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Thread: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

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    Master Nerd ninjanerd's Avatar
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    Cool Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    AN: Well, it's my first day here, and I already have a fanfic! How's that for Speedy Delivery? This story is an idea I got from someone here. Or, at least, the title is. The rest is just me taking non-canon speculation from there. But I've said too much already. Moving on, rating is PG-15 for dark stuff and swearing, maybe some er, 'heated' situations. Wait, what's this? I have at least one stealth pun in every chapter? Fun fun fun! So, I bring you:

    Where In the World is Giovanni?
    Prelude: When Rockets Come A-Calling
    For most people, a visit by a crime boss is not very high on their “To Do” list. The very word “mafia” is enough to send even the most curious passerby scuttling away, head down and shoulders tucked. Luckily for me, I was expecting it, and so it was not much of a surprise when it did happen. Four figures materialized at my office door, their silhouettes visible through an opaque glass. The four filed into the room, filling the small space. Three seemed identical, a black cap hiding their face, garbed in a black shirt and shorts with a logo, the all-too-familiar capital R, emblazoned in scarlet on the chest of their shirts. Although their bulk was intimidating, it was their leader who held the air of power. He stood tall and slim, clothed in a white shirt. He had the letter R emblazoned on his breast pocket, and he caught my eye. His thin eyebrows slanted, but the man’s delicate features were riveted in an unnatural smile. The man in white moved across the small room and sat at the other end of my desk, legs crossed. The trio of grunts simply stood at the door. The man in white then spoke, thin mouth moving.

    “How goes the new business, Delilah?”

    My fingers gripped the arms of my chair tightly, squeezing. I wanted nothing to do with this man and he knew it. I chose my words carefully.

    “You know how it is to work as a PI, Archer.”

    Now, my current means of income are derived from the clientele that require the service of a detective. Unfortunately, this is a tougher job than one might imagine. Despite the image conjured by Hollywood, one that brings to mind a certain Bogart film, the life of a PI is harsh. I can spend months on a lead that turns out to be irrelevant, or have a case that is the result of paranoid conspiracy theorists. Which is why I have some ‘help’. But that’s another story. Archer spoke again.

    “We know what it is like to leave the team. Which is why we have an offer for you.”

    I stared, biting my lip with anxiety, which, coincidentally, is not a good decision unless you desire to know exactly lipstick tastes like. I brushed raven hair out of my face before asking, “What is it?”

    Archer attached a calculating stare at me, before continuing.

    “Surely you must have watched the news recently. The media is abuzz with chatter, and for one reason: Giovanni, who was recently uncloaked as our leader, has vanished. His disappearance marks the disbanding of Team Rocket. Only one thing can save us now. We need Giovanni. And due to your, ah, interactions with him, you are the best one to find him.”

    I flinched at Giovanni’s name, remembering the atrocities of that man… Pokémon theft seemed petty to me, and the Silph takeover seemed to be at Giovanni’s whim, a venture purely for a Pokéball. Giovanni had wasted Team Rocket, and the Executives had hated it. But, they were loyal and jumped at a promise of a greater, a master plan. And then, he vanished. I knew what Archer was getting at, and I sighed.

    “You want me to find Giovanni? The man will hide at his whim. I swore I would have nothing to do with Team Rocket not more than 1 year ago. He left me with, well with them. So why should I say yes to your ‘offer’?”

    Archer turned those shrewd eyes at mine, and I knew he was serious.

    “You will say yes because this is an offer you can’t refuse.”
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So, I ended up slumped at a table in the living room, pouring over hundreds of news articles at a unearthly hour, with my cup of coffee to keep me company. Well, and someone else, specifically my comatose Gardevoir.

    “Heinrich! Get your ass awake and start helping me look for some sort of a lead!”

    He stirred, and looked up. He glared at me, and sat up.

    Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of bed. What’s ruffling your feathers, woman?

    “I’m searching for my least favorite person on the earth, and he also happens to be the hardest one to find! The least you can do is help,” I spat.

    He grinned, that demonic smile. Heinrich looked so unlike a Gardevoir it wasn’t hard to tell that his father was a Banette. His green hair came around his face like small side burns, and devilish red eyes glittered with the air of a trickster. His smile was like his father’s, but at the same time, he had a certain air of grace in his movements that all Gardevoir have. He wore a simple black sweater, his horn poking out of his torso.

