Rem (Working title XP)

Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Rem (Working title XP)

  1. #1
    Glorificent!!!11eleven Seadra Reef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    BC, Canada
    Posts
    101

    Default Remedy

    Author's Notes: This is the first draft of the first chapter of my new novel project, Rem (WORKING TITLE!). This was actually developed through a roleplay between myself and Nine. Originally this was going to be the second novel in a series, but it was later decided to have the first book described and covered gradually through the second. So, read, try to enjoy and please give feedback.

    ______________________________________

    My name is Rem; it’s short for Remedy. My father chose my name, because my mother died when she was giving birth to me. He would tell me that I was named after his sister, who had died before I was born. He didn’t talk about her much, though. He would say little things now and then, like, "I can see her in your eyes," or, "Sometimes you’re just like her." At those times, I really thought she must’ve been a good person, and he loved her a lot. But at other times, I wasn’t so sure.

    I, like all kids growing up, was pressured into things now and then. If I did something bad, my father would say, "That was her problem. She didn’t do things on her own will. Rem, don’t do that, you hear me? Don’t make her mistakes. Never." I didn’t understand my father much, but then I knew nothing about his past. He wouldn’t tell me anything. He even neglected to describe his sister, Remedy, to me. I was named after her, yet I barely knew who she was.

    My father and I lived in a town named Jwan. I didn’t like it much, because we weren’t well liked, but it was home. When I was younger, I couldn’t understand why the people didn’t like us. When I asked my father, he would say something like, "Because I came from somewhere else, that’s all." Later on, as I grew up and discovered more about myself, his lines changed.

    "They just don’t understand," or, "You’re a good person, they just don’t see that."

    He sheltered me a lot. But he had to. The people in our town didn’t like us. I grew up without friends. My only companion, my only family, my only friend, was my father. His name was Trapt.

    "Rem, I’m going out to get apples, do you want to come or stay at home?" My father asked as he peered through the door into my room. I was sitting on my mattress, stitching together new pillowcases with old sheets. The old pillowcases were ripped.

    "I’ll stay home," I said. Ever since I was old enough to stay at home by myself, I learned to enjoy time alone. Then being sixteen, I found myself wanting to be alone more than I used to. "Could we get some sweet bread, too?" I asked.

    My father sighed, "Rem, we’re living off old savings. We don’t have the money to buy luxury foods like that."

    "I know," I said, "I’m sorry."

    He gave me a nod and left, leaving my door open. He didn’t like me keeping my doors closed. I finished stitching up the pillowcases and slipped them over our pillows. I flopped mine down on my bed, which I was sitting on anyways, and got up to put my father’s in his room. As I got up, I took a quick look in my mirror.

    My eyes were a dark brown. Like my father’s, except his had a strange hint of red. My hair was like his, though. Short black hair, with the hair infront of my ears being long. Just down to my shoulders. It was a different look, surely, but I liked it. My father’s was a little similar, except he had braided the hair infront of his left ear and his hair was kind of spiked upwards at the back. No one in our town had hair like ours. My father said it had something to do with our ethnic background, but he wouldn’t tell me what that was. I had a small, slightly rounded face. I looked younger than I was. Meanwhile, my clothes looked like they were older than I was. An old tunic, brown pants and a raggy sash. We didn’t have the money to buy nice clothes.

    My father had a hard time finding jobs in our town. Quite often he would leave the town for a few days, then come back with lots of money, but all that had to be spent carefully for a long time. He always lied to me though, about how he made the money. I knew this before I found out the truth, just because my father wasn’t good at lying. I wanted to help and work too, but I couldn’t leave my house without my father. It was too dangerous for me. The people in my town hated me that much.

    I sighed, looking away from the mirror and absent-mindedly wondered if I would ever find someone in my life. You know, your typical teenage girl thoughts. What will my future be like? What kind of boys will I meet? … If any. Things didn’t look good in Jwan, but there weren’t any other options, my father would tell me.

