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  1. #226
    I shot a god Ryuutakeshi's Avatar Social Media Editor
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    ...

    Wow. Red's a jerk. I never looked at him that way but honestly, it does make sense, scary though that may be. Tormenting Eevee just to make use of Frustration... Now that move makes sense.

    Great chapter. That last line was gold

    Evil Figment (7:59:44 PM): Ryuu, however shakily you started, I've got to hand it to you that you earned my respect the hard way.

  2. #227
    so i herd u liek treakos? Kimori-Hinoarashi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Now we know why Red couldn't get an Umbreon or Espeon in R/B/Y.
    Read my Fanfic! Chapter 30 posted! A Legendary Journey is now on indefinite hiatus, but I am starting a new fic in Unova called eNsnared.

    Thanks to cledispop for my Avatar!

  3. #228
    I shot a god Ryuutakeshi's Avatar Social Media Editor
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimori-Hinoarashi View Post
    Now we know why Red couldn't get an Umbreon or Espeon in R/B/Y.
    he must have changed his ways... OH... I see where this is going.

    Evil Figment (7:59:44 PM): Ryuu, however shakily you started, I've got to hand it to you that you earned my respect the hard way.

  4. #229
    Registered User revolvingscott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimori-Hinoarashi View Post
    Now we know why Red couldn't get an Umbreon or Espeon in R/B/Y.
    that was brilliant! Smart. Witty. Keep up the good work

  5. #230
    Inactive swampert_rox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    The thought has crossed my mind and the suggestion of 'Rival's Story II' has been brought up before, but Rival's Story I is far from over, I'd estimate it's about half way at the moment, maybe a little less, so let's just say we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
    I suggest a epilogue with Blue going through the Sevii Islands.
    Swampert_rox



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  6. #231
    so i herd u liek treakos? Kimori-Hinoarashi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakesh! View Post
    he must have changed his ways... OH... I see where this is going.
    Maybe Eevee evolves into Espeon when it's traded to someone nice, or Red could change his ways.
    Read my Fanfic! Chapter 30 posted! A Legendary Journey is now on indefinite hiatus, but I am starting a new fic in Unova called eNsnared.

    Thanks to cledispop for my Avatar!

  7. #232
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by swampert_rox View Post
    I suggest a epilogue with Blue going through the Sevii Islands.
    I know where I'm going with this, don't you worry about that.

    Chapter 41

    Blue was determined not to change Pokémon, he was ready for Rock Tomb and he wasn’t going to let it destroy his chances at finally beating Red again.

    “Smoke Screen!” commanded Blue, Primeape could use Rock Tomb all it liked, Blue wasn’t going to let it hit Charmeleon even once.
    “Rock Tomb!” ordered Red predictably.

    The rocks went nowhere near Charmeleon, the attack wasn’t even nearly on target.

    “Ember!” cried Blue smugly, knowing that there was little chance that Charmeleon could be hit by anything now.
    “Just lose it, Primeape!” retorted Red as Charmeleon’s attack hit Primeape.

    Blue wondered what the ominous command ‘just lose it’ could mean, but decided not to give it too much thought, he was sure it would become very obvious very soon. To his delight, however, Primeape sustained a burn from the Ember attack, meaning that it would receive even more damage than it would have anyway every turn. Charmeleon continued to hit Primeape with Ember attacks, Blue couldn’t really see what Primeape was doing through all the smoke but it didn’t look particularly threatening. Then again, he had made that mistake before. Charmeleon continued to pelt Primeape with Ember attacks and as it did so, Blue could see Red’s Pokémon moving around more and more, getting more and more excited. Then Blue realised what was happening, a tactic he himself had used – Rage.

    This Primeape knew the Rage attack and every time Blue had hit it with an Ember, its attack stat had been getting more powerful, who could say how high its attack was now? Would one accurate attack be enough to take out Charmeleon completely? An accurate wasn’t that likely, but if one was enough, it was still a risky battle.

    “Karate Chop!” yelled Red.

