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  1. #1

    Default This work, which has no name

    Post edited. My work is not receiving sufficient critique to justify its existence.
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    Last edited by farewell, friend; 13th August 2014 at 10:31 PM.
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

    Friend code: 1306-6423-3472 | Friend safari: Flying | Instagram: themuslimvegan|

  2. #2

    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Post edited. My work is not receiving sufficient critique to justify its existence.
    Thread may be deleted if a moderator so wishes.
    Last edited by farewell, friend; 13th August 2014 at 10:32 PM.
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

    Friend code: 1306-6423-3472 | Friend safari: Flying | Instagram: themuslimvegan|

  3. #3
    Hive Monarch Rediamond's Avatar
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    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Well... I'm not a poet. At all. So I'm probably not the best person to review work that ranges from poetry to poetic prose, but whatever. Might as well.

    The opening poem (?) was interesting and enjoyable. It took me about five reads to fully 'get it,' to the extent that one can 'get' poetry who is not accustomed to it, but I found it satisfying. Thoughts and time are intriguing subjects to explore through a method like you employ as they are hard to adequately talk about in normal prose without the some serious philosophical discussion going on. And they've always been fascinating subjects to me, as I know when I was a kid I used to always wonder if it was even possible to get a silent mind and in truth I still don't fully understand thought. No one really does, if we're going to be honest. So good choice of subject material!

    Unfortunately, I really can't be of more help here since it isn't my field. Sorry.

    I will be sticking around to give my totally useless commentary on things as this progresses, though. The topic is too interesting not to.

  4. #4

    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Thank you for reading :)

    The opening paragraph was actually a micro story. I'm very much into short stories, especially very short ones, though I don't write much any more. (I'd like to start writing more!)
    Even if poetry and prose is not your thing, I still very much appreciate your input♥

    Although-- "silent mind"; what do you mean by this? I am a bit confused.
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

    Friend code: 1306-6423-3472 | Friend safari: Flying | Instagram: themuslimvegan|

  5. #5
    Hive Monarch Rediamond's Avatar
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    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    The total cessation of thought. I never got the entire Sunday School "try to think about nothing else/at all" idea. Whenever I try it I just start wondering it its even possible which counts as thought making it basically impossible for me...

  6. #6
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Love the poems! I'm awful at poetry, as my poems never sound graceful and beautiful like yours. My favorite is the "Little Oceans in the sky" one I think. Great job!

    Coming Soon...

  7. #7

    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Post edited. My work is not receiving sufficient critique to justify its existence.
    Thread may be deleted if a moderator so wishes.
    Last edited by farewell, friend; 13th August 2014 at 10:32 PM.
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

    Friend code: 1306-6423-3472 | Friend safari: Flying | Instagram: themuslimvegan|

  8. #8
    Technically Literal Vivillon's Avatar
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    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    I absolutely love your works! They seem to flow so well, and the very essence of your description and topics is almost breathtaking! In some ways, you remind me of what Ray Bradbury would be if he was a poet, if you know who he is. Still, I thought (no pun intended) that your first work was just amazing. The only negative thing I have to say at all isn't even that major. It seems as if you used the word "flit" a lot, and it might have done well to change it for another word once or twice. Personally, I find that it doesn't have a very poetic feel to it, and it sounds odd when read aloud with the rest of the piece. This is just my bit of advice, and by no means do you need to take it. I still love your works, by the way. :)

  9. #9

    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Thank you so much for the kind words!
    Yes, I've heard of him; he authored that story about the 'living' house, right?
    That one gave me chills...

    What would I change 'flit' to?
    Any suggestions?

    I really like to use words that aren't used too often by the general populace.
    I have an odd vocabulary repertoire :p
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

    Friend code: 1306-6423-3472 | Friend safari: Flying | Instagram: themuslimvegan|

  10. #10
    Technically Literal Vivillon's Avatar
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    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Quote Originally Posted by farewell, friend View Post
    Thank you so much for the kind words!
    Yes, I've heard of him; he authored that story about the 'living' house, right?
    That one gave me chills...

    What would I change 'flit' to?
    Any suggestions?

    I really like to use words that aren't used too often by the general populace.
    I have an odd vocabulary repertoire :p
    My main suggestion would probably be flutter. I too like unused words, but often they are not used because they don't fit.

  11. #11

    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    The problem with "flutter," is that it is most often associated with winged creatures.
    As in, when people hear or read that word, they most-often imagine a butterfly.
    That is, unfortunately, not the impression that I am trying to give.

    Though, ironically, this piece was inspired by a winged creature.
    If I may, this is the piece that I listened to while writing it.
    It is from a documentary, "The Crimson Wing".
    One of the best documentaries I have ever seen. Breathtaking in its beauty. Content. Emotion.



    I highly-recommend, if you are interested, to listen to this track whilst reading the passage one more time.
    Only then, would you experience the full effect of what I have written and felt.
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

    Friend code: 1306-6423-3472 | Friend safari: Flying | Instagram: themuslimvegan|

  12. #12

    Default Re: This work, which has no name

    Post edited. My work is not receiving sufficient critique to justify its existence.
    Thread may be deleted if a moderator so wishes.
    Last edited by farewell, friend; 13th August 2014 at 10:33 PM.
    I'm the essence of
    daydreamer. time-waster. black and white painter.
    in an upside-down world.
    eyes closed. dreams unfold. ascending realities; open to me.

    Friend code: 1306-6423-3472 | Friend safari: Flying | Instagram: themuslimvegan|

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