    I made my way into my father’s room. The hard wooden floors creaked beneath my bare feet and I tossed the pillow onto his bed. As I turned to leave, I caught sight of the corner of a box poking out from under my father’s bed. Odd, I thought, I hadn’t seen that before. I went over to the box, noting it was made of wood with metal edges. I slid it out from under the bed. It was about the size of our pillows and surprisingly heavy. Now, I knew better than to snoop through my father’s belongings, but I was always the curious type. This item didn’t look new at all, yet I hadn’t seen it before. I wondered if it would be clues to my father’s past. I reached for the lid and attempted to open the chest.

    But my father had locked it shut. I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration and took a quick scan of the room for a key, but I couldn’t find it. I decided that if my father had no intention of showing me this chest, then I had no business snooping through his personal belongings. I pushed the box back under the bed and left the room just as I heard some knocking on the front door.

    I went through the small kitchen to the door, peering though a window before opening it. It was Tuvaq, one of the boys who hated me more than the others. I decided not to open the door, but I talked to him through it.
    "What is it this time?" I asked him.

    He banged on the door again, "Open the door."

    "Not until you tell me what this is about."

    "The mayor is my father, when I say to open your door, you open it!" Again he banged on the door with his closed fists. I was beginning to regret staying at home. This happened sometimes. Once my father would leave, people would come to the house and start vandalizing it. Throwing eggs at it and trying to get in. "I’m warning you!" He shouted when I hesitated.

    Slowly, very reluctantly, I opened the wooden door. And I was horrified to see him slip a knife out from under his coat. I immediately attempted to shut the door, but he pushed his shoulder against it, keeping it open. He was stronger than I was. Tuvaq then shoved against it, making me stumble back and he made his way inside.

    "Are you trying to disobey me?" He asked. "Tsk, tsk, Rem. What do you have to say for yourself?" he asked in a horribly taunting tone.

    "I… I’m sorry." I stumbled more while backing away from him. He stayed where he was at the door.

    "Pardon me? I couldn’t hear you, bitch."

    "I’m sorry." I said again.

    "What was that?"

    "I’M SORRY!"

    The door suddenly swung open and there was my father, with a large bag cradled in one arm. He looked down at Tuvaq with the coldest expression he had. "Tuvaq, what are you doing in my home?"

    Tuvaq cursed under his breath, putting the knife back into its sheath and left rather quickly. The people in Jwan hated us, they terrorized us, but no one would go up against my father directly. They were scared of him in a strange way.

    My father was quick to close the door and lock it, putting down his bags and rushing over to me. By then I was already a sobbing mess on the floor. It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. The people in my town just hated us. Tuvaq especially. He had been terrorizing me since I was a small child. He had never cut me before, but he did threaten to with his knife an awful lot. He still would hit me though, if I didn’t say sorry enough.
    "Rem?" My father had his arms wrapped around me, with one hand stroking my hair. "Did he hurt you?"

    "No." I sniffled.

    He pulled away a bit, reaching into his bag and pulled out a loaf of sweet bread, "I got you a treat." He said, smiling softly.

    I smiled a little, while still wiping away my tears. "But, you said…"

    "I was lying. I was planning on getting it anyways. Rem, clean up a little and we’ll share this. I want to talk to you, too."

    I did as I was told, going to the washroom to clear my eyes of their tears. When I finished, I found my father sitting on his bed, with the loaf of sweet bread sliced up and laid on a plate beside him. This was the usual if he brought home a treat. We would sit down and just talk, or play games. I loved to spend time with him like that. I sat down on the other side of the plate and took a slice, biting into it.

    "Rem, do you remember when I told you to be you?" My father asked me, looking at me with his more serious eyes. I nodded. "Rem, I want you to be yourself. Don’t be what others want of you. Don’t do what isn’t you. Please, Rem, don’t listen to anything the people here say, okay? Especially Tuvaq." I gave another nod, taking smaller bites of my bread. "But," he started again, looking a bit more stressed, "I guess that’s hard, when you don’t know who you are, isn’t it?"

    I looked at him a little surprised, "What do you mean, father?" I asked.

    He sighed again, running a hand through his hair, "Rem, you’ve asked me so many times about your background, about my past, about… Remedy."

    "… Yeah."

    "Well, I think you’re old enough now to learn about all of that." He got off the bed and reached under his bed, pulling out the box that I had been inspecting earlier. He placed it beside me and pulled a long metal key from his pocket, slipping it into the lock and opening the box.

    Inside, from my first sight, were items wrapped with rags and black clothes. My father reached inside, bringing out the first item. It was in the shape of an L, wrapped with rags. He slowly and very carefully unwrapped them, revealing a wooden handle with a huge blade on the end. It was a scythe, but the handle was short and appeared to have been broken.

    "This scythe," my father started, shaking a little as he spoke, carefully holding the weapon, "belonged to my sister, Remedy. He laid the weapon on his lap before reaching into the box again, pulling out a pile of neatly folded clothes, "These were hers too." The clothes were black there were several black belts with silver grommets. "Rem, do you know which clan wears these?"
    All black clothes, silver grommets, a scythe… It sounded like. I froze where I was.

    "… Kiua?" I asked, nervously.

    "Yes, Rem."

    I was in total shock. I had heard of Kiuas before. They were people who wore all black, and were hired to kill. They were feared by all and… hated by all. I quickly looked back to my father; "Your sister was Kiua…. So you….?"

    "Yes, Rem. I’m a pure-blooded Kiua. And you carry some of that blood as well." His eyes carried so much regret and sadness. Almost like he was ashamed of who he was. I had never seen such sadness in his eyes before. It was haunting.

    The clothes were put down, and he held the scythe, looking at it carefully as he spoke, "Remedy and I were born in the Kiua village. It’s a long ways from here. As you know… Kiuas are hired to assassinate. All they do is train to kill and then kill. I wasn’t proud of that, but Remedy thought the clan was the most important thing in the world. The clan carried so many codes and rules. Honor was important there, and Remedy wanted that honor—she wanted to gain the respect of the clan. I didn’t. I wanted nothing to do with the clan. So I left. My sister, however, went mad in her quest to follow the clan codes. Everything she did was for the clan and always went by those codes. She never let herself be her own person. She did what was expected of her from the clan, but never herself. I tried to save her, but I had failed." His head went down, and I was horrified to see a tear coming down his cheek. "Her foolishness was her demise."

    I didn’t know what to say or how to react to all of that. Being Kiua surely explained the hatred the people of Jwan had towards us. Of course they would hate us if we were people who committed murder. As for Remedy… I finally understood why my father said the things he did to me about her. He must have really cared for her. But she had died, because she didn’t listen to herself.

    "Father…"

    He looked back to me, wiping away that one tear on his cheek. He handed me the scythe, "Rem, I want you to keep this. It belonged to Remedy. In her last fight, it broke. But, I want you to have it. If someone tries to hurt you when you’re here, it’ll be there for you. Alright?"

    I nodded, taking the scythe in the hands. But once the handle touched my fingers, a strange, painful wave swept through my head. It was like a massive headache suddenly coming and going. I flinched a bit, but shook it off, taking the scythe in my hands. The weapon was heavy, and the blade appeared to have been worn down. There were some signs of dried blood on it.

    My father showed me other items from the box that night. His old Kiua clothes, weapons and artifacts. It was all so fascinating, yet haunting at the same time. My father clearly was not proud of his background, but he told me it was about time I knew about it. At the end of the night, the loaf of sweet bread was gone and we were both tired. As I made my way back to my room, my father wished me sweet dreams.

    I decided to keep the scythe under the mattress of my bed. After putting it there, I slipped under my thin sheets and slept.

