3rd April 2005, 06:21 PM #1
Wanzewald Pokemon Contest!
Chapter 1- An unexpected reunion
Ash and co. walked along a thick bushy forest path infested with thick oak trees and tall grass scratching at their legs. It was like the Ilex forest where the treetops were so thick; you could not see the sky. It wasn't long before griping and complaining was heard.
"OWW! That grass makes my legs itch badly!" May whined as she furiously tore at the skin of her legs.
"Are you sure this is a shortcut?" Max asked, glaring at Brock through his black glasses.
Brock retrieved the pokemon handbook he so often looked at from his pocket and examined a map of the area they were carefully. His eyebrows flew into his hair, and he turned around to his friends looking rather guilty. "Heh heh. Uh sorry guys, I think I was reading the map sideways. This forest is actually leading us away from Fortree City,"
Everyone fell over anime style. "At this rate we'll get to Fortree City by the time I'm married to Misty," Ash groaned.
"What! I know you don't have the hots for that girl!" May yelled enraged, looking like an Ursaring about to tear a baby Seel to shreds.
"Calm down! It's just a random joke to please the Pokeshippers! And it can also please the Advancedshippers if you think about it,” Ash said nervously as May towered over him.
"Pokeshippers? Advancedshippers? What the heck are those?" Max asked curiously.
"Never mind, it's too complicated," Ash sighed.
They dropped the subject and turned around to head out of the forest when saw a lone, tiny Caterpie on the pathway. It released a distant aura of cuteness, although it looked like a crack addicted worm. It had a blended mix of green and white skin and large adorable black eyes. May, however, found it quite repulsive.
"EWWW! Get that thing away from me!" May shrieked as the pokemon began to crawl toward her. She hid behind her brother Max, even though it could still obviously see her.
"Pika?" Pikachu murmured. He looked at the Caterpie and noticed it looked vaguely similar. He jumped off of Ash's shoulder and began questioning it.
"Pika Pika Pika Chu (I think I remember you from somewhere. Have we met)?" The yellow mouse pokemon asked.
"Caterpie pie (How should I know? I have a memory span of two days)," The bug pokemon responded.
Pikachu nodded; he was probably just imagining things. As he turned to hop back onto Ash's shoulder, something caught his eye. There was a birthmark that resembled a blue smudge on the back of the Caterpie's head. Where had he seen it from?
Meanwhile, halfway across the forest was none other than Jessie, James, and Meowth, the pitiful members of Team Rocket. As usual, they were weak and deprived of food. They dragged themselves across the treacherous path, hoping to find rare pokemon, food, or even better both.
"You know guys, I have an idea. Why don't we just quit this whole Team Rocket thing? We've been at this for nearly seven years, and instead of fame and riches, we have famine and poverty. Not to mention being shocked countless times! Last, time Meowth nearly got brain damage!" James cried out to Jessie and Meowth.
Jessie turned to James slowly with the signature vein in her temple pounding. "WHAT! So we're supposed to live nice honest lives? Tauros Crap! We'll still be struggling with our minimum wage jobs! Trust me, one day we'll hit big, and then we can get out of Team Rocket! We’ll have more money than a stupid McDonald’s job would ever give us!" Jessie hollered to a cowering James.
Meowth sighed and decided not to intervene into their argument. The fact they argued nonstop was getting very annoying. He rubbed his bandaged head painfully. Jessie and James may have claimed his injury came from the six hundredth time he got shocked by Pikachu, but he knew that it came from the brutal pounding he got when he suggested that Jessie and James get together.
The pain from his shallow stomach suddenly overtook the pain in his head. Meowth clutched his stomach with his clawed hands and looked up ahead and gasped. "Is that what I think it is!"
Jessie and James stopped their bickering and whipped around to face Meowth. "What are you talking about?" Jessie said greedily.
"Please let it not be the twerps. Please let it not be the twerps," James mumbled silently, crossing his fingers.
Meowth tried to keep his face as normal as possible since he had to think of a response fast. "Errm...I...think...it was...the...legendary...pokemon....uh...mew...quaz a! The legendary pokemon Mewquaza! It headed that away!" Meowth responded incoherently.
"Well what are you waiting for? Let's go!" Jessie screeched. She grabbed James by the back of his shirt and sprinted like a speeding Rapidash.
Meowth sighed; he was alone now. What he really saw was a tall and majestic apple tree. The brown bark called forth Meowth while the long, leaf covered branches beckoned him. The bramble of green leaves and round, succulent apples were the final pleas to Meowth that had him running as if he was being chased by a pack of murderous Miltank.
When Meowth reached the tree, his eyes shone like pennies as he reached up to grab one of the apples. Then it occurred to him that he was not tall enough. “Why have you forsaken me Nature?” Meowth cried.
He tried to knock some apples off the tree by slamming into it, but only ended up with a bruised shoulder. As he rubbed his shoulder, a light buzzing sound came from overhead. “Oh no! Is it Beedrill?” Meowth whimpered, too frightened to look up.
“Ledyba Ba,” The pokemon called from overhead. It was a round ladybug pokemon with six small arms she was rubbing together. She descended upon Meowth and stared at him with her large black eyes. “Ba Ledy Ledy”
“Phew, for a minute there I thought it was Beedrill. I guess it’s only a puny Ledyba,” Meowth sighed out of relief. Ledyba frowned and repeated what it said earlier. “What? Or course I was listening. Wait a second…what do you mean I can’t take any of the apples!”
“Ledyba ba ba Ledyba,” The ladybug pokemon said in a rather businesslike tone.
“So, your tribe planted this tree to feed itself? Well, I’m sure you guys can find other food! Besides…umm…uhh… I don’t see your name on it!” Meowth roared back.
Ledyba smiled and pointed at a small inscription on the tallest tree. It read “Property of the Ledian and Ledyba”. Meowth fell over anime style.
“I guess I’ll never get food. Ever since I joined Team Rocket, I’ve been starving as far back as I can remember. We survive on old food bits we find in trash cans! And whenever we find wild food, this horrid woman, Jessie, always eats it!” Meowth wailed with tears running down his tan fur.
Ledyba felt great pity at this story and flew up to get one apple. She held it with four of her small arms and with another arm it covered its mouth saying “Sshh!” She handed Meowth the apple smiling broadly.
Meowth gazed at the generous Ledyba in appreciation. His eyes were filling up with tears, but then he suddenly shook them out and went back to his normal nasty look. “I don’t need your pity! I’ll get these apples on my own!” Meowth declared. He took his sharp claws and began to hack violently at Ledyba’s face.
When he was done, red scratch marks popped up all around Ledyba’s face. Her arms went limp, and she dropped the apple. Her black eyes began to fill up with potential waterfalls of tears.
“Oh crap! Now don’t cry! I’m really sorry!” Meowth pleaded with Ledyba as the tears began to drip out and she began to whimper. Meowth went in to give her a hug, but she swatted Meowth away with one of the arms she wasn’t using to cover her eyes.
“WAAAAAH! WAAAAAH! WAAAAH!” Ledyba howled at the top of her lungs. Meowth covered his ears as the cries pierced his ears and sliced the quiet forest air. Over the horrid cries, Meowth could hear massive buzzing.
He began to run wildly, with his eyes screwed shut tightly and his fingers plugged into his ears. He was safe for a few seconds until he collided into something. As he unplugged his ears, he noticed there was an eerie silence.
His brain said no, but his fear said yes as he slowly opened his eyes one at a time. In front of him was a very livid Ledian. Ledian were the evolved and more powerful version of Ledyba. Ledian were more human shaped and had a narrow face with smaller black eyes. There red wings were split and they only had two arms, but those two arms had more power than all six of a Ledyba’s arms combined.
The Ledian in front of him was cracking his knuckles silently, never removing his gaze from Meowth. Meowth gulped and looked around, more frightened then if he saw a Gengar. As he predicted, there were more bloodthirsty Ledian staring at him from every single angle including above him! One Ledian was holding the Ledyba, who gave Meowth the darkest look.
Meowth sighed and pulled out a morphine injection out of nowhere. “What would I do without you?” The doomed pokemon said to the injection. Meowth stabbed the needle into his arm and looked dazed for a few seconds “All right! Now take your best shot!”
“You know? I think Beautifly would love this forest setting,” May said. She threw out a red and white pokeball which released her butterfly like pokemon, Beautifly. She flapped her wings gently and flew around the four humans in circles.
Pikachu’s eyes followed Beautifly around. The pokemon reminded him so much of Ash’s second pokemon, Butterfree. Suddenly, something sparked in Pikachu’s mind. He called back Butterfree in his memories and then looked at the Caterpie that was crawling away. Butterfree had the same birthmark that the Caterpie did which meant…
“PIKA PIKA!” Pikachu screeched in victory, making everyone jump.
“Woah! What was that about Pikachu,” Ash asked. Pikachu jumped off of Ash’s shoulder and in front of the Caterpie. He began to interrogate the bug pokemon again who nodded at every one of Pikachu’s questions.
Pikachu looked gleeful as he asked Caterpie his last question. When Caterpie nodded one last time, Pikachu let out thousands of volts in to the air out of happiness. He had to tell Ash the good news, but how would he do it?
“Pika!” Pikachu said to the four.
“I think Pikachu is trying to tell us something,” Max commented.
Pikachu nodded. He held up two fingers and let everyone see it. “Okay, so that means two,” Brock guessed. Pikachu nodded furiously. He then leaped in front of Ash and began touching Ash’s balls.
“Eww, who just said that,” May squealed. Everyone looked around in confusion. On top of a tree, they saw me, the strange man who narrates this story.
“Oh him! That guy’s been following me around since I first started my journey. You never noticed him talking?” Ash said.
“Well yeah, but I figured I was just hearing things,” May replied.
“Me too,” added Max.
“Doesn’t it annoy you having someone narrate everything you do?” May asked.
“At first, but then I got used it,” Ash replied.
“Anyway, I think you meant pokeballs Fred,” Brock said to me.
“The name’s Frank! Yes it is Pokeballs; I’m sorry about that confusion. Anyway can you guys continue your journey, so I can narrate it?” I asked them. They shrugged and continued watching Pikachu.
“Second pokeball?” Max pondered. Pikachu twisted his hand around saying it was kinda sorta like that. “Ash, what did you do with your second pokeball?”
“Uh, I think I used it to try and capture a Pidgey. Are you saying something about a Pidgey?” Ash asked.
Pikachu shook his head violently. He turned to think of a new idea, and noticed the Caterpie was leaving. Pikachu ran toward the Caterpie and asked it to stay. The bug pokemon looked annoyed, but nevertheless it stayed.
Pikachu turned back to face the humans and put up one finger and then touched one of Ash’s pokeballs. “What did you do with your first pokeball Ash?” Brock asked.
“I used it to catch Caterpie. Are you talking about Butterfree Pikachu?” Ash said. Pikachu jumped in triumph, the idiots finally understood.
“Hey! Who are you calling an idiot?” May screamed.
“That’s a funny thing coming out of the mouth of a man who follows around kids for a living!” Max growled.
“I was just kidding! Come on can’t you guys take a joke?” I asked with a feeble smile.
“Oh that’s it! Beautifly, get him!” May ordered. Beautifly stopped flying around and then looked at me dangerously.
“Crap,” I said as I tried to hide myself in the leaves, but it turned useless as Beautifly sent a silver wind attack at me which blew away the leaves and OUCH! Hey, that attack hurts. OUCH! Get away from me you stupid bug! AHHH! We’ll be back after these messages!
Are you a narrator in trouble? Constantly being attacked by the people whose lives you narrate? Then you need the invisibility potion! Now for a limited time you can buy this potion that makes you completely invisible after two drops! It works up to six hours and only takes thirty seconds to work! It comes at the cheap price of $1930.32. Other companies will charge you $1932.33, but you save tons of money when you call us! Call us now at 1 888 627 7283 (Narrate). Note: invisibility potion only has a 2% chance of working.
We now return to the fan fiction.
Stupid scammers…$1930.32!?!? Oh the woes of narrating. Oh hey, anyway let me continue with my story now that I’m invisible. After being tackled into the ground by that crack whor* of a pokemon, I have three broken ribs, but I can still narrate the story!
Anyway, Pikachu was pointing at May’s stomach and everyone let out a sigh of relief. May, Max, a Brock all knew that this Caterpie was Butterfree’s baby except for Ash who stood dumbfounded.
“So what was Pikachu saying?” Ash asked nervously. Everyone suppressed their laughs and turned to Ash.
“Ash, do you know where babies come from?” May asked.
“Ummm…Pellipers?” Ash answered in a quiet voice.
Max rolled his eyes, “Even I know!”
Brock and the Petalburg siblings huddled and whispered to each other. When they came out of their huddle, they nodded. Brock turned to Ash and said “I think we need to have a talk”
Ash and Brock sat down on the mushy forest floor, and Brock began to whisper into Ash’s ear. Ash quickly began shuddering and icy cold sweat trickled down his face. He occasionally let out small yelps as Brock continued to whisper.
Brock pulled his mouth out of Ash’s ear and said “And then the man….”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!” Ash screamed. His cry woke up hundreds of Pidgey in the treetops and sent them flying away.
Brock remained calm and continued to speak “And then the woman…”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!” Ash screamed again. The remaining Pidgey flew away from the forest. Ash clutched his knees and rocked back and forth silently. “Is that how I was created?” he muttered silently.
Brock nodded. Ash’s eyes rolled back into his head, and he passed out. Brock stood up and turned to May and Max. “If he can’t handle the fake explanation of a man and woman making out in a pool, I don’t he can handle the real explanation.”
Right then, Ash came back into consciousness and pretended like he never heard what Brock told him. “So that Caterpie is my old Butterfree’s kid!”
Pikachu nodded, relieved to know that his master finally got it. Ash walked toward to the Caterpie to say hi.
“I knew your father! He was a great guy, and I miss him so much. It’s too bad you’ll never miss him, since Butterfree die after they mate…” Ash said with his eyes streaming. He walked away so no one would see him crying.
Brock and Max began to pat Ash on his back. May however began eyeing the Caterpie greedily. “You mean to tell me this thing evolves into Butterfree?” May said.
“Duh,” Max answered. May’s eyes lit up and she grabbed a pokeball.
“I’m going to catch me that Caterpie! Go Combusken!”
A large red and cream colored foul pokemon came out of the pokeball. It had muscular arms and legs and was ready to fight. “Combusken, use ember!” May ordered.
Combusken opened his small beak and let out a flurry of small fireballs that all struck Caterpie.
When the attack was finished, the poor bug pokemon remained in its spot even though it was completely charred. Its eye began to twitch, and it let out a mighty roar. “CATERPIE!!!!!”
“May, I don’t think it was a good idea to try and capture it,” Max said in his usual smart alec voice. May stood frozen as if hit by an Ice Beam. In the distance, they heard the light flapping of wings. The sound grew louder and louder until finally at least one hundred Butterfree bursted out of the trees. They eyed the Caterpie, then Combusken, and then May.
Sweat formed on May’s horrified face. “Umm, I love you?” The Butterfree responded by flapping their wings again, and this time yellowish spores appeared near their wings. “Stu-Stu-Stun Spore?”
“I think this would be a good time to run,” Brock commented nervously.
“I agree,” Ash added
“RUN!!!” Max screamed. The three humans and Beautifly sprinted as fast as they could, while Combusken was pleading with May to run. May was too horrified to move, and she just stood transfixed by the massive cloud of stun spore that was drawing closer and closer. Finally, Combusken just hauled May onto his shoulders and ran for it.
3rd April 2005, 09:25 PM #2
Very witty. Loved Brock and Ash's man-to-man talk.