Edgar's Vigil

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Thread: Edgar's Vigil

  1. #1
    East Unova Resident SuperTrainStationH's Avatar
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    Default Edgar's Vigil

    "Edgar, come to me." My trainer said as he released me from my Pokéball.

    We were at home, Amos' apartment. My trainer laid crumpled, weak and miserable under the covers.

    I had sensed the migraine taking root in my trainer's body some time ago during an exhibition match at the Battle Tower. I alerted him psychically, and Amos forfeited the match at once and hurried home before he was incapacitated.

    It was sunset now, quiet, dark, and still. The apartment should have been bustling with activity. The lights and television should have been on, and music or video games playing, and all of us Pokémon would have been occupying ourselves one way or another, looking out the window or sitting somewhere near Amos as he read or watched television.

    Rarely did he keep us in our Pokéballs while at home, but the last thing Amos wanted was for any of his Pokémon to see him in this state and worry over him, least of all I, his Espeon, who could so clearly see and feel the extent of his suffering.

    My trainer couldn't help it now, he couldn't stand to be alone a moment longer. He needed me, and I was there for him.

    I carefully climbed onto the bed, careful not to jostle Amos more than need be, and stood beside him.

    "Come here Edgar." My trainer said, his voice but a wilted whisper as he reached up and placed his hand upon my head to pet me and scratch behind my ears.

    Amos' hand was so warm, and the light of his love so gorgeous and illuminating. I tipped my head back and purred, his hand slid down to my back and guided me into his embrace. Holding me tight, he combed his fingers though my fur and sighed with some sense of relief at my presence.

    It was more than just a headache ravaging my trainer. It was nausea, it was numbness, it hurt him just to open his eyes, it was like the thinking part of his brain had nearly shut down completely. It took all his will and concentration just to speak. But Amos did speak, and he said,

    "Thank you, Edgar."

    The words caressed my soul. I purred my appreciation for his gratitude as I nuzzled Amos' chin and then rested my head upon his chest. Through the blanket I could feel the heat of his body and the beating of his heart.

    My trainer said nothing more, and just laid there nestled with me as he struggled through his agony to find some comfort, all the while holding me in his arms, gently stroking me from head to tail like I were the only thing grounding him to the universe.

    It was so cruel that I was laying there cuddled up comfortably with Amos knowing the suffering he was enduring. I could see the migraine like a lurid open wound in my trainer's consciousness, a wound he couldn't even rub to ease the pain. It was horrific. I could smell his breath. He had vomited some time before he released my from my Ball. The fact that he could even muster to speak aloud was a triumph in his condition.

    But somehow, despite this all, my trainer was smiling, not just with his lips, but with his heart, happy just because I was there and watching over him.

    Though his body was aflame with pain Amos' mind was clear and calm and full of happy memories for us to relive together. I nuzzled Amos' neck and purred endlessly, my tail swaying languidly as my mind, entwined with my master's, soothed him into a delicate trance to seclude him from the pain.

    "I love you Amos." I whispered. It felt so nice to hear those words spoken aloud, even if my trainer would never understand my speech.

    I laid my head upon my Amos' chest, sideways so I could hear his beating heart. I and my human, each of our hearts beating, each of us inching closer to cold, lonely death, but for now sharing in each other's warmth and savoring our friendship. The rhythm lulled me quickly to sleep, embraced by my beloved master.

  2. #2
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
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    Default Re: Edgar's Vigil

    That was excellent, I really like your syle of writing and the amount of focus you use. It was heart breaking too. Such simplicity in writing is often the greatest kind.

  3. #3
    Speedrunner pokabu82's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: Edgar's Vigil

    Wow! That's awesome! I love it! I will be reading it all the time!

  4. #4
    East Unova Resident SuperTrainStationH's Avatar
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    Default Re: Edgar's Vigil

    Wow, I mistakingly thought this thread was deleted for some reason and never realized it got responses.

    Thanks for your kind words and feedback.

  5. #5
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Edgar's Vigil

    This is a rather emotional one-shot... and having just read Watchmen, I think I'm well steeled-up for a review.

    Also, I have a chemistry test tomorrow, so I'm also mentally ready for breaking stuff down. Both chemolytically and mentally. XD

    Level of emotion: 14/20

    Perhaps the "level of emotion" is a misleading factor. Emotion can be there without being too overpowering, and still achieve a better effect, and you've done this to good effect in your one-shot.

    Grammar, style, and flow: 6/10

    Something just felt... blocky about this fic. Perhaps it was in the way you combined the mundane with the emotional, or maybe it was the way in which you told a few things without showing them.

    Overall rating: 73/100

    It feels so wrong to give such cold, heartless ratings (even an 89 would be cold and heartless, as it is just a steel number, hung on a lifeless, wooden plaque) to such warm, heartful moments.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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