MATURE: You're All I Ever Wanted!

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    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default You're All I Ever Wanted!

    You're All I Ever Wanted

    Two different worlds come together but who knew it would end up like this. After getting a divorce and putting an end to a painful marriage Petey ends up finding someone special and falling hard for her. The problem is with her line of work she's always on the go as a fashion consultant. Will it work out or will it just be to much for both of them.

    Credits:
    I do NOT own Petey Williams, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley or any other real life wrestler.
    Jackson Williams belongs to me Ashton Reso (Ajay) belongs to my friend Ashley and Aiden Carlton belongs to my friend Maggie.

    Authors Note: This is an out of character wrestling fan fic so you don't need to know about wrestling to understand the story...promise.


    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f512/youre-all-i-ever-wanted-story-ideas-characters-other-things-145325/#post4560999"]Authors Atlas
    You can find Character Bios for everyone in the story along with anything else I can think of.

    CHAPTERS
    1. Mystery in the Air!
    2. You Have My Heart!
    3. The Truth Starts To Show!
    4. Little Cupid!
    5. The Little Supermodel!
    6. It's Date Night!
    7. How I Miss You
    8. The Tall Tale of the "Mean Lady"
    Last edited by Caite-chan; 1st February 2013 at 06:03 PM.

  2. #2
    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    CHAPTER 1: Mystery in the Air!



    There was a lot of commotion going on a lot of people drinking and having a good time. People watching the Hockey game, shooting pool or just shooting the breeze. It was the normal hustle and bustle of one of the best bars in Windsor. Everyone knew Scott D'Amore and had nothing but good things to say about him. He always made his presence known and was always talking with his customers.

    Scott also had some of the best people keeping his operations going without missing a beat. When one called in another would fill in as if nothing happened. That night he had a rather short Canadian working the bar. Everyone seemed to love him and always gave him good tips. Petey always talked to everyone and was good at remembering the regulars drinks. When he wasn't making drinks he kept himself busy keeping the bar immaculate.

    He was hard at work making drinks as he watched a blonde haired lady make her way into the bar. She walked with that confident attitude that made people notice when she walked by. He had that greet full smile on his face as he leaned against the bar as she stepped up.

    "Let me guess...the lady would like a martini right?"

    "Do I make it that obvious?"

    "I wouldn't say obvious just that some people look like they might have a certain type of drink." Petey replied as she looked at him for a moment before nodding her head as he made quick work whipping up her martini. A moment or so later he placed the martini in front of her.

    "You must be from that fashion show going on downtown."

    "Yes I am at least for another day or so." She took a sip of her drink as she nodded her head at him.

    "Well I do have to say you look very nice."

    She flashed him a smile as she leaned against the counter. He excused himself for a moment as he went to take care of a few other customers and make their drinks. She watched his every move and how he interacted with the customers.

    Scott walked over asking for a few drinks as the small Canadian made quick work in getting them made up. He smiled placing them on the tray as he swayed through the crowd making sure not to spill a drop. He placed the tray on the table as the gentlemen took their drinks and handed him a tip as he thanked them and walked back behind the counter. He walked back down to where she was still sitting at the bar.

    "I really like your style. You seemed to get along with everyone very well."

    He smiled at the compliment and nodded. She then watched him a few more minutes as he wiped the counter down.

    "So..."

    "Petey...you can call me Petey."

    "So Petey do you do more than just bartend?"

    He looked at her as he was starting to pick up on her southern accent which he found really cute.

    "I'm a Personal Trainer during the day. I just do this when Scott needs a little help here and there."

    She shifted her position on the stool as she looked at him a bit more interested. He was different and didn't try and hit on her the first chance he got.

    "Well it's plainly obvious that you've worked out a time or two."

    He grinned at her statement as he looked at her.

    "I do spend quite a lot of time in the gym as I like to keep myself in shape."

    He tossed the rag in the sink as she kept her eyes on him looking at his muscles poking through his short sleeved shirt he was wearing. They rippled with the movement of his arms before he rested them back on the counter. There was something about him that she couldn't put her finger on.

    "How about you? You seem to be into fashion. You look beautiful enough to be on the runway or do you work backstage?"

    She blushed a rather bright red as she was flattered by his comment. She didn't respond right away as she took a sip of her drink trying to collect her thoughts.

    "Thank you for the comment but I do work backstage. I get everything ready and make sure the show goes on without any problems."

    He nodded even though he knew nothing when it came to fashion for the most part. His wardrobe was mostly track suits to go along with his gym theme. He loved that blush that came across her face and how relaxed they seemed to be with each other considering that were complete strangers who just met each other.

    "How much for the drink?"

    "Nothing it's on me."

    She wanted to argue with him but he looked as if he wasn't going to budge.

    "Oops duty calls."

    She nodded understanding as he went back over to Scott getting another round of drink orders. She finished her drink before pulling her purse up and grabbed her pen and a piece of paper. She wrote the following riddle down on the slip of paper:

    "If you break me I do not stop working.
    If you touch me I may be snared.
    If you lose me nothing will matter."


    She signed it with her name before putting the pen back into her purse and pulled out some money. He came back to the bar to make the drinks before leaving as quickly as he came. She placed the riddle and his tip under the glass before leaving the bar before he could return. He came back to the bar a moment or so later to find her gone. He looked almost sad that she wasn't there anymore as he went to take her glass from the counter. He found the riddle and a rather hefty tip she left for him.

    Finally a few hours later he finished his work as he cleaned up. Though he couldn't stop thinking about her all night and the note she left for him. He kept trying to figure it out but nothing seem to come to him no matter how much he thought about it. He passed it off as being tired from working as he made his way home. The hall light was on as everyone was in bed. He was as quiet as a mouse slipping into the house making sure to make not a sound. He climbed into bed and fell asleep thinking about her and wondered if he'd ever see her again.
    Last edited by Caite-chan; 13th January 2013 at 04:39 PM.

  3. #3
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    I really enjoyed this. We don't get enough shipping fics around here in my opinion, so it's nice to read something that's a bit more inclined towards romance and a bit less inclined towards violence. It's a nice break: not that this wouldn't be a good story even if we did get a lot of shipping!

    I enjoyed the interaction between the two characters, they both seemed to have distinct and thought out personalities. I know I said in your other thread that it felt like you rushed it a bit and we didn't get to know the characters, but that really wasn't the case here. This story seems a lot more thought out than your other one, I'm interested to learn more about your characters and the interactions between them.

    There was one issue near the beginning where I wasn't sure whether the repeatedly referred to "he" was Scott or Petey. Maybe it would have been better to introduce Petey by name a bit earlier so that was a little clearer? That was a really minor thing anyway, it became clear once I was a little further along in the story.

    Also, there were a couple of minor spelling errors. Nothing big. Just quickly:

    you said "emasculate" but I think you meant "immaculate": very different words but easy mistake to make xD
    you said "greet" instead of "great": probably just a typo
    you said "complement" but you wanted "compliment": this is a really common mistake to make. "complement" means when two things complement one another, like certain flavours might, whereas "compl[u]i[/i]ment" means to say something nice to someone, which is what I think you meant.
    "meet" should have been "met": again, just a small typo I expect
    "quite" should have been "quiet": again, a typo, so no biggy

    So very few mistakes and most of them would have probably been eliminated if you'd had a bit more thorough of a look over your work before posting it.

    Anyway, the problems were minor. The story was really nice and I think you captured the feeling of two people meeting and liking each other really well :) I look forward to reading more!
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    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    CHAPTER 2: You Have My Heart!



    Petey woke up the next morning as he couldn't keep his mind off of the night before at the bar. Not only that but the note Aiden had left him drove him nuts. He laid there and rubbed his face before rolling over and grabbing the piece of paper from the nightstand and read it over. Though too much dismay he was still at as much of a loss as the night before when he looked at it. He sighed to himself as he got out of bed and made his way down to the kitchen to make his shake. Once he finished his shake he got dressed and went to work at the gym. All day he couldn't keep his mind off of the note still trying to figure it out.

    He got back home as he made his way into the house as the small boy ran down the hall.

    "DADDY!"

    Petey smiled as he knelt down scooping up the small boy and hugged him.

    "Hey Jackson. Was Uncle Alex and Uncle Chris good today?"

    "For the most part."

    Petey couldn't help but to laugh as he walked into the kitchen carrying Jack as he set him on the counter.

    "What should we do for dinner tonight?"

    "Chicken strips."

    "Sounds good to me. You know Daddy has to work at Uncle Scott's again tonight."

    Jack nodded his head as he kicked his feet back and forth.

    "Promise we'll spend Sunday together."

    "Pinky promise?" Jack held his pinky out as Pete looked at him for a moment before locking pinkies with him.

    "Pinky promise."

    Petey put Jack back on the floor and started on making dinner as Jack would grab things when Petey would ask for them. Ajay and the Guns, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin made their way into the house as dinner was just finishing up.

    "Smells good Pan."

    "Thanks Tink." He smiled putting the last few things on the table as Jack went to wash up before coming back down.

    "You know I've got bar duty again tonight."

    "That's alright…Alex is the only one we really have to worry about."

    Jack couldn't help but to laugh as he climbed up into the chair. Ajay and the Guns helped clean up after dinner was over as Petey went to get changed before leaving for the bar.

    The bar was mostly empty as the small Canadian was getting things ready for the night. He pulled the slip of paper out as he looked it over again still trying to figure it out. The next thought that crossed his mind was wondering if he would see her tonight or not. He stuffed the paper back into his pocket as finished getting ready as people started making their way in. He kept an eagle eye out for her as he'd look for her every chance he'd get. He kept himself busy trying to keep his mind off of her. He checked his watch and sighed to himself. He made drinks and cleaned the bar until he heard a bit of commotion as he looked up. He felt his heart flutter a bit once he saw who it was as he smiled.

    He quickly made her drink up as he realized what the riddle was as he pulled it out of his pocket and looked it over again. He flipped it over and pulled out a red Sharpie and drew a heart on it before putting the Sharpie away. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself as he walked over with her drink and placed the slip of paper under the glass and sat it down.

    "So did you figure out my little riddle I left for you?"

    "You'll find out when you start drinking." He grinned as she looked at him before he left to take care of customers. She took a drink as she saw the slip of paper under the glass as she grinned seeing the answer. The heart looked so perfect it almost seemed as if it was stamped on.

    He took a tray of drinks out before coming back and leaned against the counter.

    "So how long did it take you to figure this out?"

    He couldn't help but to laugh when she asked.

    "Well I thought about it all night and then all day and then I figured it out when I saw you walk back in here." She nodded sipping her drink.

    "The show finally over?"

    "For the most part yes now we just need to pack everything up. We've got a huge show in Detroit next week."

    He felt relieved hearing that because it meant he could see her just a little bit longer. Though in a way he didn't want to get to attached right away in fear that moments like this would be the only time he'd see her.

    He thought for a moment wondering if he should go for it.

    "If you've got time between shows how would you like to do dinner?"

