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Thread: Rival's Story

  1. #601
    Man, Myth, Legend Marik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Are the characters of The Scientist and Maxwell very loosly based on in game characters?

  2. #602
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Paragon Phoenix View Post
    For a whole bunch of different reasons, from vacation to general business to sleeping to having some ideas of my own, I'm not catching up as fast as I'd hoped. I'm in the mid-50s, now, and I gotta say, I really liked what you did with Chapter 50. It was different, and a lot stranger than you'd think getting a glimpse through Red's eyes again would be. My only issue with it was how quickly he decided to start treating Eevee right, but you only have so many Red/Blue battles to work with for that, so I get it.

    I'm going to shoot for reading five to ten chapters a day, so I'll be able to give a better, up-to-date review real soon.

    Reading this, I've actually gotten a couple ideas for a fanfic of my own, too. I wrote a sample chapter, nothing too long at all, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in taking a look at it in a private message, GM? I'd love to hear your opinion on what I'm thinking of.

    EDIT: I can't send private messages until I hit 15 posts, apparently, but if you'd like to take a look at it, I'm sure we can figure something out. ^.^'
    Yeah, quite a few people have said that about the Red chapter but there you go, something I need to take on board. And I'd be more than happy to read your story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Danerius Jr View Post
    OMW OMW! This fanfic is awesome!
    I've been reading this all day and its... its amazing.
    i love some of the stuff you put in that doesn't happen in the game.
    Like Blue getting a Beedrill
    And i love the characters of Maxwell and The Scientist
    and i love what you did to Giovanni
    You're a bloody amazing writer!
    Wow, thank you for taking the time to catch up with this gargantuan amount of writing! I'm glad you like my creative editions to Blue's story =)

    Quote Originally Posted by Articuno26 View Post
    Are the characters of The Scientist and Maxwell very loosly based on in game characters?
    The Scientist is based on one of the scientists in Silph Co., yes, he even has the same Pokemon. As for Maxwell, Red does not actually encounter Maxwell within RBYFRLG because Maxwell leaves the S.S. Anne before Red gets there. He is, however, featured in a different game, but I won't say more than that.

  3. #603
    Registered User RobMysterio's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I've just spent the last 7 hours reading through
    & it is truely amazing...

    I expect this has inspired half of the fan fics on this site
    It has certainly made me re-think what i was planning on doing

    So thanks for giving me an awesome evening of entertainment & for the inspiration

  4. #604
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by RobMysterio View Post
    I've just spent the last 7 hours reading through
    & it is truely amazing...

    I expect this has inspired half of the fan fics on this site
    It has certainly made me re-think what i was planning on doing

    So thanks for giving me an awesome evening of entertainment & for the inspiration
    Wow, I can't believe you'd dedicate seven hours of your life to my fic - that's such a massive compliment! I think saying it's inspired half the fics on this site is probably a bit far but I'm still really grateful for the kind words. Thank you taking the time to read and even more for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed it =)

    Anyway, here is the next chapter!

    Chapter 84

    It was impressive how Agatha ignored Blue’s childish comment – it was as if he’d never said it in the first place, her eyes just narrowed as she focused on the battle.
    Blue could definitely stand to learn a thing or two from her. He knew Alakazam couldn’t take much more punishment, but he also knew that he would need it later. Fortunately, its Recover meant that this wasn’t a problem. Blue knew that the next Pokémon his grandmother sent out was likely to have Shadow Ball just like Gengar and thus it’d be advisable to withdraw Alakazam, at least for now. First though, he wanted to get a Recover in so that when he next sent Alakazam out, it’d have enough health to be worth using.

    “Recover!” yelled Blue, before Agatha had even sent out her next Pokémon.

    Agatha muttered something under her breath in response and sent out a Haunter. Blue couldn’t help but wonder why she had two Pokémon of the same evolutionary line – he guessed she was just getting old.

    “Hypnosis,” instructed Agatha.

    “Recover,” ordered Blue again.

    Fortunately for Blue, Haunter’s attack this and Alakazam remained awake and managed to get itself to full health as well.

    “Hypnosis,” commanded Agatha again exactly as she had before.

    This time Blue was not so fortunate and Alakazam hit the floor, completely unconscious. There was a time when Blue would’ve kept Alakazam in battle, desperate for it to wake up but he was more mature than that now, although he couldn’t help but wish he had Red’s Poké Flute so he didn’t have to worry about that kind of thing. He was also, once again, feeling that buying Revives and Full Restores would’ve definitely been a worthwhile venture, it’s not like he was short of money – he could almost afford a bicycle from Cerulean for crying out loud!

    Blue withdrew Alakazam to its Poké Ball and thought about what Pokémon would be best to use next. The options were Pidgeot, Charizard and Rhyhorn. He was saving Rhyhorn for use against a Pokémon without the Levitate ability, so it was just between Pidgeot and Charizard. Charizard was Blue’s most powerful Pokémon, so he hoped to save it for Lance, who was presumably the most powerful member of the Elite Four. On top of that, Pidgeot was dual type Normal which meant it was immune to Ghost typed moves.

    “Dream Eater,” ordered Agatha, unaware that Blue was switching Pokémon.

    Blue withdrew Alakazam to its Poké Ball and threw out that of Pidgeot.

    Agatha grumbled in frustration as Haunter’s attack failed and both trainers ordered another attack.

    “Fly!” commanded Blue.

    “Curse!” shrieked Agatha shrilly.

    A small wooden spike appeared in front of Haunter, pointing towards the Ghost type. To Blue’s surprise, the spike then proceeded to plunge itself between Haunter’s eyes, apparently causing the Pokémon a great amount of pain. Blue was totally confounded by the attack until he saw his Pidgeot wince in pain as a black figure circled it shortly before it burst into the sky. Agatha cackled like a witch seeing Blue’s surprise.

    “Curse is a nice little move,” explained Agatha, “Haunter sacrifices half of its health to place a curse on your Pokémon. The curse drains one eighth of your Pokémon’s total health every turn, meaning that if your Pokémon was on full health and Haunter did not attack it once, it’d have eight turns of survival left in it.”

    Blue nodded solemnly.

    “But your Pokémon isn’t on full health, is it?” taunted Agatha, “In fact, far from it. Who got it? Did Lorelei hit it with an Ice Beam? A Rock Slide from Bruno?”

    “Thunder Punch,” answered Blue honestly.

    “Ah, of course,” stated Agatha proudly, “I knew having that old duff raise you you’d be a poor battler but I didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to fall for that old trick! Apparently I gave you too much credit!”

    Blue clenched his fists with anger as Pidgeot fell out of the sky as a result of the Curse.

    “Shut up!” snapped Blue, retreating Pidgeot to its Poké Ball.

    “What?” asked Agatha, feigning genuine concern, “Am I wrong? Did you fall for that old trick or not?”

    The familiar old feeling of rage welled up in Blue’s chest. He’d blocked out his hatred for this woman in his battle so far, but she was opening old wounds. Blue remembered Agatha leaving; it couldn’t have been timed more selfishly. It was, of course, after Blue and Daisy’s parents had died and Oak and Agatha had been left in charge of the children. It was also after Oak had recommended Agatha for a position in the Elite Four and immediately after Oak had been given a research grant which meant he finally had the money to open his lab in Pallet Town. As soon as things had turned her way, Agatha had left for greener pastures, leaving Oak to balance raising two young children and making sure his research grant wasn’t immediately pulled. Not only that but Oak had had to deal with constant demands from Agatha that the children be raised by her at the Pokémon League so that they could become true battlers, against the advice of just about everyone on the planet. While it was true that Blue had only met Agatha two or three times since she had abandoned them and that he could barely remember anything before that, it was also true that she had never left his life, throughout his whole childhood Blue had been aware of the pain that Agatha had caused his beloved grandfather.

    Blue let out a deep breath and tried to clear his head – he couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of this battle, he retreated Pidgeot to its Poké Ball and brought Alakazam back out. A risky strategy, but he was hoping it’d pay off. He knew Alakazam could take out Haunter with just one hit, that it could withstand one Dream Eater and that it was faster than Haunter. Basically, everything hinged on Alakazam waking up before Haunter managed to land two Dream Eaters.

    Agatha looked at Alakazam lying uselessly on the floor and let out a little snigger.

    “Dream Eater,” instructed Agatha with an air of superiority about her.

    “Psychic!” pleaded Blue, willing Alakazam to wake up.

    Haunter darted forwards and pressed its lips to Alakazam’s gigantic head, apparently sucking up whatever dreams Alakazam happened to be having. Blue was glad he had had Alakazam use Recover before it had been put to sleep – it would surely have been knocked out by that Dream Eater attack if it hadn’t used Recover. As well as taking away more than half of Alakazam’s health, Dream Eater also had the effect of restoring most of Haunter’s health. It didn’t matter though, Alakazam had managed to take out Agatha’s most powerful Gengar in one move from full health so her Haunter would be no trouble at all. The real worry was whether Alakazam would wake up in the nick of time or not.

    “Dream Eater,” announced Agatha proudly, clearly assured in her own victory.

    “Psychic!” bellowed Blue, hoping that the volume of his voice would wake Alakazam up.

    Blue prayed that Alakazam would wake up – if it didn’t, his league challenge ended in this room. Blue didn’t think he could handle the combination of losing his race to the championship with his hated rival, Red at the hands of one of the only people in the world who he hated even nearly as much.

    Haunter darted forwards to execute its attack and Blue knew it was all over, Alakazam was still lying uselessly on the floor. Haunter pressed its lips to Alakazam’s head to drain its dream, its remaining health and what was left of Blue’s hopes of ever becoming the Champion. Blue’s knees became weak and he felt like life wasn’t real anymore, in the distance he heard a cackle that belonged quite distinctively to his grandmother. She was taking pleasure in his failure.

    “What?” came Agatha’s voice.

    Blue snapped back into reality. Alakazam was still on the floor, but it wasn’t knocked out – Haunter looked as surprised as anyone – the Dream Eater had been a failure. Blue was thoroughly puzzled – the only ways Dream Eater could fail were if the target had increased its evasion, if the user had had its accuracy reduced or if the target was awake and Blue was pretty sure none of these three had happened. Well, he was sure until Alakazam opened one of its eyes, lifted a spoon and blasted Haunter across the room with a Psychic attack.

    Blue finally understood – Alakazam had woken up between the two Dream Eater attacks and had pretended to be asleep before finally taking Haunter out with a Psychic. What Blue still did not understand though, was why Alakazam had pretended to be asleep. As Alakazam pulled itself to its feet, turned to Blue and gave a smile, he understood why. Including Haunter, Alakazam had taken out seven of the twelve Pokémon Blue had defeated at the Pokémon League so far – it was getting cocky.

    “Pride comes before a fall,” chided Blue, he would know after all.

    Blue's Team: Charizard, Pidgeot, Exeggutor, Alakazam, Gyarados, Rhyhorn
    Blue’s Box: Metapod, Beedrill, Meowth, Bellsprout, Grimer, Aerodactyl
    Blue's Pokédex: 25 Caught, 95 Seen
    Blue’s Badges: 8

  5. #605
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Awesome chapter as usual, my friend. Your battles are really fun to read!

  6. #606
    Registered User brickwork's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Wow. that was really good, as per usual. I liked how you included Agatha's backstory in the too.

  7. #607
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Awesome chapter, I thougth Agatha had Blue back there really. I liked the dramatic ending of it now Agatha only has three Pokemon left and they're the ones Rhyhorn can take out easily.

  8. #608
    Man, Myth, Legend Marik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Alakazam being cocky is win. :D

  9. #609
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I loved how you portrayed Agatha, that was a nice touch! And the battle was good as well. I love how Alakzam is getting cocky :P

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  10. #610
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Excellent chapter as usual. I can't wait to see how this plays out!

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  11. #611
    I lost the game. Dynamo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Well, I just spent 2 hours yesterday and 5 hours today reading everything from the 1st chapter to the 84th. I now strongly dislike Red, something I thought not possible. The endings of some Gym Battles were slightly sketchy; ie. against Erika because you just write that he recievs the badge if I remember correctly. But overall, the writing got better as it went along. My favorite battle so far was against Giovanni; I knew Blue was going to win, but it seriously looked like he was in trouble there. The battle against Blaine was done in a way that was really creative in my opinion. A crazy man who lets his Pokémon command his other Pokémon? Awesome. I can't wait to read about the rest of Blue's battles in the Elite Four.
    Pokémon Emerald Time Played: 315:46

  12. #612
    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Amazing battle, GM. You never fail to impress.

  13. #613
    Let's Player Derier44's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Great so far, love how Alakasam is getting cocky. He's probably thinking "Hell yea, Special Sweeper for da win!"

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  14. #614
    Epic Sea Otter ftw Yumega's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    :) Brilliant. Loving the whole cocky Alakazam thing.If I'm not mistaking, in Red Alakazam is Blue's second strongest Pokémon!
    Anyway, this battle is turning out to be one of the best in my opinion. Surge,Sabrina and Blaine were my favorite.. until now. ;D
    Also the story of Blues past was awesome too.
    Last edited by Yumega; 14th August 2010 at 05:26 AM.



    ^Credit for thumbnails goes to Instrutilus!^

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    Eternal Flame: Coming Soon!

  15. #615
    Registered User brickwork's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Bump.

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