When Evil Meets Evil Book 1 (The Remake) [Violence]

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default When Evil Meets Evil Book 1 (The Remake) [Violence]

    WHEN EVIL MEETS EVIL





    Im back again. Its alster 08 and I am glad to present a remake of the When Evil meets Evil Saga. When I first made the idea it was a hit. I completed Book 1 and Half way through Book 2. But now I am remaking Book 1 as we speak and I am presenting the first Chapter. This story is when all the evil villains of the POkemon region give up in there areas and attempt to conquer Kanto. But they are not working with each other they are working against. Reviews and comments widely excepted!

    Original Book 1
    Original Book 2
    Remake Book 1 (This Thread)


    Chapter 1 TEAM ROCKET

    War is like love, it always finds its way.

    Giovanni marched into the busy room, steam pouring out of his ears making every one shoot back into their seats. He was angry, not angry but furious. He had specifically ordered that he desired his coffee with some whip crème but he found no whip cream. Giovanni was not pleased and he was sure that one Team Rocket Grunt was being thrown out immediately, no exceptions. Giovanni hates mistakes and is trying to eliminate anyone who fails.

    “Who is the young glad I ordered to get me my coffee specifically with whip crème,” shouted Giovanni whose head was about to burst into bits of confetti. Not one of the Grunts rose there hand. Each remained silent hoping that by doing this they would be innocent. “So no one here wants to confess, eh. Fine then, all of you shall perish because I have no need for any of this foolish non sense.” Of course Giovanni was just fooling the Grunts to get the delinquent to confess. Just as he was about to walk out the door a Grunt shouted for him to wait.

    “Wait sir, it was me. I’m the one you ordered to get you a coffee and the one who forgot the whip crème. Don’t punish them. Punish me. They didn’t do anything wrong.” The young Rocket Grunt pleaded and begged Giovanni for his forgiveness. Giovanni is very stubborn, always wanting things done his way. Not only may he be stubborn and greedy but he is cruel when it comes to letting him down. He won’t shoot you on the spot like other villains may do but he makes sure that you will go through a slow and painful death. There is a slight good side to Giovanni. If you make him pleased, meaning you have done everything right, done everything perfect, he rewards you. It’s not just any reward but its thousands of dollars. He has money to burn but sadly he has no will to share just because he wants to.

    Giovanni gave a thought about letting the poor fifteen year old boy slide but in the end he wanted no use for him. Giovanni clutched the ends of the boys feat lifted him up leaving him dangling in mid air. He slid the blimps window open. Every Grunt turned their head away from the sight when Giovanni tossed the teenage boy out the blimp of the window. The boy plummeted to his death, no parachute or anything of protection. It was the end for him. This was a warning to every Team Rocket member that Giovanni mean’s business form this point on and if you’re not going to do things right, he will be sure that you don’t see daylight once more. Giovanni the sick mindless man found pleasure through evil and that’s how he survives in life. Giovanni then gave everyone a nasty look than threatened them to get back to work or they will face the same faith the boy just experienced. They immediately resumed to their own duties.

    Days pass since the incident that Team Rocket will remember as long as they live. Soon they were to arrive in Kanto where they will begin their risky devious plot. Giovanni wanted to take control of the vast Kanto region. It surly isn’t going to be easy but that’s exactly what Giovanni had accounted for. But surly he believed he would be able to succeed with over one thousand Grunts and five thousand of the most painful Pokemon to walk the planet.

    Professor Kremp barged into Giovanni’s office informing him that they are approximately two hours away from the Kanto region. Professor Kremp was Giovanni’s personal slave similar to the rest of the Grunts but mainly was his assistant in charge. Professor Kremp wasn't as cruel or painful as Giovanni but he was sure to get people working with is loud and obnoxious voice. He also was very clumsy tripping basically after nearly every other step. He was almost fully bald with the exception of the hair on the sides of his watermelon shaped head. Wrinkles devoured his face, all over, not one centimeter of skin could be seen without being coved in wrinkles. Dark and mysterious glasses kept his eyes hidden. He was never seen without them planted across his eyes. Although he may seem very old a weary, he isn’t. He is in his late forties, possibly early fifties at the most, if that.

    Giovanni was pleased to be hearing the news at last after many days of the never ending flight. At last he will be presented the opportunity to terrorize millions of people and gather plenty of slaves for his needs. Even though the odds seemed unlikely on his part, he still had faith in himself only worrying about how his Grunts will perform in the invasion of the first city, Vermilion. Even if his Grunts were to fail he always had a plan B which he has yet to reveal to anyone but Professor Kremp. Both knew that if they were to use their plan B invention, there wouldn’t be one person who could possibly defeat them. Plan B is all he needs if all else fails.

    “Ten minutes till landing,” croaked Professor Kremp who was so nervous that he was literally yanking bits of what’s left of his hair out. Everyone gave him a slightly evil stare but then they assumed their ready positions. There were two reasons why they were still working for Team Rocket even after all the miserable days they have had. Reason one was for all the money that would be rewarded to them after completely demolishing Kanto and taking control of every city. Reason two was to avoid getting their heads chopped off by Giovanni himself. Everyone knew once getting appointed by Giovanni there is no way out.