    But I didn’t sleep well at all. It was the beginning of a plague of terrible dreams, which haunted me for weeks. Each dream was slightly different, but ultimately the same. People were dying everywhere, with blood pouring from horrible wounds inflicted all over their bodies. They were dying, screaming and crying. Among these people, were two who never died, but always fought each other. One was my father—clad in his Kiua attire. The black cargos, black tank top, black arm warmers with the holes cut in them everywhere, belts wrapped around his torso and hips and the chains hanging from his pockets. The other was a woman who looked remarkably like myself. Only she seemed older, colder, her eyes were a blood red and there were red stains in her hair. She held a scythe. She was Remedy.

    The dreams came to me every night. I would wake up many times, shaking and crying. I wouldn’t tell my father though. I didn’t want him to worry, or regret telling me about his past. It was that, I figured, that was triggering the nightmares. I did find it terrifying that my father once was a murderer, and his sister had died due to her own mistakes, but there was something I did not understand. In fact, it disturbed me greatly. That was in my dreams, it was always my father fighting against Remedy. But why? He loved her, I knew that, so why were be always fighting each other in my dreams?

    The dreams even began to effect me aside from at night. I would look at my father and be unsure of what to think of him. He was a murderer, I knew that, but the dreams made him seem like such a terrible person when he wasn’t at all. I knew I loved my father, and I did, but sometimes I looked at him and felt… I’m so ashamed of this… I felt hate. I would look at him and in my mind I would think, "Damn that Trapt, I hate him to the core."

    Immediately I’d rush to my room and shut my door. I couldn’t look at him when those thoughts went through my head.

    Then things got worse.

    No longer did I see Remedy in my dreams, but I was her. I felt her emotions, and they scared me. The emotions were pure hatred towards Trapt, my father. I, no, she, would be striking against him, screaming terrible things before I woke up, crying. More often I looked at my father and felt hate and by then, a desire to hurt him. I spent more time in my room by myself—with my door closed.

    "Rem?" I heard my father knocking on my door lightly. He had tried to talk to me multiple times, but each time I would go to another room to get away. I didn’t want to hurt him. I decided to not reply and leave the door closed. But he opened it himself and walked in anyways. "Rem? What’s wrong? Tell me, please."

    I didn’t reply.

    He sighed, sitting down beside me on my bed, "Rem, you’re starting to worry me. I know it’s hard to know that your father lived the life of a Kiua but… Rem, I haven’t changed since I told you about my past, so why do things between us have to change?"

    I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them and resting my forehead against them, "It’s not that, father. I’m sorry, I can’t explain. I don’t know."

    "You’re growing up, Rem. Maybe it’s just a phase right now."

    "… Yeah. That’s what it is." But it wasn’t.

    My father nodded and got up, leaving the room. I looked up to him as me left, and in a terrible moment, I wondered, how wonderful would it be to see his blood spill. I began to shake, and I knew, I had to get away. I had to get away from my father. I was going insane, I thought, I had to get away to save his life.

    And I did.
    Last edited by Seadra Reef; 10th July 2004 at 05:12 PM.

  2. #2
    Play With the Numbers! Nine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Vancouver, BC Canada
    Posts
    61

    Default

    w00t! Awesome job Jenn! :D:D:D I love the part when you mentioned Jwan. XD

  3. #3
    Glorificent!!!11eleven Seadra Reef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    BC, Canada
    Posts
    101

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Nine
    w00t! Awesome job Jenn! :D:D:D I love the part when you mentioned Jwan. XD
    Jwan~~~ XD I didn't think to bring in Tuvaq until I realized something moderately exciting needed to happen, so there he was. Though I do think that the Kiua-Trapt is much cooler than the daddy-Trapt. Kiua-Trapt is like, "I'll kill j00 all!!!" XD

  4. #4
    On an Unexpected Journey Rocky Cliffs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Good question.
    Posts
    110

    Default

    Ooh, this is like a mint on the pillows in your hotel room. A surpise that can be quickly well-enjoyed.

    This is a great example of how to start a fic. You explain the character's background while still continuing the action in the fic, something that is veeerry difficult to do.

