
Originally Posted by
NeedleStorm
Okay, pretty good story. I suggest that you add more narrative (basically stuff that isn't dialogue or related to dialogue like 'he said' 'she said'). Also, indent at the beginning of dialogue. It makes for an easier read so it's not just a block of text. Or, if you'd rather not, this could be turned into a pretty decent play. Also, I noticed that when you introduced the two antagonists there wasn't much of a warning. Don't just put them in there and expect us to understand how they got there.
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