Rest In Peace, Togepi.

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Thread: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

  1. #1
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    Default Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    Sarah was sitting in her beanbag chair, watching cartoons and eating her morning bowl of Tooth Rot cereal with dairy cream when her mother entered the room.

    "Sarah.", mother said with a soothing voice. "Our next door neighbor's are going away for the weekend, and they were wondering if we could take care of their Togepi."

    "Huh?", Sarah ignored her mother as she watched a cartoon Pikachu chase a cartoon Meowth with a giant meat cleaver on the TV.

    "DAMN IT, SARAH!! DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING MORE CONSTRUCTIVE TO DO ON A SATURDAY MORNING THAN WATCHING VIOLENT CARTOONS?". Mother turns the TV set off.

    Sarah stood up and looked her mother in the eye with that "I'm Gonna Kill You Bitch" look on her face.

    "Since you're not doing anything, YOU can watch Togepi!", mother hands Sarah a Togepi, which immediately started crying when Sarah held it.

    "And what am I supposed to do with it?", Sarah asked in protest as Togepi was still crying, it's tears soaking Sarah's nightie.

    "I don't know. Play with it, feed it, do something with it!", mother leaves the room to answer the telephone. Sarah takes the still-crying Togepi up to her room, where she sets it on her bed, which was a mess with the sheets half-off the mattress and the comforter on the floor. She goes into her toy chest to find Togepi something to play with when, suddenly, she sniffs the air and detected the distinct smell of urine. She turned around to see that Togepi had pissed on her bed.

    "Why you fucking...", Sarah runs over and punches Togepi, sending it flying into a wall. The Togepi's crying became even louder, so Sarah took a roll of duct tape and taped Togepi's mouth shut. Then she mutters to herself "Jesus fucking Christ! Why is it that I always get the stupid assignments."

    Then, Sarah's mother calls to her from downstairs. "Sarah, what was that noise?"

    "Uhh, I accidentally knocked over the lamp. I'm okay.", Sarah replied, covering up the fact that when Togepi hit the wall, it put a huge dent in the drywall. She then takes Togepi and heads to the bathroom, where she dunked it's head in the toilet, then squirted Bleach Out toilet bowl cleaner into it's eyes. Togepi struggled, it's crying muffled by the duct tape over it's mouth. Sarah then took a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and poured it all over Togepi's egg shell body before taking a cigarette lighter and setting it on fire. Leaving the injured Togepi in the toilet, Sarah closed the lid and pushed down on the handle.Since Togepi was too big to be flushed, it didn't get very far. Then it drowned in the bowl,

    Sarah's father, having returned from his job as an accountant for Team Rocket, went upstairs to take a piss. He opened the lid and found Togepi, floating face down in the bowl with third degree burns on it's body.

    "SARAH ELIZABETH PRAXTON, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!", father shouted as he tried to hold in his wee-wee. Sarah entered the bathroom, where her father immediately grabbed her by her ponytail and showed her the toilet.

    "WHAT IS THIS?", her enraged father asked.

    "Looks like a dead Togepi to me.", Sarah answered while trying to keep a straight face.

    "THIS ISN'T MRS. FIARRO'S LITTLE GIRL'S TOGEPI BY CHANCE, IS IT?"

    "Dad, that thing took a pee on my bed!"

    "Jesus, last week, you claimed that a Jigglypuff left seminal fluid on your sheets, and now this? You are hereby grounded for a year!"

    "FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!!", Sarah fired back as she smacked her father in the face.

    "YOU ARE IN REAL DEEP SHIT, MISSY!", Father turns Sarah around and spanks her repeatedly. Then he kicks her in the butt while shouting "NOW GET THE FUCK INTO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T MOVE UNTIL I COME AND GET YOU!!"

    Tearful and angry, Sarah entered her room, where she slammed the door so hard that a few pictures were knocked from their hooks and fell to the floor. Father then picked up the dead Togepi and carried it downstairs, where Mother caught a glimpse of it and gasped in horror.

    Later that evening, Father buried the Togepi in the neighbors' backyard, next to the tall tree with a Beedrill's nest at the very top. Then he looked at a pamphlet for the Team Rocket Military Academy, since he is considering sending his undisciplined child to said Academy. Maybe Boot Camp will do her some good, he thought. He then reentered the house to retire for the night.

  2. #2
    Ya, ok. FalconriderX's Avatar
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    Wow, thats one well written story! I thoroghly enjoyed it except for the fact of killing a poke mon *shudders*. But, ya, very nice story!
    /\\\

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    I can do worse.

  4. #4
    Ya, ok. FalconriderX's Avatar
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    That would be truely scary. I'll be sure not to read that one, then... How could you kill such a cute inicent pokemon?! sorry, i'm a togepi fan...
    /\\\

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    I'm the type of guy who'd replay Sonic Adventure 2 Battle on Gamecube just so he can go into the Chao Gardens and beat the shit out of the little buggers until they start crying, then pound on them again until they're either afraid of me or they die, whichever comes first.

