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  1. #1
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Welcome,
    This story will be a rather short one. The plot is simple, a trainer finds himself lost in Mt. Coronet and is trying to find a way out.
    While the story is set in the context of a larger one, which is a typical League Challenge, it isn't a Journey/Trainer fic.
    I hope you enjoy it, and constructive criticism is always appreciated.

    Index
    Chapter 1
    Chapter 2
    Chapter 3
    Chapter 4
    Chapter 5
    Chapter 6
    Chapter 7
    Chapter 8
    Chapter 9
    Chapter 10
    Chapter 11



    1


    Crystal clear drops of water collided with Noah’s nose, starting a chain reaction of splitting into droplets, one of which hit his eyelid. His eyes fluttered open, to see his trusted partner, Prinplup.

    A blue Pokémon that stood on two three-toed feet, had blue eyes, a beak that connected with two crests that went over his head, and wings instead of arms and hands, but they couldn’t be used for flying.

    Noah’s trainer outfit was drenched in water, and the lower half of his body was still in the water, it was Prinplup’s wings that kept him from slipping back into the water.

    Noah opened his mouth to thank his Pokémon for dragging him out of the lake, but all he could do was cough; he had swallowed too much water. Prinplup continued dragging his trainer out of the water, while Noah continued on coughing. When he was completely out of the water, he turned to his left and managed to cough out most of the water he had swallowed, while Prinplup speculated with a worried look.

    “Thank you,” Noah was gasping for air. He leaned against one of the walls of the cave and faced Prinplup. Noah could barely feel his legs, and he had to sit against the wall in order to catch his breath. “Where are we?”

    Prinplup shook his head to indicate that he couldn’t tell where they are either.

    “How did you get out of your Pokéball?” Prinplup showed signs of obliviousness again. “I can’t even remember how I got here…”

    Noah scuffed his hand against his wet dark hair, sending water flying towards everything around him, including Prinplup, who wasn’t annoyed by the water at all. He then reached for his belt to feel his other Pokéballs, and he could feel all of them, including Prinplup’s.

    Noah checked his Pokétech. “Yay waterproof,” He whispered as he operated the watch strapped on his right wrist. “Oh wow, we’re at Mt. Coronet!” Noah was genuinely surprised, as was Prinplup. “I’ll find a way out,” Noah said. “You return to your Pokéball.”

    Noah dispatched Prinplup’s Pokéball from his belt, and attempted returning Prinplup, but it was to no avail. Upon further inspection and more tries, Noah realized that the Pokéball was broken, the insides were heavily damaged and the outer cover suffered many small dents that could easily be missed by the casual observer.

    “Well, that’s troublesome,” Noah let out a sigh. “Guess you’re going to have to walk after me until I can buy some more Pokéballs, since I don’t have any empty ones.”

    It took him about thirty minutes to regain the feelings in his legs. Noah got up to his feet and started walking, followed by Prinplup. He has never been inside Mt. Coronet before, and he couldn’t even remember how he got in here, and below the water, or what broke Prinplup’s Pokéball.

    Noah went back to the last thing he remembers, being handed a Badge, but he couldn’t remember which one. “This really is frustrating.”

    His clothes were covered in dirt they gathered from the ground and walls of the cave, and he was almost completely dry of the water he was drenched in not so long ago.

    Noah was a trainer from Twinleaf Town who started his journey with the typical goal of defeating the Pokémon League Champion and becoming a strong trainer. He started with Piplup, now a Prinplup, and caught some other Pokémon along his way. Completing the Pokédex was the least important of his goals, even though it was the excuse he used to start his journey.

    Noah felt something pulling at his shirt, and he turned around to see Prinplup, who pointed at the lake.

    “Have I been going around in circles?” Noah asked, and Prinplup nodded. “I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to remember how I got here.”

