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    Oh Snap! Gato Gurl914's Avatar
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    Default The long awaited first chapter of my pokemon fic! (its my first one ^_^)

    i finally finished the FIRST chapter of the fic i asked characters for! yay! :7up: well here it is:



    Chapter 1-


    Above an immense forest the sky blackened and a storm began. Suddenly as lightning flashed two figures became visible. The first was a girl with bright yellow hair that stood straight up. The second was a man that was near the end. His wounds revealed however that he was a machine. The girl too was injured and bleeding in many places. Summoning the last of her strength she formed a massive energy blast that obliterated the machine-man. She turned and disappeared into the storm.


    The next day, a boy named Ash and his friends Brock, May, May’s little brother Max, and Ash’s yellow pokemon, Pikachu, arrived at a small town bordering an enormous forest.
    “It sure is pretty,” said May.
    “Yeah,” agreed Ash “but, it doesn’t have a gym or a contest center.”
    “Then I guess we should move on.” said May.
    “Wait! We’re all out of medicinal supplies and almost out of food!” said Brock.
    “And I’m hungry!” said Max.
    “Pika!” agreed Pikachu.
    “Okay then, into town we go!” Ash said cheerily.
    In town at the only restaurant, an aged man wearing a trench coat approached the group.
    “You wouldn’t happen to be from out of town, would you?” he asked. Ash’s mouth was too full of food to answer so May filled in by saying “Yes! How’d you guess?”
    “Well actually by the way your friend is eating, I can tell you’re traveling.” the man said.
    “If you are going to continue through the forest, I have a small request.” he finished
    “ I guess we could, we’re going that way anyways…” Ash said after swallowing a large portion of food.

    Meanwhile, in the forest, a black and white Meowth, a cat-like pokemon, was busy dragging a very large fish when suddenly a drop of red liquid fell on her head.
    ‘Those darn Tailow must be into the cherries again,’ she thought. The Meowth casually wiped the liquid from her head and licked it off her paw. Instantaneously she made a face and spat it out.
    “plech!” she spat. It had tasted horrible! More of the liquid fell around her. Looking up, the Meowth saw a figure hanging on a branch like a wet towel. Meowth decided to get a closer look. As she shimmied up the tree trunk, Meowth noticed that there were no pokemon on any of the branches where most made their homes. When she reached the branch where she had seen the figure, she stepped onto it. However, the branch groaned under the weight. Meowth eased over to find the lifeless body of a girl with jet black hair. She was wearing tattered clothes and blood was not only trickling out of her mouth but from other wounds on her body as well.
    “Mreow?” said Meowth cautiously prodding the body with her paw. Suddenly, the girl’s hand shot up and grabbed Meowth’s wrist! Meowth started to freak out, but the girl raised her head and said; “A cat, huh, gotta…” but she was cut off by the sound of the branch snapping. Down to the forest floor they fell, the girl held on to Meowth, protecting her. The force of the impact the girl had on the ground seemed to shake the entire forest. Pidgey, Tailow, and even a few Hoothoot were thrown from their roosts in the trees. Meowth opened her eyes to find herself still clutched in the girl’s arms.
    “Oh, I’m glad you’re ok,” said the girl hoarsely, and ignoring her own wounds, she pulled a handkerchief out of her small backpack, and wiped the blood, her blood, off of Meowth’s face. Meowth was shocked, even though this girl was on the brink of death, she still was selfless. Suddenly the girl started coughing violently, and spitting out some blood. She lost consciousness again and fell backwards. Meowth made up her mind, she would nurse this girl back to health if it killed her! Plucking the largest and thickest vines she could find, Meowth hurriedly tied them to the girl’s wrists, then tied the other ends to herself. Then, grimacing under the weight she trudged back to her cave dragging the girl behind.


    Back in town the old man gave the young heroes his request,
    “All we ask is that you keep your pokemon catches to a minimum,” he said.
    “Really? How come?” asked Ash.
    “The forest is a habitatual network for all the pokemon who live there, so disrupting it by catching a lot of pokemon or expanding the town even can cause major disaster.”
    “Wow, I’ve never even thought of it that way!” exclaimed May.
    “Yes, the pokemon depend on us and we depend on the pokemon.” said the man “and while we can’t stop trainers from catching all the pokemon in the forest, we can at least maintain stability.” he finished
    “We’ll be sure not to do anything to harm the forest sir!” exclaimed Brock as the group entered the forest.