    Blue knew what this meant, Primeape’s attack was at its maximum now. Was it possible that just one attack could take Charmeleon out? Blue had Charmeleon use Smoke Screen a few more times in order to further decrease the chance that Primeape would be able to land even one attack, but it would never be impossible. Blue could see Primeape’s arms flailing wildly and getting ever closer to hitting Charmeleon until finally, they did. Charmeleon was knocked back a considerable distance and hit the floor with a thud.

    “Get up!” cried Blue, “Get up and use Ember! It’s not gonna take much more now!”

    To Blue’s delight, Charmeleon began to pick itself up, but as it did so Blue saw Primeape, which was also on its last legs, dive on top of it and raise its right hand, ready to hit the Fire type with another Karate Chop. Charmeleon had managed to retain a reasonable amount of health, but Blue knew that as soon as that Karate Chop hit it, it was all over. Fortunately, the Karate Chop never did hit Charmeleon, Primeape held its hand in the air above its opponent for a few seconds, breathing heavily as it did so, then collapsed on top of Charmeleon.

    Blue was confused at first, but then he realised what had happened. Primeape’s burn had worn it out completely and it was finally completely out of energy. Red scowled and returned Primeape to its Poké Ball.

    “You might have one more Pokémon left than me,” remarked Red, “But it doesn’t matter because you’re only one ahead and that one’s basically done for now anyway.”
    “Say whatever you’ve gotta say to make yourself feel better, buddy,” retorted Blue with a smug smile on his face, he wasn’t going to let Red get him down after he’d just taken out two of his rival’s Pokémon in a row.

    Red didn’t respond to this, he just grabbed and threw down his penultimate Poké Ball. It was another new addition to Red’s team, Blue had seen one or two of these while battling totally inconsequential Trainers, but his most significant encounter with a Pokémon like this was when the police officer in Saffron City used its evolved form to apprehend Blue. Red’s newest Pokémon was a Growlithe. Blue was not concerned, even though Charmeleon’s health was relatively low, there was still a very thick layer of smoke enshrouding it, Growlithe did not stand a particularly good chance of hitting Charmeleon with an attack, let alone two or three, the amount that would be required to take it out.

    “Scratch,” ordered Blue uncaringly, he knew Growlithe wouldn’t be able to hit Charmeleon and he also knew that Growlithe would be resistant to both Ember and Metal Claw, so Scratch was his best option.

    Charmeleon successfully hit its opponent with a Scratch attack, dealing it a relatively small amount of damage but then something bad happened.

    “Odor Sleuth!” commanded Red, “Then Bite it silly!”

    Once again, Blue had underestimated Red’s battling prowess and ability to make a comeback and he was going to pay for it. Growlithe sniffed the air in front of it as Charmeleon Scratched it and then dived forwards as its opponent disappeared back into the smoke. The smoke did nothing, it did not even impair Growlithe’s breathing as the dog was a fellow Fire type. Growlithe could have won this battle blind folded, two Bites later and Charmeleon was knocked out with Growlithe having sustained very little damage indeed.

    Blue was annoyed, but not furious. Sure Charmeleon had been knocked out, but it had knocked out two of Red’s Pokémon before being knocked out – that was what you called net gain. Also, Blue still had Gyarados remaining, Growlithe didn’t stand a chance. Blue returned the fainted Charmeleon to its Poké Ball, causing the smoke it had billowed out during the battle to disappear with it, and sent out Gyarados.

    “Surf,” ordered Blue casually.

    Red stammered for a second but did not give an order in time, there was simply no getting away from this attack, even Red and Blue got splashed a little bit. A tidal wave ripped straight across the makeshift arena, completely dousing Growlithe and taking it out in a single move.

    “It’s a one-hit KO!” yelled Blue, raising his fist in the air celebration, “Just one Pokémon left, Red, do you still think you can do it?”
    “Yes, actually,” answered Red, some how managing to contain his frustration.

    Blue was unsettled by Red’s apparent confidence but didn’t let it get the better of him, he still had two Pokémon remaining, both on full health, and Red just had one – there was no way he could lose now… or was there? Then it happened. Red’s final Pokémon was his Pikachu. Blue had gotten over his fear of this Pokémon last time he had battled it, Charmeleon had just about been able to defeat it, but Blue knew this time was different – why hadn’t he seen this coming? Blue was furious with himself, he knew Red had a powerful Electric type, Red hadn’t used it and Blue had still allowed himself to be left with two Pokémon who were weak to Electricity – he only had himself to blame.

