MATURE: War; a Pokemon war story.

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Thread: War; a Pokemon war story.

  1. #1
    Shiny Hunter Savi's Avatar
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    Default War; a Pokemon war story.

    Prologue;


    Private Youngster Joey – At your service.

    His badge read otherwise, his name being scratched and distorted by tiny pieces of dirt and rubble which somehow had attached themselves to it. He lit a cigarette whilst his face remained expressionless, but if you were to listen closely you could hear his heart beat thunderously, hammering against the inside of his chest. At times like these you couldn’t afford to be stupid, or jubilant. He would clutch his AK-47 occasionally, letting his naiveté friend know he was still awake.

    “It’s gonna’ be okay, you know?” He swallows, running a careful hand along his friend’s short purple fur, shortly after throwing his cigarette to the ground.

    The small purple rat only let out a short purr in response, nudging its small head against the palm of his hand. This small, cute Pokemon was his only friend. Sure, he had many friend’s on his cellphone but they never understood him like his Rattata did. He didn’t need percentages, or surveys to tell him that his Rattata was in the top 10% of Rattata’s. He knew that his pal, was the best out there.

    He would try to keep boredom at bay for now, prying out his cell phone from the depths of his khaki designed pockets promptly – no signal. His eyes narrowed at the small electronic piece in his hands, of course Ilex forest had no signal, how could he be so stupid? Though if he did have signal, he’d make sure to remind his friends of how awesome his Rattata was.

    “I had awesome plans for you, buddy,” Joey mentions dryly as he shoves his cell phone deep into his pocket again, smiling softly to the small rat, “You’d make an awesome Raticate.”

    “Rattata!” The small rodent agreed diligently, staring upwards with glowing red eyes at the moon.

    “Well once this war is over pal, we’ll train every day!” Joey whispered, running his hand over his Rattata’s fur once more.


    Mew

  2. #2
    Shiny Hunter Savi's Avatar
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    Default Re: War; a Pokemon war story.

    Chapter 1; Team Rocket



    It must be late July, or early August. Time wasn’t a huge factor in war.

    You find it hard to think that time’s any man’s friend in a place like this, when the world is at war. There aren’t seconds, minutes, hours, days or even weeks. There are only bullets, smoke and guns, and there are screams and cries and death and the thunder of bombs, and the storm that won’t break.
    So time means shit to you.

    Judging by the sudden heat though, surprising with its potency, a sharp change from last week, you think its late July, or early August.

    It’s hard work here at the hospital.

    Last week she was serving at a medical tent, three miles near the front line - the only things she could smell was blood and large amounts of smoke from where she was. Though it sounds harsh, she prefers the security and sterility of an established hospital.

    It used to be a Pokémon centre. It should have still been a Pokémon centre.

    Though, now since causalities included men, women, and Pokémon – it was a hospital. Fawn wasn’t the only nurse working here, fortunately. However that meant that supplies were shared around the hospital, and they were running low. She’d make do with what she had, but things weren’t looking too good.

    “Fawn, we have a section 9 on the third floor!”

    She would hear that a lot. Nearly every day there is someone missing an arm, a leg even. All because of a group of no good bandits who are waging war across the regions.

    Team Rocket.

    That name seemed familiar to some, however after losing their champion; Ash Ketchum, no one seemed to bring them up. It was all mysterious when Ash left. Not even the elite Officer Jenny could figure out who was responsible for his disappearance. However that wasn’t needed, people silently knew who had taken their hero. The only person who could save them from Team Rocket.

    Petite legs rushed towards the third floor, climbing approximately 98 steps before reaching their destination. Room 17.

    "His name is Joey, Private Youngster Joey. He was found collapsed outside Ilex Forest with this little fella' clinging to his side." Announced Nurse Joy, hovering a pen over his information paper.

    One of the other three nurses in the room were tending to his needs, fiddling with IV's and cords.

    "He has a broken rib, or so it seems," Nurse Serene commented in turn, running her hand along his rib area. "Nurse Solace could you please grab me the bandages from room 18?"

    Nurse Solace nodded hurriedly, rushing to room 18.

    Fawn looked tedious in all the rush. It was becoming too much.


    Mew

  3. #3
    Requiem Raver Drakon's Avatar
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    Default Re: War; a Pokemon war story.

    Hmm. A Pokémon war story; this could be interesting.

    The chapters are a bit short and could use some more description. But you did paint a good outline of the setting for us (Johto and Kanto ravaged by war). I suggest adding more detail; make us feel, see, taste, smell and hear what's going on in the setting.

    Also, Private Youngster Joey is a bit of a jarring name. Set Youngster off in quotes like this:

    Private "Youngster" Joey
    That way, it looks like a nickname.

    And some typos:

    naiveté friend
    - "naiveté" should be "naivé"

    Rattata’s
    friend’s
    These shouldn't have apostrophes as they are plurals - not possessives.
    What are the Legendaries really like? Find out in The Life of the Legendaries

    Humans and pokémon no longer live in harmony. Hear their tales in The Poké Wars Chronicles: Tales From A World At War

    Cynthia once had it all: powerful pokémon, fame and hordes of adoring fans. But Ho-oh's campaign tears her life asunder. Now to survive this deadly new world, she must do the one thing that she never wanted: kill. Follow her trials through a world at war in Poké Wars: Downfall of a Champion

  4. #4
    Shiny Hunter Savi's Avatar
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    Default Re: War; a Pokemon war story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Drakon View Post
    Hmm. A Pokémon war story; this could be interesting.

    The chapters are a bit short and could use some more description. But you did paint a good outline of the setting for us (Johto and Kanto ravaged by war). I suggest adding more detail; make us feel, see, taste, smell and hear what's going on in the setting.

    Also, Private Youngster Joey is a bit of a jarring name. Set Youngster off in quotes like this:

    Private "Youngster" Joey
    That way, it looks like a nickname.

    And some typos:

    naiveté friend
    - "naiveté" should be "naivé"

    Rattata’s
    friend’s
    These shouldn't have apostrophes as they are plurals - not possessives.
    Aw thank you so much for doing all of that for me ^_^; I'll try get another chapter out, and longer this time! hahahah.


    Mew

  5. #5
    Registered User BlackGroudon's Avatar
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    Default Re: War; a Pokemon war story.

    Oh,this is gonna be awesome. Youngster Joey FTW!!! :D



    I Claim Groudon.Yay

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