Thread: PokeTV; Stay tuned, Folks. (a four-chapter series of skits)

Have you ever wondered what's playing on the TV's scattered across the Pokemon world? Well, it's alot weirder than our TV.
Please, enjoy and rate.
There are four chapters, each with a single skit (show) per chapter, each showing unique perspectives from behind the scenes, and in front of the TV:
INN (International News, a news network where things go from bad to worse, and scandal and weirdness is the scoop of the day)
PokeEarth (A documentary series looking at the strange habits of wild Pokemon around the world, spoofs real nature documentaries, narrated by Mr. Pokemon)
Walker, Isshu Ranger (An action show that takes place in the Isshu desert, includes explosions and cowboys)
The Professor Show! (A talk show with all the reigonal professors)

Prolouge:

It was a hot night, and the sun was setting over the forest. The Trainer walked in the door after his long journey, and, seeing that his mother wasn't home, he sat on the couch, grabbed a soda and some chips from his refridgerador, turned on the television. With a flicker, the TV popped on to..... Cinemax ...... "The following program should be viewed with discretion for adult materials." A lusty feminine voice whispered as a title appeared that said 'I heard u liek Mudpimpz' in blown-up letters.
"Whoa! What has Mom been watching?!" The Trainer exclaimed in horror as he changed the channel: "I wonder what's on the news?" He said as he changed the channel to the news network. Suddenly, a strangely deep and charismatic (but goofily feminine) came on the televison: "Hellloooo people!! This is the INN!" 'I wonder what's been happening since I've been gone?' The Trainer thought as the weather report started.

TO BE CONTINUED
NEXT CHAPTER: INNsanity

Excuse me to those who don't like the shortness of the prolouge. This is just supposed to get you hooked to some extent before you read the first chapter. All this paragraph does is establish that a trainer is watching TV. The real action happens after the TV is turned on. Stay tuned, folks!

Guide:

Chapter I
Chapter II
Chapter III (Warning: Horrible)
Chapter IV+Epilouge

For the prologue, that's awful short. Can't really say much as of right now.

Can't really judge. So far, not ambishous.

Originally Posted by Zekurom

For the prologue, that's awful short. Can't really say much as of right now.

It's just a quick intro, I'll have the first skit up tomorrow, which will focus on a news segment, the next will be a nature documentary, the third to be about an action show (and to include Chuck Norris), and the finale to be a talk show. Stay tuned, folks. Oh, heck, I'll post the first skit now!

CHAPTER I: INNsanity

On the other side of the the TV that our hero was watching, a great news report was to get started. "Okay, Fred, let's get that weather report on!" Rick Char, the dashing news reporter, said in his deep and charismatic (if not somewhat girly) voice. Fred Wether, nuzzling his Castform (which he named Cloudy), heard what Rick said, and loosed his Castform into the sky (as the creature floats like a balloon) after placing a weather tracking machine on it. By the time the cameras switched to him, Fred had an extensive map of global weather.

"Rick, today we have beautiful weather across the world! Arceus be praised, we have some lovely skiing weather up in Sinnoh, with the high in Littleroot Town being a frosty -60 degrees farenheit! Johto and Hoenn are basking in some lovely beach weather, but Kanto will be getting a muggy heat wave and some nasty swarms of Beedrill! Isshu, once again, will be getting some temperate weather. Okay, Cloudy, come back over here!" Rick's report was over, and some kids in the audience got to play with Cloudy, whose light weight allowed him to be bounced as if a ball.

Rick, however, was getting some coffee, and trying to avoid audience members, especially kids. Oh, how he hated children, and he especially hated Pokemon, having secretly tried to kill Cloudy once or twice. Of course, news must be told, and for every ounce of hate he had for Pokemon, he had love for a good piece of news, especially gossip. Today was no exception.

"Today in gossip news!" Rick said with a twinkling in his eyes, and a special charm to his voice, trying to keep his eyes away from Cloudy. "We have the most juicy scandal of our times: News reports from our dear boy Papparazi (who had been killed only hours earlier by a hungry Meguroko while taking a pee during a photo shoot in the Isshu desert) give us a video of Grand Champion of Sinnoh Cynthia *cough cough* getting on the good foot to do the bad thing *snickering* with her beloved Garchomp in a Johto hotel!" Suddenly, a shocking video rolled, which was almost constantly censored, whose contents I won't give shippers the joy of knowing about. After the video rolled Rick Char sat in his chair with his trollface on. The Trainer, watching from the business end of the televison, had a trollface on as well, being quite (strangely) pleased with what he had just seen, being a horndog 14-year old.