    Fine, I guess I’ll be mister nice-guy and help. Just don’t ask me to find anything.

    And with that, we searched into the dead of the night for clues of a hidden man.
    Last edited by ninjanerd; 27th December 2011 at 05:35 PM.

  2. #2
    East Unova Resident SuperTrainStationH's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    Well, this sure is interesting.

    Is this Delilah meant to be Delilah Ketchum, or is the name coincidental? Because part of me thinks based on this first chapter that it's coincidental, but there's other evidence strongly suggesting it isn't.

    Also, am I right in perceiving those italics near the end as how you'll be representing telepathic dialog? Without quotations marks or something analogous to them, Heinrich's dialog may be harder to read than need be later on.

    Also, is that Heinrich in your current avatar up there?

    it'll be nice seeing how these characters affect a hunt for Giovanni, and the best part is that while I have no clue where you'll take this story, based on what's seen in this chapter, the story overall need not even necessarily conflict with the events of Gold/Silver as experienced in the video games.

    Enjoyable read. Look forward to more! :)

    And welcome to this crazy place!

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    Master Nerd ninjanerd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperTrainStationH View Post
    Well, this sure is interesting.

    Is this Delilah meant to be Delilah Ketchum, or is the name coincidental? Because part of me thinks based on this first chapter that it's coincidental, but there's other evidence strongly suggesting it isn't.

    Also, am I right in perceiving those italics near the end as how you'll be representing telepathic dialog? Without quotations marks or something analogous to them, Heinrich's dialog may be harder to read than need be later on.

    Also, is that Heinrich in your current avatar up there?

    it'll be nice seeing how these characters affect a hunt for Giovanni, and the best part is that while I have no clue where you'll take this story, based on what's seen in this chapter, the story overall need not even necessarily conflict with the events of Gold/Silver as experienced in the video games.

    Enjoyable read. Look forward to more! :)

    And welcome to this crazy place!
    Ooh! A reader! Thank you for your kind words.
    1. In keeping with Archer, Proton and Petrel, not to forget Ariana, Delilah is a missile name. It's meaning is significant to the "non-canon" part of the story.
    2. Heinrich speaks in italics. I may add quotations, though. As for the avatar, som explanation is needed. There are various "poke-ask" blogs on tumblr. Although I do not run Heinrich's blog, I have permission to use him. I actually run one for a chandelure at askthechandelure.tumblr.com.
    3. I know how the story starts and definitely how it ends. I screw with game canon slightly, but mostly I just connect 1st and 2nd gens. The middle will be the fun part.
    Also, did you find the stealth pun?
    Follow a former Rocket Executive as she searches for Giovanni! Wait, a male Gardevoir? This and more on my fanfic:
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/where-world-giovanni-pg-15-a-124521/

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    Master Nerd ninjanerd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    Okay, so I've been ordered to remove Heinrich, because his creator revoked permission. I'll probably replace him with some other psychic type... This sucks.
    Follow a former Rocket Executive as she searches for Giovanni! Wait, a male Gardevoir? This and more on my fanfic:
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/where-world-giovanni-pg-15-a-124521/

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    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    Great start! I love the level of detail you use to describe what's going on as well as the internal thoughts on the narrator.

    I love Team Rocket, so I'll be interested to see where you take this. Good work :)

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    Master Nerd ninjanerd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    My goodness. LEGACY WANTS TO SEE MY FIC!!! adjksflwcefhiuaewl;nxzjnkesnjew I was just about to give up, because I couldn't think of a replacement for Heinrich, but. NEW INSPIRATION! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU. Time to rewrite!!!!
    Follow a former Rocket Executive as she searches for Giovanni! Wait, a male Gardevoir? This and more on my fanfic:
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/where-world-giovanni-pg-15-a-124521/

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    C'est ne pas un Cutlerine Cutlerine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    Good evening. Fancy seeing you here.

    Let's see. There obviously isn't that much to comment on just now - this is a prelude, after all, and it is rightly brief - but there are a few things that jump out at me right away.