    "I would most definitely love that." She smiled not even missing a beat as he smiled and nodded his head as he relaxed a bit more.

    Now he couldn't wait for their little dinner date as she took the slip of paper and wrote her number down inside the heart and slid it across the counter to him. He looked down and grinned seeing the number as he put into his pocket right away so he wouldn't lose it.

    "And don't wait to call me I've got the next few days free." She looked at him for a moment before looking at her watch. "Hate to cut this short but I have to get back and make sure everything is all in order. It can get pretty crazy."

    "No worries I understand. I'll make sure to call you tomorrow."

    She smiled and hopped off the stool and waved to him before leaving. There was nothing that could ruin his night after getting her number. You could get that smile off his face with a stick of dynamite. After work he made his way back to the house as it was the same as the night before. Everyone was asleep as he did his best to keep quite as he pulled the number from his pocket and looked at it.

    "Pete that you?" Ajay made her way down the hall after being waken up from Chris' snoring.

    "It's me Tink just got home."

    She rubbed her eyes looking at him as she noticed the slip of paper.

    "Whatcha got their Pan?"

    "A phone number."

    "Oooo Pan Man got himself some girls number."

    He couldn't help but to blush as it had been awhile since he had someone. After his divorce from Beth a few years ago he quit looking and devoted his time taking care of Jack and working.

    "You know I love that blush of yours."

    "Let me guess Chris' snoring woke you up?" She nodded sleepily as she yawned.

    "Be lucky it's not my snoring you have to put up."

    She laughed as she walked into the kitchen for a glass of water.

    "God help us all then."

    He laughed as they made their way up to bed after getting a little midnight snack.

    ---

    Authors Note: Much thanks to Gama for the review. It's very much appreciated and helps me out a lot. :D
    Last edited by Caite-chan; 14th January 2013 at 11:32 AM.

  5. #5
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    Another lovely chapter :)

    I like the pacing of this story as well as the general feel of it. I'm looking forward to reading more.

    Just a couple of comments:

    Jack says "For the most part" - it doesn't really sound like something a small boy would say. It's easy to forget but be aware of the likely vocabulary of each character. "Mostly" would have been better here.

    I have no idea who Ajay & the Guns are. They could have done with a bit of an intro.

    It would have been nice if you could've repeated the riddle for the new chapter. It's easy to forget as the writer since you know your own story really well but readers (especially people reading online) forget that sort of thing really easily.

    "defiantly" should have been "definitely"

    Also, I genuinely couldn't figure that riddle out after the first chapter: you revealed the answer in a really clever way! Nice one!
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    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    CHAPTER 3: The Truth Starts To Show!



    "Come on Pan call her."

    Ajay sat at the table egging her best friend on.

    "I dono Tink. Who's to say I'm even her type?"

    "She gave you her number didn't she?"

    The older Canadian sat across the table still staring at the phone number. He wasn't sure if he should call or not.

    "It could be a fake number for all I know."

    "You don't know unless you call."

    He sighed looking at the number again before pulling out his phone and dialed the number. He let it ring twice before hanging up.

    "She doesn't have her phone on."

    Ajay looked at him knowing he was full of shit. He got up from the table doing his best to hide it as his phone went off making him jump slightly. Ajay couldn't help but to grin because she knew that Pete had hung up before anything could happen.

    "Answer it you dork!"

    He let it ring twice more before he answered it.

    "Hello? Oh hey Aiden."

    Ajay sat there and rolled her eyes and shook her head at how much of a dork Petey was being. He smiled hearing the Southern Belle on the other end of the line.

    "You finally got a few days off I see we can always go out for dinner or maybe walk along the river." He made his way down the hall to his room to go sit out on the balcony.

    Jack walked into the kitchen after hearing Petey on the phone with Aiden.

    "Who's Daddy talking to?"

    Ajay put a few things away as she looked at the small boy.

    "He's talking to a lady he met at the bar the past few nights."

    "Oh. Is she nice?"

    "I don't know I've never met her. But your Daddy seems to really like her."

    Jack nodded his head as he looked down for a moment before looking back up.

    "Will we get to meet her?"

    "I dono. We might it's all up to Daddy though."

    A few minutes later the small Canadian came back down still with that smile on his face.

    "She said she would love to meet everyone." He sat at the counter as he put his phone down.

    "When do we get to meet her Pan?"

    "I told her at the bar in an hour."

    Jack looked down knowing he wasn't old enough to go to the bar as he sighed.

    "You too Jack you get to come meet her that is if you want to."

    "I'm not old enough to go to the bar though."

    "It's before Uncle Scott even opens up so it's okay this time."

    The little boy smiled before running up to his room to change. Ajay leaned against the counter as they both watched Jack run up to his room.

    "You don't have to come if you don't want to I understand."

    "No I'll come...I know how important it is to you."

    "Thanks Tink I owe you one."

    "Now go up and get changed." He nodded before going up to go get changed.

    He looked through his closet trying to find something nice to about 15 minutes he came back down dressed in his Armani get up.

    "There's the handsome Pan I know." He smiled big as Jack came back down a few moments later. "Like father like son."

    "Alright let's get to it."

    They made their way out to the car as Pete drove to Scott's bar.

    "Uncle Scott gonna be here?"

    "If he is he'll be in his office."

    The small boy nodded as he pulled into the parking lot and they all got out and made their way into the bar as he looked around. No sign of Aiden just yet.

    "There's my little Jack."

    "Uncle Scott!" Jack ran over hugging his Uncle and smiled big.

    "Daddy said he's waiting for a pretty lady to come."

