EVERYONE: A Queen Of Snow

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 17

Thread: A Queen Of Snow

  1. #1
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default A Queen Of Snow

    Alright, I've worked long and hard on this and I am pleased to finally have finished. I also posted this on my fanfiction.net account. Please reveiw, I don't know if it's any good or not...also, the format is not my fault, it was all fine and dandy until I copied and pasted it.

    A Queen of the Snow

    Glaceon was a pokemon, and looked like a snow queen. She spent her days on Route 217. She would hide, covered with snow.

    An interesting creature, as they go...


    The weather is cool and rapturous, so easy for the blizzard to pick up and capture us.

    My coat a tinted blue was a tribute to my name, my sparkeling tail a esscence of my fame.

    The others admire my sleek figure, and jelousy abounds like a fearful trigger.

    The silent path, the cool dawn, yet nothing to do but think and yawn.

    The trees in clusters, abundant with creatures, but none with my attractive features.

    For some the cold is painful and dreary, but with a coat like mine who could be weary?

    The people who come and search for the best, never take time to just stop and rest.

    For I am right in front of them, teasing them through hidden eyes, the search, I see, is something they dispise.

    And once I know it is safe, I reveal myself to the world, I'm a blossom of ice, a legend unfurled.

    The creatures of the day don't know me that well, but the creatures of the night fall under my spell.

    I'm a seasoned creature, I know my main goal, and my beauty is transmitted through an ice-stained soul.

    I wonder the paths that I know oh too well, the fading moon light brings me out of my shell.

    Fine day, fine life, precious few creatures squawk, yet if they ever do it's a mumbled sort of talk.

    As I make it to the town, quiet and lifeless, my mind is still, I won't digress.

    Not a person in sight, hm, isn't this trite, while a faint fog succumbs to the dissapearing night.

    As I approach the red building, the widow a frozen glass, I rub it well with my paw, a small mass.

    As I peer into the building, very spiritually, I see a lone nurse staring right back at me.

    I stand there for moments, what marvelous moments. She stares. Tearing.

    I slowly back away, into the fog that had intterupted, as I nod and turn, into the night I had strutted.

    Though I reveal myself rarely, it's a sight to behold, I'm a diamond studded necklace, I am silver and gold.

    I dart to my cave, after showing my glow, I slip through to the depths, the atmosphere low.

    Glaceon was a pokemon, and looked like a snow queen. She spent her days on Route 217. And so, now you know. She's an interesting creature, as they go.
    Last edited by Cabaret; 14th March 2011 at 10:28 PM.

  2. #2
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The Old World.
    Posts
    2,231
    Blog Entries
    329

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    That was really good, I liked how you captured the essence of Ice Pokémon and Glaceon, and how you portrayed her as distant and cold. The only irksome thing is "dispise", which I believe you meant to write "despise".

    Nonetheless, great work, beautiful poem, keep it up!

  3. #3
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Thanks for the compliment, I really worked on it.

  4. #4
    Black&White!
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    216

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    The weather is cool and rapturous, so easy for the blizzard to pick up and capture us.

    My coat a tinted blue was a tribute to my name, my sparkeling tail a esscence of my fame.

    The others admire my sleek figure, and jelousy abounds like a fearful trigger.

    Amazing! I loved it, and would like to see more dude, I don't know how you've only had 1 review so far.
    My fanfiction: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/my-pokemon-journey-98337/
    I have claimed Gold/Ethan!


  5. #5
    Aspiring Author. SeleneHime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Somewhere in my mind.
    Posts
    158
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    *Smiles.* A wonderful poem you've got here, Strike. It flows quite well, and has a consistent rhyme to it. I'd be looking forward to seeing more. ^_^

    A fresh and growing community.

    Library
    [Blogged listing of collected works that are posted on the Gardens.]