    Blue was determined not to go down without a fight, but it wasn’t a very long fight anyway. Gyarados managed to Bite Pikachu once, but was then taken out by a single Thunder Bolt and Pidgeotto fared no better. Blue had lost. Again.

    Red smiled silently and returned Pikachu to its Poké Ball, exercising a lot more self control than the first time Pikachu and Pidgeotto had met. Blue knew Red wanted to gloat, but he didn’t want to give him the opportunity, he had to change the subject to something he knew he was better at. Gym Badges? It almost seemed too obvious, Blue already pinned his Badges to the outside of his shirt so everyone could see how successful he was, if he started talking about that it would be too obvious to Red that he was feeling insecure – then he had it.

    “How’s your Pokédex coming along, pal?” asked Blue, trying as hard as he could too look confident and not distraught.
    “Yeah, it’s alright,” answered Red, “But I’m not really focusing on it, I’m a battler and a Badge collector first and foremost, I’m not a washed up old inventor and collector. You know Oak’s only like that because he couldn’t succeed as a Trainer, right?”

    Blue didn’t answer this, he was sure Red was just winding him up now. Blue loved his grandfather, he had raised him, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Oak’s attention, in fact, that was the basis of why Blue hated Red so much. Blue found it infuriating that Oak gave Red such obvious preferential treatment, it didn’t seem necessary at all, but this latest remark was a low blow. Not only was Red getting the attention that Blue so desperately craved but he didn’t even care about it. Blue was determined not to let Red see him upset, but he knew that if he opened his mouth to say a word, he’d just scream.

    “Right then,” continued Red, “Touchy subject? Well, what’s Mr. Collector doing up here anyway? Don’t you know that you can’t catch the Spirits here? I’m not even sure they’re Pokémon!”

    Blue knew he had to reply to this, it was already obvious that he was upset, he could still retain some dignity. He didn’t want to tell Red that he was here because his friend’s Pokémon died, he didn’t want Red’s pity, he wanted Red’s jealousy, he had to come up with something.

    “I just caught a Cubone!” lied Blue, remembering the only vaguely catchable Pokémon he had seen in the Tower.
    “Huh, Cubone’s pretty cool,” remarked Red, “But it’s no Marowak, you didn’t wanna catch one of those? I hear wherever you can find Cubone, you can find their parents.”
    “I can’t find the grown up Marowak yet!” snapped Blue, careful to include the ‘yet’ at the end of his sentence, “I doubt there are any left!”
    “Of course there are,” answered Red, “The Cubone aren’t going to raise themselves, they’d die out if there wasn’t at least one Marowak, you must just not be looking hard enough. Anyway, I’m gonna continue looking around.”
    “Well, I better get going!” retorted Blue, eager to be the one who ended the conversation.
    “You busy?” enquired Red, “Got a lot of plate, have you?”
    “I’ve got a lot to accomplish, pal!” laughed Blue, “Smell ya later!”

    Then, without giving Red a chance to respond, Blue ran out of Pokémon Tower, determined not to allow his rival to see him upset.

    Blue's Team: Charmeleon, Pidgeotto, Kadabra, Gyarados, Exeggcute
    Blue’s Box: Metapod, Beedrill, Meowth, Bellsprout
    Blue's Pokédex: 16 Caught, 74 Seen
    Blue’s Badges: 5

  8. #233
    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    How the hell does Oak think Red's Pokémon love him when he defeats Blue?

    Also, you missed ma question =P
    Will you do a 3 years later scenario involving Gold and Silver?

  9. #234
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Instrutilus View Post
    How the hell does Oak think Red's Pokémon love him when he defeats Blue?

    Also, you missed ma question =P
    Will you do a 3 years later scenario involving Gold and Silver?
    My bad. I don't like saying anything direct about my storyline, but by the time the story finishes, Blue and Red's positions, locations and teams in Gold and Silver should be explained.

  10. #235
    追放されたバカ
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Decent fic. I enjoyed some of the characters and dialog. Keep working tho. Plot seems a bit sophomoric.

  11. #236
    I shot a god Ryuutakeshi's Avatar Social Media Editor
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    ...

    I'm really starting to hate Red. Which is a bad thing since Red is freakin awesome.

    Alright, good chapter. you wrote well. I am a bit disappointed that there was no explanation to how a surf could be pulled off in the tower, but I'll let it slide. you've got some great character development and a lot of twists. I look forward to the rest of the story.

    Evil Figment (7:59:44 PM): Ryuu, however shakily you started, I've got to hand it to you that you earned my respect the hard way.

  12. #237
    Blazaking was here. Anime Aficionada's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    I've told myself time and time again to take a look at your fic, Gastly, but even though I haven't read it through yet, I have at least cheated myself a bit and read over your past few chapters. Although I'd like a bit more description, I like your characterisation technique and your battle scenes. Frankly, I'm actually quite surprised that in a span of less than five minutes, you've managed to make me start hating Red. Which is scary. In a good way, though, as it shows your prowess as an author to be able sway one's opinions. Anyways, I'm pleased with what you have here overall, and I'm eager to get through the rest of your fic as soon as possible. Keep writing, and I'll try to review again soon. :)

  13. #238
    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Nice chapter!

  14. #239
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakesh! View Post
    ...

    I'm really starting to hate Red. Which is a bad thing since Red is freakin awesome.

    Alright, good chapter. you wrote well. I am a bit disappointed that there was no explanation to how a surf could be pulled off in the tower, but I'll let it slide. you've got some great character development and a lot of twists. I look forward to the rest of the story.
    Do you read Special by any chance? As a general rule, anyone who says that they love Red is a fan of Special and I am no exception. I love Red. Well, I love Special Red, I hate Rival's Story Red =P

    Basically, I really want to make the characters my own. In my opinion, because there are so many variations of Pokemon canon, the only one you really have to pay attention to is the games. So I base my characters on those from the games, but I make them my own. I've tried to do the same thing with the Gym Leaders, every character who is based on one from the game takes their basic identity and personality from the game but I like to think I've added a little something and that's why Red is such a jerk in my story. Also because Blue is the main character and I want to make him look like a bit less of a jerk than he does in every single adaptation of the original games. That's also why I really love Special, the writer really makes the characters his own.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anime Aficionada. View Post
    I've told myself time and time again to take a look at your fic, Gastly, but even though I haven't read it through yet, I have at least cheated myself a bit and read over your past few chapters. Although I'd like a bit more description, I like your characterisation technique and your battle scenes. Frankly, I'm actually quite surprised that in a span of less than five minutes, you've managed to make me start hating Red. Which is scary. In a good way, though, as it shows your prowess as an author to be able sway one's opinions. Anyways, I'm pleased with what you have here overall, and I'm eager to get through the rest of your fic as soon as possible. Keep writing, and I'll try to review again soon. :)
    Thank you very much for the attention and I'm honoured that you've told yourself time and time again to read my fic, it's quite nice to be thought of like that. You sound just like what I think of Saviour's Legacy, I keep meaning to read it but there's just so much that it's less story and more a behemoth of words, I've read a few chapters of it, but the knowledge that there is so much more makes me want to stop and yet its popularity along with the quality of the chapters that I HAVE read make me want to continue. Ah well, maybe one day I will read it all. I'm always surprised when I see a new name on this thread, pleasantly surprised, but surprised nonetheless, I never expect new readers to read over 40 chapters in one go just to get up to date with a fanfiction! Anyway, thanks for the attention, I hope you do get round to reading the whole thing, but I'll understand if you don't.

    Anyway, I've gotten distracted enough now, here's the next chapter:

    Chapter 42

    Once outside Pokémon Tower and absolutely certain that Red couldn’t possibly see him, Blue collapsed on the floor, there was now no way he could justify to himself his superiority to Red. Red had won the most recent battles and he had won more battles, there was no way Blue could spin it to make it seem as if he were the better Trainer. Blue’s eyes were beginning to well up with tears, he tried to stop them, but he couldn’t. Blue could almost see his grandfather in front of him.

    “Isn’t it obvious why I prefer Red?” asked the imaginary Professor Oak.