    "He is is he. Well tell Daddy to grab you something to drink and we can hang out till she gets here."

    Ajay sat up at the counter as Petey made a martini for Aiden just as he had done the past few nights. Ajay watched his every move as he seemed to be falling head over heels for this chick. He placed Aiden's drink on the counter as Jack made his way around to the bar to get his soda.

    "Daddy can I have a Root Beer please?"

    "Sure Jackson."

    He got the soda and handed it to his son.

    "Thank you."

    "You're welcome."

    He took a sip and walked back around as Scott picked him up and sat him on the stool next to Ajay.

    "Tink you want anything?"

    "Just the usual."

    He nodded making her drink up. Scott went to go check on a few things as he came back a few minutes later as Aiden stepped out from behind Scott.

    "Pete someone's here to see you."

    The small Canadian looked over from where him, Ajay and Jack were as he smiled. Ajay looked over as Pete walked out from behind the bar and went over and hugged her. The two walked over to the bar as Ajay watched her.

    "Aiden this is my best friend Ajay."

    The two girls exchanged greetings before Jack poked his head out from behind Ajay to see who was here.

    "Who's the little guy?"

    "That would be my son."

    Jack put his soda on the counter and hopped off the stool and walked over to her.

    "Hi."

    Aiden knelt down to Jack's level and smiled.

    "Hey, aren't you a handsome little guy."

    "Just like daddy." Jack smiled big as Pete couldn't help but to blush a little causing Ajay to giggle a little.

    "What's your name?"

    "Jackson."

    "And how old are you?" Jack held up his hand showing how old he was.

    "You really are a big boy aren't you."

    "Yeah because someone has to babysit Uncle Alex." They all laughed a bit at that statement because for the most part it was true.

    Aiden then stood back up as she walked back over to the bar. Jack had climbed back up on the stool he was sitting on as Aiden took a seat next to him. Petey slid her drink in front of her as she smiled.

    "Daddy had it all made up just for you."

    "He's really good at remembering what I like."

    Petey stood on the other side of the bar and smiled at the comment.

    "I think Daddy really likes you."

    "Oh and how can you tell?"

    "He can't stop smiling and blushing."

    They all turned to see Pete a bit red in the face as they couldn't help but to laugh a bit.

    "Alright Jackson why don't you go see if Uncle Scott needs any help."

    The small boy giggled and hopped off the stool as Ajay followed him leaving the two alone.

    "Sorry about him."

    "Don't worry about it. He really is a cute little guy."

    He nodded watching Jack and Ajay walk off to Scott's office.

    "You're not married are you?"

    He looked back at her as he didn't respond right away before shaking his head slightly.

    "No...not anymore."

    She could tell that seemed to be a touchy subject with him as she sipped her drink.

    "I'm sorry we can change the subject."

    "No it's alright I promise. It's be almost 2 years since we were divorced. She uhhh she didn't turn out to be the type I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

    He then looked down at the bar for a moment before slowly looking back up.

    "She wasn't very good to me and didn't even want Jack and told me that my punishment was I'd have to raise him on my own. And as you can see I still have him and not her."

    She reached over and took a hold of his hand as she looked at him.

    "You've done a wonderful job raising him and it shows in both of you. He's very well mannered for his age."

    He felt relieved a bit as he smiled and brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of her hand.

    "Thank you. I've tried to raise him the best I've could and I couldn't have asked for a better son than him. He was actually a very easy baby and never really gave me any problems. He's always been good never really gets into trouble and loves to help me cook." She smiled and nodded.

    About a half hour later Scott walked out with Ajay and Jack in tow as Aiden was getting off of the stool. Pete had walked out from around the bar.

    "If you're not doing anything tomorrow we could always do something like grab lunch and just hang out."

    He looked at her for a moment as he remembered the promise he made Jack about spending the day with him.

    "Well I promised Jack I'd spend the day with him for working so much this past week...I'm really sorry."

    "There's nothing you need to be sorry about I completely understand." He was a bit relieved as he hated to break a promise to Jack as he nodded.

    Jack came up and stood next to Petey looking up at the two before crossing his arms.

    "Are you gonna kiss her or not?"

    Aiden giggled as she looked at Jack before looking back up at Pete to see him blush a bit.

    "Just kiss her Daddy."

    Poor Pete looked almost to embarrassed to do anything at that moment. He looked at her before leaning in and locking a kiss on her. They broke the kiss moments later as they smiled at each other.

    "Your Daddy is a good kisser."

    Jack couldn't help but to laugh as Pete blushed a bright red and shook his head as Ajay laughed as well. He then walked her out to the car as they all said their goodbyes.

    "I'll call you sometime tomorrow." She nodded before kissing him again and getting into the car and leaving.

    Pete watched her leave before putting Jack into his seat as Ajay got into the front and they headed for home.

    "So Pan does this mean you two are going to go out for a date?"

    "I don't know I mean she's only going to be in town another week for the fashion show."

    He then started to think about things and wondered if he should even get his hopes up. Would he even see her again after this week was up or was this the last time he'd even see her. He sighed to himself as he couldn't stop thinking about it now.

    "Talk to me Pan I can see that look on your face."

    "I really do like her but I won't see her again after she's done with this fashion show. I just I don't know."

    "Not like you'll never talk to her again you have each other's number."

    He nodded his head as they made their way home.

    ---

    Authors Note: Much thanks to Gama for another review. I've also added a post that leads to a thread in the first post that will have character bios and everything else about the story.


    Tag: @The Jingster & @Gama
    Last edited by Caite-chan; 24th January 2013 at 08:57 AM.

