Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Commander

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 18

Thread: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Commander

  1. #1
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Commander

    Just a short one-shot I wrote up just a few moments ago. Something I've always loved about Team Galactic's story is that the entire organization doesn't simply disappear, and instead, Saturn takes over as leader after the Spear Pillar event, after having displayed disloyal tendencies during the main story. He stands out to me, being one of the very few NPCs in all of the Pokémon franchise to be given such personality, aside from the Rival, the Boss, and occasionally the Champion and a few Gym Leaders. So please, read, enjoy, and I'd very much appreciate if you left a post giving feedback! I can only improve if I know what I'm doing wrong, after all!
    _______________________________________

    9-17-2009

    Today, Cyrus called a surprise meeting at the Veilstone HQ. He informed us that from now on, we, including us Galactic Administrators, would address him as “Master Cyrus”. Mars and Jupiter seemed to hold no reservations, but I... I fear this may indicate Cyrus's megalomania more strongly than any of his past actions. As usual, the old man, Charon, stood in a far corner, away from the center of attention, at first sulking but later applauding as loyally as any of the grunts. I don't see why Cyrus holds so much faith in him- he's obviously putting up a facade, and a weak one at that.

    Afterwards, Cyrus called Mars, Jupiter, Charon, and I to his personal office. As usual, the scientists worked hurriedly, almost fearfully, at their depressing computer consoles in the darkness, monitoring something suspended in tanks full of glowing fluorescent green liquid. They never stopped, or even looked at us. One or two glanced at us tentatively for a split-second, and immediately returned their attention to whatever work Cyrus had assigned them to. Even we Commanders do not know what this is.

    Once out of earshot, Cyrus found his Luxray outside of its Poké Ball, and promptly beat the Pokémon before returning it. He turned to us and began to ramble about how “incomplete” the world is, and how emotion is “ruining the universe”. Nothing we haven't heard before.

    However, something he said after ending his rant caught my attention. I quote, “My new world is fast approaching. You will all be rewarded for your efforts.” We'd heard the “new world” speech before, but never was it his new world. Never before. What could this mean? I am intrigued by this new world he intends to create, but if it belongs solely to him, what of us? What of the grunts? What of the Pokémon of this world? Before today, it had always been our new world, never his.

    Perhaps the boy is right. Luke, I believe his name was, or perhaps some variation thereof. Perhaps we are going about this all wrong. Seeing Cyrus beat his own Pokémon- one he'd possessed since his childhood- so senselessly and mercilessly makes me think that maybe, just maybe, we've been wrong all along. I believe Cyrus fears, somewhere deep in his mind, that this boy will follow in the footsteps of the other prodigies: the young trainer from the Kanto region, who defeated the leader of Team Rocket, the young boy from the Johto Region, who defeated Team Rocket's own Commanders, or whatever they call them, and the boy from the Hoenn region who defeated both Team Aqua and Magma. Oh, perish the thought, my leader. We've been preparing for far too long for our plans to simply fall through. You've proven yourself a worthy leader far too many times to just lose the loyalty of myself and the others.

    Some part of me is so dedicated to see this new world, this new, flawless world, into existence, and will not stand by as a mere child dashes these dreams. Some part of me wants to see this world Cyrus is so intent on unleashing. But at what cost? At what cost?

    And, perhaps, far away in the back of my mind, another, infinitesimally small part of my being wishes desperately that this boy will succeed.
    Last edited by Lugion; 21st August 2010 at 05:59 PM.

  2. #2
    Chuck Norris Impersonator Jabberjaw's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    840
    Blog Entries
    7

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    I like this. It was a really good read and I enjoyed it very much. It was more than worth the short read. Thumbs up.

  3. #3
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    Thanks, Jabberjaw!

  4. #4
    追放されたバカ
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Genderless
    Location
    In a giant bucket
    Posts
    1,582
    Blog Entries
    28

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    Good stuff, man. I like how you portrayed Cyrus as beating his Pokes, it really sets him as an evil person.

  5. #5
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    Thanks, man. This is really my first Pokémon-related fan fiction, other than a short story I wrote when I was probably ten, so it feels good to get back into it after so long.

    Of course, Legion still comes first, but I just felt too inspired when I wrote this to just let it go.

  6. #6
    追放されたバカ
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Genderless
    Location
    In a giant bucket
    Posts
    1,582
    Blog Entries
    28

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    ^^
    'Sokay, man. If something's epic, you shouldn't hold back.

  7. #7
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    1,729
    Blog Entries
    17

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    I really enjoyed this! It was well-worth the short read, and it had excellent grammar. I like the point of view and the thought behind the words. Nice job!

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  8. #8
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    Thanks! I'm really glad you guys like it. I'd been kinda nervous posting it, but now, I feel totally confident.

  9. #9
    Writer Trouble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    227

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    I like the writing!

    I'm wondering if you could do other diary entries from other characters in other places of the Pokemon world?

    I like this a lot! I want to see more, similar sorts of work.

  10. #10
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    That's always a possibility! Sometimes, I'm just pulled to write something, even if it's less than a page long, like this.

  11. #11
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    [REDACTED]
    Posts
    1,623
    Blog Entries
    346
    Follow RaccoonGoon On Twitter
    Visit RaccoonGoon's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    Good job. Very well done catching Saturn's character.

  12. #12
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    Thanks, RG!

  13. #13
    #YEEZUS Ultra Pidgeot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Mineral Wells, Texas, United S
    Posts
    898
    Blog Entries
    349

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    You do realize that now, if you have that Pokemon fanfiction from when you were 10, you have to post it.

  14. #14
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    Quote Originally Posted by Ultra Pidgeot View Post
    You do realize that now, if you have that Pokemon fanfiction from when you were 10, you have to post it.
    I don't. It was in an old journal, and I have no idea where this journal is now.

  15. #15
    追放されたバカ
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    DISTORTION WORLD
    Posts
    349

    Default Re: Rings: Diary of a Team Galactic Adminstrator

    really good i hope to see more

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •