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  1. #16
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    Interesting chapter. I was hoping for more character development, but it was very entertaining all the same. I hope they find Chimchar soon, and I do hope Wasaki is alright so we can learn more about him.

    When you get further in Galactic, you will see my own version of the ghost girl ;)
    This was more of a Plot chapter, character chapters will flood you soon, don't worry. And I'm interested in seeing your spin on the girl story as I've already planned out mine.

    Quote Originally Posted by Italics View Post
    OH MY GOD, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I would've tailored the review for you! I would've explained several concepts that usually only apply to English! I would've shown you how to correctly use certain punctuation marks!

    GAWD. If you weren't so damn good at English, I would've figured it out sooner!

    Asshole.
    People are usually shocked when they realise English is my second language. Especially the people here in England. I do still want you to do your reviews as if that information was never revealed, it would help me become better as a writer.

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    Default A Conflict in the Old Chateau



    3


    It would have been a normal day in Twinleaf Town, but the incident that occurred earlier that day in the Wilson household caused an unusual stir that disrupted the peace of the small town.

    Aloha Wilson, the mother of the household was spread across the grass, crying her eyes out, being comforted by the other housewives, and shouting incoherent nonsense at her house. A few meters away from her stood her daughter, Amorette Wilson. She was fighting to hold back her tears, looking at her mother and feeling pity for her.

    She was fourteen year old, and had tried hard to establish herself as the tough female that can’t be shaken down, but this event affected everyone. In her arms, she held her little brother, Noah Wilson. The six-year-old boy was crying, he buried his head deep in his sister’s arms, and occasionally looked at his mother.

    The young Wasaki looked on the sight as he wondered what had happened. He was young and oblivious, and seeing the sight of an adult woman sobbing on the grass hysterically, hair unkempt, eyes wild, and clothes dirty, gave him the feeling that everything was not going to be the same from now on.

    Beside Aloha was his mother; the one Wasaki got most of his looks from. She had the same black hair, only hers was longer, her skin was as dark as Wasaki’s, and her eyes had a different shade of green.

    That day at Twinleaf started it all. From then on, children teased Noah about the event and bullied him, and his sister had decided to run away after becoming sixteen years old, while his mother was constantly alone in the house.

    Wasaki found it disgusting and sickening how some kids would rub such a tragic memory in Noah’s face. He never participated in these acts, and never understood why until he was slightly older, when he started defending Noah, and would sometimes get beaten up for it. But Wasaki endured, nobody should suffer what Noah suffered. After all, there was nothing funny about bullying a kid whose father committed suicide.

    The rush of water snapped Wasaki back to the Old Chateau. He would have collided with the weak wood floor and possible died had Prinplup not sent out a wave of water that carried Wasaki away from the floor. He was turned upside down, and the flow carried him over and smashed him into a wall. A rush of agonizing pain attacked Wasaki, but it was better than losing your life.

    “I saved you once again,” Noah sighed, even though he hadn’t ordered Prinplup to do anything. “You better find me an exit.”

    “Oh… Noah…” Wasaki breathed heavily. “Couldn’t you… Catch my breath…”

    Noah squinted his eyes and walked towards Wasaki. He hated him with such passion that was extremely surprising, even to Noah at some points. He kept repeating to himself all the things he hated about Wasaki, and his hatred grew with each step.

    Prinplup followed closely, keeping every step silent, hoping that Noah doesn’t return him to his Poké Ball. He wanted to get to know his new trainer and become friends with him, just like Wasaki. But it was hopeless, there was always a barrier, the same one.

    “I want to get out of here,” Noah said. “I don’t care about any girl. You better find me an exit.”

    The girl. Wasaki had forgotten completely about her, as well as Chimchar. “You refused my help since we were kids,” Wasaki said. “But I will help you if you help me now, please.”

    Noah considered Wasaki’s offer. The latter has been trying to help him out all along. It was fine to help him as long as he got something in return, which is getting out of this building. “Fine,” Noah sighed. “I’ll help you, but you better make this quick.”

    Wasaki reached out his hand, hoping that Noah would take it and help him to his feet, but his self-proclaimed rival turned around, only to notice Prinplup. “I forgot about you,” Noah’s tone harmed Prinplup’s feelings and made him feel as if Noah didn’t care about him at all. The Pokémon hung his head down, almost crying before being withdrawn to his Poké Ball. “You shouldn’t be walking. Return.”

    Wasaki wanted to address how Noah treated his starter, but decided that it would be for the best if he kept silent; Noah was bound to learn his lesson when the time comes anyway. For now, they should focus of finding the missing Pokémon and the mysterious girl.

    Wasaki pulled himself up from the floor. He straightened his clothes and patted them slightly to get the dust out, before realizing that he was drenched in Prinplup’s water, which made the entire process useless. He wondered why Noah hadn’t informed him, but when he looked at him and saw his smug expression, his thoughts were answered.

    “I’m just trying to be your friend,” Wasaki sighed. “Can’t you just try as well?”

    “Stop it with that friendship nonsense,” Noah said. “Let’s go.”

    “Yeah, we have to-“

    “Stop repeating yourself! We know what we will do! It’s like being around an obnoxious robot!”

    That day at Twinleaf, it would have been a normal one. But Noah had blocked everyone he didn’t know out of his life, believing that the only person he has to protect was his mother. He believed that he could no longer trust anyone. What Noah’s father did harmed his mother more than anything else ever could, and Wasaki understood the need to fulfill a mother’s need.

    “Take care,” Wasaki’s mother had said to him. “You will be on the same path as Noah. Even though you have different goals, don’t let them get in the way of your friendship. Noah might have locked himself away from all the other residents, but I want you to remind him that there are still nice people in the world. He is screaming for help, don’t let him down, Wasaki.”

    “Don’t worry, mother,” Wasaki said politely. “I will try my best to become his friend.” To the young man, his mother was the wisest person to ever walk on the ground. He had great respect for her and admired her strength through all the hardships she suffered.

    But no matter how tough the exterior she put up is, she herself was screaming for help.

  3. #18
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Oooh! Quite an interesting chapter! This really ties up a good deal of the plot points from Mt. Coronet that went unsolved, and you write it very well. Noah comes across as quite the asshole in this chapter, trying to kill Wasaki and all.

    You've got a subscriber in me.
    Last edited by Der_Neuevenmenschen; 4th February 2011 at 08:13 PM.

  4. #19
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Great! Very happy that you've liked the chapter! I planned on revealing the "Father Incident" in Journey out of Mt. Coronet, but when I decided to write prequels and sequels (A suggestion by Gastly's Mama), I settled for revealing it in this story. Because I couldn't imagine Noah willingly remembering the incident, while Wasaki is willing to.

    Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope you like what is to come.

  5. #20
    Chaos in Thunder Shadow Raikou's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Great, maybe you will also spawn a series of stories all linked to each other, like ghastly's mama's stories. Dont ever think Raikou & Ghastly will forget abt your stories.

    They should make all quadruple Pokemon ride able along with Gogoat.

  6. #21
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Very interestign chapter. I like the revelation about what happened to Noah's father, but I don't think his mother would have been crying on the grass (though that may change soon enough, depending how the father died.) Noah seems like more of a dick in this story than in Journey, so I hope he gets another form of Just Deserts later on in the story

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  7. #22
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    Very interestign chapter. I like the revelation about what happened to Noah's father, but I don't think his mother would have been crying on the grass (though that may change soon enough, depending how the father died.) Noah seems like more of a dick in this story than in Journey, so I hope he gets another form of Just Deserts later on in the story
    Why would you not think that? And how will it change? XD

    Noah is worse in this story is because it is set before he got lost in Mt. Coronet. So he was just starting his journey, and the "Becoming good" transformation hasn't started yet.