    Meanwhile, Meowth had managed to get the girl back to her cave, and had cleaned and dressed the girl’s wounds with leaves. She left soup simmering and departed to find the herbs and roots the girl would need to fully recover. When she returned, muddied, the girl was sitting up in the makeshift cot on the floor. She had just changed into a new set of clothes, a purple tank top, cargo shorts, a new band for her long black hair, she had a sword sheathed across her back, and she had replaced the leaves with proper bandages.
    “Meowth mreow!!!!” wailed Meowth waving her arms wildly.
    “Hm? Are you trying to tell me something kitty?” asked the girl. Meowth pointed to the bed.
    “You want me to rest?” the girl replied. Meowth nodded.
    “I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to find someone.” the girl said stonily. Meowth looked down at the root she held in her paws. It was the Full-cure root! If I can just get her to take this, she’d recover! Meowth thought. Casually she offered the root to the girl.
    “No thanks, I really have to go now, so…” the girl started to stand but Meowth stamped REALLY hard on her foot! The girl’s face turned bright red, and then she let out the loudest bloodcurdling howl ever! While her mouth was open, Meowth threw the root in and then clamped herself over the girl’s mouth, preventing her from spitting the root out, for it was bitter.

    Back with Ash, the group was still determined to keep the forest stable, when they heard the scream.
    “Ack! M…May, what was that?” asked Max, panicking.
    “ I, I don’t know!” said May who was panicking also.
    “Hey what’s this?” asked Brock absently looking at a trail of some kind of red liquid on the ground. He tasted some, but then made a face and began to choke. Ash slapped him on the back a few times but to no avail. So with a gleam in his eyes Pikachu used his Thunder shock attack on Brock. Recovering quickly though, Brock said; “Yep, there’s only one thing in the world that tastes that gross!”
    Everyone leaned closer to find out what it was.
    “This is a trail of blood!” Brock said.
    “WAHHHH?” said everyone.
    “I think we should follow it, someone might need our help!” exclaimed Ash. So they followed the trail right to Meowth’s cave! The girl was just catching her breath as was Meowth.
    “Uh, is everything ok here miss?” asked Ash.
    “Well, for one, don’t call me miss,” said the girl “My name is Amanda, and where am I?” she finished.
    “Well, you’re….” started Ash, but Brock cut him off.
    “What he means is, my name is Brock and you’re in the forest of my heart!” he said in a sappy voice “Wont you help me find the way into yours?” he asked taking Amanda’s hand. Amanda made a disgusted face and with only one finger, flicked Brock into a tree.
    “Dahhhhhh, love hurts……..” he said sappily. Pikachu spoke to Meowth; “Pikachu, pi, pi pika! (Is this your human?)” Meowth replied; “Mrew meowth meow mearth! (No, she helped me and I helped her.)” Meowth continued, “Mya! Meow mer mreaow! (I found her badly hurt on a tree, and brought her here, now she’s recovered, though.)”
    “So is that your pokemon there?” asked Ash pointing to Meowth.
    “Huh? What’s a pokemon?” asked Amanda. “This cat here saved my life though.” she finished. Ash was awestruck, someone who didn’t know what a pokemon was?
    “Well, that cat there is a pokemon called a Meowth see?” said Ash pulling out his pokedex and pointing it at Meowth.
    “Meowth, the scratch-cat pokemon.” it stated in a mechanical voice. “Meowth love any object that sparkles and therefore often have a hoard of stolen money.” it finished.
    “Wow,” said Amanda.
    “You see,” started Ash, and he explained the trainers and gyms and other tidbits I don’t want to type.
    Meowth had fallen asleep in Amanda’s arms. Finally Ash finished.
    “Cool, but I have to get going, I have to find someone, and then find a way home.” said Amanda and she set Meowth down and started walking when suddenly two large robotic hands came out of nowhere and grabbed Meowth and Pikachu! The pokemon cried out in vain as Amanda and Ash failed to grab them as they where pulled into the brush! Suddenly a voice was heard over a loudspeaker,
    “You thought we wouldn’t be in this Fan fic so prepare for trouble!”
    “Yes it was your mistake, so make it double!” A girl with long red hair and a boy with purple hair both wearing white uniforms with black gloves and a large R printed in red on the front appeared on top of a green balloon basket. The girl was holding Pikachu in a glass dome with a light bulb on top, and while he tried to shock his way out the light bulb absorbed the electricity. The boy was holding Meowth in a cage while another normal Meowth looked at her lovingly.
    “To protect the world from devastation!”
    “To unite all peoples within our nation!”
    “To denounce the evils of truth and love!”
    “To extend our reach to the stars above!”
    “Jessie!”
    “James!
    “Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!”
    “Surrender now or prepare to fight!”
    “oh! MEEEOWTH! That’s right!” they all recited.
    “It’s Team Rocket!” exclaimed everyone but Amanda.
    “Yes, and not only do we have your Pikachu but this rare colored Meowth is ours too!” said James taunting. Amanda’s eyes suddenly became very serious.
    “OK, Treeko! I choose….” started Ash, but Amanda cut him off.
    “Ash, let me handle this.” she said with such a sternness that Ash froze completely.
    “Oh, and what can you do? We’ve been spying on you the whole time, so we know you don’t have any pokemon to help you!” said Jessie laughing.
    “I don’t need one.” said Amanda and then she disappeared!
    “Wha? Where’d she go?” asked May.
    “Yeah where?” asked the evil Meowth.
    “Why, I’m right here.” said a voice from behind. With horrified expressions and the pokemon now somehow missing from their arms Team Rocket slowly turned around to see Amanda standing on the edge of the basket.
    “H, how’d you do that?!” asked a horrified Jessie.
    “And where are the pokemon we stole?” asked James. Amanda un-sheathed the sword from her back and pointed it at the evil trio.
    “Give me one reason to let you live.” she said in an almost demonic voice. Meowth, Jessie and James all shivered in fear.
    “No reason? Not a one?” Amanda.
    “Pika!” said Pikachu crawling up on Amanda’s left shoulder.
    “Meowth!” said Meowth crawling up on Amanda’s right shoulder. Team Rocket wet themselves. With a total look of disgust on her face, Amanda jumped backwards while Pikachu jumped forwards and used a thunderbolt attack! Amanda fell to the ground unscathed while Team Rocket’s balloon blew up, and as they were blown into the distance, Amanda could make out the words;
    “We’re blasting off agaiiiiiiin!” Pikachu landed in Ash’s arms. But, before he could even thank her Amanda spoke up.
    “You’re traveling the world, right?” she asked. Ash nodded.
    “Would it be a problem if I came with you? I am looking for someone, so if I traveled all over I’d be sure to find him.”
    “Ah! Of course you can come!” Brock said quickly. Amanda smiled uneasily.
    “And, what about you? Do you want to come with me?” Amanda asked Meowth. Meowth smiled and nodded, happy to finally have a friend.

