Where the Heart Is (AAML)

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  1. #1
    pikachu's pikapal pikagurl23's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Where the Heart Is (AAML)

    Summary: How can one girl make a difference in showing the light to one of Team Rocket's best and most feared members?

    Disclaimer: Don't own pokemon!

    A/N: Okay, so I wrote this one a while back when I was a more active member on this site. I can't remember if I posted it here though, but here it is anyway. Enjoy!

    Ages are as follows:

    Ash: 24
    Misty: 23
    Brock: 25
    Giovanni: 40's

    Where The Heart Is
    Prologue

    "Geodude, quick! Use rock throw!" Commanded the Pewter City gym leader.

    "Geo!" It nodded, starting its attack.

    "Squirtle, use your hydro pump!" A young man, with the Team Rocket emblem stitched on his uniform, ordered.

    "Squirtle!" It said, letting loose powerful sprays of water from every hole in its shell.

    Geodude fell to the ground, weakened by the continuos water attack.

    "No, Geodude!" Screamed the rock trainer, running up to his pokemon. "Are you okay?"

    "Geo..." It answered weakly, nodding its head.

    "Strip him of his pokemon." Ordered the young Team Rocket member.

    "Yes, sir." Saluted another member.

    It was obvious, by the respect given to the young man, that he was the elite member of this particular squad. His uniform was a different color than the ones his comrades were wearing. It was black with a small 'R' embroidered in gold at the corner of his shirt. He also wore a black cape that draped over his shoulders, making him look all the more sinister. A Pikachu was also perched on his shoulder.

    "No, I won't let you take them!" Screamed the gym leader.

    "Restrain him." Ordered the young man.

    Another member came up behind the gym leader and tied his hands behind his back, while another took his pokeballs off of his belt.

    "I won't let you get away with this!" He yelled, his anger rising.

    "Calm down now Brock. There's no use resisting us." Smiled the elite confidently. "Take him away."

    "Yes, sir!" Nodded the member who was restraining Brock. He took him outside where a black van was waiting.

    "I don't see why we couldn't have just taken the airship." Sighed another member, walking up next to the elite.

    "Sorry, Matt. Its easier this way. We don't want to take any chances of being seen." Smiled the elite.

    "We wouldn't have been seen. Its pitch black out there." Exclaimed Matt.

    "Yeah, I know, but you remember what Giovanni said. No slip ups." The elite sighed, walking outside.

    "Yeah, yeah. I know." Sighed Matt, following the elite.

    "Sorry bro." The elite apologized.

    Matt just shrugged it off and hopped into the van.

    The elite member looked up at the star filled sky, wondering if this plan would really work. His boss, Giovanni, had seemed so confident when he first presented it to them. But then again, he always had confidence, especially in the elite's skills.

    "Well, we've captured all but one gym leader." Announced a rocket holding a clipboard. "Where to next?"

    "Cerulean City..."

    A/N: This prologue took longer than expected. I seriously spent 20 minutes just staring at the screen ^ ^ ;;. Anyways, you guys know the drill. Please review! AAML forever!
    ~*~*~ Proud Member of OPS ~*~*~

    Misty: If you want someone to do whatever you want, wherever you want, then you should find yourself a girlfriend.

    (from The Power of One)

    ~*~ Member of Pokémaniacs Anonymous: Because growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional. ~*~


    ~*~Don't mess with this team!~*~



    Check out my work!



  2. #2
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    You know, you can search the forums for previous posts. It doesn't look like you *have* posted this before, but in the future, there's a "search" function.

    OK, I'm not familiar with your writing now so I'm not sure how much you've improved. That said, I'm just going to comment about what I see in front of me.

    You capitalize when you shouldn't. Case in point, the very first line:

    "Geodude, quick! Use rock throw!" Commanded the Pewter City gym leader.
    "Commanded" in your sentence should be lower case. It continues the previous thought. That continues throughout the fic, and it's quite the bugaboo.

