Thread: We all live in a Pokemon Universe

Hello.
I will tell you a story that explained how did the world of Pokemon got mixed in the world of humans.let's begin now.

Page I Chapter I

A long time ago,Pokemon and People lived in separate worlds.
Pokemon was in a nice world.Humans were too.
But suddenly,the peaceful moments were broken.
A great forced sent the two worlds hurling against each other.
But the two worlds weren't destroyed yet.
They combined,and all were dazzled with the sight of Pokemon and People
crowded in the world they were living in.
Pokemon were very kind creatures to their kind.
but now,in this mixed-up world of theirs,they couldn't find their friends anymore.
Separated....Separated from their friends.
Humans,on the other hand,got much ideas for Pokemon.
For them,for now,they were just tools.
but a little longer,
The Pokemon fought people because of their greed and badness.

That's rather short.

You could do with more detail.

And why aren't there any spaces after the commas and periods?

I'm speechless. The plot sounds like it's from Bakugan, the description is a failed attempt on myths, the characters are nonexistant, and the punctuation is just...bad. I'll...I'll just try to give you a good score. 5/10. It's not bad, it's not good. I just have mixed feelings, really. The short sentences remind me of the Sinnoh myths, giving me that kind of nostalgic feeling. But on closer examination, it's nothing like a legend. It's just something put together in five minutes.

I'm not yet done with it.I'll say,I hate bakugan!

Page 2 Chapter 1

People fought for their share too--
but in the end,the band of Pokemon won.
people were also stubborn,(why shouldn't they be anyway?)so they didn't
quit fighting with their lame weapons.
They changed their stupidity to awesomeness!!!
They constructed groups.
The groups were top-on Pokehunters and Rockets.
They used Pokemon as tools.
Pokehunters would catch 'em,while greedy Rockets will buy
them.
Within days,months and years,The world of liveliness colored with Pokemon
disappeared.
Only the Legendary Pokemon along some common Pokemon (Rattata,Pidgey,Wurmple,Zigzagoon,etc.) were left.

The Legendary Alliance alongside the Yesterdays' Pokemon planned their revenge
on humans.
Together,they defeated once more the people who wanted them.

Originally Posted by konkaru animeted

I'm not yet done with it.I'll say,I hate bakugan!

Page 2 Chapter 1
They changed their stupidity to awesomeness!!!

They constructed groups.

The groups were top-on Pokehunters and Rockets.

Pokehunters would catch 'em,while greedy Rockets will buy
them.

Within days,months and years,The world of liveliness colored with Pokemon
disappeared.

Only the Legendary Pokemon along some common Pokemon (Rattata,Pidgey,Wurmple,Zigzagoon,etc.) were left.

please please please tell me that english isnt your first language

Originally Posted by Damien.Taylor

please please please tell me that english isnt your first language

Trust me, so do I. I mean, seriously. If there's a problem with the first page, most people would just drop the book and demand a refund. Also, it's CHAPTER ONE. I could understand if it were the prologue [introduction to the reality of the fiction]. But naming it chapter one, which is supposed to make the reader want to read more...

That, and in the forums, you have to post the full chapter.

OK, going off the first part I thought it was supposed to be told in the style of legends, but the second part completely ruins that. Asides? Words like "lame" and "awesome"? Yeah, that's not keeping with the style at all.

I must agree with all of the above.But I can see that if this was written properly, it could make a good fanfic. I say IF

dude, bad, too short; too little punctuation; not to say none.

Sorry, but it wasn't even good enough for me to finish reading. . =( The plot, or lack thereof, wasn't sucking me in. Not only that, but you're supposed to have spaces after the commas, periods, and any other punctuation. Try again and make it better, please. If you need pointers, I'm always there to talk to! =]

This guy must feel so bad now, what with all of us dissing him...sorry dude

Well, they do claim to be nine, so it's expected that their work isn't the best. I remember when I was their age!

Probably, but he needs just like I and every other writer did