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  1. #676
    Registered User brickwork's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I havea feeling that Blue is going to give Lance Charizard at some point..

  2. #677
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Sneaky Blue is sneaky!! As usual, I enjoyed every minute of reading. You're the best, GM!

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    Inactive swampert_rox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I finally catch up... You're just as good as ever.




    Edit: Lolwut, my 493rd post.
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  4. #679
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    “You just got a taste of my power!” hissed Lorelei, selecting the next Poké Ball from her belt.

    “Yeah,” retorted Blue, “Well it tasted crap.”
    I was planning on commenting after I'd finished all of the chapters up to this point, but I just finished chapter 78, and I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at something in a fanfic.

  5. #680
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Rev View Post
    I broke out into a massive grin when I read this.. I love the character you've given Lance, along with all of the other characters you've put a twist on - I think Bertha stands out as well on that list :).

    Great work, and I look forward to the coming chapters.
    Thank you very much! And I assume when you say Bertha you mean Agatha?

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame Haze View Post
    That was exciting, I mean the difference between Blue's and Lance, the suspense of Rhydon being able to knock out Aerodactyl and of course Blue's last moment switching plan was well done. Really, I'm a bit jealous even though your fic doesn't have a lot of dialogue your description makes it so great, it's enough to make a person jealous of wanting to have as much description.
    Thank you so much - I'm glad you liked it all. I have to say though, don't waste your time being jealous! If you like how much description my fic has and wish your fic had more description too - then put more description in! Simples!

    Anyway, here is the next chapter!

    Chapter 90

    Blue couldn’t help but wonder what Lance’s fascination with his Charizard was, why Oak had given this man an Aerodactyl and, perhaps most curiously of all, why Oak had not mentioned Lance even once in all of Blue’s life. He made a mental note to put all of these questions to his grandfather as soon as possible, but he guessed that he’d never be able to truly know Lance’s story. Blue wondered if anyone had ever written a biography of Lance, he was a pretty important person in Kanto after all – if they had, he’d definitely want to read it.

    Blue knew that the only move that stood a chance of taking out Lance’s Dragonite was Dragon Breath, but he also knew that Lance knew that too so there was absolutely no way he would let Blue get away with it. Anyway, if Charizard did, by some miracle, manage to land a Dragon Breath on Dragonite, it probably wouldn’t be enough to take it out – it’d have to land at least two, maybe even three, hits! Blue shivered as he felt the cold sweat dripping down his back – everything he’d done since he left Pallet Town with his Charmander in tow had led up to this moment, he couldn’t lose now.

    “You ready?” asked Lance with a smile, “I wouldn’t want to start without you.”

    “You bet,” answered Blue, although this wasn’t completely true.

    Blue felt compelled to use Dragon Breath but knew that it would be a mistake – there was no way that Lance wouldn’t be prepared for that move. When battling Aerodactyl, he had thought the same thing, that Lance would be prepared for the best move for the job. Although Rhydon had managed to take Aerodactyl out in the end, it had been luck more than anything – Lance had indeed been prepared for the move. Blue decided that the best thing to do would be to have Charizard use Fly use instead of Dragon Breath – that way, he could avoid whatever Dragonite’s attack would have been and see how Lance had planned to counter his move.

    “Thunder!” commanded Lance fiercely.

    Blue faltered as he prepared to order Charizard to Fly into the air – that would almost guarantee that it would be hit by Thunder, which was sure to finish it off, losing the battle for Blue.

    “Dragon Breath!” choked Blue, changing the move last minute.

    Charizard burst forwards and fired a blue jet of flames at Dragonite, narrowly avoiding the bolt of Thunder that burst down next to it. Blue made a mental note – he should not try to pre-empt Lance’s moves, that tactic clearly wasn’t working out for him. Blue tried to get his head back into the battle – Charizard and Dragonite were on about the same amount of health now. It would only take one Thunder to knock Charizard out but it would only take one Dragon Breath to knock Dragonite out – it was all or nothing now. It all came down to which Pokémon could move faster.