  7. #7
    Registered User BlackGroudon's Avatar
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    I like this, its very inventive and creative compared to what I usually see here. Keep it up.
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    I Claim Groudon.Yay

  8. #8
    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    CHAPTER 4: Little Cupid!



    The small Canadian finished putting things away after breakfast as Jack had gone up to change before coming back down.

    "Are you ready to go play?"

    "Been ready."

    Petey nodded as he grabbed a few water bottles from the fridge and put them in the bag before the two walked out to the car. Jack climbed into his seat and buckled himself in as Pete slid into the drivers seat and drove to the park. This was something he promised Jack since last week because he had been working so much and helping Scott out at the bar. A few minutes later they pulled into the parking lot as the two got out.

    Jack raced over to the play structure and wasted no time climbing into it. Petey watched him trying to figure out what slide Jack would come down as he stood in front of it. He held his hands out only to have Jack come down the one next to him.

    "You missed Daddy."

    "No you just cheated."

    They both laughed as Petey chased after Jack again. The small boy scurried up the play structure with Daddy close behind till he couldn't go any further. Jack then turned around and started taunting Petey as Petey pointed up at him.

    "You have to come down sometime you know."

    They both couldn't help but to laugh.

    "Only if you pick the right slide though."

    Jack climbed around up in the play structure as Petey watched until Jack disappeared in the tubes. Jack tried to be quite as he picked a different slide away from Daddy. Petey stood at one slide as Jack came down the other and then snuck up behind Daddy and grabbed his leg.

    "Gotcha Daddy."

    "You take after me way to much."

    He laughed as he picked Jack up and walked over to the bench and sat down. Jack grabbed a water bottle and took a drink.

    "Where we gonna go for lunch?"

    "Where would you like to go Jack?"

    Jack sat there thinking of places before he smiled.

    "The pizza cafe at the corner and we could sit outside on the patio."

    "Alright we can do that. You ready for lunch now?"

    "After we swing."

    Petey nodded as Jack took another drink of his water before putting the cap back on and running over to the swings and hopped on one. Petey walked over a few moments later as he pushed Jack. About 15 minutes later Jack hopped off the swing as they made their way back to the car.

    "Can I play games on your phone on the way there?"

    "I don't see why not just be careful with it."

    Jack nodded as he climbed up into his seat and buckled himself in as Petey handed him the phone. Jack quickly looked through the phone and found Aiden's name before texting her. 'Daddy and I are going to the pizza place by Uncle Scott's bar. You should come.' What Petey didn't know was that Jack wasn't playing games but trying to get Aiden to come to lunch with them. 'It's on the corner and we'll be sitting out on the patio.' Jack grinned seeing the responce as he went back to looking like he was still playing games.

    Petey pulled into the parking lot as Jack handed him the phone back as he slid out of the car. They walked into to restaurant as the hostess asked how many and Petey responded with two as Jack held up three fingers but then putting a finger to his lips to tell her to keep quite. She looked at Jack and nodded before taking them out to the patio. They sat across from each other as they looked at the menu.

    "I have a surprise for you Daddy."

    "Oh? And what's that?"

    "I can't tell you, you just have to wait and see." Petey looked across the table at Jack who sat there with a big smile on his face. He was trying to figure out what his son had all cooked up.

    Aiden's car pulled into the parking lot about 10 minutes later as she looked around before walking around to the front to see Jack sitting at the table with a big grin on his face. Petey looked up at Jack again trying to figure out what was going on.

    "Daddy your surprise is here."

    He looked at Jack for a moment before turning to see Aiden standing behind him as he smiled big.

    "A handsome little birdie told me you'd be here."

    Jack sat there with that huge cheese grin across his face. Petey stood up and kissed her before she walked into the restaurant and was led to the table and sat down.

    "You weren't playing games were you?"

    "Kinda...I was texting Ms. Aiden to come have lunch with us. Cause I know how much you like her."

    Petey couldn't help but to blush at that comment even if he knew it was true. The waitress came out to take their drink orders as the three went back to looking at the menu.

    "So what's really good here?"

    Petey pointed at Jack.

    "You'll have to ask the expert next to you. This is one of his favorite places."

    Jack smiled as he pointed out a few things to Aiden.

    "The pizza is really good and the spaghetti is really good too. But I like it all."

    The waitress came back with their drinks before taking their order and leaving while taking the menus.

    "It feels good to get out it was getting crazy."

    "When does the next show start?"

    "Tomorrow night and then lasts all week. Interviews, photos shoots and parties. The actual show is Thursday."

    "Sounds like a lot of work."

    Jack sat there and listened as he drew on the place mat with the crayons.

    "You and Jack should come to the show on Thursday."

    "That would be cool. We could see all the pretty girls and see Ms. Aiden again."

    "Guess that means we're going."

    Jack smiled as Petey couldn't help but to laugh.

    Their food came as Jack was the first to dig in. Petey did his best to keep the thought of him not seeing Aiden anymore after this week to himself. She was a busy lady who had to much to do to have to worry about him and Jack. He shook the thought out of his head as he started to eat. Aiden looked over at him.

    "Everything okay Petey?"

    "Yeah I'm fine just thinking about things is all. Nothing to worry about."

    She nodded her head as they kept eating.

    "We will have to dress up when we go too. I'll get to be handsome like Daddy."

    "You're handsome like Daddy now."

    Jack couldn't help but to grin big after that comment as Petey couldn't help but to laugh.

    They finished their lunch as the bill came as Petey made sure to get it before Aiden could even say anything. He slipped his credit card into the pocket before handing it back to the waitress.

