obvious it seemed. He actually felt stupid for not guessing. He wanted to make Red think he had guessed but he didn’t have time to think of a good lie.

    “No,” admitted Blue, “I didn’t know that.”

    “It seems like something I would have mentioned,” remarked Red, “Anyway, we can’t go there and help him.”

    Blue really did not want to turn back now, but he was quite open to the idea of Red turning back. He had to try and think of something to say that would make Red turn back without Blue having to accompany him – maybe he could get Red and Maxwell to go back together.

    “No!” shouted Maxwell suddenly, “We can’t turn back now! We’ve come too far! We have to at least hear him out!”

    Red gave Maxwell a stare for a few seconds.

    “Are you Maxwell?” he asked.

    “The one and only!” announced Maxwell proudly.

    “I’m Red and I think you might have a point,” said Red, “What do you think Blue? Honestly.”

    Blue wanted to say something to make Red and Maxwell leave but he couldn’t, he felt compelled to give his honest opinion.

    “Everyone deserves a second chance,” stated Blue, “When I had my Gym battle against Giovanni, he tried to kill me and I had the opportunity to kill him but I decided to give him a second chance.”

    “He didn’t try to kill me,” added Red, “And then after our Gym battle he said he was going to disband Team Rocket so maybe he has turned over a new leaf.”

    “Let’s hear him out,” suggested Maxwell, “We can always leave or, better yet, try to stop him if he’s up to no good. It’s better to know.”

    “Alright,” said Red, “Let’s go.”

    The three of them headed up towards the huge mountain looming over them and were there in far less time than they expected. Nearby the cave entrance at the bottom of the mountain, a small shack had been built. Just as the three trainers approached the shack, the door opened to reveal a figure in a long, black overcoat, holding a hat on his head. The figure noticed the trio as he walked out of the shack and looked up to reveal his face – it was Giovanni.

    “Greetings, gentlemen,” Giovanni smiled, “I didn’t expect you to arrive together, but that certainly makes things easier. I see you’ve brought a friend, well, that’s no problem at all, in fact, the more the merrier. Red, I apologise for not telling you it was I who invited you but I feared you would reject the invitation if you knew – I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now anyway. Why don’t the three of you step inside and warm up so I can bring you up to speed on what we’re dealing with?”

    Blue's Team: Charizard, Pidgeot, Exeggutor, Alakazam, Gyarados, Rhydon
    Blue’s Box: Metapod, Beedrill, Meowth, Bellsprout, Grimer, Aerodactyl

  14. #764
    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Interesting chapter, more plot then action, perfect break before any big bangs you have planned =P

  15. #765
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I didn't have time to comment on the last part before this one came up, but I think you did a good and convincing job of making Blue seem very depressed, and I am glad that Maxwell returned and Red and Blue have become friends

    This part has also been good, with doing a good job of describing Mt Silver, and it was good to see that Alakazam is still cocky- my nomination was for the right Pokemon :P I look forward to the next bit

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