    Lance grinned again, he seemed to really be enjoying himself.

    “Thunder!” he cried a second time.

    “Dragon Breath!” commanded Blue.

    The two titans sprung forth towards each other, both summoning the attacks requested of them by their trainers. It was obvious that each Pokémon knew how important this moment was to their trainer and they put their all into it. Blue was so anxious that he couldn’t have moved the slightest bit out of the way, even if a bolt of Dragonite’s Thunder had been heading straight for him. The two attacks collided in the air, but, rather than causing an explosion or pushing against each other like what happens in certain television shows, the two attack simply continued to go forwards, through each other, but very powered down. Blue knew what had to happen now.

    “Dragon Breath again!” Blue yelled.

    Charizard took the Thunder attack but managed to withstand it because of how weakened it was. Dragonite took the first Dragon Breath attack and the same thing happened. However, as Charizard launched its next Dragon Breath attack, there was nothing that either of the trainers could do but watch it knock Dragonite to the floor, winning the battle for Blue.

    Blue simply could not contain his excitement – he ran up and hugged his starter Pokémon, he was so happy that it had managed to bring him this far. Charizard grabbed Blue, threw him on its back and flew circles around the room high above Lance, shooting out jets of celebratory fire.

    “Come on!” shouted Lance up to Blue and Charizard, “Get down from there – we need to get you and your Pokémon registered as League Champs!”

    Blue didn’t need to be told twice – he had Charizard drop him safely on the ground and then withdrew it to its Poké Ball.

    “Through here,” beckoned Lance, walking into the next room.

    Blue followed Lance quietly, he was so elated that he could hardly believe that this was really happening. They reached the next room, which was a plain room with another door at the back – did the Indigo Plateau ever end?

    “This is the Champion’s chamber,” explained Lance, “The registration room is just through here.”

    Blue nodded and went to step through.

    “There’s no point in going through now,” informed Lance, “I’m not registered to use the machine yet.”

    Blue’s heart sank – he knew there was going to be a catch.

    “Then how am I going to get registered?” asked Blue fearfully.

    “Don’t worry so much!” replied Lance encouragingly with a big smile, “I’ll call your grandfather – he’s a Pokémon League official, so he’s registered to use the machine.”

    Lance got his Poké Gear out of his pocket, dialled a number and put it to his ear.

    “Hey!” greeted Lance, evidently after Professor Oak picked up the phone.

    “Guess who just beat the Elite Four!” ordered Lance excitedly down the phone.

    Blue wished he could hear his grandfather’s response to this question – the old man would finally be proud of him, he was finally better than Red, there was no denying it.

    “No,” answered Lance to Oak’s unheard reply, “It was Blue.”

    Blue’s heart sank as he realised what Oak’s guess must have been and he was suddenly glad that he couldn’t hear his grandfather’s side of the conversation.

    “Yes please,” said Lance, “And this time remember to register me on the machine while you’re here, alright?”

    Lance listened for a moment as Oak spoke.

    “Alright,” replied Lance, “I’ll see you soon.”

    “Now what?” asked Blue.

    “Now we wait,” answered Lance.

    Blue was incredibly anxious – he was sure that something was going to take this away from him, he just didn’t know what.

    Blue began to think about the things that could strip him of his title before he was even officially registered when his train of thought was suddenly interrupted by Lance’s Poké Gear. He was sure it would be Oak, phoning back to say he couldn’t make it or something like that and that Blue would have to be registered another time instead.

    Lance picked up his Poké Gear and looked at the screen – it appeared not to be a call at all.

    “Another challenger has beaten Agatha,” stated Lance in surprise, “It’s a good thing Bruno brought those Relievers today.”

    Lance produced a Reliever just like the one the Scientist had used from his belt and used it to heal his Pokémon. He then handed it to Blue.