    You jump into the main plot pretty quickly, but you usually do that, and I read from that an eagerness to "get on with it already and start the story!" It's never wrong for a writer to be interested, and even enthusiastic, in his or her work. Believe me, it's infectious.

    I think that, for being sixteen years old and a hated Kiua, that Rem was a little too soft-spoken. The whole town hates her and she's got the blood of an assassin in her, so I would've expected her to be a fiery hothead, not an easily-shaken naive girl. Then again, I've never been threatened by a knife-wielding boy, so I really don't know how I'd act.

    Overall, very good beginning. I'm eagerly awaiting my obvious cameo-turned-into-main-character role in the fic, so don't disappoint me.


    Rocky's Grade: 8/10

    You get the Stamp of Approval! *SOA*


    ~Rocky "I think I'll read another fic now." Cliffs
    Soon to come: Sweet-Ash Banner, Clubs and Shipping!

    Unexpected Journey: Prologue
    Unexpected Journey: Kanto

    Originally posted by Pika-Zukin
    --Rocky "he's my new hero" Cliffs
    Originally posted by FireStinger_Kasumi
    Pokemon airs once a week in japan, makes you wonder what they do on all the other days of the week.

  5. #5
    Virus equals very yes Kinglerlord2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia
    Posts
    160

    Default

    Well well... this is a very interesting beginning to this tale I must say. It's really got me intrigued. Funny though because i'm working on a project at the moment that deals with people who are very much like the Kiua. They aren't the main focus though.

    You've really developed Rem's character well from the word go. She's a very intriguing person to read about.

    Nice start, i'm looking forward to more.
    Last edited by Kinglerlord2; 6th July 2004 at 11:18 AM.
    Don't wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.
    Go down there and light the bloody thing yourself!


    WEASLEY IS OUR KINGLER!

  6. #6
    Glorificent!!!11eleven Seadra Reef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    BC, Canada
    Posts
    101

    Default

    Wow, good reviews! O_O Thank yee! ^^

    The story does take off rather quickly, mostly because the story itself gets so big later on, that if the introduction was longer, the entire project would just become too much to do. All the characters in this will undergo drastic character developments, though a huge chunk of that doesn't occur until the end of this book and at the beginning of the second.

    *points to her banner* See! It's Remedy! I <3 Kiuas~

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for another chapter to be done by the end of the week.

    Title concept right now, btw, is, "Life's Remedy". .... But it just doesn't seem angsty enough.

  7. #7
    Play With the Numbers! Nine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Vancouver, BC Canada
    Posts
    61

    Default

    I feel special, because I'm the only other person besides Jenn who knows wtf is gonna happen. XD I can't wait for the select characters that I won't mention to be introduced. MUHA! XD

  8. #8
    Glorificent!!!11eleven Seadra Reef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    BC, Canada
    Posts
    101

    Default

    Author's Note: This chapter didn't turn out as long as I hoped it would. In fact, it's two pages shorter than the last chapter. I really tried to make it longer, but then it just would have been too much for one chapter. Oy. The next one will be quite a bit longer, for another character shall be introduced and the intensity of the plot will be heightened. And Rocky, that cameo you wanted is in here. It's so minor though, that your name isn't even mentioned. XD


    Remedy: Chapter 2

    What had I done? Why had I done it? I left home, I left my father. The only person who ever cared about me, and I had abandoned him. … But I had to. I was scared I was going to hurt him. Those dreams, and all the terrible thoughts just wouldn’t stop. I had to leave, to protect my father. A week had past since then. I had been wandering aimlessly through the forests that blanketed the region. There were trails throughout the forest, but I knew my father would go looking for me, so I avoided them. But my father was a Kiua, so he must have known tracking skills. I could only hope he had forgotten, or was rusty enough that he wouldn’t find me. If he did, I didn’t know what would happen.

