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    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    'sup. This is my entry into the "Santa's Writer's Workshop: 2012 Christmas Competition". I've posted the story here, since apparently the entries have been judged, so that I can get some criticism and comments towards this from members of the forums, as well as the comments and criticism from the judge.

    Comments and Criticism, please. I do need to improve before the bulk is written.

    Flames in the Winter
    (or Instrutilus needs to get better at writing and romance plots...)

    Wednesday, December 25th 4943 – 2008 years After Establishment
    Holiday detected: May you have an excellent one.



    She fumed quietly in the cold winter snow, her loose hair windswept, the striped scarf that covered her face joining their dance, as she wandered Floe Island aimlessly. She had no real goal other then to let her anger cool: her missing boyfriend was going to have Hell to pay once she located him after this evening. He had been expected to join them that evening to celebrate Rushmae, with a dinner she herself had prepared under the strict tutelage of her mother. Then he never turned up, leaving all her effort to waste.

    Her logical side attempted to provide reason, explain that he probably had good reason for his absence, but the rest of her mind wasn't paying much attention to it: he had promised to be there two weeks ago, so if anything had come up a simple call on the Pokégear would've set everything straight and allowed the alteration to her plans. But no call, no boyfriend, and a whole load of embarrassment in front of her own mother at his absence. She fumed some more, grabbing a random rock and tossing it into the ocean that surrounded her and contained her anger to this small island.

    By her feet, a creature of blue observed her, keeping a distance that remained close enough to let her know she was not alone. Ears mistakable as wings twitched as the cold air irritated the scales its species had evolved over the years upon this world, yet it did not protest to this. The serpentine creature instead kept its calm, aware the girl needed to vent her emotions and thus allowed her to do so. Of course, that didn't mean there wouldn't be retribution later on: dragging a Dragon-type into situations with extreme cold always gave negative results.

    The girl of focus let out an irate sigh, before pacing. It was a habit she had picked up from a trainer a couple of years ago, a blonde with silver eyes if her memory was correct. She glanced around, looking for someone nearby: a battle would do her good, even with just the one 'mon, and if she was lucky enough to spy another Trainer, she'd easily get her desired vent. Trainers had an unwritten rule: if you make eye contact, you engaged in a battle. It was almost unheard of for a Trainer to reject a battle, regardless of the creatures under their controls' health.

    It appeared luck was willing to give her a little break. Near the recently installed light for Fourth Island Town, one of two, a figure was stood, bathed in the light. She didn't care about this oddity, a person stood nowhere near an actual destination upon the island during a small snowstorm: she wanted a battle to vent her frustrations, and she was going to get it. Then perhaps she would head home and sleep the rest of the night off before calling that idiot to deal with this properly.
    ___________________________

    He was an idiot.

    Quite frankly, he'd be lucky to recover his relationship from his tardiness. Of course, had he not been so stupid, he'd probably be warm and cosy with her at this point. But that's besides the point, right now, he needed to work out how to get free of his predicament.

    He re-secured the present under his arm and moved to pat his belt: no luck. He had left his 'mon at home with his friend's sister Daisy, to ensure this night she would get all his attention. He mentally cursed at this bit of bad luck, before trying to think up another method of escape.

    He patted his pockets and found a possible solution: his Pokégear. He gave a small smirk, happy at this small change of pace, but his face quickly fell when he saw the battery was dead. Damn it, he was always forgetting to charge this thing, though this was the first time it had cause any hassle for him.

    Placing it back in his pocket, he attempted to force himself free for the fourth time since he got stuck by pushing against the pole directly. For the fourth time since he got stuck, he failed to free himself and merely sighed in irritation. Arceus, how horrifying this situation would've been had he been on the mainland.

    During his attempt to use his own glare to escape, he heard distinct footsteps. Oh crap.

    He attempted to turn and face the oncoming figure, but alas his situation held him in place, mostly through a painful reminder. He sighed and waited: at least they could provide some help in getting him out of this situation. Then he could go kiss up to his girlfriend...metaphorically, of course...no...no ulterior motive under that at all...

    The footsteps stopped suddenly. He tried moving his head to get a better look at the arrival, but could barely see the figure in the edge of his vision. Instead, he saw a small, blue and white serpent he knew all too well as a Dragonair...Oh crap. He shifted his head back to a more comfortable position and, hoping to Arceus his assumption to the identity of the person was wrong, simply made a waving motion with his free arm in the hope to signal his distress.

    A chuckle came, followed rather quickly by an all too familiar laugh. Oh crap. His face dropped into a mix irritation, misery and some slight joy. At least he'd be getting help...once she stopped laughing, of course...
    ___________________________

    Her frustration almost immediately subsided as she approached the figure and recognised him, bringing her to an abrupt halt. Free strands of black hair waved as her own did, the prominent red jacket she herself had purchased for him ensuring some warmth from the snow storm and the present wrapped delicately into his person easily familiar: she had spotted it while visiting him in Pallet when his mother had fallen particularly ill ~4 weeks ago. Even without seeing his lovely crimson eyes, she knew him.

    And she laughed.

    She laughed from the ridiculousness of the situation, she laughed at his silliness in getting caught up in it as such. She laughed at her earlier frustrations at being embarrassed and, finally, she laughed at the joy at knowing he hadn't simply up and cancelled their plans for the evening and had gotten himself into something particularly bad. She felt his glare despite it facing away from her person, aware at his annoyance at her for her laughter, but frankly she couldn't care and relished this for every second, a once in a lifetime opportunity that she knew she would never encounter again.

    Her boyfriend, Kanto Champion Red, had licked a metal pole in 10°F conditions.

    It took a couple of minutes before she finally calmed herself down in order to help. It was well below freezing, and did he look cold: she knew he had been here for at least half an hour, when he said he would've arrived on the island. His mother would be arriving soon, no doubt: she was coming over from Knot Island after visiting Professor Oak there, but she wouldn't be much assistance: she never trained 'Mon and she was weak from illness, according to one of his chats with her earlier in the week. Her own mother could, but she'd rather not leave him there for another to stumble across.

    She sighed to herself, small tears still in her green eyes, and turned to the creature loyally following her. Dragonair wouldn't be much assistance here: she knew no Fire-type moves and, beyond Ice Beam from a Technical Machine, only knew Dragon and Electric-type moves. Both would cause some damage to both the street light and the person attached to it, and she'd rather both he remain in good health, if only to deal with him herself for his momentary lapse of focus, and to keep the light intact to save another earful from her own mother. She recalled the species were known to control the weather, but dismissed it as they were still working on that.

    Then she recalled a source of heat readily accessible near him...
    ___________________________

    Red glanced toward Green as she moved around and leaned in closer. Now he could easily see her beautiful green eyes, glittering in joy at the whole tongue-frozen-to-metal thing. She pulled her scarf down from her lower face, permitting him to see the rest of her features: a small smirk twitched at his lips from seeing the familiar lips, which opened to let her draw in a breath, making him raise an eyebrow in curiousity.

    Suddenly, warmth adorned the lower half of his face. He shuddered in elation, his face numb from the cold and the warmth his girlfriend provided easily bringing feeling back to it. He heard her low whistling go up slightly in pitch as she evidentially smiled at his reaction, but he couldn't care. Warmth was sooo good.

    Then he felt his tongue slowly coming free. He immediately realised her plan, to warm the frozen saliva holding him to the pole to make it melt, and slowly began pulling away, not so much it would hurt too much but enough to make sure it wouldn't restick to the metal. It took a couple of breathes from her, but he regained his freedom from the metal quickly.

    A smile was on his lips as he began rubbing his numb face, desperately trying to get more warmth into it. It left, however, when he turned his attention back to Green, whom had a look of irritation upon her face. Oh, he was in trouble about the whole missing-Rushmae-dinner thing, wasn't he?
    ___________________________

    A frown was adorn across her features, lips pursed as she watched him rub his own features in a bid to get friction to heat his face. The goofy smile across his lips quickly dropped when he finally refocused his attention back to her, like a kid who had thought he was making the greatest Lava Cookie Heist realising his mother had just seen him take one. His eyebrows quickly raised in worry of the earful he would get, but she merely kept quiet and let him figure out what to do, eyes never leaving his.

    He shuffled uncomfortably under he look, well aware he was in trouble, but never looked away. His crimson eyes flitted across her features, probably looking for some indication, some weakness to exploit. But this wasn't a battle being fought in the League. This was a much more difficult one, and he had made a major mistake in one of his actions. Now he was facing something he couldn't simply sic his Charizard upon.

    He finally seemed to come to a conclusion after a couple of seconds staring intently back into her eyes. She mentally thanked Arceus, for she was becoming rather uncomfortable under that gaze, like he was looking right through her and was studying the very thought processes that made her tick. She hated it when he did that to her.

    He shifted to full height before moving to close the empty space between them, forcing her to tilt her head. He had been going through a growth spurt recently, putting him at least 3 inches over her. Her left eyebrow raised in an expression of curiosity, but ensured every other part of her face retained the expression fixed on them since she freed him. Of course, no amount of preparation would've let her retain them for his next move.

    In one swift motion, he bet down and met his lips with hers. Her eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened in shock at the sudden move, but she never moved back. She wouldn't let him get the upper hand in the silent argument. She was moving her arms around his shoulders to ensure she had support in case they fell, just as he had wrapped his arm around her back, not because she accepted this as an apology for...something...

    ...what were they talking about again?

    It didn't matter any more to the couple beneath the light, whom stood in the cold winter snow, their loose hair windswept and dancing together. The world melted away quietly between them, ignoring the sudden blast of cold as what might have been another blast of wind brushed by them. If it did anything, all it did was make them come closer together. For all she cared, they could've remained like that all night...

    Ahem.

    Both sets of eyes shot open and turned to the source of the noise. Stood nearby, evidentially having followed the path leading up from the docks, was Red's mother, Scarlet Cornell. The expression on her face made clear she was not amused by this in the slightest at the scenario involving her son playing out in front of her. Speaking of scenarios like this, they should probably back away from each other...

    It quickly became apparent, however, that neither could move away from each other, in the literal sense. When they pulled back, they quickly discovered their lips attached, small chunks of ice crystals on the side of their joined mouths facing away from Scarlet. Green followed the direction with her own eyes and spotted Dragonair, seeming oblivious to the ongoing events and instead content to focus upon the dancing snow passing the light above them. Green immediately fixed a glare onto the dragon, whom paid no mind to her master. Green swore if the dragon could smirk, a large one would be pasted across her face now.

    Green quickly turned her attentions back to Scarlet, who was staring at Red as intently as he had done toward her before while assessing what he should do. Red merely fixed a sheepish expression onto his face, the grin mostly obscured by herself. Green flinched slightly when the stare was directed toward her, making it clear that she was definitely where he got it from. Green really had no response to the stare, so did as her partner-in-crime did and transfixed the same sheepish expression on her own face.

    ...oh crap?
    ___________________________

    They sat side by side on Greens' mother's sofa. Both weren't wearing their jackets and instead sat wrapped in a warm blanket each, holding mugs of hot chocolate to let them warm up. Her present now sat on her lap, a necessity since he needed to carry her here. He sniffled slightly, the time spent in the cold finally deciding to take it's toll.

    In the kitchen, both mothers stood discussing the recent events with each other, his mother profusely apologizing to hers for his absence. Her mother had accepted the explanation, especially after he turned up carrying her daughter with their lips stuck together and followed by his. But alas, that was his mother for you.

    He felt something warm slip into his hand. He looked to his own and saw it intertwined with hers, to which he glanced up to her eyes and saw the small, comfortable smile on her face. He responded with his own, albeit it slightly sheepish smile. Perhaps it wasn't so bad today...

    ...Oh, he knew he had Hell to pay, though...
    ___________________________

    Rushmae

    A long standing traditional holiday amongst the Human Colonies, Rushmae is a time of spending the evening with those you love, exchanging gifts between each other. The holiday is the long descendant of '(o.e.)Christmas', essentially the same. The famous '(o.e.)Santa Claus' concept does still exist, but rather then bringing a person presents, Éndé Kaz takes the presents to those whom love that person and gives them a gift catered specifically toward the current relationship between them. As such, old movie footage tend to confuse the young raised with Endé Kaz over '(o.e.)Santa Claus', since the latter brings presents directly to good boys and girls instead.
    ___________________________
    Last edited by Instrutilus; 17th May 2013 at 01:00 PM.

  2. #2
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    I did thoroughly enjoy this story. As I wasn't really expecting to read any sort of comedic or shipping fics in the competition, it was a pleasant surprise. I enjoyed the characterization, though I think a broader description of the setting could have helped. And I presume that this fits in with the rest of the Travelverse, as otherwise I would be thoroughly lost about everything! But a very sweet story all round, and I can send you my judging of this if you would like

  3. #3
    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    Please do send your judging, I'd very much like to improve my writing. And yes, this is a Pokémon SideTravel, a short story off to the side that doesn't serve anything other then being amusing and getting a point in the main Travels across better. Think like canon omakes in manga. And I kept the description of the area to a minimum to try and subtly invoke the idea the island is dark and the snow is obstructing the view, so I kept things very basic. Didn't work, apparently =P Ah well, that's what this is for, I shall ensure it is improved upon.

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    The First Homunculus Pride's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    Haha, nice story man! It was pretty heartwarming. I can't see any holes or problems story-wise, you just have some grammatical mistakes. Like in the sentence where you say he has a conversation with his mother about her health, you use "weak" instead of "week". Other than that, pretty good. You need to give yourself more credit :).

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    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Red View Post
    Haha, nice story man! It was pretty heartwarming. I can't see any holes or problems story-wise, you just have some grammatical mistakes. Like in the sentence where you say he has a conversation with his mother about her health, you use "weak" instead of "week". Other than that, pretty good. You need to give yourself more credit :).
    ...as far as I've known, week was the period of seven days and weak referred to a low level of power behind something. o3o

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    The First Homunculus Pride's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    @Instrutilus; Yeah, but you said "he talked to her earlier in the weak" instead of "week". Here, you were referring to the time period, were you not?

  7. #7
    Me am stalking bug Instrutilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    I was, I saw it and edited it after you pointed it out, though your wording confused me for a moment. Done now :L

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    Bulbasaur rocks. Period. Bulbajer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneshot - Flames in the Winter (BurningLeaf within, be warned ye shippers.)

    This is really, really good!

    Bulbajer types interesting posts at the speed of light! Surrender to his refreshing sense of humor or prepare to fight!
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