the world dividers

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  1. #1
    The Lark Ascending. Jimiinthesky's Avatar
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    Default the world dividers

    um..i've never posted here before, but i've been looking around and it seems to be where people post their own stories. i hope i'm doing this properly, but this is the first chapter of a book i've been working on for over a year now :)
    it's fantasy really, i havent had the chance to go through and edit it yet, and i havent got a name for the main character yet, he wont actually be called jimi :P oh and in the first chapter there are a few very subtle explicit references, hope thats okay :)


    chapter one.

    She had been running through my mind for weeks by now, maybe even months. I met her at the white hart, our local pub, and since then we had been texting, calling, e-mailing and talking constantly. She was perfect. I couldn’t have imagined a better fit for me. Her music taste was so diverse, we could spend hours sending each other tracks and then joking about how our parents thought that no music would ever trump the Beatles or Jefferson Airplane. We’d been to loads of gigs, Supergrass, Radiohead, we even started a band, which ended up with us watching spinal tap when we couldn’t think of lyrics for fear of being cheesy. I heard from my mate she was at this party, so I thought I’d grab the opportunity and go down. I remember getting there and seeing my best mates Bryn and Alethea hanging around in the garden. I grabbed a beer and went and joined them.

    We hung around outside watching the sunset and getting a bit tipsy. I had never been one for getting completely smashed, much to the shock of my mates. I’d always been known as the posh one, constantly telling people to pronounce their T’s and saying that it’s actually ‘where are we going’ not ‘where to?’ Still I did love my friends and despite their teasing I remember feeling completely at ease that night, sat on the hill with Bryn and Althea. Later on Alice joined us and, being the mother-like figure that she was, swiftly took my half empty beer and topped it up with lemonade. Once it got properly dark, and the music had started inside, we went in. It was at the stage where people were still sober enough for it to be awkward. We went upstairs to check out what was going on. Martha and Ed had already made it to the master bedroom, so the only safe place was the hall.

    Sabrina turned up then and her Alice and Alethea started a huge debate on the next Harry potter book, while me and Bryn discussed how do get a 6 inch ear tube in in the least painful way. By the time that we had come to the conclusion of Vaseline and that Voldemort was going to have a Darth Vader moment and be Harry’s dad, we went downstairs to see how things were getting on. I remember that it was about 8.30 when she got here. Fashionably late, as my mum would say. We had a quick hug and I introduced her to my friends that she hadn’t met yet.
    ‘Hey guys, this is Beth’
    ‘Orite.’
    ‘How you doing’
    As she left to get a beer, I got thumbs up from everyone but Bryn, who was busy watching her walk away.
    ‘Seriously Jimi, if you weren’t so into this girl, I’d defiantly have a go’ said Sabrina
    ‘I always suspected…’ I said.
    ‘Hey I hear Abii’s single at the moment Sabz!’ said Bryn
    ‘Are you joking?’ said Althea ‘Abii would never sink that low!’
    ‘I’d be the one sinking low mate’
    ‘Literally!’
    The banter carried on until beth returned with a drink and we had a walk round the house, introducing her to various people, while they were still able to say hi back. We hung around with Emma, Sarah and Laurence for while, talking about nothing in particular. Lauren came in and joined us then, deliberately sitting opposite a mirror, then backcombing her hair every minute. Then Lisa walked off with Laurence to go get more drinks, and I remember feeling surprisingly empty without her. I went for a walk outside with Emma, explaining how she was so much better off without her complete snob of an ex, and that she deserved much better. She nodded her head and downed another vodka. I gave her a hug and took her back inside.

    It was about now that I remember someone giving me a bottle of booze, and then another, and soon enough I was lying on top of Ciara with the Klaxons playing very loud from the host’s, whoever they were, Hi Fi. I seem to remember that dancing like a loon was all the rage in those days, and so we took part in the teenage tradition for most of the night. I remember finding someone unconscious in the bath with glow stick slime all over his face, Bryn had managed to get crumpets stuck to the ceiling while Evie and Matt played the most unsuccessful game of twister I think I had ever seen. Beckii was eating Brad’s face, while Sarah, rayna and Kelly headed for the loo with a bag of white powder and a small straw. Rolls of tissue littered the garden and me and Lisa helped by making sure that the front of the house was successfully coated too. Then I remember at about 1ish I was starting to recover from the vodka, so I gathered all my best friends who were still conscious, and we went upstairs, to this guy’s room, got out some beanbags, and put on our favourite childhood movies.

    Things gradually slowed down then, people slowly dropped off and me, Lisa and Bryn were left alone. Bryn gave me a pat on the shoulder.

    ‘Time I went home I recon, wicked party, tell whoever the host was that I’m sorry for the mess, and mate,’ he whispered in my ear ‘don’t blow this one yeah? She’s better than all your ex’s put together’ and he left, stepping over Laurence’s snoring hulk on the floor.
    Now I know its clichéd but I remember time standing still for that half an hour. We lied there watching the jungle book. Her hand fell lightly on to mine, I took and she looked at me and smiled, then snuggled up against me. I put one arm around her and held her hand with the other. I kissed her on the top of her head and she squeezed my hand tighter. Then, she suddenly turned around and kissed me. We both stopped and smiled at each other. We made out on a stranger’s bean bag with my favourite childhood movie on in the background for a wonderfully perfect amount of time. And by the time we had both come out of our little daze we both decided to go for a walk.

    We got outside, holding hands, and made our way out into the forest. We talked about childhood dens and how important our imagination was and we the world would be a much better place if it was run by us two. We then found a magical place underneath a huge willow tree. It was right next to a small stream, and the moonlight made the water sparkle and the wet leaves surrounding it looked like crafted stars and I looked at her beautiful, smooth, delicate face and kissed her and we sat down and listened to the river trickle and the leaves shine.

    And so this is when it happened. Of course, I was so immersed in my own amazing thoughts that I didn’t even notice it happening. To this day I still have to memory of what it felt like and no one ever does of course. Lisa later described it to me as if the floor around me was being stretched downwards, as if the floor was a sheet of rubber and I was being pushed downwards through it. I was being squeezed downwards through the ground, and I had no idea it was happening because I was so engrossed by my own contentment. I started to move faster downwards, further and further into this whole I was making in the earth. By now, Lisa was, you could say, a tad confused. She ran back into the house to find some help. I, however, continued to sink until the hole was the deepest darkness and no one could see me. I moved quicker and quicker, all the while encapsulated by my own imagination and feelings. The hole was stretching more and more until I suddenly had a thought. If everything was so perfect, what was there to hope for? I had everything I needed, was that it for my life? And so that was when I opened my eyes.

    I remember feeling the ground underneath me split open and then ping back upwards above me, and a new, soft, sandy ground come to meet me from below. I looked around and I was gob smacked by what I saw. I was in the middle of what seemed to be an ancient civilisation of sand and ancient ruins. I simply couldn’t think of anything that could explain this, my mind literally was so shocked that I couldn’t think. Then I noticed the strangest thing of all. Everywhere around me there were creatures from myths and legends and from age old human stories. But it wasn’t as if I had been transported into one of them, I had been transported into a world made up of all the ancient tales and myths that humans had created, shoved together and made into a planet. Among the sandy landscape, tents and strange constructions were erected everywhere, with different creatures in them. there was a minotaur in a small tent with an overhanging cover, seemingly selling vegetables of all shapes and sizes, centaurs with little children, shopping around, Giants trying to discover why a goblin didn’t have a certain sky blue fleece In his size and, to top it all off, at the end of the street that I had found myself in, there was an angel selling Christmas decorations. And so I realised that this must be a dream and that in my drunken stupor underneath the tree I must have simply dozed off, and that all the children’s films must have given me the strangest ideas in my head.

    And so now I know that it wasn’t real, I felt free to explore this wondrous place. I walked down the dusty street, admiring how my mind projected these creatures. The Minotaur was disappointingly chubby, but the giant certainly lived up to expectations. He towered over the sales assistant demanding his size. When he realised he wasn’t going to get it, he swung violently at the small dwarf and he went flying, unfortunately, right into me.

    He collided with me head on, knocking me off my feet and face first into a wall. I looked down and saw a trickle off blood coming down from my nose.
    ‘Owww……….hold on a minute’

    I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned around. A man was stood there in an overly large black cloak with his hood covering his face. He looked distinctly out of place in the dirty barren landscape of the small market, he didn’t have a spot of dust on him, and whenever sand was blown up it seemed to evade him somehow. He made a sudden move and grabbed my round the waist. And he jumped into the air.

    I’ve never moved so fast in my life, I couldn’t imagine anything ever moving faster, we soared away from my fairytale world, leaving it far behind us as we flew through my imaginary universe. We passed stars and planets like road signs and flew onwards with a definite sense of purpose. And then ahead of us appeared what seemed a wall, except, I couldn’t see it. I felt it there, like a block at the edge of my mind, forcing me backwards. I was completely terrified by it and it made me want nothing more than to stay on this side of it. However, my captor seemed to have a different idea. After a moment’s hesitation, he sighed and flew strait towards it. A small ring of light seemed to appear out of nowhere in front of us, and then expand until it was large enough for both of us to fit through. By now I felt physically sick by how repulsed I was by this invisible wall I kept shouting ‘no no NO!’ but he wasn’t listening, and we sped through the hole.

    The first thing I felt was complete and utter relief. I never had to face that wall ever again. But now I was through it, I began realising that I wanted to go back through it. I looked around, and I saw absolutely nothing. There was no light, space, stars I was even surprised that there was air to breathe. Then I realised that there wasn’t and I really started to panic. This wasn’t a dream for me anymore, and I was incredibly scared of dying in this place of nothingness with no on but a strange man by my side. Then he led me around and I looked back at where we had come from, and the sight drove the little air I had left from my lungs.

    We were looking at a galaxy, side on. Stretching out from the bottom of my sight to the top was a white line of silvery stars and constellations. But then I realised that it wasn’t just one galaxy, I saw galaxy after galaxy lined up after one another in a line, all moving in one way, as though along a conveyer belt. The shock of this sight, and the realisation that I had, in fact, run out of air, shook the last of my consciousness from me, and I fainted in the hooded man’s arms, with the galaxy conveyer belt, trundling forwards, in front of me.
    Last edited by Jimiinthesky; 4th June 2009 at 08:52 AM.

  2. #2
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: the world dividers

    First of all you need to separate the paragraphs man, you have big chunks and not even space between it, there should two spaces between paragraphs and you shouldn't have so many big paragraphs. Also coming up with characters names is the first thing you should do before writing a story and Jimi sounds good so that could work. But keep writing though.

  3. #3
    The Lark Ascending. Jimiinthesky's Avatar
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    Default Re: the world dividers

    okay, sorry about the paragraphs, i'll change them :)

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