    I cried a lot in that week. For the first time in my life I was completely alone with no one to turn to. Because I stayed off the trails, I did not encounter other people. It was a terrible week, it truly was. All I could think about was how much I missed my father, and the dreams still came to me every night. It was like living in the pits of hell.

    On one of the warmer days, I found myself following one of the many creeks that swept through the region. The sound of the running water helped to calm myself. Over it, however, I could hear talking. I became a little nervous, and I clutched the wooden handle of Remedy’s scythe, which I had hooked to my belt. I didn’t know why I brought it with me, but at that moment, I was glad I did.

    "Hey, it’s me again," I heard the voice start. It was a man’s, I could tell. I became a little curious and crept towards it, and saw a man in a heavy suede coat with a cowboy hat, kneeled on the ground. "I still miss you, even though you don’t miss me, Remedy."

    Did he just say remedy? I noticed what he was kneeling infront of—a large stone with engraving on it. I was too far away to make out what it was. I noticed him lay a handful of grass infront of it. "Sorry they’re not flowers. I couldn’t find any… But hey, grass is just as good! It’s all green and pretty! Right? I hope you like them."

    He didn’t say anything else; he just sat there, staring at the stone. I decided it was best if I left. I turned to leave, but accidently stepped on a small twig, making it snap. I paused and looked back, hoping he hadn’t heard it. But he had, and he was looking right at me. Crap.

    His hair was shaggy, poking out from under his hat. It was a medium brown, with hints of gray. His eyes were an icy blue, and they were wide as he looked at me.

    "… Remedy?"

    I took a step back cautiously. Clutching the scythe tighter, even if he didn’t seem to be carrying any weapons with him. With each step I took back, he took one towards me. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could faintly hear a voice in my head. I eyed him carefully, before an unfamiliar name slipped from my tongue, catching me off-guard, "Darkwolf?"

    A smile formed on his face, his eyes became wider and I noticed he suddenly looked like an excited child. "You’re not dead! Oh my god! You were dead! But now you’re not! Oh my god! Remedy!" He jumped over to me, and suddenly my mind went into a panic. I attempted to scramble away from him, but instead I went into a red haze and I lost all control of myself. I had gripped my scythe tighter, and lunged towards him, taking a swipe at his coat, cutting off a water bottle that was tied around his waist.

    All the while, I screamed at him, with words that were not my own, "You! It’s your fault!"

    I couldn’t understand what was happening. I could see and feel what was happening, but I had no control. My body was seemingly moving on its own, as was my mouth. I could feel a terrible hate in my mind, but I couldn’t understand it—it wasn’t my own. When I attempted to regain myself, I felt as if chains were holding me back. The more I fought, the worse the feelings became. The hatred in my mind increased, I could feel warm blood flood upwards to my ankles, and the searing heat of fire from all around. My mind—the one I knew was mine—was screaming in my head, in absolute terror of what was happening.

    "My fault? What are you talking about?!" the man, Darkwolf, dodged several swipes of the blade from me, and eventually got far enough away from me that I would have to move forward if I were to strike again.

    "Don’t play games, dog-boy!" I snarled at him, "My mission—I would have succeeded if it weren’t for you! You’re the reason I failed!" I didn’t move towards him, I stayed where I was, yelling at him in a rage. "I should have been training, to be stronger so I could kill him! But you! It was you! You, Darkwolf, followed me like a sick puppy! A distraction! You always tried to stop me! Because of that, I failed! It’s your fault!"

    He no longer carried his childish smile. He was frowning, and shaking a little, "Remedy… I did that because I didn’t want you to do it… I loved you like a sister, I tried to protect you from yourself…"

    "Shut up! I’ll kill you for ever getting in my way, and then, Trapt will finally die too."

    What?! Trapt?! My father?! The more panicked my mind became, the harder it was to see what was happening. The clear image was fading and those flames I felt became visible, as was the pool of blood around my feet. My heart continued to pound franticly, I was shaking all over in terror. What was happening to me?! I struggled more, and I felt more chains wrap around me. I could still hear them above the crackling from the flames.