    The ages grate me, and I'll tell you why. If the main cast in in their 20s in this, and Giovanni is in his 40s, that means that he was in his late 20s to very early 30s on the show itself. Granted, we don't know how old he really is, but just a glance at him shows that he can't be in his 20s. Let me guess, you heard about that his mother called him a "brat boy" and assumed he had to be a little kid, right?

    But what gets me the most is this:
    Summary: How can one girl make a difference in showing the light to one of Team Rocket's best and most feared members?
    You're talking about changing someone's entire moral compass for, I presume, the sake of love. Someone's outlook on life will not change when they fall in love. A change like that doesn't happen overnight. Someone who has devoted their entire life to a cause such as Team Rocket will not change their mind just because someone 'shows them the light'. Chances are this 'light' has been shown to them many a time in the past and they've said no to it--the chances of someone changing their mind are slim to none, and even if it *did* happen, it would be a gradual thing, over many years.

  3. #3
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    well now, I thought that was a good prologue. can't comment much on the story since there's not much up.

    Two things though. Isn't Misty older than Ash? And your elite rocket member, he's awfully friendly with the lesser members. I would've thought he'd be a bit more formal with them, since he's elite and all.

    Anyway, I'm interested to see where this is going. And since it's AAML it can't go wrong for me really, provided Ash and Misty are in character. I'm intrigued as to why Team Rocket is going around kidnapping gym leaders!

  4. #4
    pikachu's pikapal pikagurl23's Avatar
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    Okay, I think I should have specified this a bit more. This fic itself has nothing whatsoever to do with the tv show. It's just an idea that I came up with, meaning, the ages are not as they should be in the show.

    Blackjack Gabbiani: Thanks for the advice, but this is an older fic of mine and some of the grammar is less than perfect and I kinda didn't feel like changing the grammar because of my lazy butt ^^;;. Anyway, I kinda know what you're talking about when you commented on my summary, but I think you're being a little too in depth with the story, although I really didn't take into account all that stuff where love changes people. It was just a spur of the moment thought. Thanks though!
    ~*~*~ Proud Member of OPS ~*~*~

    Misty: If you want someone to do whatever you want, wherever you want, then you should find yourself a girlfriend.

    (from The Power of One)

    ~*~ Member of Pokémaniacs Anonymous: Because growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional. ~*~


    ~*~Don't mess with this team!~*~



    Check out my work!



  5. #5
    pikachu's pikapal pikagurl23's Avatar
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    Disclaimer: Don't own pokemon!

    A/N: Well, here's Chapter 1! Enjoy and thanks for the input you two!

    Chapter 1

    Captured
    "Nice work, Staryu!" Exclaimed the Cerulean City gym leader.

    "Hiya!" The pokemon nodded, finishing its attack.

    "Bulbasaur, return!" Ordered the opponent, angry about his loss. "We'll be back!"

    The angry trainer stormed out of the gym, muttering something under his breath.

    "Another beautiful win Staryu." Smiled Misty.

    "Hiya!" It replied, spinning in the air.

    Just then, clapping could be heard from behind Misty. She whipped her head around to see a mysterious looking young man with a black cape draped over his broad shoulders. A Pikachu accompanied him.

    "Impressive." Exclaimed the man.

    "Who are you?" Misty asked cautiously.

    "That's for me to know…" He started, snapping his fingers. About a dozen Team Rocket members surrounded Misty. "And for you to find out."

    "Team Rocket…" Misty breathed, glaring at them.

    "You're almost as smart as you are talented." Smirked the elite. "Get her!"

    On command, the Team Rocket members immediately started to close in on Misty.

    "Staryu!" Yelled Misty.

    "Hiya!" Exclaimed the pokemon, spinning out of the water. Upon seeing its trainer in trouble, it instinctively squirted a water gun across the gym floor, causing the advancing Rocket members to slip and fall into the pool.

    "Rapid spin!" Commanded Misty.

    Nodding, the star-shaped pokemon dove into the pool and began its attack. A whirlpool started to form, and soon the Rocket members were pulled into the attack and thrown out of the pool.

    "Nice job, Staryu. Now, let's get out of here." Exclaimed Misty, running towards the exit.

    "And where do you think your going?" Asked the elite, blocking Misty's only way out.