    Prinplup decided to take the lead. He grabbed Noah’s hand with his wings and started walking away from the lake. He had evolved after Noah’s battle with Roark. Noah’s Budew managed to defeat Geodude with ease, and greatly weakened Onix before Noah decided to return her to her Pokéball and replaced her with Piplup, who knocked out both Onix and Cranidos.

    The battle cause Piplup to evolve, and after one more battle with a trainer, Budew evolved as well. That day was the highlight of Noah’s journey so far, unless he forgot something greater that happened.

    Prinplup called out to Noah, effectively switching his attention back to his surroundings. They were in a different cave now, but the Pokétech still indicated that they were in Mt. Coronet. “We must be in a different room,” Noah said. “Do you know the way out?”

    Prinplup shook his head.

    “We can’t just go and depend on luck.”

    Prinplup lowered his head; he hated it when Noah got upset over the lightest of issues.

    “You can’t just do that!” His voice suddenly rose. “If we just go by your instinct, we may go even deeper into the cave! You haven’t been here before! It was a mistake to let you lead the way! Now, follow me!”

    Noah turned his back to Prinplup and started walking back to where they came from. But as frustrated as this made Prinplup, he followed his trainer without any objection.

    It was when Piplup lost his first battle that Noah showed his true colors. He was a sore loser, and didn’t care for anything but him winning. He only trained the Pokémon that had the most potential, and Prinplup was no exception, he came close to being released so many times, but he thankfully redeemed himself and managed to convince Noah to keep him, and since his evolution, he hasn’t lost a single battle.

    The same was for all of Noah’s other Pokémon. If any lost two battles in a row, Noah deemed them not worthy of being in his team when he takes on the Elite 4 and the Champion.

    And so he wandered, Noah was convinced that he knew which Pokémon were deserving of a spot, and which ones had no hope. He trusted his instincts in finding a way out of the cave more than he trusted Prinplup’s.

    This part was going to be the most critical in his journey.
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 14th March 2011 at 02:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Good story. Really interesting.

    Also, I like the character of Noah... I think that's someone we can all relate to when we're actually playing the games!

    One thing that I found a little irksome was how much you used the word 'water' right at the start. You use it nearly 10 times across three sentences. I think you could make the same things happen using slightly different words. No need to keep repeating yourself, it makes me too aware that they're words rather than a story.

  3. #3
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    Good story. Really interesting.

    Also, I like the character of Noah... I think that's someone we can all relate to when we're actually playing the games!

    One thing that I found a little irksome was how much you used the word 'water' right at the start. You use it nearly 10 times across three sentences. I think you could make the same things happen using slightly different words. No need to keep repeating yourself, it makes me too aware that they're words rather than a story.
    Thank you for the compliment and the critique.

    I will take your advice and try not to repeat myself too much in the future. Thank you for pointing that out, I wasn't aware of that problem but now I actually see it.

    As for the character of Noah, it's weird that you've liked him. I imagined everyone would be upset about this kind of character, even if most of us do box a lot of the Pokémon we originally intended on keeping in our team.

    Once again, thank you for reading the first chapter, and leaving your feedback.

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    Also, I like the character of Noah... I think that's someone we can all relate to when we're actually playing the games!
    Not me, I actually like to keep a team T_T
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Chaos in Thunder Shadow Raikou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Fic is good, but noah is Not good. I only release a pokemon when i haven't used it for quite a while.

    They should make all quadruple Pokemon ride able along with Gogoat.

  6. #6
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Journey out of Mt. Coronet



    2


    “BubbleBeam!”

    Prinplup inhaled a significant amount of air in, and held it in for a few seconds. He then opened his beak, but not fully, and shot numerous bubbles towards the defending Pokémon. The bubbles were aligned like a pillar, and were speeding towards the Graveler.

    This particular Graveler was smaller than average, hinting that it only evolved recently. A Pokémon that could easily be mistaken for a rock had it lacked the four arms.