    Meanwhile in another part of the forest, Team Rocket was licking their wounds.
    “What’s with that kid?” asked Jessie to no one in particular.
    “I’ll tell you, she’s some kind of monster!” James said in exasperation.
    “Yeah, but I bet da Boss would like to know about her!” said Meowth.
    “Yeah! If we give him some good info like that, maybe he’ll send us some money!” James said fantasizing.
    “Well then, what are we waiting for, lets call him!” said Jessie evilly.

    To be Continued…
    Last edited by Gato Gurl914; 30th September 2004 at 09:38 PM.

  2. #2
    Oh Snap! Gato Gurl914's Avatar
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    please comment as i would like them...

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    Nice work. I'd like to see where this is going...

  4. #4
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    im glad to see people are reading this, i took so long in writing it i hope other people comment their opinons of it too, so if anything might be wrong i could change for the second chapter.

  5. #5
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    i really wish more people would comment on this, i took a lot of time and effort to make the first chapter. anyone who writes fics knows how i feel about this...

  6. #6
    Like the Memory of a Kiss Kurai's Avatar
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    I'm sure you don't remember me, but I remember you from Pojo, if I'm not mistaken. oO Hi.

    I can reccommend a few very key pieces of advice.

    Functioning off of what responses you get for a fic is never a good idea: it's true that writing fiction means different things to different people, and it usually feels great to have at least one reply per posted chapter(s), but you should write regardless of whether people read or reply.

    Your paragraph structure needs alteration. Using all dialogue for long expanses tends to get confusing and dry, regardless of whether or not you "tag" the speaker from time to time. Try to describe your characters and setting gradually instead of having blocks of text and then streams of talking. :) You don't always have to do it, but try to make the description part of what the character's doing. It makes it more active, if you know what I mean. Also, even if you use characters from the anime you're ficcing, you should still give at least a vague description. Some vets might not know who Max and May are. ^^;

    And I see that through the years you still ask for people to offer you characters. Though I've seriously mellowed out from my prior militant defiance of the idea that this is good conduct for an author, I've come to accept that it's some people's way of putting their friends and readers into their fic. You've gotten a lot better with integration of characters into specific scenes, if I remember correctly.