    I heard them fighting, yelling at each other more. "I" continued to scream at him that "it" was his fault, and "I" was going to kill him. Meanwhile, he repeated over and over that he tried to help Remedy, and that she was always a fool. Remedy, a fool? My father said that, before. Did that mean…?

    A sudden rush overcame me. It felt like being shoved off a boat into water. The chains, blood and fire were gone. I found myself on all fours on the ground, shaking and crying. Remedy’s scythe was no longer in my hand, and my wrist hurt. I lifted my head, and saw the man, Darkwolf, looking down at me with sad eyes.

    "Goodbye, Remedy." He slowly turned away and walked off.

    I leaned back against a tree trunk, pulling my knees to my chest and hugging them tightly as I cried silently. What had happened back there? I had lost full control of myself, and found myself being chained in what seemed to be Hell. Memories that weren’t mine were being spoken through my own lips, and that Darkwolf seemed very familiar with them. Remedy, he said I was, and his words were so similar to my father’s. I paused, and picked up Remedy’s scythe, which laid on the ground beside me. The sudden rush of hate went through me again, and I let go.

    … It was Remedy. I eyed the scythe, shaking more. Remedy’s memories and her hate had somehow gotten into my mind. Atleast, that’s what I figured. … But how? The scythe, of course, it belonged to her, my father said. It was like it was haunted by her. Darkwolf must have been someone she knew in her life… But why did she say she was going to kill my father?

    If it was the scythe, that caused it all, I would leave it behind, I thought. Yes. It seemed logical. Everything started when I received that thing. It seemed to be haunted; it had to be abandoned. I nodded to myself and lifted my shaky form up onto my feet. I noticed the water bottle I had cut off Darkwolf’s waist and picked it up. It was made of an animal’s hide, and had a strange crest imprinted on it. It appeared to be a rock with a snake wrapped around it. Without much thought, I tied it to my belt, where the scythe was before. As I walked past it, I eyed the stone Darkwolf was speaking to before. Carved into it, was "REMEDY". From there, I proceeded to leave.

    I was leaving the scythe behind, and so I thought I could just go home. If it was the scythe that was responsible, then leaving it there would allow me to go back to my father safely. Yes. That was my plan.

    So I left. I headed home. All those terrible emotions, the hate of my father, were gone. I felt that I had done the right thing by leaving that cursed weapon behind. Along the way, I made a mental note to ask my father a little more about what had happened with Remedy. I felt there was much more he hadn’t told me. I was excited to get home, and even more excited knowing that we may bump into each other along the way if he was looking for me. I wanted to be with him again. I missed him terribly. All I wanted was to be with him and forget all the terrible things that had happened.

    But it wasn’t to be.

    I had traveled for two days, with an estimated five more to go before I would have arrived back in Jwan. I allowed myself to wander further away from the rivers, since I had picked up that water bottle. Although I was eager to get home, I did enjoy the walk to an extent. It was less tense than it had been before, so I found myself interested in the forest surrounding me. Never before was I given the chance to explore outside of Jwan.

    On the night of my second day traveling home, I had decided to sleep beside a large log. I thought that if I slept beside it, my form would remain hidden at night, so it would be less dangerous if someone came by. Although it was incredibly uncomfortable, it was nice to go a night without nightmares.

    But sometimes, it’s nicer to have nightmares in your sleep, rather than waking up to one.

    In the middle of the night, a hand roughly grabbed my shoulder and pulled me up, snapping me out of my sleep and putting me straight into a state of panic. It was still dark, but the person was close enough for me to see him. His hair was a sandy red, his eyes were a frightening crimson and he wore a heavy cloak over himself. Judging by the boy’s appearance, he was my age, but definitely stronger. I was about to scream, but then a large blade was held against my neck to silence me.

    The blade, I was quick to discover, was Remedy’s broken scythe. I looked to the boy’s face again, and realized how unnatural his eye color was. …. Oh god. Remedy!