On the side of the televison where the news block was being filmed, Rick Char had announced that another reporter was having an interview with Cynthia, and that it was to be filmed live:
Maroon Sneedly, roving reporter extraordinaire, had just stalked Cynthia to her home on a remote island in the Sinjoh Sea, and had entered her house, without knocking. Sneedly was a man of many talents, he was his own film crew, bouncer, and he was good around weasling in and out of any situation.
Cynthia was asleep when Sneedly broke in, and her Roserade (who now had a shoemark in her fragile, flowerlike face) was there to answer the door. Cynthia's Gastrodon was tending her master's garden, her Lucario was taking a shower, her Spiritomb was hiding in a closet, and her Milotic was circling the water around the island.
"Hey, Cynthia, you there, little lady?" Sneedly said in his annoying New Yorker accent, in a very loud tone. His unshaved chin stubble was being scratched by his hand as he was taking off his dirty boots, sitting on Cynthia's massage chair (in her living room), and turning on her XBOX 360 to play a game, while treating himself to a BLT, scrounged out of Cynthia's fridge.

On the other side of the world, in Jubilife TV Networking, the INN was waiting for a signal from Sneedly. Fred Wether, not one to not take action, picked up his iDex4 (Pokegear+iPhone+Pokedex), and called Sneedly. "Hey, roving retard extraordinaire! We need some interview footage to follow up that scandal! I can't wait forever, because the local reviews won't satisfy our viewers!"
In Hoenn, the Trainer was sitting on the couch. "Wow, all this extra crap is gonna bore me outta mah gourd! I need a sex scandal! Not this!"
In the Sinjoh Sea, at Cynthia's house. Sneedly replied to his call: "Well, uh, she hasn't woken up yet! I'm playin' games on her XBOX (she has quite a taste in gaming) real loud to wake her up, but she's still sleeping like the dead! And if she's....... you know...... with her Garchomp, I ain't going up there! Let me finish my *munch munch munch* BLT. *munch munch nom nom swallow*"

Sneedly, being charged 50,000 Pokebux for stalling (and having lollygagged for 45 minutes, he was risking too much now), had decided to man up and go to Cynthia's room. He knocked on the door and kicked it down. Garchomp (who was in her pink fuzzy Pokeball), was nowhere to be found, and Cynthia was looking lovely in her bed. Sneedly, however, was not a man to stare at women while sleeping. He took a last bite of his BLT, and stomped forward, loomed over the Champion, started the film rolling, and yelled as loud as he could in Cynthia's face.

10,000 miles away, the Trainer was finally getting what he wanted. A good sex scandal interview (not to mention, most of Cynthia's body was blurred out)! It was like Christmas in July for his eyes!

Rick Char, smirking, watched Sneedly's interview.

"Sneedly: So, Cynthia, have you heard of, *picks up Garchomp's Pokeball* the scandal involving you and your special friend?
Cynthia *holding her pretty parts away from perverted eyes*: Yes, and I'm disgusted your news network would film me making love! I will sue your network for 4,000,000 Pokebux!
Sneedly *about to choke on his BLT*: What? That much!
Cynthia: Yes. Now, get out of my house, or I will loose this *picks up Garchomp's ball* on you.
Sneedly: Well, I don't know why your'e so unhappy, I just set a huge record for you on your Modern Warfare 2 game! Also, I made BLT's!
Cynthia *stifling hatred*: So, you made yourself confortable in my house. *opens Pokeball* I'll be seeing you in Hell, Sneedly.
Sneedly: Wh- *gets ripped apart by Garchomp*"

At Jublife TV, Rick Char and Fred Wether did a memorial service to Paparazzi and Sneedly, and ended the show.

On the other side of the television, our hero was very pleased. "Well, that was pretty good. I wonder what else is on?" The Trainer said, flicking through the channels, because nothing was really on, he simply landed on a nature documentary.

TO BE CONTINUED
NEXT CHAPTER: The Wild!

This chapter was a lot better than the prolouge.

Eh, true. I kind of did an epic fail on the prolouge. So what did you think of this chapter?

Hmm. The humor is sorta random but it works.

Besides, who ships Cynthia X Garchomp?

Noone. But I'm not going to show you that kind of stuff, because I'm sane, and I'm not sure how it would work *gets out the brain bleach*.....
Also, the humor in this skit is more focused on the fact that it's weird. But, I made it work, via miracle. In the next chapter, the humor will be slapstick. Stay tuned folks. Let me get my humor on for the chunk of writing I'm going to do tomorrow. Also, what do you think of the characters? I was thinking of Rick Char and Fred Wether appearing again in Chapter III, and I need to see if people enjoy the characters first.

Originally Posted by Drakon

Besides, who ships Cynthia X Garchomp?

Bestiality FTW! ^_^ (If you don't do it, I will.)

And now for the story.

