When Life is Just Re-VOLT-ing (PG-13, One-Shot)
Yes, an Angst parody.
Ever wondered why do Voltorbs blow themselves up of their own free will? Exactly. Rated PG for some language. Apologies to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
When Life is Just Re-VOLT-ing
It was another day at New Mauville. Only that today a Trainer walked through the darkened halls with one purpose in mind - to turn off the generator, as he was bid to do by Wattson, Mauville City's Gym Leader. Taking into no consideration the local electric-types, he determinedly made his way towards the generator room.
Another thing he took into no consideration was a random Voltorb who used Selfdestruct, doing minor damage to one of his Pokemon. And since this is not quite an anormal behavior for Voltorbs, the Trainer did not take much time to come to terms with the Voltorb's existence as a Voltorb without having to come to terms with it not being a Voltorb anymore.
This is what went through the Voltorb's mind before he used Selfdestruct.
Like many others of my kind, I was 'born'... Born? Pah! As if an artificial being like me is even worthy of the term 'born'! I suppose you could say I was manafactured, but why in the world would anyone bother? Maybe it's because I'm so simple looking? Meh, Like anyone cares anyhow.
So anyway, I somehow ended up being aware. And believe me, it's not easy being aware when you're really just an electric pile of metal with eyes. I have no idea just where the hell it was, but it wasn't pretty. Y'know the routine. Flashing lights, metallic arms, all that horribly uninteresting stuff. And there was like a million of us, too! And we all looked the same. Can you imagine how depressing that is, to know that you're just one in a million? Why, I was so frustrated I zapped one of them birds that just used to sit there and eat the wires. The next thing I know, I get knocked off the manafacturing line by a bunch of beaks. It HURT. You may think that we're only balls of metal but we have feelings too, you know! So I zapped them again and again until they were well-done. And it made me feel good.
For a few seconds, then I realized I was hungry.
Now, for YOU guys, eating isn't a problem, but do you think our makers were considerate enough to give us a mouth? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. They only gave us eyes! As if those pathetic camera things can count as eyes. And speaking of which, they could have given us legs or something so we wouldn't have to bounce around like idiots. So here I am, bouncing around like an idiot, looking for something to eat, then I realize that the door I jumped through wasn't a door but a window, and here I am falling right into the middle of the freakin' sea. Now, I don't like water. I REALLY don't like water, but do you think I had a call on the matter? NO! I'm just a stupid little glowing ball, after all! And then I find myself drifting. I was beginning to wonder when will I end up as Sharpedo bait, but it turns out that even the SHARPEDOES didn't want to get near me! So what if I've got a little static electricity around me? Am I really this terrible?
So a few days pass, and I'm still at sea. Want to know how I amused myself? Watching them fish get eaten by bigger fish. It's not like I needed to breathe or something, and with my eyes constantly rolling in and out of the water it's annoying but is there something else to do in the middle of this freakin' ocean? Nothing! And of course by then i'm getting INSANELY hungry. So I sigh and get ready to give up when suddenly this big-ass Gyarados rears its ugly head and looks me right in the eyes!
Now, not that I mind Gyarados, but I DO mind being thrown out of the water into a bunch of rather sharp rocks by a crazy tail blow, which is just what the damn thing did. Typical. No mercy. Nobody likes the electric ball!
Anyway, after I peeled myself off the rocks (getting some scratches on my paintwork too. Meh.) I just so happen to notice some sign with wierd letters on it. So I roll in, figuring, what the hell, anything's better than rotting on this beach, and surprise! I run into a pack of FLOATING balls. And they've got stuff stuck to them and only one big eye! So I go "Hey, Cyclops, where the heck am I?" and the thing just ROLLS ITS EYE at me and tells one of its floating friends "Guess what, 'mate. We've got another one. Welcome to New Mauville, Kid. Now Scram."
New Mauville? What the heck? That's the silliest name i've heard. Great, I'm stuck for eternity in a place with a silly name and full of obnoxious floating bastards.
So I bounce off looking for food when I accidentally trip and fall on something green. Then I realize the door behind me just CLOSED ITSELF! WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME! And then I just happen to feel something interesting. So I bounce off in its general direction and run into - surprise surprise - a BIG MACHINE. Now, I have no freakin' idea what it is, But I didn't feel so hungry anymore. Maybe it was the fact that I was just hit by a bolt of lightning generated by that thing and when you're hit by one you don't really think of food. Or maybe that lightning WAS food. Whatever it was, it STILL hurt. Things we do to survive, eh?
So time CONTINUES passing, and i'm getting used to the situation. Bounce around, get zapped, bounce around. How boring do you think that can be? I'd ask the other ones like me but they don't care about me. All they care about is themselves and how miserable THEY are. And now YOU come along and think that if you took out Cyclops and those crazy friends of his then you have the right to turn off the zapping-thingy and break my routine?! It's depressing, yes, but won't you even bother to ASK me first?! WHY?! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE?!
Bah, screw you guys, I don't care anymore. I'm out of here. See you in hell.
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the trainer's mind when the Voltorb exploded was 'Oh No, Not Again'.