Xana's Revivial

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Thread: Xana's Revivial

  1. #1
    Not a dolphin. ?:/ Bottlenose's Avatar
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    Default Xana's Revivial

    I'm new to this community, but I really want to just be a big part of this, so I'm making a fan fic. I'm a rookie writer, so constructive critiscm is accepted a lot!
    Anyways, it's set in the universe of Code Lyoko, in France. The original Warriors have grown up, had kids, and now their kids discover the factory. I suggest that if you haven't watched the series, you should some of it now to know the plot. Pro tip: First watch the XANA Awakens pre-quel episodes. Also, you can really skip all of season 1 except for the last two, since the others really don't contribute to the plot. Anyways, here we go!

  2. #2
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Xana's Revivial

    i'm not sure if this is based on something that already exists or whether its completely an original idea, so i'll just go with what i know.

    This started well, but at times you can mix your tense up when your writing, an issue with a few people who write in first person. Watch out for that, remember, it should be in the past tense, so had instead of has, saw instead of see and so one and so forth.

    Also, with your paragraphs it can be worth leaving a line gap between them as this helps to break up the big block of text. When you need an actual break in the writing (such as the change to Stefan's POV) you can break it with either a bigger gap or with a series of "*"s across the centre of the page.

    As for the story, it had a good principal, but you didn't take enough time to describe what was happening, so at points it seemed vague and rushed.your introduction of events was good, such as the lizard beasts and Alena's change in the digital world, but your rushed through her escape from the room, pressing the button to stop the blue columns, and the encounter with the Scyphozoa. Slow your pace down a bit! Immerse your reader in this virtual world and its events, make things seem significant.



    A good start, just needs a little refining here and there.

    And welcome to the workshop :)

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