    “You might need this yourself,” informed Lance, “If I get beaten, then it’s up to you to defend your title. I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to put my all into this next battle – the battle with you really took it out of me!”

    Blue took the Reliever and silently healed his Pokémon.

    “Wish me luck!” shouted Lance as he ran back into his chamber.

    Blue knew who it was that had beaten Agatha – it was Red, it had to be. Blue also thought about what Lance had said – that he wasn’t going to be able to put his all into his battle with Red. Maybe all the Gym Leaders and Elite Four hadn’t put their all into their battles with Red because they’d battled Blue so recently. That definitely wasn’t fair. Blue started to regret his eagerness to beat all of the Gym Leaders and Elite Four before Red did – perhaps it hadn’t worked out in his favour after all. Blue sat in the Champion’s chamber, mulling over everything that had happened in his journey so far when he heard footsteps coming towards him. He immediately got to his feet and walking up to him was the one person he didn’t want to see right now – Red.

    Blue was determined that he wasn’t going to lose his championship title before he even got it.

    Blue's Team: Charizard, Pidgeot, Exeggcute, Alakazam, Gyarados, Rhydon
    Blue’s Box: Metapod, Beedrill, Meowth, Bellsprout, Grimer, Aerodactyl
    Blue's Pokédex: 26 Caught, 98 Seen
    Blue’s Badges: 8

  6. #681
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I've finally caught up, so here's my review:

    Characters-
    Your characters are very well-realized here. You really managed to make Blue a sympathetic character, which is something that, for the longest time, I thought nobody would be able to do. The Gym Leaders also have unique personalities and manage to really leave a lasting impression, something their game counterparts have thus far failed at, with the exception of Giovanni. The Elite Four are also very well done. Agatha really did seem spiteful with that last move. And making Red a jerk... I never would've thought of that.

    Battles-
    Most of the battles in this story are unique and really take the best of both the game and anime worlds and mesh them together seamlessly. I was especially fond of the Surge, Sabrina, Blaine, and Agatha battles, with Giovanni being an honorable mention. There were a few lackluster ones, but those were all in the first ten chapters or so, so it's really just a sign of your improvement over the course of writing the story.

    Just a few cons, and those are a lack of description when encountering new Pokémon and people. It's obvious that most people reading this story are familiar with each and every of the 493 monsters we've been able to catch and train thus far, as well as the Gym Leaders, Elite Four members, and Champions, but it's always better to assume that your audience is unfamiliar with this series. That's one way I've been able to attract non-Transformers fans to my stories.

    The other is the grammar and spelling. I believe this is just caused by speedy typing, and could easily be avoided. You miss a few words every now and then, use a wrong word, mix up the lteters every now and then (), etc., but it hardly impedes the flow aside from a time or two, and those few times had missing/wrong words. My advice is to just slow down a little, maybe re-read each sentence as you type it, if you don't already.

  7. #682
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    You had to leave us hanging, didn't you!?!?!?!? Well, I guess you did. Gastly's Mama, you've done it again. I truly can't wait for the upcoming epic battle!

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  8. #683
    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    Blue wondered if anyone had ever written a biography of Lance, he was a pretty important person in Kanto after all – if they had, he’d definitely want to read it.
    I get the strangest feeling that was a jab at my current Fanga project. You know the one, Gama =P

    Great chapter, though I was anticipating Blue and Lance's final Pokémon to fight more epically then just Blue spamming Dragonbreath and Lance spamming Thunder. Then again, it is how the games do it, so no biggy =P

  9. #684
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Instrutilus beat me to the punch.

    I liked the chapter, Blue won in a last moment thing and now he's gonna have to lose his title as champion just after winning. One thing I don't like, is that your practically showing as if Red didn't deserve those wins, I mean I know Blue's the main character but Red has always been a character I like so it's hard for me to just you know seeing him win so easily.

  10. #685
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    10 Chapter, anys ways I want to read more!!

