A Wish For It To Rain [One-Shot]

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  1. #1
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default A Wish For It To Rain [One-Shot]

    I used to be quite active here a while ago, and some of my fondest memories were made here in the Writer's Workshop, creating my stories and reviewing others. However, I left because of real-life pressures. None of you may recognize me, and I don't expect you to. So allow me to introduce myself. My name is Thabet and I love to read and write. And since I'm in a writing forum, I s'pose the best way to truly introduce myself is through...well, literature. This is short story I wrote I believe a year ago, give or take. I hope you guys enjoy it.

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    It was a beautiful calm Friday afternoon. The sky was a ripe blue color, not a cloud in the sky. The weather was warm with a light cool breeze. The noises that sounded in the area were a constant, yet soothing, whether it was the idle chirping of the birds or the dull hum of traffic in the background. In a cemetery, the scene was quiet, nothing moved save for the occasional rustle of leaves and the shimmering of its shadows.

    An old man parked his car in the cemetery and stepped out of it. He was one of those men who were blessed with gift of graceful aging. Even at the ripe old age of fifty-six, he still had a full head of hair, even if its former blonde color had turned stark white. Though his blue eyes were framed by crow’s feet, they still had a bright luster to them and his face was still relatively smooth. His limbs were still strong, even as they grew gnarled and veined. His stature was erect and firm, portraying the vitality that still coursed through him. It was easy to see that this man was once quite handsome. He was dressed modestly, a long brow overcoat with black trousers. A classical fedora hat was firmly put on his head.

    The man walked through the cemetery with purpose, for he knew where was going and who he was visiting. The confident steps he took were a testament to the fact that he had been here many times before. This was a ritual of his every Friday.

    This old man was here to visit a resident of this very cemetery.

    After another minute of maneuvering among the graves, he finally arrived to his destination. The man stood by the grave and took off his hat. Though he had done it a thousand times before, he read the inscription. And just like a thousand times before, he struggled to hold back a sob as he did so. Some things never change.

    The gravestone was old and weathered, evidence of its long existence. An apple tree stood right next it, its branches hanging above the grave, casting a calm shadow over it.

    He took a moment to dust off the top of the grave and remove some of the stray leaves that had fallen over the dirt. The old man took great care as he did this, working with the dexterity and reverence of a religious zealot. Once it was cleaned, he placed some flowers on the top of the gravestone, a small bouquet of tulips.

    He sat down beside the grave, not caring whether he dirtied his clothes or not on the ground. The man clasped his hands in front of him and rubbed them as if he was trying to ward off cold. It was a nervous habit of his, one that he had never grown out of. The same nervous sensation always overcame him when he was around her, even in death, she continues to make him feel the same way.

    “It’s been three years.” The old man murmured. “And believe or not, nothing has changed.”

    Silence.

    “Little Samantha was proposed to the other day...” he mused. “I can’t believe it. My little girl…getting married.”

    He sat there a little more in silence as he continued to rub his hands.

    “The boy seems nice enough, but I’m a little worried.” He went on. “But I suppose that’s how any father would feel. I just worry about my little girl.”

    His head bowed down a little, he took a deep breath and sniffed. “He actually came to ask me for my blessing, y’know. Can you believe it?”

    “Now before you say anything, I remembered what you used to tell me.” He said quickly. “So I took a deep breath and thought things through.”

    “He’s a good kid, well mannered, has a job… treats her right. So I said yes, I was hoping you wouldn’t disagree.”

    He looked at the tombstone expectantly, as if he was awaiting an answer. After two minutes of waiting, nothing happened, so the old man simply bowed his head in disappointment.

    “No, I didn’t think you would…” He muttered. “You were always so…” His voice broke. He took a moment to steady himself.

    “I’ll be visiting soon.” He said. “But not now…not now.”

    With a deep breath, he got up and put on his hat, setting it low over his eyes. He dusted off his overcoat and prepared to leave.

    “I’ll be back next Friday.” He patted the gravestone as he left.

    Tears began to fall along the old man’s face. He tried to wipe them away, he tried to hide them but to no avail. They fell, uninhibited, and stained his cheeks. The old man was ashamed of himself, not being able to hide his own tears or stave them away.

    The old man gazed up at the clear blue sky with not a cloud in sight. For the thousandth time, he wished for the sky to rain.

  2. #2
    Wordsmith Pavell's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Wish For It To Rain [One-Shot]

    A very well-crafted piece, I thought. Very good choice of words - the atmosphere builds nicely and emotionally I think it's pitched just right. Rounds off well, the last line nails it!
    The Long Walk
    For Joshua Cook, it's a long walk away from his dull life to the Pokémon League. But does he really want to be the very best? A coming-of-age story of adventure, friendship and growing up in the world of Pokémon.


  3. #3
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: A Wish For It To Rain [One-Shot]

    I remember you! Even if it is just from your reviews on the original Pokemon Academy.

    You managed to pack a lot of emotion into a very small space, which takes a lot of care and effort. I also like the way you've managed to portray timing, which is hard to do with just written words. My only gripe would be that although you go very in depth on the appearance of the man, that's the only detailed description you really give on anything. It comes across as inconsistent, maybe if there was some more detail on the graveyard? I know you said you wrote this a while back so this probably doesn't help much. Good short fic, I enjoyed reading it. Looking forward to more from you in the future!

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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: A Wish For It To Rain [One-Shot]

    Damn you for making me cry at work you asshole ;-;

    Nothing like a good calm, simple, heartwarming and yet bittersweet tale as a way to announce ones return. This was short but it accompished it's purpose by just packing so much emotion into it. It was gripping and interesting. I understand AetherX's words and yet I must agree to disagree, I believe that for these type of short tales it is better when things are left to the reader's imagination so that they can make their own conclusion.

    Also, this:

    The old man gazed up at the clear blue sky with not a cloud in sight. For the thousandth time, he wished for the sky to rain.
    Genius.

  5. #5
    Woof Thabet's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Wish For It To Rain [One-Shot]

    Wow, I'm flattered that you guys posted, even more so that you enjoyed it. Thank you for your kind words, it means alot! I'm currently stalking the workshop and just reading alot of stories, I'm hoping to be back at a semi-regular basis.

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