    The bubbles collided with Graveler’s body, popping one by one, scattering small particles of water all over the Pokémon’s front, and finally, knocking it out. “Good job,” Noah congratulated his Prinplup. Noah had been training Prinplup while searching for an exit. “Keep that up and I might not have to waste another Super Potion on you.”

    Prinplup didn’t show any response, and returned to Noah’s side in silence. Noah was oblivious to this, but Prinplup cared about him, he cared enough to stick around and make sure Noah achieve his goal.

    Noah pushed all of his Pokémon to their limits, he trained them relentlessly, demanded they win, and in rare cases, would resort to extreme violence. He did all of this in the name of them becoming stronger.

    Any Pokémon that he deemed too weak would be stored in the Pokémon Storage System, as he believed that he would eventually find some use for them aside from battling, even though he couldn’t think of anything else to use Pokémon for.

    Even Noah’s reasons for picking his starter relied on strength in battle. He had been planning on picking Turtwig, a Pokémon that he loved, but opted for Piplup when he found out that someone who he has vowed to defeat had picked Chimchar.

    Rocks, boulders, walls, and every other kind of obstacle there is in a cave surrounded them, and finding a way out soon seemed like an idea impossible to achieve.

    Noah was not worried about food, as he had plenty that would last him for months; his main concern was his lack of Pokéballs. He wanted to be able to catch a Pokémon if he ever ran into a strong one that is worth a slot in his team.

    He kept on walking, further and further away from the lake he found himself in, constantly trying to recall his latest memories, and the most recent memory he managed to recall is what happened shortly after defeating Roark.

    He took his Badge and walked to the Pokémon Center, healed his Pokémon, and bragged about his win over Roark and his newly evolved Pokémon. After leaving the City of Energy behind him, he went back through Oreburgh Gate, which was very similar to Mt. Coronet in terms of appearance.

    Then back at Route 203, a place that he always remembered as the place where Abra got away. It was peaceful area with trees and tall grass dominating it, which Noah found surprising. The fact that it was so close to Jubilife City and still managed to avoid the affect civilization has on nature was amazing.

    But that was as far as he could remember. He knew that Budew evolved soon after that memory, but the details, the trainer, and the difficulty of the battle were completely blocked from his mind.

    Noah’s consciousness returned to the cave when Prinplup tugged at his shirt, and he saw a light in front of him. “Is that the exit?” Noah said, with hope in his voice.

    He walked towards the exit faster than usual, and went through it, only to be faced by snow. The cold overwhelmed Noah, and he ran back into the cave to gather his thoughts. It took him a few minutes to put on the heavy clothes he had in his backpack, and return to face the freezing weather.

    The area was just cold. The wind was settle for the most part, the snowflakes falling at a decent rate, and the vision clear just to see enough of what’s in front of Noah.

    “If I can recall correctly, we were very deep into Mt. Coronet,” Noah said. “And very high. All this time, we were just going further into the caves. This is hopeless, we are going to die in this stupid place!”

    Prinplup lowered his head. He could feel Noah’s frustration, but the main reason for his gesture was that Noah once again, gave up too soon. He gave up on his own Pokémon, on their situation, and on himself too easily and too soon. And Prinplup feared that if Noah loses just one Gym battle, he would give up on his entire goal.

    Prinplup followed Noah through the snow, not knowing what his plans were. “This is such a nuisance,” Noah said. ”I’m lost in the snow, can’t remember how I got here, and even though I’m covered in heavy clothes, my heart will almost freeze, and I can’t even return Prinplup to his Pokéball.” He turned to face his Pokémon. “At least you’re not like that annoying Bidoof, who kept making noises whenever she was out of her Pokéball. I plan on letting her rot where she is forever.”

    Once again, Prinplup showed no signs of reacting to Noah’s words, as any kind of response could only lead in more insults. Prinplup wondered why he was still with Noah; any other Pokémon would have left him by now. He verbally abused him so many times, and resorted to violence with him two times as a Piplup. And even though he could handle this weather, Noah never considered if Prinplup was in need of any sort of cover from the cold.

