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Thread: Help!

  1. #1
    MondoTR's Avatar
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    Default Help!

    I wrote the first chapter of my fic in January. I've been working on the second chapter ever since. I keep starting it over because I don't like it. I've finally decided I want it to be in the Viridian Forest and I want Mikey to meet Samurai in it. Here's what I have so far:

    Chapter Two: The Forest Samurai

    Mikey had left Pallet a few days ago. He would have gone to Viridian City but was excited to get his first badge so planned to go to Pewter first. Most people didn’t know that Viridian Forest went around Viridian City but Mikey had heard many stories from trainers about their journeys so he knew many shortcuts that could make his quest shorter. So Mikey was now traveling through the somewhat dense forest on his way to the city with the first gym. He had seen a few bug Pokemon but just ignored them and continued walking. Next thing he knew a tip of a sword had been shoved in his face. Too surprised and scared to do anything, Mikey just stared at the sword.

    “You have just left from Pallet, am I correct?” Mikey looked up as the person holding the sword spoke to him.

    “Y-yeah.” Mikey answered, still a bit scared.

    “Ah, so you’re a novice trainer.” replied the owner of the sword.

    “Novice?” Mikey asked questioningly, not sure of what the word meant.

    “It means someone that just started their journey, a newbie.”

    “Then I guess I am a novice although I have been a trainer for about seven years now, just not officially.”

    “That is not important. What is important is that you are a trainer and I haven't had any trainer battles in quite a while.
    I might change what they said a bit but the next part will be them battling. What I'm not sure about is should I just have Samurai show Mikey to Pewter after the battle, have something else happen then have Samurai show him, or just have Mikey continue through the rest of the forest by himself (and what should he do if he does that)? Any suggestions will be appreciated.

  2. #2
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Hmm...Maybe they could go a little way together and then have Samurai get distracted by, like, another challenger or something.

  3. #3
    Like the Memory of a Kiss Kurai's Avatar
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    This is an interesting idea. I'd love to see how Mikey and his Eevee ended up, especially since there wasn't a revisit episode for the Eevee Brothers, just the Kabuki Sisters. I love the Eevee Brothers. They're so quirky and amusing, especially in the manga. Rainer = <3

    A piece of advice: from what I see, you're reduplicating Ash's journey—or, rather, the Red-Blue-Green journey. You don't always have to start in Palette Town and work through the same regime given to you by the video game. ;) It's a bit overly predictable to have the same eight cities with a smattering of small towns here and there, and ends up being rather dry unless there's more to the fic than "journey fic," if you know what I mean. It's a good idea, when writing a journey fic, to change up the order a bit, and maybe pass up on some while adding in a gym city or two of your own, trainers, leaders, and all.

    You've got my interest piqued. I want to know your opinion on whether Eevee itself is intrinsically a strong Pokémon, or whether you intend to evolve Eevee further down along the line.

    -=: [rose.iii] -=:=- [the.kuraitenshi] -=:=- [those.things.with.wings] :=-

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  4. #4
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    There may be designated start points. I've always thought that you have to go to a regional professor to get a Pokédex, like we see May doing. She doesn't start from her hometown, she starts, technically, from where Birch was.

  5. #5
    MondoTR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurai
    You don't always have to start in Palette Town and work through the same regime given to you by the video game.

    You've got my interest piqued. I want to know your opinion on whether Eevee itself is intrinsically a strong Pokémon, or whether you intend to evolve Eevee further down along the line.
    Erm, your post sounds kind of like a review so shouldn't be in the thread for the actual fic? Anyways, since the fic is about Mikey, Eevee's definitely not going to evolve. And Mikey will be going many places not in the games. And I actually was thinking of changing the gyms a bit and maybe making some unofficial gyms from the anime become official gyms.

  6. #6
    Like the Memory of a Kiss Kurai's Avatar
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    I stand corrected. ;x

    -=: [rose.iii] -=:=- [the.kuraitenshi] -=:=- [those.things.with.wings] :=-

    i'll believe all your lies, just pretend you love me
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