    This does seem to have a spiced plot though. I can't help but wonder what's happened to that girl.... oO!
    Last edited by Kurai; 25th October 2004 at 01:34 AM.

    -=: [rose.iii] -=:=- [the.kuraitenshi] -=:=- [those.things.with.wings] :=-

    i'll believe all your lies, just pretend you love me
    make believe, close your eyes
    i'll be anything for you

  7. #7
    Oh Snap! Gato Gurl914's Avatar
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    ^_^() yeah i guess even at pojo i was begging for response! lol thanks for the advice! what was your pojo name anyway?

  8. #8
    Like the Memory of a Kiss Kurai's Avatar
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    *faceplant* Kurai. o__o;; Well, Kuraitenshi. ^__^;;

    -=: [rose.iii] -=:=- [the.kuraitenshi] -=:=- [those.things.with.wings] :=-

    i'll believe all your lies, just pretend you love me
    make believe, close your eyes
    i'll be anything for you

  9. #9
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    god that was so long ago, im sorry i cant remember you! i got banned from the pojo ezboard for an unknown reason (BTW- im assuming you gave me a character for one of my fics?)

  10. #10
    Oh Snap! Gato Gurl914's Avatar
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    Default The second chapter in my STILL unnamed pokemon fic

    well here it is!
    EDIT- oosh, drinking and smoking at the same time! lol stay tuned peoples!

    Chapter 2-

    It was early morning. Jessie, James and Meowth were watching on a videophone a man wearing an orange suit. His brown hair was combed so straightly, it looked almost as if it was painted on. He poured himself a glass of brandy, then sat down in a very large chair. A larger version of Meowth was curled up next to him. Jessie and James where very nervous. Not only had they failed the boss several times, he probably didn’t appreciate the fact that they had called him so early too. The boss finished his brandy and lit a cigar. Without looking up from his lighter, he spoke:
    “You’d better have a good reason to be calling me this early, actually, you’re lucky I answered at all!”
    “Well boss, its just that…” James started uneasily then he couldn’t go on.
    “What he means is…” said Jessie but she too couldn’t go on. Meowth swallowed audibly.
    “There’s this freaky girl hangin’ out with those twerps we’re always after!” he exclaimed very quickly.
    “And why should it matter to me how many friends they assemble?” the boss asked, annoyed.
    “That’s the thing!” Jessie said suddenly. “ She’s….not human…” she trailed off.
    “What? That’s not even possible!” exclaimed the boss biting through his cigar.
    “It’s true!” said James.
    “Tell me, how can you prove it?” asked the boss, hinting that their story alone wouldn’t convince him.
    “Uh…um…I know! We can get pictures!” James thought out loud.
    “Hmm, very good,” said the boss. “DON’T disappoint me.” he said before hanging up. Then to himself he said:
    “Where the reports true, then?”