    "Thank you very much for lunch Petey."

    "Yeah thank you Daddy."

    Petey couldn't help but to smile and nod.

    "You two are both very welcome."

    A few minutes later the waitress came back with the check as he signed for it and put his card back into his wallet. They all got up and made their way back out to the car. Petey still had a smile on his face as he turned to Aiden.

    "It was really nice that you could have lunch with us."

    "It was great and I really enjoyed it."

    He then leaned in and kissed her as Aiden returned the kiss before breaking it.

    "We'll see you Thursday if I don't talk to you before then."

    She nodded and smiled before getting back into the car.

    "You really do like her don't you Daddy?"

    "I do. She's really nice and very pretty."

    They made their way to the car as Jack climbed into his car seat and did it up as Petey got into the drivers seat.

    "Hey Jackson?"

    "Yes Daddy."

    "Thank you."

    "You're welcome Daddy. I know how much you like her. I hope we get to see her more."

    The small boy smiled big and Petey smiled back before driving home. Once he pulled into the driveway he looked back to see Jack asleep in his seat. Petey got out and went around and took the sleeping boy out of the seat and carried him into the house.

    Petey took Jack into his room and laid him down for a nap before going into the kitchen.

    "You two must have played hard today."

    Petey couldn't help but to laugh and nod.

    "We did and he gave me quite a surprise when we went to lunch."

    He sat at one of the bar stools and leaned against the counter.

    "What kind of surprise did he have for you?"

    "Well we went to the pizza place that he likes so much for lunch and I let him play with me phone on the way there. Well come to find out he was texting Aiden and invited her to lunch and surprised me."

    "That's your son what did you expect. Always trying to help Daddy."

    Petey nodded his head still with a bit of a smile on his face.

    "She invited Jack and I to the fashion show on Thursday. May be the last time I see her for awhile."

    "Doesn't mean you can't always call her."

    He nodded knowing she was right and he would be able to call her whenever just to talk and see what was going on.

    ---

    Authors Note: I thought this chapter was rather cute because of Jack.


    Tag: @The Jingster & @Gama
    Fan Fic: Loving Hope
    Chapter 8 - Posted // Chapter 9 - Needs To Be Posted
    3DS Friends Code: 0834-1774-6902

  9. #9
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    Jack is totally adorable in that chapter! I don't read many romance stories, but I don't think I've seen one that has incorporated a child so well into the romance before. Excellent job on that one!

    Also, your dialogue flows really well now: you've written it in a way that it's not difficult to keep up with who is speaking when, even though you rarely label which character is speaking. That's a great technique to get the hang of, so keep it up!

    There were a couple of small mistakes in Chapter 3 (which I just read), but I didn't notice any in Chapter 4. "Southern Bell" should be "Southern belle" ("belle" being the French word for "beauty"), "you're daddy" should be "your daddy" ("you're" is a contraction of "you are": the apostrophe is there to indicate that something has been left out), and "each others" should be "each other's" (in this case the apostrophe marks the possessive: that someone owns it).

    Anyway, I really enjoyed these two chapters. Keep up the good work!
    BlackGroudon and Caite-chan like this.

  10. #10
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    Well I read all four chapters.

    Okay, Gama was right when he said that it's hard to find these type of stories around anymore, it's good to dwell on romance from time to time and this kind of lighthearted story is a good contrast to most of the fics, add that to the fact that there aren't a lot of original stories here.

    That being said there are some things I wanted to say that I do think that you might need to add more description. What I mean is that you should describe the surroundings and the environment your characters are in as well to give it more depth, right now I feel like a lot of your description falls on listing events though this isn't precisely bad but it could make things bad in the long run. Also I would've liked a bit more of description with regards to the character's appearance, I know that that's probably mentioned in the link you posted in the first post but you should still say it here just for reassurance.

    Another thing is that you should describe the character's feelings more when they're with each other, it's a romance after all so what the characters feel is important, of course I can understand if you would want the reader to imagine the feelings but giving them a little push won't be too bad either.

    I think your story is very cute and unique and I think you have a lot of potential, just focus on working on this and the other things gama has told you.

  11. #11
    Registered User BlackGroudon's Avatar
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    Can you add me to the tag list as well, please?



    I Claim Groudon.Yay

  12. #12
    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    CHAPTER 5: The Little Supermodel!



    Jack walked out of his room messing with his little tie trying to make it look nice as he walked into Petey's room.

    "Daddy I need some help."

    Petey turned from the mirror as he couldn't help but to laugh seeing Jack. He knelt down to Jack's level as he took the tie off and turned it around so it wasn't on backwards. He put the tie back on as he tied it and tucked it under the collar.

    "It's not too tight is it?"

    "No...thank you Daddy."

    "You're welcome. You ready?"

    Jack nodded as Petey stood up and fixed his shirt before putting his belt on. A moment later Ajay made her way up to the bedroom as she looked in.

    "Hey Pan did you call a limo?"

    "No...why?"

    "There's one out front."

    Jack got all excited and ran out into the hall to see it sitting out front.

    "Ms. Aiden must have sent it for us."

    Petey looked rather surprised as he grabbed his wallet. Ajay looked her boys over and smiled.

    "You two look very handsome."

    "Thanks Tink."

    They walked down the hall as he grabbed the flowers they got earlier.

    "I'm not sure when we'll be home but we'll see you in the morning if we're not home before then."

    Ajay nodded and kissed them both as they left and climbed into the limo. Jack looked around the limo as he spotted an envelope with his name on it as he grabbed it. Petey got in and sat next to him.

    "What do you have there?"

    "I dono it has my name on it and there's one for you too."

    Petey looked over to see the envelope with his name on it as he picked it up and opened it and read the note as he smiled. Jack read his with a big smile on his face. He then looked over at the bottles as he pointed at them.

    "She left us something to drink."

    Petey looked over at the bottle of wine as he leaned over and picked it up.

    "Yes but this is wine you can't have this."

    "Oh...what about the other one?"

    Petey reached over and grabbed the other bottle and looked at it.

    "You can have this, this is fancy apple juice."

    Jack reached over and grabbed the glasses as Petey opened both bottles and poured them each a drink. Jack couldn't help but to look at the wine and scrunched his nose and giggle.

    "It smells funny."

    Petey couldn't help but to laugh and take a sip of his.

    "Yes but it tastes really good."

    Jack watched Daddy swirl his wine around in the glass before taking another sip. Jack did the same thing with his apple juice as he had both hands on the top half of the glass as he swirled it around before taking a sip. Petey couldn't help but to grin and shake his head watching Jack try and do what he did. They arrived at the show about 20 minutes as the driver got out and opened the door as the two climbed out.

    "Stick close to me Jack."

    Jack nodded his head as they walked down the red carpet as camera's flashed. They walked up to the door only to be stopped by the security at the front door.

    "Can I help you?"

    "Should be on the list under Williams...Petey and Jackson."

    "Yeah we're here to see Ms. Aiden."

    The guard only rolled his eyes looking at his list.

    "Yes, yes...you're on the list. Just don't cause any trouble." Petey pulled a face before before walking in with Jack.

    "Where's Ms. Aiden?"

    "I dono."

    The pair looked so out of place as they walked around looking at everything. They managed to make their way backstage as Petey spotted Aiden as they walked over. She smiled as went over and hugged them as they handed her the flowers. She looked at the flowers and then smelled them as she smiled.

    "They're beautiful. How did you know I love gardenias?"

    "I guessed."

    "Let me guess…the roses are from Jackson."

    The small boy smiled big and nodded his head.

    "They're very pretty Jackson."

    "He picked them out all by himself."

    She walked over and set the flowers with her things before coming back.

    "You should have your seats right out front. They'll have your names on them."

    Jack looked around at what was going on before wandering off as he looked at all the girls as they ran around getting ready. He watched a few girls practice their walks as he wandered off even more as he made his way to the front. He looked around before poking his head out to see most of the chairs filled with people from the fashion world along with a bunch of cameras. He then slowly walked out to the top of the runway platform and looked around. He had all the attention on him now as a few cameras flashed. The small boy posed at the top of the platform before walking down the runway just as he had watched the girls practiced in the back. Petey and Aiden were still talking with each other when they were interrupted by the commotion that had started to take place out front.

    "I wonder what's going on?"

    "I don't know…"

    Aiden paused seeing Jack walking the runway on one of the backstage TV's.

    "Wha?"

    Petey looked confused as Aiden pointed to the TV causing Petey to turn around to his horror of seeing his son out on the runway. Just what he needed was to get Aiden in some serious trouble.

    "Aiden I'm soooo sorry about this. I should have kept a better eye on him."

    Petey was apologizing a million times over because he didn't want her to get into trouble. Jack on the other hand strutted his stuff down the runway and stopped at the very end and posed as the cameras flashed taking his photo. He flashed a grin before making his way back up the runway as he posed again before disappearing into the back. Petey had made his way over to the entrance as he stood there with his arms crossed.

    "Jackson…Peter…Williams."

    Petey was not happy at all as Jack soon found out and knew he was in big trouble. He put a hand on his sons shoulder and led him over to Aiden.

    "I want you to apologize to Aiden. You could get her in big trouble."

    "Petey it's quite alright he doesn't have to."

    He stood there with a firm stance looking at his son.

    "I'm sorry Ms. Aiden…I didn't mean to. I hope you don't get in trouble."

    She knelt down to his level and looked at him.

    "It's okay Jack don't worry about it. You looked quite handsome out there I have to say."

    Jack smiled as he couldn't help but to blush a little. It didn't take very long before a small group started to form around them. Several of the girls came over to make a fuss over Jack. Petey stood there looking at Aiden not sure of what to do next. The girls paid compliments to Jack as a few photographers walked over and started shooting photos. Jack didn't seem to be bothered by the attention he was getting. Petey went to speak up only to have Aiden cut him off.

    "It's alright Petey…he's just fine."

    "Maybe we should go find our seats before the show starts."

    She nodded her head as they looked to see if they could find Jack in the sea of girls.

    "Alright girls that's enough go stand in line and get ready for the show."

    The girls stood up and made their way over to the entrance to prepare.

    "We'll see you afterwards." He smiled and kissed her cheek.

    Jack stood there in a bit of a daze after having the big fuss made over him was done.

    "Hey Mr. Supermodel you ready to find our seats?"

    Jack couldn't help but to giggle as he nodded his head. They made their way over to their seats that had their names on them as they sat down. The two sat there watching the show as Jack watched the girls walk down the runway in their pretty dresses as he smiled. After the show was over with they grabbed their goodie bags that sat under their seats and went to the back to find Aiden. She was talking to someone with a clipboard as they guy wrote a few things down before walking away.

    "We didn't get you in trouble did we?"

    "No of course not. Please stop worrying about it."

    Petey nodded his head as Jack yawned a little.

    "I just put your names down for the after party so you can get in."

    Petey looked down at Jack knowing he was way too young to go to the after party and he wasn't going to just leave his son and go.