    And... Just Deserts? O.o

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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    ^^
    What he karmatically deserves for his bad actions.

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    Default A Conflict in the Old Chateau



    4


    Noah Wilson and Wasaki Icnoyotl, two trainers from Twinleaf on the same path for different goals, and each one was oblivious to the other’s.

    Wasaki was an outgoing, friendly, helpful, and ambitious. He wanted to introduce Noah to the concept of friendship even before his mother instructed him to. But Noah had always been closed in inside his own world, and deflected all of Wasaki’s attempts.

    This was the perfect opportunity.

    The pair was trapped inside an old building in Eterna Forest, and the only way to get out was to help each other. This was Wasaki’s chance. It was his only chance.

    “How many Pokémon have you caught so far?” Wasaki said in hopes of starting a conversation. It wasn’t the most original one, but it a relevant subject to the both of them.

    “I haven’t given it much thought,” Noah responded. “I don’t care much about the number. What matters to me is if they are strong enough to win a battle.”

    “What if they aren’t strong enough to win a battle?”

    “Then I’ll just deposit them.”

    “Why not train them?”

    “I don’t have time to deal with them.”

    “But what if-“

    “Why do you ask so many questions?” Noah stopped walking, causing Wasaki to stop as well. “Let’s just focus on getting out of here, I don’t care about how your life has been since you left Twinleaf, and I don’t expect you to care about mine.”

    Wasaki fell silent, not because of Noah’s last remark, but due to distant cries reaching him. He turned his head around, rotating his body after it, while Noah just squinted his eyes and judged him silently. “I think I heard something,” Wasaki said. “But I can’t place where from.”

    There was another similar but louder cry that reached Noah as well, making him forget his insult. “That’s a Pokémon cry,” He said. “But it’s not Chimchar.”

    At first Wasaki wanted to brag about his knowledge of his own starter, but resorted to playing along with Noah. “You’re right,” He said. “It’s not Chimchar, but it does sound familiar. If only I could place it…” Noah breathed heavily out of boredom as Wasaki seemed to go into a trance-like state, trying hard to remember the cry, but not able to place it for a very long time. “I don’t know what Pokémon that was, but I now remember where I heard it from,” Wasaki said, and stared at Noah as if saying run. “I heard it when I was locked in the room.”

    Without warning, Wasaki ran forward, not knowing where to go, but determined to find his friend and the missing girl. Noah followed after him, but he was already falling behind. Wasaki had run up the stairs after his destination; the room he was unconscious in.

    Noah dashed as well, but he wasn’t as determined as Wasaki was, and his speed couldn’t even hope to match Wasaki’s. His rival somehow managed to keep calm in a situation where he won’t be able. This made Noah think about his own starter, what would he do if he lost him. Probably move on.

    Noah slowed down after he made the final step and managed to reach the top floor. Wasaki had already run off to the room, and Noah followed him. His expectations were very low, and a sudden wave of shock came over him. Wasaki was hugging his Pokémon, while a girl looked on with an expressionless face.

    Noah’s doubts about the missing girl evaporated. She was wearing a normal yellow dress, and her brown hair was tied in a yellow hair band, a classic Sinnoh girl look. Her head slowly turned to look at Noah, slightly tilting to the left, and her lips moved to say hello.

    But no sound came out. Not even a whisper. He mouth moved to form a smile, but her eyes didn’t change to match the new expression. The smile itself felt unreal, the deadness of the eyes just added to it. The girl straightened her face once more, and her face twitched slightly. She approached Noah, and reached out with her hand.

    For a moment, he felt dead. The girl’s hand touched his, and he could feel it, but not the touch itself. Flashes of when he was as young as her seemed to form to a slideshow in her eyes. Noah became engulfed for a second. The air became tight, and the room around him disappeared, though he could still feel the ground beneath his feet.

    The girl broke her contact as soon as the room was gone, which made it return instantly. She took a few steps back and opened her mouth to scream, but there no sound, no change but for Chimchar. The Pokémon covered his ears and squealed in pain, Wasaki was frightened, and he held his Pokémon tight, desperately trying to comfort him.

    Chimchar fell unconscious when the girl closed her mouth, and she frowned. Her message was delivered, as if she spoke directly to him.

    “Hello, Noah. I am a ghost.”

    “We should get out of here,” Wasaki said. “Chimchar’s ears are bleeding. Do you live in Eterna City, little girl?”

    “She lives here,” Noah said, and quickly regretted his words. “That’s what she told me.”

    The girl nodded, even though Noah had lied. “It is not safe here,” Wasaki emphasized. “We have to get out, treat Chimchar, and decide what to do next.”

    “Fine, but how do you plan on doing that? The doors are locked, the windows are fixed, and this girl doesn’t look like she wants to leave.”

    Wasaki turned around, holding Chimchar in one arm like a baby, and reaching his hand for the girl. “Come on, please?” He said kindly, and Noah got angry as he remembered how Wasaki was the favorite teenager to play with amongst the kids in Twinleaf. The girl reached her hand as well.

    Wasaki blinked and almost dropped Chimchar. He took a step back to regain his balance, and looked at the girl, she was smiling again. “I…” Wasaki stuttered. “I think she’s a ghost.” His statement seemed very sudden and unrelated to their previous topic.

    “She’s not a ghost,” Noah said and looked at the girl. “There is no such thing as ghosts. Dead people are dead, they can never come back, thankfully.”

    The girl continued to hold Wasaki’s hand. She looked at Noah; her smile dropped then rose again, as if she was switching it to another person. He looked back at her in disbelief. There was no such thing as ghosts, he didn’t want there to be, and the girl seemed to understand.

    “How can we get out of here?” Wasaki asked, and the girl tugged his hand, then she reached for Noah’s. At first he hesitated, but he gave her his hand eventually. There was nothing this time, except for what seemed like a prank. The girl pulled both of their hands together, and had their pinkies hold each other.

    Noah pulled his hand away, disgusted, before Wasaki could even realize the situation, and the girl let out a silent giggle.

  10. #25
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Gotta love how Noah covinced himself the kid wasn't a ghost.

  11. #26
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    I thought the mother wouldnt be crying on the grass as it seems like a rather odd, public place to be crying. If I had lost a loved one, I wouldn't have made a spectacle of myself. If the father had jumped in front of a car or something, I would understand. And "Just Deserts" is a term refering to people getting what they deserve.

    This bit was very well written, though I got a bit confused with the ghost girl. I look forward to see what happens next

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  12. #27
    Chaos in Thunder Shadow Raikou's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    so good that the ghost girl is a good ghost.

    They should make all quadruple Pokemon ride able along with Gogoat.

  13. #28
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Quote Originally Posted by El_Noobio View Post
    Gotta love how Noah covinced himself the kid wasn't a ghost.
    I'm sure you can connect it to something. hinthintchapterthree

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    I thought the mother wouldnt be crying on the grass as it seems like a rather odd, public place to be crying. If I had lost a loved one, I wouldn't have made a spectacle of myself. If the father had jumped in front of a car or something, I would understand. And "Just Deserts" is a term refering to people getting what they deserve.
    The way I imagined it, the father hung himself inside the house, and when Aloha saw him she ran out of the house crying in a shock of disbelief and terror. When someone you love dies, people don't usually care about their looks in front of people (Which I learned from experience).

    And thanks for clarifying what "Just Deserts" is (you and El Noobio), it's probably one of those TV Tropes things...

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    This bit was very well written, though I got a bit confused with the ghost girl. I look forward to see what happens next
    Ghost Girl will just get weirder and weirder...

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Raikou View Post
    so good that the ghost girl is a good ghost.
    I do try to stay as close to the canon as I can.

  14. #29
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    I dont use TV Tropes ever. It's an actual saying said by people off the internet :P

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

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    Default Re: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

    Actually, you should use it, albeit sparingly.

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