    Meanwhile, back in the forest, everyone was sleeping soundly, but a wonderful scent woke them. Ash turned over in his sleeping bag mumbling:
    “Just five more minutes mom, please?” Unfortunately, he rolled over onto Pikachu, who’s first response was to of course use thunder shock.
    “Yaaagah!” cried Ash certainly more awake now. His cry of course, woke the others.
    “What’s your problem?” May demanded, her hair frizzy from tossing and turning in the night. Max, who was next to her, sat up and put his glasses on. Brock too, sat up and rubbed his eyes.
    “Brock? I thought that was you cooking…”Ash said once he saw Brock. May and Max had started getting their things together.
    Amanda had been the one cooking, and cook she did! She had prepared a very delicious breakfast of fried rice. Everyone ate ravenously.
    “Wow Amanda,” Ash said between mouthfuls of rice. “You may be even better than Brock!” he managed to choke out. Amanda smiled while Brock gave Ash the evil eye.
    “Oh, are you getting enough, Gizmo?” Amanda asked the black and white Meowth.
    “Oh, you’re going to call her that?” asked Max.
    “Yes, she reminds me of my cat back home…” Amanda said. The group finished eating and packed up to leave. But little did they know their every move was being watched. Later, as they were walking, Brock kept reading his map, but they seemed to keep going in circles. Taking a break at a stream, Brock was trying to figure out the map as was Max. May was lying down in the cool grass, and Ash and Amanda were skipping stones in the water.
    “Ah! Oh no!” Brock said suddenly.
    “What, what?!” everyone else asked.
    “We’re…we’re in Beedrill territory!” Brock said grimly. Everyone but Amanda cringed.
    “What are beedrill?” she asked. While Brock was explaining that Beedrill were very short tempered bee pokemon, Gizmo tried skipping stones but failed many times. Pikachu approached her and skipped a stone cleanly across the stream. This made Gizmo mad, so she threw her rock as far as she could into the woods. Unfortunately, everyone heard a clunk, then a very loud buzz.
    “That’s…probably not good….” said Amanda in shock as tens of thousands of Beedrill poured out of the woods to the stream. Gizmo and Pikachu nervously made their way back to their friends, while the Beedrill swarm hovered angrily. With Gizmo in her arms, Amanda finally un-froze and shouted:
    “RUN!!!!!!” and with that everyone took off in the direction opposite of the killer swarm. But, no matter how fast they ran, the swarm seemed to be always behind. Suddenly, the dense forest dispersed, and the group found themselves at a cliff to a canyon. The speed they had accumulated was too much and even though Max, May, and Ash stopped in time, Brock crashed into everyone causing them to teeter, and Amanda crashed into Brock, causing everyone to fall off the cliff! The Bedrill swarm flew past them blinded by their rage. When the dust settled and Ash opened his eyes, he found he was hanging upside-down! It was a chain of people and pokemon hanging off the cliff! Ash was at the bottom, his ankles held by May who’s ankles in turn were held by Max, who was held around the waist by Brock who’s ankles were held by Amanda, Gizmo and Pikachu were balancing on her legs, but the strangest thing was that she wasn’t using her legs to hang on to the cliff! A monkey-like tail had ripped a hole in her shorts and was clinging to the edge of rock! Gizmo and Pikachu jumped off of Amanda’s legs onto the cliff. This allowed Amanda to swing her legs up on the cliff.
    “Hang on!” she cried and with a mighty grunt pulled everybody back onto the cliff. Then she fell to her knees and, panting, but looked up at everyone and grinned. But she was met with strange looks.
    “Wow…you’re really…something…”Ash said wearily.
    “Well, I guess the jig is up,” said Amanda standing. Her tail hung loosely behind her.
    “I’ll say! What the heck is up with you!?” May demanded brushing the dust off her bandanna.
    “Yeah!” Max chimed in, but shakily. Even Gizmo and Pikachu were astounded. Amanda brushed the dust off her clothes, then she sat cross-legged.
    “Well, I guess the best way to put it is I’m an extra-terrestrial.” she said seriously.
    “What, like an alien?” Ash asked imagining little green men in a flying saucer.
    “Not that kind!!!!” Amanda yelled at Ash. Regaining her composure she spoke:
    “While I am from another planet, I can’t remember it. My race, the Saiyans, were a race of fighters, when a child was born they were sent to a new planet to conquer. However! If a saiyan baby suffers head trauma during infancy, the mission data is erased, therefore making them docile. There are only two known cases of this happening, another man named Goku, and myself.”
    Everyone stared wide-eyed. Amanda became flustered.
    “B-but I don’t mean any harm! Actually, I’m still not sure how I got to this Earth! The Earth I’m from is much, much different, I guess what I mean to say is I’m just a lost little girl looking for someone, then a way back home…”she added. Ash finally spoke up:
    “Amanda, you’re a nice person, and even if you’re and alien from some other planet, I still want you to come with me on my pokemon journey. Besides, Pikachu seems to have taken a liking to you!” he said. Pikachu had indeed walked over to Amanda and was perched on her head.
    “Yeah, Gizmo seems to be happy with who you are too!” May added. Gizmo had curled up in Amanda’s lap. Amanda’s eye’s brimmed with tears.
    “Oh, you have no idea how good it feels to be accepted!” she said as tears ran down her cheeks.
    “Oh, hey!” Brock said from behind the map.
    “What?” everyone asked at once.
    “We’re on track! In fact there should be a bridge to the right for us to cross the canyon!” and indeed there was.

    As the group crossed the bridge three figures emerged from the forest. As they came into view, it was revealed to be Team Rocket. Turning to James, Jessie asked:
    “You got all that on tape right?!”
    “But of course my dear!” replied James.
    “With this video of dat’ girl’s confession, da boss will make sure we’re rewarded!!!!” Meowth said cheerily.

    Oh no! It appears Amanda’s secret won’t be too secret for long!
    To be continued…
    Last edited by Gato Gurl914; 8th November 2004 at 10:19 PM.

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