    "He's too young and I can't just leave him and go."

    "I just got an okay for Jack to get in plus all the fuss he made earlier he's been talked about too much not to go."

    He stood there thinking about it for a moment before nodding his head.

    "Only for a little while though. Not sure how much longer he'll last though."

    Aiden smiled and gathered her things as they made their way out to the limo and got in. You couldn't go anywhere without a camera being around and snapping pictures.

    "So how did you two like the show?" She scooted in next to Petey as they sat their bags down.

    "I thought it was great for my first time."

    "Yeah the girls were really pretty and they were nice too. The girl in the sparkly red dress was pretty."

    Aiden nodded her head in agreement.

    "You'll get to see them again at the party we're going to."

    Jack had the look of a kid in a candy store as his eyes got big almost as if he wasn't sure what to think.

    "I get to go to the party?"

    "Well after the little show you gave people earlier you have to go now."

    Jack couldn't help but to laugh and kick his feet together. The limo pulled up to the red carpet as the door opened and the three climbed out onto the red carpet. Aiden gave Jack a slight nudge as if to tell him to go first. Jack fixed his shirt before walking down the red carpet as the cameras flashed capturing his every movement. He had that confident smile on his face as Pete grinned. After a few moments he locked his arm with Aiden as they walked down the red carpet not far behind Jack. They stopped in front of a billboard type wall as Aiden knelt down to Jack.

    "This is where you get more pictures taken and you can pose and they may ask you questions. No need to worry though."

    Jack nodded at her before walking over and stood in front of the wall and posed for a few moments as Petey and Aiden walked over and posed for the cameras. Petey had his arm wrapped around her waist as he smiled for the cameras before they made their way into the party.

    Petey did his best to make it look like he belonged with everyone else even though he was far from it. He kept that smile on his face as people came over to talk to Aiden and pay compliments to her for all of her work. After seeing the two together everyone wanted to know who the handsome looking guy was on her arm. This was the first time she was in public with someone and now they wanted to know everything. Unless any of them knew anything about wrestling he was Aiden's mysterious man. He kept his composure the whole time as he'd stand about a foot behind her when she would talk to people. She would smile back at him as she would wrap her arm around his as they made their way around the party.

    A few of the girls from the fashion show came up to talk to Aiden as they all fussed over Jack who loved every moment of it. Aiden talked highly of Petey but still kept him her little secret. Petey didn't mind it at all in fact he quite liked being in her shadow. After all he was so use to people running up to him want their picture taken with him or wanting him to sign something. This on the other hand was quite nice. Sure he was getting his picture taken but this just seemed different. He liked being Aiden's mysterious man because no one knew who he was.

    After about an hour or so and a few glasses of wine later he looked at his watch to see it was getting quite late and Jack has having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He picked Jack up as Jack rested his head on daddy's shoulder. Petey walked over to Aiden and nudged her to get her attention.

    "I think we're going to get going he's falling asleep if he's not asleep already."

    Aiden nodded her head as she stood up from the group of people.

    "I'll walk you two out then."

    He nodded as Aiden led them back out to the limo. Aiden couldn't help but to laugh slightly at Jack who already seemed to be asleep.

    "All the fun must have wore him right out."

    "He'll sleep good tonight. Thanks for everything it was great and we both had fun. It was nice not being mugged for pictures and autographs for once."

    He laughed as she nodded her head. He then leaned over and locked a kiss on her not really caring who saw or who took pictures of them before breaking the kiss.

    "I'll call you in the morning."

    She nodded as Petey got into the limo with a sleeping Jack as the door closed.

    Jack slept the whole way home as Petey made sure to get their things together as the limo pulled up to the house. Petey pulled his wallet out and took some money out and handed it to the driver. He had been able to wake Jack from his sleep long enough to get him into the house. Everyone seemed to be asleep already as Petey carried Jack down the hall and into his bedroom and got him changed into his PJ's as Jack crawled into bed.

    "Night Jack."

    "Night Daddy."

    Petey leaned down and kissed the small boys head before walking into his own bedroom and changed before crawling into bed and falling asleep.

    ---

    Authors Note: Thanks to those who reviewed and left comments it's been helping me out with my future chapters. This is one of my favorite chapters I've done for this story so far.


    Tag: @The Jingster & @Gama & @Stellar Gale & @BlackGroudon
    Fan Fic: Loving Hope
    Chapter 8 - Posted // Chapter 9 - Needs To Be Posted
    3DS Friends Code: 0834-1774-6902

  13. #13
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    Really nice! Enjoyable shipping fic with really rich and relatable, likable characters. A few spelling/grammar things but nothing major and have been mentioned already.

    i love your blend of plot and fleshing out the personalities of the characters. Very well done.

  14. #14
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    Well this chapter was better than chapter 4 and it had a lot more description to it, I also liked the fact that more things went on in this chapter. For now I think that you should keep working on your description, however you should also focus on expanding upon the character's personalities as well as their pasts so that we can know more about them.

  15. #15
    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: You're All I Ever Wanted!

    Much thanks for the reviews guys it's really helping me a lot. :D Feel free to point out the spelling and grammar mistakes so I can go back and fix them. It doesn't bother me at all...that and because my grammar and spelling is rather crappy if it wasn't for spell check. Lol! I promise for Chapter 8 that a little history will be revealed not to much though. I'll be working on a little bit of that tonight I hope...but for now you'll have to suffer with 2 more Chapters before that happens.
    Fan Fic: Loving Hope
    Chapter 8 - Posted // Chapter 9 - Needs To Be Posted
    3DS Friends Code: 0834-1774-6902

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