A New Start For Ash Ketchum (PG) Advanceshippy and Pokeshippy
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  1. #1

    Default A New Start For Ash Ketchum (PG) Advanceshippy and Pokeshippy

    A New Start for Ash Ketchum, this is pokeshippy and advanceshippy.
    This is rated PG


    Chapter 1: memories


    Ash Ketchum lay in bed awake, how can it be a whole year since the accident. He thought. He lay there and thought about that day two years ago…

    *flashback*
    “Ash were only going to a party!, I’m sure you can handle the twins for one night!” misty told him. “Ok I’ll try” “Now me and Melody are leaving now!” Suddenly two little girls came running in the room screaming. “ are you sure I’ll be alright?” ash asked “Yes, they are only two 2 year old girls, how hard could it be, we’ll be back around 8:00, ok?” She asked him. “Ok, now go.” Ash told her.

    *3 hours later*

    “This is so exhausting, I hope she returns soon” ash said breathing heavily. Suddenly the phone rang, he answered it. “Hello” a very sad voice said “hi” ash replied “It’s me May, Misty and Melody got involved in a car accident, Misty was killed, Melody was injured badly, I’m sorry, Ash” suddenly ash felt himself crying. “Ash are you ok?” May asked him feeling horrible. “No!” Ash yelled in the phone and then hung up. He then realized he had to tell there two daughters that there mom was dead, but who could he?
    *end flashback*

    Ash, still laying bed heard Ashley and Lilly (his daughter’s names) crying. He went into there room and saw them looking at a picture of Misty. “Daddy” Ashley said “its mommy, we miss her” Lilly finished with a sob. Ash layed them both on his lap and rocked them to sleep. After that he thought about what had happened a couple months after that night.

    *Flashback*

    Ash, Ashley and Lilly were on there way to Brock’s house, for Brock to baby-sit them while Ash went on his first date since Misty was killed. He got there and they went right in, because it was like a second home to them. “Hey, Brock!” he said “hey, Ash how are you?” he asked “good” he replied Brock had gotten older and more mature and he was married to Melody, who was in a wheelchair “Hi, Ashley, hi Lilly!” Melody said when she saw they were there. “You guys are going to have a fun time at our house; Jeremy is upstairs in his room!” Soon after that, Ash left and went to go pick up none other than May White. He knocked on her door and she opened and she was gorges she was in a beautiful red dress and had her hair down. Ash gave some flowers and they were on there way to Chez Vulpix. When they got to the restaurant, they first got a salad and at the main course they got on the topic of Misty. Ash finally yelled “I CAN`T DO THIS!!” and ran out of the restaurant. May followed him out there. “Hey, I know you are still mourning the loss of Misty, so am I, she was a good friend of mine and so are you and I don’t want you to feel bad, so you can take me home and you can go pick up Ashley and Lilly and go home, what do you say?” “No, let’s finish this date, I just realized that you’re not Misty. But you are a good person, and I think it could work out between us, so let’s go back in there and finish our meal.” Ash told her
    * end flashback*
    Now he and May are engaged. They are going to be married in two months, and Ashley and Lilly really like May and think she’s great, and can’t wait to have her as there mom. Everything is turning out perfect until Ashley asks “Daddy, what happened to our other mommy?” She had asked it the one question Ash had hoped neither of them would ask. He finally told her “um, she’s not with us anymore.” May had heard and knew it hurt trying to tell her that, she knew it would be tough to tell any child that, she then promised herself she would be the best mom to them that she could be.
    *1 month later*

    Ash, May, Brock, and Melody were going over some last-minute wedding plans, while Ashley, Lilly, and Jeremy (Brock and melody’s son) were playing upstairs.
    “So I bet you guys can’t wait until the big day!” Melody asked cheerfully.
    “We sure are!” Ash and May said in unison “well that’s good because it’s one month away!” Brock added


    That’s chapter 1, I hope you enjoyed it! It is way better than my last fic!
    Chapter 2= The Big Day
    Last edited by Gardevoir; 3rd January 2004 at 05:38 PM.
    I like Yu-Gi-oh!!!! My name is Trey Hagg.

  2. #2

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    Chapter 2: What Giovanni wants and The Big Day

    The phone rang. Brock answered it. "Hello" Brock said "Let me speak to Ash Ketchum, Right now!" a loud and angry voice yelled. "OK, Ok" Brock said nervously. "Hey Ash, it’s for you!" Ash went to the phone and said "Hello" The voice then said calmly "Hello Ash, do you know who I am?" "No" ash answered "Ash this is going to be hard to believe, but I'm your father, Giovanni"
    “Well that can’t be, my father died when I was very young.” Ash told him.
    “YOU FOOL! You can’t believe Delia’s lies!” Giovanni said
    “They are not lies, you are lying to me!” Ash yelled
    “OK, now listen all I want is to see my son and two granddaughters OK. Now meet me at The Pallet Diner at 5:00 tonight, I’ll see you then.” Giovanni said and then hung up.
    ”Well, I guess I’m going to Pallet Diner tonight” Ash told them.
    “Ash, I’ll watch Ashley and Lilly tonight.” May told him
    “Thanks, well bye everyone!” Ash said
    “Bye May, I… love you” He said to May
    “I love you too!” May replied.
    They shared a kiss before Ash went out the door. As he was driving he thought about next month and remembered when he proposed to misty.

    *Flashback*
    “ASH, where are you taking me?” Misty yelled
    “Don’t worry Mist; OK open your eyes now.”
    She opened her eyes and saw the exact spot where she fished up Ash the first day of his journey.
    “Misty, you know I love you very much and I’ve loved since the day I saw you, It was twelve years ago I started my pokemon journey, and that I met the girl of my dreams, you.” He then got down on one knee and said
    “Misty, will you marry me?”
    She just sat there stunned at what he had asked finally she answered
    “Yes, of course I will!”
    They then shared a long and passionate kiss.
    *end flashback*


    That night at 5:00

    Ash ran into the restaurant and saw a man motioning to come there.
    “Hello Ash, nice to see you.”
    Ash then realized there was no one except him and Giovanni there. Right as Ash was about to say something back to Giovanni, he got a call on his cell phone.
    “I better take this, it’s from Brock, I’ll be right back.”
    *Oh no our plan is ruined!* Giovanni thought.
    ----------------Back in the back with Ash-----------------------------
    “Hey, Brock” Ash said into the phone
    “Ash, rocket grunts are invading our house, AH!”
    *Oh no, I better get over there!* He thought
    Just then rocket grunts surrounded him.
    *Oh, no all my pokemon are at my house!* Ash thought
    “Hey Ash I just wanted to tell we’ll take very good care of Ashley.” He said laughing very evil. Giovanni then got in his helicopter, with the grunts and flew off.
    “No” Ash said with a tear going down his face.
    He went back to Brock’s house
    “Ash, you’re back!” May said
    Ash said nothing
    “Ash, they took” Ash interrupted Brock
    “I know.” He said quietly
    “Ash, you must feel horrible. You and Lilly should get home.” May said sympathetically
    -----------------------------Wedding day----------------------------------------
    They were all getting ready for the wedding, while Ash was sitting in the chapel thinking about his and Misty’s wedding day
    *Flashback*
    Ash was at the alter as he saw Misty coming down the aisle and was amazed at how beautiful she was. They had decided to writ there own vows. Misty went first.
    “Ash, twelve years ago I met you. It was the weirdest way I ever met anyone, I fished you out of a river, you destroyed my bike that day and I started to follow you in your travels. As I traveled with you, I started to see how much you liked and how much you cared for all pokemon and I … fell in love with you. We traveled together for so long and some of the time we bickered, and as we traveled on, we primarily stopped except for once in a while, when my sister’s went on that cruise I thought I’d never see you again, but I did. Ash I love you and promise to be there for you every step of the way, just like in your journey.”
    *End Flashback*
    “Ash, come back!” Brock yelled
    “Oh sorry Brock, just thinking about me and Misty’s wedding.” Ash told him.
    “Oh, I understand.” Brock said softly “Anyway you better get to the alter, the ceremony is about to start!”
    “Oh my gosh” Ash rushed to the alter and the ceremony started a few minutes later.
    *15 minutes later*
    “I now pronounce Man and Wife.” The priest said “You may now kiss the bride”
    Ash and May then shared a long and passionate kiss.

    sorry for a short chapter, next one should be longer!
    Last edited by Gardevoir; 13th January 2005 at 05:02 PM.
    I like Yu-Gi-oh!!!! My name is Trey Hagg.

  3. #3
    Java Girl Barb's Avatar Retired Staff
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    My only thoughts on this fic are:

    1. Too many flashbacks. Tell the story in the order that it happened. One or two flashbacks per chapter is acceptable, but you're veering from the present to the past way too often. It's getting confusing to follow.

    However, I will say that starting the story with a character's death is a terrific hook. When tragedy befalls anyone, basic human nature is to want to know what happens next, how the survivors deal with their losses, etc. It is jarring to read, but it holds your attention.

    2. Not enough detail. Please tell us what Ash and Misty's wedding was like, even just one or two sentences. Please tell us how they came to have twins, and how Melody and Misty came to be friends. Right now, the two chapters up have the basics of the plot, but no details that would flesh out the characters more. How does Ash cope with Misty's death? How do the twins cope? How is Advanceshipping involved?
    How does Giovanni fit in? You're juggling a lot of subplots here.

    3. One typo, and it's a doozy: "I now denounce you man and wife." It should be pronounce. ;) Don't worry, it happens to everyone.

  4. #4

    Default

    It would be funny if it were intentional, Barb.
    When I overtake them, they will be left blind and lost forever in the seas of darkness.

    One of the Original 5 of the Pokéshippers.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Barb
    Please tell us how they came to have twins,
    Should I really put that in?!
    I like Yu-Gi-oh!!!! My name is Trey Hagg.

  6. #6

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    No the thing about denouncing the marriage.
    When I overtake them, they will be left blind and lost forever in the seas of darkness.

    One of the Original 5 of the Pokéshippers.

  7. #7
    Unregistered
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    Angry that wedding thing

    good good but hell would ash ever marry may yuck!!!!!!!!!!!! how could u think it misty and ash all the way oh yeah to many flash backs ok bye

  8. #8
    the pokelovers
    Guest

    Pumpkin the story i just read

    it was like hell i hated it it diguisted me to many flash backs to short by the way u should tell more action and more about misties death and the way ash was so sad u should also hve misty just aliitle more and that way ur readers would really be intersted and even cry any ways i agree with the person above like hell ash would marry may and love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so it sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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