    In return, Prinplup had saved his life, won him many battles, and gave his all to the training that Noah forced upon all of his Pokémon. And unknown to Noah, he convinced many of his other Pokémon to not go back into the wild.

    He didn’t know what Noah hoped to do, what the point of going through the snow was, it would have been nice to share his plan, but Prinplup was determined to stay with Noah.

    Prinplup wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if Noah gave up on his dream because he decided to leave him.
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th January 2011 at 06:20 PM.

  7. #7
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Raikou View Post
    Fic is good, but noah is Not good. I only release a pokemon when i haven't used it for quite a while.
    I hope by that comment you mean 'dislikeable' because I think a jerk character is by no means a bad character. I think Noah is a really interesting character actually.

    There were a few moments of minor tense confusion in this chapter but, on the whole, I really enjoyed it. Noah is a really interesting character and so is Prinplup actually, as funny as that sounds! I'm looking forward to finding out what happened between 203 and Coronet!

  8. #8
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    I hope by that comment you mean 'dislikeable' because I think a jerk character is by no means a bad character. I think Noah is a really interesting character actually.

    There were a few moments of minor tense confusion in this chapter but, on the whole, I really enjoyed it. Noah is a really interesting character and so is Prinplup actually, as funny as that sounds! I'm looking forward to finding out what happened between 203 and Coronet!
    Tense Confusion has come back to haunt me!!! (My first fanfic to be posted on the internet had tense confusion, and was also my first flaw as a writer that was pointed out.)

    Glad to see that you've liked the chapter. I've planned on revealing all of what happens from the start of his journey to Mt. Coronet, but not as detailed as a normal journey fic would. (Example: His battle with Roark was summed up in 2 paragraphs.)

    Thank you for commenting and reminding me that I should work on my tenses.

  9. #9
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Okay, before reading anything else...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuuketsuki
    He then opened his peck, but not fully,
    This is making me think of strange things. Please replace it with "beak", which is no doubt the word you meant to put there. >_>
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  10. #10
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Oops... Now you're making me thinking weird things...
    Anyway, fixed.

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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    wow kyuu. Youre indeed a good writer! I hope someday you become a famous author, if you want to be.

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    Chaos in Thunder Shadow Raikou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Great!!!

    They should make all quadruple Pokemon ride able along with Gogoat.

  13. #13
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Quote Originally Posted by menametlg View Post
    wow kyuu. Youre indeed a good writer! I hope someday you become a famous author, if you want to be.
    Oh wow. Thank you so much for the amazing compliment, but I still have a long way to go. And even though I don't intend on being an author in the future, I have considered it and decided to take it up as a hoppy. Trying to get published will be my goal after I settle down and get a job, even though it will be hard considering I don't study literature...

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    Default Re: Journey out of Mt. Coronet

    Well, I read this during a free period in school today, and I gotta say, it's very well-realized. I like this Pokémon POV you're going with.

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    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Journey out of Mt. Coronet



    3


    “How about you stop being such a sore loser?” A blonde girl with striking blue eyes said to Noah. She wore a light pink scarf, and a long green gown, giving her a very colorful appearance. “If you push your Pokémon too far, they’re going to get seriously injured.”

    Prinplup was panting, almost falling head first into the streets of Jubilife City, while the opponent, Torterra, held her ground. She was a large quadruped Pokémon, dominated by the colors green and brown, but the most astonishing feature was her shell, which seemed to have an entire ecosystem growing on it. The Torterra was bulky and great in size, almost seeming indestructible.

    “Giving up is never an option,” Noah bit his lips. “Only cowards give up! I don’t care how far I have to go! Winning is a must!”

    His dreams became memories. He was sleeping peacefully inside his small portable tent that was shaped as a dome. Prinplup had to squeeze himself in, as it wasn’t designed to hold more than one human, and Noah was either kind enough to let Prinplup in, or had more important issues on his mind, and Prinplup guessed the latter.