  6. #6
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    England
    Posts
    425
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Very nice! I'm not normally a big fan of poetry, but this was a pleasure to read. You captured the essence of the beauty and distance of Glaceon, whilst keeping a good flow and rhyme to your work.
    A few spelling mistakes were around, but nothing so shockingly bad that it ruined the reading experience, as your style kept me reading right till the end.
    Well done, I may have to check out some of your other works :D

  7. #7
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    5,658
    Blog Entries
    108

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    I can't really say I loved or hated it, or that it was good or bad - it was just... a poem.

    Perhaps that's the way they should be.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  8. #8
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonite Ernston View Post
    I can't really say I loved or hated it, or that it was good or bad - it was just... a poem.

    Perhaps that's the way they should be.
    To tell you the truth, i was afraid that it would be out of the comfort zone of most readers. sigh.

  9. #9
    powered by the sun farewell, friend's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,975

    Follow farewell, friend on Tumblr

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    And once I know it is safe, I reveal myself to the world, I'm a blossom of ice, a legend unfurled.

    The creatures of the day don't know me that well, but the creatures of the night fall under my spell.

    I'm a seasoned creature, I know my main goal, and my beauty is transmitted through an ice-stained soul.
    I feel the rhyme in these lines is the best in whole poem! I've never read a poem on Glaceon before (if only there was a poem about Leafeon :O)

    I also like how you repeated the same line from the beginning at the end ^^
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

  10. #10
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Quote Originally Posted by farewell, friend View Post
    I feel the rhyme in these lines is the best in whole poem! I've never read a poem on Glaceon before (if only there was a poem about Leafeon :O)

    I also like how you repeated the same line from the beginning at the end ^^
    I thought of doing all the Eeveelutions, but the reason I wrote one for glaceon is because of the delicate wording I could use. Leafeon was acctually what it started out to be, but anything you say about Leafeon could be said for other grass types, so I wanted the unique aspect of Glaceon. Thanks for the comment.

  11. #11
    I'm a squirrel King of KOTBC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    121

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    hey man i read your poem nice job man

  12. #12
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Quote Originally Posted by sinnohchamp View Post
    hey man i read your poem nice job man
    Oh snap, I am sorry. I forgot about this. Which is bad because it's in my signature practically. Thank you for the comment.

  13. #13
    Exploded on Stage TFSpock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    In a black hole, waiting for NOMS
    Posts
    2,912
    Blog Entries
    40

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Flows amazingly. Most poems like yours unknowingly made it to "blah blah blah". You, have pulled off a tricky stunt, and succeeded! Congratulations!
    FCs- HG: 4426 5257 0152 Pt: 0131 7157 4821 W: 3095 6620 2000 W2: 1851 0568 6600

  14. #14
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    5,658
    Blog Entries
    108

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Quote Originally Posted by Zek*rom View Post
    I can't really say I loved or hated it, or that it was good or bad - it was just... a poem.
    And I'm going to have to keep that in mind as I rate this for the awards.

    Grammar, style, and flow: 5/10

    I don't know, something just didn't feel right with the way the meter was structured.

    There are two things you need to keep in mind when making a poem such as this one - rhyme, and rhythm. While you nailed the first one, the second one could use some work.

    Some of the lines were split really unevenly, and it screwed up the way I was reading it.

    Overall rating: 54/100

    Like I said before, it was just... a poem. So really, I can't pinpoint it anywhere on the scale (i.e. ???/100). But for the purpose of the awards, I have to take an orthogonal vector, so there we are.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 19th March 2011 at 05:02 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  15. #15
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default Re: A Queen Of Snow

    Thank you for the review, I'm glad you're reviewing like that. It's fun to see what you rate other stories.

    I expected a far less lower rating, so I'm not going to complain. Although, the poem isn't supposed to have a rhythm, each line is it's own in itself (does that make sense?). What I mean is, each line should be read without an expected rhythm. But if the reader assumes there is a rhythm, then it's completly my fault.

    I'm guessing poetry isn't your thing?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •