New and improved! I've been writing this for about a year now, and it's a bunches better than any old Hiro, of new Hiro! The first few chapters suck almost as much as the old ones did, but after chapter 4-5 or so, it gets better. So read, filthy earth stink!
Hiro woke up very early one Spring morning, only to realize that his mom had gone insane and made him a Cinnibar Volcano Burger with Baking 'Basco Sauce™ [the hottest and slowest-acting hot sauce on earth] for dinner, and his tongue was disintegrating in his mouth! He was running around with his head in his ass when his insane mother stopped him.
"Heheheheha! I "found" a bunch of stuff while I was, uh, "shopping" in the Quik-E-Mart. Neat quote marks, eh? Eh? Eh?" cackled his mother creepily.
"Yo, Ma Dukes! Ain't that Quik-Mart-E bein' closing for some day or stuff?" babbled Hiro, still trying without success to douse his mouth.
"Don't talk back to your elders!" snapped his mom irritably, "the point is that the cops tagged this, so I want you to have it! BIRTHDAYTIME HAPPIES!" she gleefully shouted wile shoving a shiny new Pokégear into Hiro's pocket.
"B-b-but ma's, if'n I gots it, I am havin' lotsa troubles!?" blubbered Hiro while undertaking plastic surgery to slow the burning process.
"That's right, birthday..." she trailed off unhelpfully.
Well, Hiro was still unable to cool his mouth, so he ran to the sidewalk and proceeded to stick a fire hydrant into his mouth, which, apart from stretching his large head to almost twice its normal size, was somehow able to cool him off. So he went to see his good friend/enemy, Professor Tree, and told him of his current predicament.
"Your mom went crazy again? Well, you'd better take a Pokémon. It can be dangerous out there, you know," said the sympathetic prof.
"Thanks profess--HEY!" Hiro started, as the prof. reached out to take the Pokéball back, remembering the time Hiro put Ben Gay in his shaving cream.
"No way, old dude, this is mine!" shouted Hiro. He ran back home, snuck into his room, and grabbed his Talking Pikachu Pokédex™. He then headed for the path on the other side of town.
And so the adventure begins...