  11. #686
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Lugion View Post
    I've finally caught up, so here's my review:

    Characters-
    Your characters are very well-realized here. You really managed to make Blue a sympathetic character, which is something that, for the longest time, I thought nobody would be able to do. The Gym Leaders also have unique personalities and manage to really leave a lasting impression, something their game counterparts have thus far failed at, with the exception of Giovanni. The Elite Four are also very well done. Agatha really did seem spiteful with that last move. And making Red a jerk... I never would've thought of that.

    Battles-
    Most of the battles in this story are unique and really take the best of both the game and anime worlds and mesh them together seamlessly. I was especially fond of the Surge, Sabrina, Blaine, and Agatha battles, with Giovanni being an honorable mention. There were a few lackluster ones, but those were all in the first ten chapters or so, so it's really just a sign of your improvement over the course of writing the story.

    Just a few cons, and those are a lack of description when encountering new Pokémon and people. It's obvious that most people reading this story are familiar with each and every of the 493 monsters we've been able to catch and train thus far, as well as the Gym Leaders, Elite Four members, and Champions, but it's always better to assume that your audience is unfamiliar with this series. That's one way I've been able to attract non-Transformers fans to my stories.

    The other is the grammar and spelling. I believe this is just caused by speedy typing, and could easily be avoided. You miss a few words every now and then, use a wrong word, mix up the lteters every now and then (), etc., but it hardly impedes the flow aside from a time or two, and those few times had missing/wrong words. My advice is to just slow down a little, maybe re-read each sentence as you type it, if you don't already.
    Wow. Now this is a review. And I love getting criticisms - they're very helpful. The thing is, I know you're completely on the money with both of them. Sometimes I read back my own chapters after publishing them and I'm amazed at some of the mistakes I've made and astounded that no one has mentioned them! They are mostly born from the fact that I rarely re-read my work, which I always mean to but usually don't have time or something.

    As for description of Pokemon and characters etc., you're right there too. My problem is that when I spend time describing characters and Pokemon that I know the audience will be familiar with I feel like I'm wasting time. I'll try to do better at this though.

    Thanks so much for your comments!

    Quote Originally Posted by Instrutilus View Post
    I get the strangest feeling that was a jab at my current Fanga project. You know the one, Gama =P

    Great chapter, though I was anticipating Blue and Lance's final Pokémon to fight more epically then just Blue spamming Dragonbreath and Lance spamming Thunder. Then again, it is how the games do it, so no biggy =P
    Haha, yes, I do know the one you're talking about =P and you might be right there.

    And, yeah, I wanted to do a bit better with the battle but seeing as Charizard had been through a fair bit already I couldn't make it last that long - I don't think I could've realistically make Charizard take even one hit without being knocked out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame Haze View Post
    Instrutilus beat me to the punch.

    I liked the chapter, Blue won in a last moment thing and now he's gonna have to lose his title as champion just after winning. One thing I don't like, is that your practically showing as if Red didn't deserve those wins, I mean I know Blue's the main character but Red has always been a character I like so it's hard for me to just you know seeing him win so easily.
    I see your point. But if you look at another way - Red ALWAYS beats Blue so Red must be the better trainer really, which means that even if Red had it easier than Blue, he could've done what Blue did anyway. Hope that's made you feel better about it =)

  12. #687
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I never saw it like that, it does make me feel better.

  13. #688
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Hmmm.... I hope I don't sound too insulting or critical, but I was expecting a bit more. I felt that the battle ended a bit too suddenly, and I was hoping for some massive explosion or something like that, even it was a bit cheesy :P And I thought that there was a champion Blue was going to defeat first, so I was hoping for that battle. But, it was still good, and I am looking forward to the battle against Red

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  14. #689
    Inactive swampert_rox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    The battle with Lance ended kinda quickly. And could that biography of Lance be Dragon Days?
    Swampert_rox



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  15. #690
    Man, Myth, Legend Marik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    D: I missed a lot! Great as always, but hot damn, Red beat Lance quickly.

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