    Noah was slowly recalling his journey. The memories returned whenever he closed his eyes to sleep, or wandered off with his mind, which always led to him almost hitting inanimate objects or tripping had Prinplup not been there to save him.

    A few hours later, the trek started again. Noah and Prinplup wandered in the snow once again, seemingly in a random direction. Noah’s plans were highly dependant on luck, finding another trainer in these parts.

    Other than remembering the battle in which Budew evolved, which was against a casual trainer, and parts of the one he had in Jubilife, Noah did the one thing that he should have done since the start. Prinplup took Noah’s Badge Case out of his bag when they rested for the night.

    Noah couldn’t believe how idiotic it was that he would forget to check how many Badges he had obtained before getting lost in this maze that is regarded as one of Sinnoh’s landmarks. He possessed the Coal, Forest, and Relic Badges, which meant that he has gone through Mt. Coronet once before. It was only a matter of finding the place he was in before, and recognize it.

    But Noah was too stubborn, instead of going back from where he came, and going the opposite way until finding an exit, he opted for finding a trainer out here, and he has yet to decide what to do after he finds someone.

    “Completing the Pokédex?” His mother had said to him before he started his journey. “You can’t lie to me.”

    She was a slender woman with beautiful features. She also had hazel eyes, and dark hair, almost identical to her son’s. Being a mother gave he the unique ability of detecting when her son was lying about anything, from eating unhealthy food, to getting into a fight, or even embarking on a dangerous journey with a fake goal.

    “You can’t lie to me,” She repeated herself when Noah sat silent for more than five seconds. “You’ve never been interested in any research; you didn’t even watch the Red Gyarados report when everyone else in Twinleaf was!”

    “Fine, I lied,” Noah said, frustrated. “I’m still going to go.”

    “Why?” Her voice started rising, and she fought back to hold her tears. “I am your mother.” She paused, as to make sure that she could hold the sadness from showing. “If you leave, I’m going to be all alone!”

    “This isn’t about you, mom,” Noah said. “Why do I have to dedicate my entire life to serve you?! It’s not my fault that dad is no longer here!”

    “Noah,” She inhaled and exhaled dramatically, and her voice returned to normal. “This isn’t about me. I don’t mind you traveling and chasing the dream that quite honestly, millions are chasing. I care about your safety, I care about you.” She rested her hands on his shoulders, and then quickly moved them to hold his face, keeping her eyes directly on his, and placed her palms on his checks. “I love you.”

    Noah breathed in the same manner as his mother. “I love you too, mom,” He too fought to hold his tears in. “I don’t say it much, but I do.”

    “You can go if you want,” She repeated. “This isn’t about me. Even if my reasons always seem to be about me, it’s only because you’re a teenager, and it is natural for you not to care about your own safety. But I want you to remember one thing, whenever you’re tired, whenever you need me, whenever you feel lost, come back.”

    Noah stopped in his tracks, and Prinplup almost crashed into him. “Go back,” He muttered. “It’s as easy as that. Finding someone won’t help, I should go back!”

    Prinplup couldn’t guess what brought about this change of heart, but he was grateful for it anyway. For two days, they have been wandering in the snow, looking for a trainer, and if Prinplup could only talk, he would have told Noah to go back.

    Noah’s stubbornness was suddenly replaced with rational thinking, luck with logic, and Noah started going in the opposite direction, back into the caves from where he came.

    “Come back,” His mother had said to him. “Not knowing where to go but moving forward anyway will lead you to get even more lost. Promise me that you’ll come back.”

    Noah knew the true meaning behind his mother’s words; most trainers who choose to travel far and wide across the region rarely visit their homes, where they grew up, and where their true supporters are. “I promise,” Noah said, and for the first time in years, he was genuine. “I will never forget you, mom, I won’t be like all these other trainers, I will be different.”

    She pressed her forehead against his, and they wept in silence as they said their goodbyes.

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