    Firstly, you've gone for a classic 1940s-style detective story, all noir and gritty, and I commend you on that: they are, generally speaking, the most awesome kind. I also commend you for the fact that it's obvious that it is that sort of story within the first few lines; you conjure a dark atmosphere without ever actually mentioning it specifically, which is great. However, even as you follow the convention of the genre, you break away from it in making your detective a woman; I've no idea whether or not these hopes will be fulfilled, but it makes me look forward to further unexpected subversion in future chapters.

    I do have a couple of things to point out, though, and the first one concerns this:

    their silhouettes visible through an opaque glass.
    I know exactly what you mean. All detectives have a frosted-glass window in their door; it's a tradition, or an old charter, or something. However, it's wrong to say that this glass is 'opaque'; that would mean that you can't see through it at all, as if it were a block of wood. The word you want is 'translucent', which indicates something that's partially transparent.

    That was the only specific thing; the rest is more general. The main one is that this doesn't read like a prelude or prologue. Usually, they're just tiny snippets of action that hint at the main action - but this actually sets up the whole story, more in the vein of a first chapter than a prelude. It also has a break in the middle of it, which almost never happens in a prologue. The more I look at it, the more I come to see that this is actually a proper chapter, if a rather short one. It's nothing major, but it's worth reconsidering what you call it.

    I'd also not worry about what anyone says regarding mental communication and italics. It's the most conventional way to express telepathy, and the way in most widespread usage in published fiction. Done right, it's perfectly clear; if you find that it does become confused, you should try and treat it more like speech, adapting it so that you include the dialogue tags. Here's an example, because I ain't explaining this well at all:

    Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of bed, he said. What’s ruffling your feathers, woman?
    You'll also want to mention at some point within the narrative that the voice is sounding inside people's heads, or it isn't clear that that's what's happening.

    Actually, when I went back to get that quote, I saw this:

    I brushed raven hair out of my face
    Saying 'raven hair' is like writing 'cow horns' or 'tiger fur': it implies that the hair she's brushing out of her face belongs to a raven. You could write 'raven-black hair', or 'raven-coloured hair' (although the latter's a little weird now I think about it), but 'raven hair' is technically incorrect.

    Finally, I have to say that I have a modicum of respect for Archer now, seeing as he seems to have taken lessons in being a criminal from Don Vito Corleone.

    In summary, I like noir detective stories, I like Pokémon, and I very much like the combination of the two. Clean up a few minor stylistic things and this will make an excellent read, I have no doubt.

    I look forward to future chapters.

    F.A.B.

    P.S. I just thought - if you're going to use a Carmen Sandiego reference as a title, it'll flow much better if you can think of a surname for Giovanni and add it in. You'll probably need to do so at some point anyway if he's going to be tracked down, so it shouldn't be too much of a burden.

    If it means anything to you, it did win an award on Pokécommunity. Honest.

    Other Stories:
    Snow

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    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    Great introductory chapter to a really cool idea! I really like the character of Delilah and can't wait to learn more about her past involvement with TR.

    Personally, I love TR - they're one of my favourite topics to write about so I can't wait to see what you do with this.

    On losing Heinrich, are you required to completely remove him from your fic or, perhaps, Delilah could simply completely cease to consult him for the rest of the fic, choosing instead to talk to his father the Banette which is hers or, if that isn't a possibility, another Psychic Pokemon that she happens to own that could fulfil a similar role?

    I have one question though... When you say you got the idea for this title from another user... Was that user me? I've had a file called 'Where in the World is Giovanni?' saved to my computer for a very long time which is actually what drew me to this thread. That said, my idea was nothing like this one. This one's loads better.

  9. #9
    Master Nerd ninjanerd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where In the World is Giovanni?- PG 15

    Wow. I'm touched... My three favorite fan fiction writers have responded... Call me weak, what you will, but I seriously went lightheaded when I saw this. So, first things first. I have come up with a replacement for Heinrich, and aforementioned character will be edited in to the story, along with various other changes. For example, I actually meant that Delilah has red hair... I'm not quite sure how "red" turned into "raven". Most likely a product of my ever turning thoughts. However, Alg2/Trig and Spanish finals will most likely prevent the edited prologue and the following chapter from crawling out until the end of January. This is going to turn into a rant about the various troubles of homework, so until then.

    Your (not so) Humble Author,

    (Classified)
    Follow a former Rocket Executive as she searches for Giovanni! Wait, a male Gardevoir? This and more on my fanfic:
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/where-world-giovanni-pg-15-a-124521/

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