    "Staryu, water gun attack!" Ordered Misty, pointing at the elite.

    The pokemon nodded and started its attack, but the elite dodged it with ease.

    "Pikachu, thunder." Said the elite calmly.

    Hearing its master's orders, the small electric pokemon jumped off of his shoulder to perform a massive thunder attack.

    "Pika!" Announced the Pikachu, sparks forming on the pokemon's cheeks. "Pikachu!"

    Thunder filled the arena and found its target. Staryu let out a pained cry and fell to the floor, unconscious. Misty ran to it and knelt by its side.

    "Staryu, are you okay?" Misty asked frantically.

    It nodded weakly as Misty returned it into its pokeball. She stood up and glared at the elite.

    "Now, you'll come with us if you don't want the same thing to happen to the rest of your pokemon." Warned the elite.

    Misty had no choice, she knew she was defeated. Sighing, she dropped her hands to her side and let the recovered Team Rocket members bind her hands together.

    "Good job, Pikachu." The elite praised, scratching his pokemon behind the ear.

    "Pika…" Purred the smiling pokemon. The elite mirrored the smile and laughed at his companion's content look. He then looked in Misty's direction.

    "Finally…" He smiled. "The last gym leader is ours. Giovanni will be very pleased with our work. Although, I must say, she was one of the hardest to capture."

    The elite approached the young girl and lifted her face to look at him. Misty also took this opportunity to examine the elite. She noticed that he was still young, about her age, maybe a little older.

    "You're very beautiful…" Whispered the elite, showing no emotion.

    Misty looked at him cautiously, wondering where this was going.

    "Who are you?" Misty asked again.

    "I'm the elite member of Team Rocket, number one next to our boss, Giovanni." Replied the elite automatically, almost as if he were reading a script.

    "What's your name?" She inquired.

    "Hey! Listen you! Don't bother him with such stupid questions!" Scolded Matt. "Come on, let's get her into the van."

    Several Rockets grabbed her and forced her to follow them.

    "Ash…"

    Misty turned around at the sound of the young man's voice.

    "My name is Ash." He repeated.

    Misty just stood there, staring at him until a Rocket pushed her forward and forced her to move.

    "Pika pi?" Asked Pikachu.

    "I'm fine. Let's get back to headquarters." Announced Ash, following the rest of the members out of the gym.

    A/N: Okay, there's Chapter 1. I know it's kind of short, but it'll get better! I promise! Anyway, hope you liked it! AAML forever!
    ~*~*~ Proud Member of OPS ~*~*~

    Misty: If you want someone to do whatever you want, wherever you want, then you should find yourself a girlfriend.

    (from The Power of One)

    ~*~ Member of Pokémaniacs Anonymous: Because growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional. ~*~


    ~*~Don't mess with this team!~*~



    Check out my work!



  6. #6
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    If it has 'nothing whatsoever' to do with the show, why is Ash there? He only exists in the show.

  7. #7
    Java Girl Barb's Avatar Retired Staff
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    I was short, but very action-packed. But again, you're capitalizing where you don't need to. Case in point: "Nice work, Staryu!" Exclaimed the Cerulean City gym leader.

    Why not move the verb (exclaimed) to the end of the sentence?

    "Nice work, Staryu!" Misty, the Cerulean City gym leader, exclaimed. Her star-shaped Pokémon nodded and called out, "Hiya!" as it finished its attack, defeating the challenger.

    There's not much to comment on in terms of storyline just yet, but it looks promising.

  8. #8
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    I don't think she means it has nothing to do with the show. But more like she took the characters and put her own spin on them...

    If I didn't read the comments bout the capitalizing I probably would hardly notice, but now it's beginning to bug me too... damnit... Anyway, I did that too. I actually probably still do sometime! I dunno, I'm extremely bad myself at that sorta stuff...

    I kinda saw it coming with Ash being the elite member. I mean, it makes sense what with the summary and all... it'l be interesting to see how exactly Misty goes away changing Ash.

    Sorry I'm not helpful on constructive criticism, I'm still upset that there was no pizza leftover for breakfast...

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