    Blue didn’t answer, he knew the man wasn’t real, he just whimpered.

    “Just look at him,” continued Oak, “He’s better than you in every way. You’ve always been a disappointment to me. I was happy to raise you and your sister, I was excited to have children in my life again after my son died, but you were nothing compared to him.”

    Tears began to run freely down Blue’s face, he needed to beat Red, he really needed it, he wanted nothing more than his grandfather’s approval – that was his motivation for everything he did in life.

    “Now Red,” continued Oak, “Red is different. Red is everything a man wants in a son, or a grandson. Red has been an even better son to me than your father was.”
    “Blue,” came a voice, “Are you alright?”

    Blue looked up and through his teary eyes he saw a familiar face, on top of a rotund body wearing a sailor’s uniform – it was Maxwell.

    “No,” whimpered Blue, still finding it difficult to deal with the fact that Red had beaten him.
    “That’s really sweet, man,” replied Maxwell, “But don’t do this to yourself. Machop wouldn’t have wanted us to be upset, he died doing what he loved – fighting.”

    Blue suddenly realised how selfish he was being and was incredibly thankful for Maxwell’s naivety.

    “Thanks,” answered Blue, drying his tears.
    “What did you come out here for anyway?” asked Maxwell.
    “I- I-” stammered Blue, he was too ashamed to tell the truth, but he couldn’t think of a good enough lie, “I want to avenge Machop.”

    In a way it was true. Blue didn’t care too much for Machop, but he definitely wanted to beat that Scientist, the man had humiliated Blue. Blue hated losing. The fact that Red was now beating him 3-2 was bad enough, but this Scientist was just a further embarrassment. The fact that the Scientist had killed Maxwell’s Machop was convenient more than anything, it meant that Blue had an excuse to go after the man.

    “You want to take down Team Rocket?” asked Maxwell in an extraordinarily hopeful tone, “Let me come with you! Between the two of us, we’ll be unbeatable!”

    Blue supposed that this is what you called karma. From this moment, he knew that he was going to end up taking on Team Rocket and if all of their Scientists and Executives were as strong as the one who had killed Machop, Blue didn’t see how it was possible that he could win and he didn’t think Maxwell’s help would amount to particularly much. Then he thought of a way he could get out of it.

    “Oh,” said Blue, “I just remembered something. Their main HQ isn’t the Game Corner any more, the first time I met him that Scientist said something about the Silph Building in Saffron and the gates into Saffron are locked, aren’t they? There’s no way we’ll be able to get in!”
    “Damn,” replied Maxwell, actually hitting the air in frustration, the large man paused for a second and then continued, “Wait! Your Pokémon can Fly, right? We can just Fly into Saffron!”
    “Oh yeah,” answered Blue totally unenthusiastically, “That’s a great idea, when shall we go?”
    “There’s no time like the present!” yelled Maxwell excitedly and looked to Blue expectantly.

    The former sailor was so excited about the idea of avenging his late Machop that he appeared to be completely incapable of sensing the lack of enthusiasm in Blue’s voice. Blue thought over what he had said and inwardly conceded that he would have better off keeping quiet about Team Rocket having moved headquarters, otherwise they could have just headed back to the Game Corner and when there was no one from Team Rocket there, they could have just given up and Blue could have gotten on with his gym challenge, but alas, now he was going to take on Team Rocket. Blue hoped Maxwell would be sated before they actually had to take on Boss Rocket himself, if the Scientist was anything to go by, this man would be terrifying. Blue sent out Pidgeotto and stroked the Pokémon’s head – he wanted to make sure it was happy before he told it that it was going to be carrying him and Maxwell into Saffron City – it wasn’t gonna like that at all.

    Blue's Team: Charmeleon, Pidgeotto, Kadabra, Gyarados, Exeggcute
    Blue’s Box: Metapod, Beedrill, Meowth, Bellsprout
    Blue's Pokédex: 16 Caught, 74 Seen
    Blue’s Badges: 5

  15. #240
    Is Golden. The Golden Tyranitar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rival's Story

    Wow,Nice chapters!
    I loved the battle as always,and the chapter after was wonderful too.I've played FR 10 times and the possibility that Red is a total dick never occurred to me.Amazing!

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