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  1. #586
    Registered User brickwork's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    To keep it on page 1.

  2. #587
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Thanks for the great welcome back, everyone, it means a lot! And, yes, I had an excellent time while I was away! Here is a new chapter for you (underneath the replies), the next one will be up in four days' time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paragon Phoenix View Post
    I've been reading this fic over the past few days (just finished Chapter 41 a few minutes ago, hoping to catch up by tonight or tomorrow), when I was thinking about writing something about Blue, myself, and I have to say: I'm really, really impressed. I'm not usually one for fanfiction, but yours has that special something about it that makes it impossible to stop reading. I won't lie, some of the phrasing and writing is less-than-perfect in places, but eh, it happens (and is honestly outweighed by the quality of the storytelling, for the most part).

    The Sabrina battle arc, in my opinion, was absolutely freaking beautiful. I loved the way Blue actually struggled with her telepathy, and the way it called back to his fight with Surge. It really added a lot of depth to his character and actually had me on the edge of my seat (which rarely happens, when I'm reading). What you're doing with Red is fantastic, too. It might be a bit over-the-top to make him as much of a jerk as you are (then again, he very well might be), normally, but you pulled it off.

    You really have a lot of talent, I'm looking forward to seeing how this progresses! (And if you're looking at the fact that this is only my first post, it's because of the fact that I only signed up for the site to comment on this fic.)
    Wow. Seriously. Very honoured that you'd give your post virginity to my fic! And thank you so much for the compliments, that's so nice of you - I'm glad you enjoy my fic! (I'm particularly looking forward to seeing what you think of Chapter 50 after that comment)


    Quote Originally Posted by Apollo's Caterpie View Post
    In the time that you've been away, I've also been reading this fic, since I hope to write a fanfic in the near future and I wanted to read a few before I started to make my own. I literally just finished Chapter 82, so I believe I've read the entire fic so far. And, in short...

    This. Is. Awesome.

    And, the long version is, this is an extremely gripping story. It's completely changed my opinions of Blue and Red. You've developed Blue's character excellently, in my opinion, and even though the idea behind the story might seem quite restrictive on first glance, it's safe to say that you've let your imagination soar beyond the likely limitations by including new ideas and aspects, one of the more memorable examples being Maxwell.

    The Gym Battles are particularly engaging. Not only is the action entertaining, as a Pokémon battle should be, but the conversations between Blue and whatever Gym Leader he's up against usually add to the tension. Even though I knew for a fact that he would win the battles, while reading them I constantly believed that he was going to loose them, which pretty much shows how good a writer you are. I also thought it was brilliant how you brought back all that Blue has learnt from his previous fights in his battle against Giovanni, which was absolutely awesome, I might add.

    So, I'll leave by saying that you can really see how you've developed as an author throughout this fic. Also, even though it was the most minor character thinkable, my heart gave a little jolt when Maxwell's Machop died. Probably because it was so unexpected.

    So, uh, good luck with the rest of the fic. I'll be reading, for sure!

    Urgh, praising 82 chapters is tiring.
    Thank you as well! I can never believe it when people take the time to catch up with Rival's Story - it's so bloody long now that I know I wouldn't! And, yes, let's have a moment's silence for Maxwell's Machop, the poor thing. (That villainous Scientist and his dastardly Weezing!)

    Anyway, here is the next chapter!


    Chapter 83

    Blue walked into the next chamber of the Elite Four and prepared to battle his grandmother, Agatha. Just like every time he walked into this room, a shiver went down his spine – he couldn’t imagine what his life would have been like if he had been brought up here, as his grandmother had intended. In truth, Blue had only met Agatha a handful times since she had left Pallet Town all those years ago and the few occasions when he had met her had been terrifying. Agatha was one of the few people in the world who Blue would say he was scared of, the only others probably being the Team Rocket Scientist who had killed Maxwell’s Machop and the Viridian City Gym Leader, Giovanni.

    Blue shuddered once again as he saw all of the gravestones in the room. It wasn’t as bad for him as it would be for an ordinary challenger as he knew that the gravestones were purely decorative and no one had actually died here. That said, maybe it was worse to know that the person he was about to battle chose to have gravestones around her because she liked the aura they gave off rather than in memory of a large number of fallen comrades.

    “Blue,” came his grandmother’s cold, harsh voice, “Welcome, I didn’t think you’d make it here.”

    What a welcome – and from his own grandmother too. Blue knew that if it had been anyone else he would have told them off for such an insulting comment but he just couldn’t say anything back to this woman. His relationship with her was nothing like his relationship with his grandfather, Professor Oak. Over the course of his journey, Blue had started to come to terms with how desperate for his grandfather’s approval he was – but he had none of the same desire to be accepted by his grandmother.

    “Hi,” muttered Blue, touching a Poké Ball on his belt.

    “You won’t make it any further,” informed Agatha, “If your pathetic grandfather had allowed you to be brought up here, then perhaps you could’ve been something. A Gym Leader, a member of the Elite Four – maybe even the Champion!”

    Blue said nothing in response to this, he just couldn’t. Blue didn’t seek his grandmother’s approval but her insults still cut him deep, in particular the one directed at Oak.

    “He was a great battler once, you know!” continued Agatha with no input from Blue, “But he became obsessed with studying Pokémon and locked himself in his lab, I realised he was beyond saving when he and that Bug specialist friend of his started talking about their theory of Ditto and Mew being the same thing or something just as ridiculous! What does it matter anyway? A Ditto is a Ditto and a Mew is a Mew – what does it matter what they used to be?”

    Blue just bowed his head, hoping the battle would start soon.

    “Well let’s get this battle over with,” snapped Agatha, “I don’t have time to waste on a forgone conclusion. Maybe if you ask nicely, I’ll let you train with me after you lose and one day you can win.”

    Blue’s stomach lurched as he just stood there and took all this abuse from his grandmother. He knew he should stand up to her, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. The despicable, old woman put her arthritic hand to her belt and picked out a Poké Ball.

    “I may as well make this quick,” Agatha commented confidently, throwing it down to the ground.

    A Pokémon that Blue recognised as Gengar, Haunter’s evolved form, popped out of the Poké Ball. Blue’s remaining Pokémon were Charizard, Alakazam, Pidgeot and Rhyhorn. Blue knew that in spite of referring to herself as a Ghost specialist, the common type of his grandmother’s Pokémon was Poison. Blue also knew that Poison types were generally vulnerable to Ground typed attacks but also that Gengar, having the ability Levitate, was immune. It would be best, therefore, to save Rhyhorn for one of her other Pokémon. Blue’s only Pokémon with a type advantage was Alakazam, which was a bit of a risk because it also had a weakness. Psychic was strong against Poison but weak to Ghost and, similarly to Rhyhorn, Alakazam would be strong against the rest of Agatha’s team.

    “I don’t have all day,” chided Agatha, “It doesn’t matter what you choose anyway, you’re not going to beat Gengar.”

    Blue’s hand tensed around Alakazam’s Poké Ball – she was pushing him too far, he absolutely had to beat her now. There was no point in saving all of his best Pokémon for the job for later – that would just result in the others fainting and having to rely on the ones with type advantages anyway. Blue threw Alakazam’s Poké Ball down to the ground and puffed out his chest to try and feign confidence.

    “You’re not fooling anyone, boy,” hissed Agatha.

    “Psychic!” commanded Blue at the top of his voice, not wasting any time.

    “Shadow Ball!” retorted Agatha.

    Fortunately for Blue, in the time Agatha had wasted trying to score points with cheap words, Alakazam had already readied its attack and thus was able to land its Psychic before Gengar could execute its Shadow Ball. Both attacks landed though and both Pokémon were fired backwards. However because Alakazam had more time to prepare for Gengar’s attack, it was able to brace itself – which Gengar was not. As a result, Alakazam was able withstand the super effective hit while Agatha’s Gengar fainted from a single Psychic attack.

    Agatha’s hand moved spectacularly quickly as she withdrew Gengar to its Poké Ball. Although Blue had only taken out a single Pokémon of Agatha’s, the damage to her pride was phenomenal and he knew it. On top of that, the fact that he knew it, did wonders for his confidence, a smile grew on his face as he readied a retort to everything his grandmother had been saying to him before. As the smile on his face grew, the look of disgust on Agatha’s deepened.

    “You’re past it,” Blue told her with a big smile.

    Nobody talked down to Blue Oak and got away with it.

    Blue's Team: Charizard, Pidgeot, Exeggutor, Alakazam, Gyarados, Rhyhorn
    Blue’s Box: Metapod, Beedrill, Meowth, Bellsprout, Grimer, Aerodactyl
    Blue's Pokédex: 25 Caught, 95 Seen
    Blue’s Badges: 8

  3. #588
    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    “He was a great battler once, you know!” continued Agatha with no input from Blue, “But he became obsessed with studying Pokémon and locked himself in his lab, I realised he was beyond saving when he and that Bug specialist friend of his started talking about their theory of Ditto and Mew being the same thing or something just as ridiculous! What does it matter anyway? A Ditto is a Ditto and a Mew is a Mew – what does it matter what they used to be?”
    Lulz, thanks for the reference to my theory =P

    Great chapter, bit short but that's a given since you've just got back and you wanted a chappy to please the fans. Keep 'em up

  4. #589
    Stray Dog Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    That's an awesome start to Blue's and Agatha's battle. I liked how you used Instrutilus's theory in it too.

    Also, Agatha sort of reminds me of Blue, it seems she wanted to get Oak's approval as well, until she saw he was not worth it.

  5. #590
    Now I've Seen It All! Metabee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Ah, that last line got a smile from me. Give her hell, Blue!

    As Instrutilus said, this chapter was a little on the short side, but it was still pretty powerful stuff. This was a tense start to what I'm expecting to be an awesome battle, and I'm really looking forward to it.

    Great work, as usual! ^^
    i haven't changed this signature for like sixteen years
    i guess i'll put a link to that fic i'm planning on doing one day

    3DS FC: 1220-7670-1049 / IGN: Luca
    I'm pretty new to competitive battling, but I enjoy it a lot, so if you'd like to battle then shoot me a PM!

  6. #591
    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    He was a great battler once, you know!” continued Agatha with no input from Blue, “But he became obsessed with studying Pokémon and locked himself in his lab, I realised he was beyond saving when he and that Bug specialist friend of his started talking about their theory of Ditto and Mew being the same thing or something just as ridiculous! What does it matter anyway? A Ditto is a Ditto and a Mew is a Mew – what does it matter what they used to be?
    LOL.

    Anyways, I like this chapter. Keep it up!

  7. #592
    Man, Myth, Legend Marik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    “But he became obsessed with studying Pokémon and locked himself in his lab, I realised he was beyond saving when he and that Bug specialist friend of his started talking about their theory of Ditto and Mew being the same thing or something just as ridiculous! What does it matter anyway? A Ditto is a Ditto and a Mew is a Mew – what does it matter what they used to be?”
    This. is epic. Yet again, what can I say? This lives up to the previous chapters in originality, humor, and action.

  8. #593

    Default Re: Rival's Story

    great chapter

  9. #594
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I have been following this story for a while now, but I think it's time to finally give some output.
    This. Is. Epic.
    I really am amazed. The grammar is consistent and the plot is very descriptive.
    It's extremely well-written, and displays character emotions as well as humor quite well. The chapters are also regularly posted and exciting. I was so enthralled after the first chapter that I spent the entire day reading al 82 of them. I really can't say more, but Rival's Story deserved every award it got! Very well done, and I can't wait till the next chapter.

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  10. #595
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I absolutley loved this part. You have made Agatha your own, and I am loving it :P Look forward to the hopefully epic conclusion.

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  11. #596
    Registered User brickwork's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Yay! A new chapter! I have to say, its a bit short, but probably one of the best chapters in the story so far. I can't wait for Blue vs Lance!

  12. #597
    Epic Sea Otter ftw Yumega's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Awesome, really. It was seriously gret :) Can't wait for the golbats for some reason :)



    ^Credit for thumbnails goes to Instrutilus!^

    -Pokémon Rescue Team Series-
    Eternal Flame: Coming Soon!

  13. #598
    Fresh From the Ashes Paragon Phoenix's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    For a whole bunch of different reasons, from vacation to general business to sleeping to having some ideas of my own, I'm not catching up as fast as I'd hoped. I'm in the mid-50s, now, and I gotta say, I really liked what you did with Chapter 50. It was different, and a lot stranger than you'd think getting a glimpse through Red's eyes again would be. My only issue with it was how quickly he decided to start treating Eevee right, but you only have so many Red/Blue battles to work with for that, so I get it.

    I'm going to shoot for reading five to ten chapters a day, so I'll be able to give a better, up-to-date review real soon.

    Reading this, I've actually gotten a couple ideas for a fanfic of my own, too. I wrote a sample chapter, nothing too long at all, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in taking a look at it in a private message, GM? I'd love to hear your opinion on what I'm thinking of.

    EDIT: I can't send private messages until I hit 15 posts, apparently, but if you'd like to take a look at it, I'm sure we can figure something out. ^.^'
    Last edited by Paragon Phoenix; 10th August 2010 at 03:12 PM.

  14. #599
    I'm back. Again. NikNak3000's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Ooh... I like this Agatha. I'm not sure why...

    I loved the Ditto/Mew reference - I'm a big supporter of that theory.

    The last line was just great. Keep these chapters coming!
    NikNak3000's Fanfic Collection



    Thumbnails by Instrutilus

  15. #600

    Default Re: Rival's Story

    OMW OMW! This fanfic is awesome!
    I've been reading this all day and its... its amazing.
    i love some of the stuff you put in that doesn't happen in the game.
    Like Blue getting a Beedrill
    And i love the characters of Maxwell and The Scientist
    and i love what you did to Giovanni
    You're a bloody amazing writer!

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