In Hoenn, the Trainer was sitting on the couch. "Wow, all this extra crap is gonna bore me outta mah gourd! I need a sex scandal! Not this!"

Hilarious.

The entire story was hilarious. And the grammar's good too.

Alright, this story gets a different rating system from the OT stories that I rate. Since it's comedy, we're not expecting depth or anything, so I can simply rate it on its level of funniness.

And my rating is: 60/100!

Don't worry about that, the middle of the bell curve is 30.

Originally Posted by Zekurom

Hilarious.

The entire story was hilarious. And the grammar's good too.

And my rating is: 60/100!

Don't worry about that, the middle of the bell curve is 30.

Duuude, I can't thank you enough. I thought this would get the same cold shoulder as the prolouge! I don't know how I'm going to follow myself up tomorrow. Heck, I don't even know what to do in the documentary for the next chapter. Any tips on what to do?
Also, you need to tell me what you found hillarious in the story, other than the bestiality jokes. Which were a focal point of the chapter, which I find silly.
Also, being new to the fanfic, what's an OT story? Of course, this might be the only fic I do.

And, to free up space:

CHAPTER II: The Wild!

17,000 miles across the sea from Hoenn, in Johto, Mr. Pokemon eagerly awaited the grand opening of his nature documentary, PokeEarth. In his documentary, he had chronicled the habits of wild Pokemon across the world, and he was not going to miss it. "Stop the Arceusdamned commercials! I don't want to know about the Apricorn Tumbler or a stupid 1-800 number from Eusine about Suicune sightings! Sheesh! Just play the documentary already!"

On the other side of the TV, the show was starting:
"Welcome to the show, folks." Mr. Pokemon said, in an aged English accent, which made him sound extremely cheesy. "Today, we will be exploring the lives of wild Pokemon around the world! For our first subject, we will be exploring the life of the Magikarp." In a flash, a picture of a flowing river appeared, and all of a sudden, two miserable beings started flopping about. You got it, Magikarp. "One of the most common Pokemon in the world, the Magikarp is known for flopping in and out of the water, making it easy prey for anything else." The picture then showed slow-motion footage of a Magikarp being carried off by a Hoppip.

This was all very entertaining for The Trainer, who, on the business end of the television, had just gotten high off dried Paras shrooms with his Blaziken, who he was smoking them with. "Duuuudee...." The Trainer said in a totally baked voice. "That thing just ate.... uhh.... he just ate that Magi.... Magii.... krud!" Hysterical laughter went all around, and Blaziken, in a miserable attempt to speak, mumbled, "Razzle flazzle, bloobly blah. KOKADOODLE DOO!" Of course, this was also found hillarious.

Half a world away, in Johto, Mr. Pokemon was eagerly watching. "Ah, just beautiful! Now, I wonder what's in the fridge?" He said in an obvious Southern accent, and got up to go get a snack. Mr. Pokemon, heading towards the fridge, tripped on a stack of papers, which caused him to break his knee. Not minding, he continued his epic journey of pain and determination to get a snack. He opened the fridge with all his might, and found nothing. He had forgotten to go to the store for food, and all he could find was a wedge of rotten Miltank cheese, wrapped in aged Pokabu bacon, and laced with pure Skiploom leaf, a powerful hallucinogenic.
5 minutes later.
"Whoa, man! That was cool!" Mr. Pokemon said, tripping on weird cheese.

In the documentary, the show was now focusing on a great species of Pokemon, the Gible. "In its dry cave habitat, the Gible is one of the most succesful predators in the world, have a higher kill-failure ratio per every hunt than its evolved form Garchomp, only superceeded by Meguroko or Sharpedo." The picture showed a small Gible digging in a cave. Suddenly, it became alerted to something. "Snort, snort, snort, razzle!" The strange little landshark said as it charged its prey, a Dugtrio, with all its might. Suddenly, like a mad Scottish gardener, it uprooted the Dugtrio an swallowed the three conjoined Pokemon whole. Of course, its parent Garchomp had brought back a dead Shimama for its child, only to find he was already full. "In nature, there are also Pokemon with strange abilities, one of these is Abra. Watch as it does something amazing!" Mr. Pokemon said with the ultimate cheese in his accent. The picture showed an Abra sitting on the grass. Suddenly, it noticed the cameraman and teleported away.

"Whoa..... duuuede!" The Trainer and Mr. Pokemon said simultaneously. "KAWKAW!" Blaziken screamed, engaging another round of hysterical laughter between him and the Trainer.
On Cynthia's island home, the Champion had recently had Gastrodon use Maroon Sneedly's mutilated remains as fertilzer for her flowers, quickly cleaning up the horrible mess he had made. In her bed, she was cuddling up to her sleeping Garchomp, rubbing her marble-smooth, rock-hard, warm scaly neck with great pleasure, and kissed its neck. "Grrr.... Snrl, gsshh..." Garchomp rumbled, telling her master that she did not feel like 'it' that night. "Oh well." Cynthia said, understanding her beloved pet's plea. "Don't worry, I'll sue the network tomorrow," She said as she kissed Garchomp again, this time slightly lower. "Hey, I wonder what's on TV? Oooh! A nature documentary." "Moaan! Grashlll...." Garchomp said, trying to convince her master to lower the volume. "Okay lovey." Cynthia said as she kissed Garchomp again, once again lower on her pet's back.
I'm not sure who's wearing the pants. And I don't want to know.

The nature documentary was now covering the Pikachu line. "This species of Pokemon is one of the most intriguing in the world, actually possesing human intellegence. Watch this clip, supposedly of tribal Pikachu living in the Isles of Hoenn, and decide for yourself." Suddenly, a clip rolled of Pikachu and Pichu, covered in black body paint and wearing random masks, holding strange spears and knives, doing a tribal dance by a raging bonfire. Coming out of a hut was a chieftain Raichu, with a plethora of piercings, and a harem of female Gardevoir behind him, he was holding a knife shaped like a Seviper, and sensing nervosity in his audience, silenced them. "Ooga taboka, malookty. Pikachu!" Cheering soared out of the crowd as a runt-of-the-litter Pichu stepped forward. The chieftain Raichu held the knife over the little creature, and drove it into his head, likely a sacrifice of some sort. In their cheer, the crowd buzzed with electricity. The video stopped rolling, as the camera short-circuited.

In Hoenn, the Trainer was all like, "Duuuude, we should so totally go there some time and catch one of those thingys..... Duuude...." Blaziken, who was even more baked, replied, "OKKA TOKKA BOKKA!" More hysterical peals of laughter.
In Johto, Mr. Pokemon had passed out, being tired from his acid trip, and the last clip was just too much for his trippy mind.
In Cynthia's home, the Champion was enjoying the documentary, having put Garchomp in her Pokeball so she could sleep more soundly that night. "Hmm... how nice. I wonder what they'll show next."

In the documentary, the action was starting to end. "For our last part, we will show the amazing journey of bravery and will, of the Magikarp to the Lake of Rage. *sniffle*" This clip showed the other Magikarp flopping towards a waterfall. He went by highway, by road. He went weeks without food, he dodged death at every turn, battling for his life every minute. Every other minute, he had to deal with a broken heart (as his mate was the Magikarp that had been eaten by a Hoppip), broken bones, and the creulty of nature. He hitched a ride when he could not flop around, he flopped around when he could not hitch a ride. Suddenly, he found it, the waterfall. He fell, and accepting his fate, he received his reward. With a roar of glory he became a Gyarados. A shiny Gyarados. A moment later, someone threw a Master Ball at him.

Both the Trainer and Cynthia were over come with emotion. Their Pokemon's reaction? Well, Garchomp was asleep, and Blaziken was taking a dump in the litterbox when the last clip was rolling. When the documentary ended, Cynthia went to sleep. Bored, and stoned, the Trainer flipped through the channels. Suddenly, the remote almost magnetically made him go to the channel that was showing 'Walker, Isshu Ranger' in HD. The Trainer, overcome with awe, saw a face he had never expected to see. Chuck Norris.

TO BE CONTINUED
NEXT CHAPTER: Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T!

Stay tuned folks, to be continued!

(Also, this may not be the best, because my imagination is a little dry. I'll try to make this as good as Chapter I)

Short but I like the parody of the nature documentary (especially that faux-British accent).

Originally Posted by Drakon

Short but I like the parody of the nature documentary (especially that faux-British accent).

It's not over yet! I'll be working on it this afternoon. Trust me, this chapter is just a warmup, and Chapter III will be extremely hillarious, being jam-packed with Chuck Norris. This chapter is going to be mainly drug-related jokes and nature documentary slapstick.

17,000 miles is about 3/4 the diameter of the Earth. Maybe you want to just make that 1,700?

Too short, and the content was a bit boring this time, really. If you extended it and put in more stuff, maybe it would be funnier.

It has potential, though. You should keep writing it.

Originally Posted by Zekurom

17,000 miles is about 3/4 the diameter of the Earth. Maybe you want to just make that 1,700?

It has potential, though. You should keep writing it.

This I shall, good sir. Also, the content in the documentary is supposed to be boring. Trust me, I'll have you laughing. Also, did you not notice that a Hoppip carried off that Magikarp?

Originally Posted by The_Noob

Also, did you not notice that a Hoppip carried off that Magikarp?

I did. *yawn*