    Giovanni took charge after that. He gave tips to everyone who will be invading the city on the ground. He gave each of them there Poke balls which will be used throughout the mission. He informed them that each Poke ball had three Pokemon that surly won’t fail them. He could see that each Grunt was frightened out of there mind, so he decided to add on to it by saying, “It’s only a life or death situation. No need to be worried.” The countdown began shortly after that.

    “5…4…3…2…1…,” counted down Giovanni peering out the window at every one of his soon to be slaves. All at once, the thousand Grunts sky dived down to their targets where they will be faced with life or death. They didn’t know what was going to happen to them if they failed but they knew succeeding resulted in cash, lots of it. That was there only motivation as they pulled the string that released there parachute which will slowly drift them down to their surface.

    Giovanni and Professor Kremp were the only two people left in the Blimp. They gazed down as the Grunts attacked the shrieking civilians who stood no chance against the almighty crew he had put together. Slowly a smile was planted across his face which rarely occurred especially in the last couple miserable years of his life. He was feeling the pleasure thought hatred and that’s exactly what he loved. It’s what he has always wished for. Although this was one of the million cities and towns he would have to conquer but he didn’t worry so much about that. Plan B would surly do the job for him even without a crew. All of this land fighting was just for his amusement and when the takes do start to turn he will be sure they flip right back.

    Down on the surface of Vermilion City, thousands of innocent people are abducted and out powered by the Grunts. They are thrown into the Vermilion prison which currently was of no use to Vermilion. Some put up a fight with their Pokemon of course but that resulted in the Grunts releasing their all powerful handful of Pokemon. Even though the citizens had no chance in winning they still attempted to change the odds. Unforchantly the luck wasn’t in their favor. Rain began to pour down to Vermilion city just as Team Rocket was taking control. Vermilion City was now Team Rocket territory and this time no one could object.

    It takes about five hours or so until the fighting begins to slow down and the Grunts begin to return. This was longer than Giovanni anticipated which he will be sure will not happen again when he chats with his crew of Grunts.
    The citizens were gathered all together and were crammed into the Vermilion prison. A handful of Grunts were left behind to make sure that the freedom less citizens would not starve and most importantly not escape into the world where they could possibly warn everyone else. Giovanni hoped that this could be kept a secret just until every city was captured and taken control. Then after that he would attempt to take control of the world. Who knows how many Grunts he would have under his belt by then?

    After Giovanni congratulated his crew in his own amusing way they settled on their next destination point; in other words, the next invasion. But where should they go. Take on one of the bigger and more difficult cities; or slowly take control of the smaller cities, creeping their way up to the bigger. After minutes of thought he decided that he was going to keep quiet and invade the little villages and towns and work his way up to the more populated and experienced cities. The next destination is set to be Pallet town where it was surly a piece of cake to take control of with a very minimal population. Giovanni chuckled a bit and then ordered the Professor to go navigate the blimp to Pallet town. Of course, The Professor obeyed and within seconds the Blimp was again soaring through the clear air which pretty soon will be filled with evil, hatred, and violence.

    END OF PART 1….

  2. #2
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: When Evil Meets Evil Book 1 (The Remake) [Violence]

    It seems that this new, revised version suffers from many of the same problems as the original. You're still doing too much straightforward description, telling us about the characters as if you're doing a biographical summary of them rather than showing us their character through a story, and throwing in lots of adjectives in an attempt to colour Giovanni as evil. It's definitely working, but it's working to the point that the audience probably wants to say "we get the point already".

    You still have quite a swarm of style and tense errors as well:

    Giovanni marched into the busy room, steam pouring out of his ears making every one shoot back into their seats.
    This sentence is split up awkwardly in two different ways. Consider:

    Giovanni marched into the busy room, steam pouring out of his ears. Everyone shot back into their seats.

    : or:

    Giovanni marched into the busy room, the steam pouring out of his ears making everyone shoot back into their seats.

    He was angry, not angry but furious.
    "He was angry, not angry." That part by itself is enough to trip a few people up. Consider:

    He was angry. No, not quite angry - he was furious.

    He had specifically ordered that he desired his coffee with some whip crème but he found no whip cream. Giovanni was not pleased and he was sure that one Team Rocket Grunt was being thrown out immediately, no exceptions. Giovanni hates mistakes and is trying to eliminate anyone who fails.
    You alternate between "whip crème" and "whip cream" without any meaning behind the switch. Also, it should be "whipped cream", but that's moot. Also, "Giovanni hates mistakes..." You have a bit of a tense error there. In fact, you use two alternate tenses in that sentence alone.

    “Who is the young glad I ordered to get me my coffee specifically with whip crème,” shouted Giovanni whose head was about to burst into bits of confetti. Not one of the Grunts rose there hand. Each remained silent hoping that by doing this they would be innocent. “So no one here wants to confess, eh. Fine then, all of you shall perish because I have no need for any of this foolish non sense.” Of course Giovanni was just fooling the Grunts to get the delinquent to confess. Just as he was about to walk out the door a Grunt shouted for him to wait.
    "lad", "raised", "their", and "nonsense".

    And that's just the first two paragraphs. You may want to reconsider what you're doing and see if you can't get somebody to go through it with you first. (I know I won't have the time. I'm not even going to be here in a while.)
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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