  6. #6
    Unseen Watcher Murgatroyd's Avatar
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    That was disgusting.
    波導は我に有り


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    And sick and tired of the Joe-Liam feud.

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    Goronda Type Vice-Webmaster Evil Figment's Avatar Vice-Webmaster
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    Indeed. Poor marks on story (all it seems to be is a poor excuse for brutality and potty "humor", at least as far as the term "humor" can be applied to potty stuff, which isn't very far), poor marks on writing ("mother hands Sarah a Togepi" ; tense-shifting from present to past), there's very little one could consider a redeedming quality in this piece.

    And I'm being incredibly nice here.

    Also I feel obliged to point out that the rules are QUITE clear you need to have a warning at the beginning of your fics for violence. And this fic is quite clearly in the excessive violence department.
    Last edited by Evil Figment; 22nd July 2004 at 08:06 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mintaka and Hurristat
    He's an evil director / He'll give out infractions / Do something wrong / And he takes direct actions
    Then what'll he do?/ He'll permaban you / You find your name slashed / With a message, 'Adieu'
    Sooooo...watch out!
    "It is said that the federal government, if it was in charge of the Sahara, would run out of sand in five years. Private enterprise, being more efficient, would do it in half the time - and they'd make money off the bridges." - me.
    "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton's last letter. Rest in peace, Jack.

  8. #8
    Friend of the ABC TRF-chan's Avatar
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    God...

    You know, I just read a very upsetting fic centering on the thoughts of some of my favorite characters from Inuyasha just before their deaths. That almost had me crying and hurling at the same time, and so did this - but for different reasons.

    The fic I read (It was about the Shichinintai, namely.) before coming to this was well-written. I was almost hysterical not because it was disgusting and disturbing, as this was, but because it was:

    1. Accurate. It focused on the beheading of the Shichinintai, which did happen.

    2. It pulled at you emotionally, and you could empathize with the characters. When Bankotsu was crying, not from fear or sickness, but from the hatred he felt for the people who were doing this to them, you wanted to cry too. He was portrayed as he, most probably, did react in that situation.

    3. The brutality displayed by the soldiers murdering the Shichinintai was not just done for the sake of gory humour, but because it was necessary to the plot.

    I'm not sure if that made sense, but regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that you can write bloody, unpleasant things, but YOU DO NOT WRITE THEM FOR HUMOUROUS PURPOSES, AND YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT BRAG, AFTERWARD, TO SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU 'CAN DO WORSE'.

    Your fic was sick, nothing short of it. Aside from my mini-rant above, you also get points off for:

    1. Frequent and uneeded swearing.

    2. Lack of characters we can empathize with - I mean, for God's sake, your main character didn't even feel a LITTLE BAD that she mercilessly killed a Pokémon.

    3. Forgive me if I'm missing something, but did this fic even have a point?

    Aaargh, I apologize to the mods if I got out of hand here. Feel free to delete this post if you think my critique/rant was too inappropriate.

  9. #9
    May Still Have Hope TeamGalacticMercury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    And I thought Team Rocket was bad!!! A Team Rocket even knew how wrong this was. What child even speaks to their parents like that?! Every 77.1 words there was a swear word. That was out of 771 words. Like people said before, your tenses are terrible and you should have put a warning somewhere!!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    Quote Originally Posted by TRF-chan View Post
    God...
    AND YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT BRAG, AFTERWARD, TO SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU 'CAN DO WORSE'.
    Yeah. That is sick.
    I forgot to Quote this, but it was something about she didn't feel even a little bit sorry for ing Togepi. I agree. That is sad, man.

  11. #11
    Queen Despair Meguroco's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    THIS IS THE SADDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!! i cried for more then an hour after reading this....

  12. #12
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    This is just terrible.

    Mindless and unnecessary swearing and violence.

    I don't believe in story censorship tbh, so I wouldn't mind that level of violence if there was some kind of purpose to it. All in all, this is a failure of a story. Graphically violent stories can be entertaining, this was not.

  13. #13
    Blazaking was here. Anime Aficionada's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    Ditto.

    The chances are, however, the user who created this story 6 years ago doesn't seem to be showing any signs of return. What really appals and completely baffles me though, is that the person was apparently 30 years old at the time.

    I seriously can't comprehend anyone writing anything that's so filled with unmerited violence, and thinking that it's amusing, no less.
    Last edited by Anime Aficionada; 4th March 2010 at 07:22 AM.

  14. #14
    In pain and Insane. British Joe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    wow..... just wow *cry*

  15. #15
    Is Golden. The Golden Tyranitar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rest In Peace, Togepi.

    What the hell was that unplanned overly violent meaningless text wall I just skim read?
    To sum up the story in one word:EPICSUPERHYPERPOWERPHAIL

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