    "Trying to get rid of me, aren’t you?" He growled, gripping my shoulder tighter and pushing me back against the log behind me, "Leaving the scythe behind… Fool. I don’t need you to carry out my mission, little girl, it can be anyone. But…" the blade was slid under my chin, just breaking the skin, "if you dare to pull off a stunt like that again, I will make both you and Trapt’s lives a living hell before you both die. Do you understand?" I nodded. "Good."

    His grip was loosened somewhat, but the blade was still held against me. "Oh, yes," he added, "You will go to the Kiua village. If you fail to do so, I don’t think I need to tell you what I will do." Again, I nodded. He smiled and shoved the scythe into my hands, letting go and taking a step back. Once his contact with the weapon was gone, his eyes turned blue and he stumbled back, shaking.

    I looked down at the shaking boy, and I knew what he had experienced. The same thing I had when I encountered Darkwolf. I could see it in his eyes. Remedy was possessing bodies through her scythe. It was then I realized just how bad the situation was. I couldn’t get rid of the scythe, so I could not get rid of Remedy and therefore, I could not return to my father—I would have to be careful to not be found by him too. The boy was quick to get up and scramble away, running into the deeper forest.

    I spent the rest of night there, mostly crying. I had the scythe hooked to my belt again. I had to find the Kiua village, but I didn’t know where to look. I didn’t know where any other villages were, and the region was huge, how was I expected to find the Kiua village? I could only hope Remedy wasn’t impatient.

    I sighed, staring at my hands. "Father," I started, my voice was shaky, "I’m sorry… I really am. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen… I tried, I tried to stop it, so I could go home… Oh god, father, I’m so sorry. I miss you… What’s happening to me…? What is Remedy doing…? Oh god…"

    At some point in the night, I had cried myself to sleep. I woke up at the break of dawn, with the sun just barely rising and lighting the dark woods. It took well over an hour after waking up, but I finally forced myself up to continue walking. Again, it was the opposite direction of home. All I could think of was my father.

  9. #9
    Virus equals very yes Kinglerlord2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia
    Posts
    160

    Default

    Woah, heavy stuff going on there. This is really good! I'm really intrigued with this story!

    Your writing style is great and you tell the story so well. Keep going please!

    There was one error I saw:

    "A week had past since then."

    should be 'passed' not 'past'.
    'passed' refers to a passing of time.
    'past' refers to a time that was before the current time. Opposite of future.

    that's all i could pick up I think

    awesome job
    Don't wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.
    Go down there and light the bloody thing yourself!


    WEASLEY IS OUR KINGLER!

  10. #10
    Play With the Numbers! Nine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Vancouver, BC Canada
    Posts
    61

    Default

    w00t, Darkwolf. XD I can't wait to see more of him. The 2nd chapter is really great. It didn't end up like how I thought it would, but it turned out to be a lot better concidering. XD Horray! This novel is off to a great start, and I can't wait to see more! WRITE IT NOW XD

  11. #11
    Glorificent!!!11eleven Seadra Reef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    BC, Canada
    Posts
    101

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kinglerlord2
    Woah, heavy stuff going on there. This is really good! I'm really intrigued with this story!

    Your writing style is great and you tell the story so well. Keep going please!

    There was one error I saw:

    "A week had past since then."

    should be 'passed' not 'past'.
    'passed' refers to a passing of time.
    'past' refers to a time that was before the current time. Opposite of future.

    that's all i could pick up I think

    awesome job
    That's what happens when I rush and don't proof-read properly. XD Another friend pointed out that I forgot to capitalize "Remedy" somewhere in there. ^^;;

    Thanks for the positive feedback. And yes, Nine, the novel version will take a different course than the actual RP did. Darkwolf won't appear again for a LONG time. ...... Sorry. XD

  12. #12
    Play With the Numbers! Nine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Vancouver, BC Canada
    Posts
    61

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Seadra Reef
    Nine, the novel version will take a different course than the actual RP did.
    *pesters you on msn about that* XD

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •