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Thread: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

  1. #61
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    I wanted Prinplp to evolve, but it wouldn't have fit in with the ending I'm going for.

  2. #62
    Run through any Wall Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    All right, finally caught up. Don't have many comments on the battle against Wasaki, either of them, they seemed pretty normal. I can't believe Noah didn't realize his connection with Prinplup and even got rid of it.

    Now, what could've happened with this woman whose name we don't even know and what will Noah find out in the next and last chapter of this fic, I hope it's a good answer.

  3. #63
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame Getsuga Haze View Post
    All right, finally caught up. Don't have many comments on the battle against Wasaki, either of them, they seemed pretty normal. I can't believe Noah didn't realize his connection with Prinplup and even got rid of it.

    Now, what could've happened with this woman whose name we don't even know and what will Noah find out in the next and last chapter of this fic, I hope it's a good answer.
    Getting rid of Prinplup will be an important part of the last chapter, which is mainly the reason it was included, even though he is as important of a character as Noah, but was written out as soon as Noah got a new Pokéball.

    The woman's name will be revealed in the last chapter as well as the extent of her involvement. The reason why her name wasn't known is because Noah didn't see her as an important person for him to memorise her name, as opposed to Wasaki.

    It's an explosive finale, but it should explain all your questions.

    EDIT: The last chapter will be posted sometime later today. I have also started writing a tie-in story from which chapter 1 is already finished.
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 25th January 2011 at 12:10 AM.

  4. #64
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Journey out of Mt. Coronet



    11


    Noah was hesitant on whether he should take her offer or not, he wanted to see his mother, fulfill his promise, because there was no use in being the strongest Trainer in Sinnoh if he can’t even keep a promise.

    But he had also promised his mother that he would become strong, and battling would surely help him. Noah smiled, and took his steps towards the lady, slow at first, but then picking up the pace, and eventually running after her as she jogged towards what seemed like a large body of water.

    “Why do we have to battle so far away from the entrance?!” Noah shouted after the Coordinator.

    She stopped and turned around, almost causing Noah to smash into her. He managed to stop himself in time, but the sudden shift in movement caused Prinplup’s Pokéball to detach itself and roll to the lake. It bounced towards the water, and Noah grabbed just before it drowned.

    He then straightened himself, and looked at the Coordinator, who held a Pokéball in her hand. The lake was behind him, his opponent in front of him, and a distance for battling between them, in which Torterra appeared.

    She stomped one of her feet, to indicate that she was ready for the battle. Noah grinned and sent out his Prinplup, momentarily forgetting that his Pokéball was broken, which made it stay on the battlefield instead of returning to Noah.

    “Prinplup,” Noah started. “Use Metal Claw!”

    Prinplup nodded and prepared for his attack, but Torterra managed to land a hit first. She carried her entire body across the battlefield, and smashed it into Prinplup’s, causing the Pokémon to fall back in pain, but not before clawing at Torterra with his shinning gray wing. The large Pokémon winced and closed one eye for a few seconds, which Prinplup used to get back up and create a space between them.

    “Use it again!” Noah shouted with all his might, even though Prinplup was within hearing distance.

    Torterra ran forwards based on her trainer’s order, and rammed her head against Prinplup once more, but accidently stepped on Prinplup’s Pokéball. She lost her balance, and tipped to her left. Her entire body crashed violently onto the wall of the cave, causing the entire area to shake violently.

    The Pokéball rolled back towards Noah, who lost his balance and fell down, and due to the exposed magnet, it attached itself to Noah’s belt. “What are you doing?!” He yelled as he got up, trying hard to keep his footing. The coordinator was holding on to the wall, and like Noah, was attempting to stand still.

    She looked around in horror, and realized that rocks were falling from the ceiling. She retrieved Torterra into her Pokéball and shouted at Noah to run as she did so herself.

    Noah searched the floor, trying to find Prinplup’s Pokéball. The Pokémon was unconscious on the ground, knocked out by Torterra’s last Tackle, but his body was still struggling to move. “Get up!” Noah shouted at the Pokémon and attempted running out of the area.

    Prinplup opened his eyes and lifted half of hi body up before he screamed at Noah while pointing towards the ceiling. Noah looked up and saw a rock rushing towards him. There was a sudden shock of pain, followed by a loss of balance and a splash, and then everything went dark.

    “Come back,” His mother had said to him. “Not knowing where to go but moving forward anyway will lead you to get even more lost. Promise me that you’ll come back.”

    Crystal clear drops of water collided with Noah’s nose, starting a chain reaction of splitting into droplets, one of which hit his eyelid. His eyes fluttered open, to see his trusted partner, Prinplup.

    “I don’t know what happened to you after I ran away,” The woman sopped and broke Noah’s rush of memories. “I thought you might have… And I returned to the cave after a few minutes to search for you. I’ve been searching for you for an entire week, even in the areas around Mt. Coronet.”

    Noah smiled; he had finally completed the sequence of events that led him to come to this place. “I don’t hold you responsible,” Noah said. “It’s my fault, I was wrong.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “I’ve never been proven wrong before,” Noah said. “I doubted that you would ever be able to defeat me, because you are a coordinator, but Torterra did defeat Prinplup. It is not your fault, you weren’t the cause of what happened; I was.”

    “This means so much to me,” She laughed and cried at the same time. “Thank you.”

    “There is still one thing,” Noah said. “I can’t remember your name.”

    “It’s Wendell.” She said while wiping away her tears. There were a few moments of silence, in which Noah thought about all of what this experience brought. His whole vision of the world was changed. Pokémon who were once tools of war became friends. Wendell proved that coordinators could be good trainers as well, and he realized that collecting Gym Badges wasn’t the most important thing in his journey.

    “Where were you the past week, while I’ve been searching for you?” Wendell asked.

    “I was in Mt. Coronet for a few days,” Noah said. “I got out and stayed in Hearthome for a week, because I couldn’t remember how I got here, and I couldn’t move on without knowing; my curiosity got the best of me.”

    “Let’s get out of here,” Wendell sighed and looked around. “This place is giving me bad memories, and I don’t want to remember the thought of me causing your…”

    Wendell seemed unable to say the word death, as if uttering it would actually kill her. But Noah didn’t mind; he couldn’t see any issue with that. “Very well then,” He said as he got up and offered a hand to Wendell. “Let’s get out of here.”

    With each step, Noah remembered the steps he took when he got lost here, and the path became obvious now that he had gone through it so many times. Wendell followed close behind him, and occasionally let out a sigh.

    Then he stopped. To his left was the exit that will take him back to Hearthome, where Prinplup and the next of his Badges await. But to the right was another exit, one that would lead him all the way back to Twinleaf, where he can visit his mother.

    He wanted to finish his quest and collect the rest of the Sinnoh Badges, gain access to the Elite 4, and challenge the Champion, but it wasn’t as important as before. Prinplup on the other hand was, but so was his mother.

    Noah head turned between the two exits, and he thought deeply about which path to take. Should he continue with his quest, and prove that he was strong? Or should he go back to his mother, who was left all alone in Twinleaf?

    Wendell noticed Noah’s confusion, and reached her hand out to him, to put it on his shoulder.

    “Which exit are you going to take?”

  5. #65
    Run through any Wall Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    A cliffhanger ending, really I mean it was a good ending that Noah finally changed his way of thinking and had a change of heart but now we don't know if he went to Twinleaf or after Prinplup.

    Is there gonna be a sequel?

  6. #66
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame Getsuga Haze View Post
    A cliffhanger ending, really I mean it was a good ending that Noah finally changed his way of thinking and had a change of heart but now we don't know if he went to Twinleaf or after Prinplup.

    Is there gonna be a sequel?
    There is going to be a tie-in, but taking place before the events of this story, there will also be two other stories taking place after he event of this story, currently I am working on the prequel, and it is taking place in the Old Chateau.

  7. #67
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Very good finale. It was one of those not-so-cliffhanger cliffhangers. It did a good job of summing everything up while still leaving some room for the reader's imagination.

    Anyway, I enjoyed following this and am looking forward to the tie-ins.

  8. #68
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Thank you for reading and commenting. Glad to see that you've liked the finale! And hopefully you'll like what is to come.

  9. #69
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    It was a nice sweet ending, and I'm glad that Noah was able to get all of his memories back :D I think his change in mind came a bit suddenly, but I can understand why that had to hpapen. I also wanted to see him get Prinplup back, but I did enjoy the cliffhanger ending. It was a fantastic story and I look forward to what will come in the future

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  10. #70
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Thank you! I too felt that the ending was pretty sudden, but if was building up to this. I see it as 1->2->3-->5.

    Hopefully everyone will like the other story.

  11. #71
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    I just finished Chapter 8, loving it so far. I can't believe I let myself get left behind! This is such an awesome fic! I can't believe Noah actually put Prinplup in the PC... Can't wait to see what happens next but, sadly, I have things that need to be done irl so I will have to =(

    EDIT: I just finished the whole story. A fantastic little piece of writing. Now to get stuck into the Old Chateau story!
    Last edited by Gama; 29th January 2011 at 07:40 AM.

  12. #72
    Feeling of being watched 99unownoak's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Just finished reading, that was great. As much as I disliked Noah at the start I've come to really favour him by the conclusion. I thought the ending was good as well; allowing for open interpretation.

  13. #73
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Damn, this was a good piece of fanfiction, the characters, the setting, the brevity of it.... Everything was done very well!

    While I was banned last month, I read the entirety of this piece towards the end of my ban. I'd say it was well worth the read. Good job.

  14. #74
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Huh. It seems that the actual journey out of Mt. Coronet only lasts until Chapter 5.

    But... oh no. He goes back in. It's like Amigara Fault, except without all the horrible bodily distortions and the DRR DRR DRR-ing.

    Characterization: 14/20

    Man, Noah is really a jerk, isn't he. A complete jerk - at least before the journey into Mt. Coronet. And that poor Prinplup was just trying to help him.

    Grammar, style, and flow: 6/10

    I didn't even realize that Chapter 9 was a flashback until Chapter 10 came along. I thought it was a bit confusing then. It would have been good to put that chapter in italics, so that at least we knew that it was some sort of out-of-scene description.

    Same with the first part of Chapter 11. I didn't realize it was a different scene until the girl - Wendell - was apologizing.

    Overall rating: 68/100

    [Besides that, I couldn't really make out the theme of this story. It's definitely something more than just a person's journey out of Mt. Coronet - perhaps it has something to do with Noah's character.]

    Oh no. Now that I read it again, it's a bit more obvious that the ending was meant to be a twist. But it was too confusing at first...

    So my comments will shift a bit... the ending was pretty nice, but the middle left a bit to be desired.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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