For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

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    Default For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    You know that PlatinaShipping fic I was promising? Here it is.

    For Want of Spirit

    ---------------------


    It was lonely here. But Cyrus liked it that way. As he sat here on a platform in the Distortion World, there was no interference of anybody to disturb his thoughts. His thoughts on how to form that new world of his – the world without spirit. His pure, colourless thoughts that made him consider everything stoically and rationally.

    But no matter how hard he tried, he could not clear his mind. As his thoughts ran through his plans and schemes and inner philosophies, they kept looping back to what that damned trainer had said.

    “Spirit is what makes this world worth living in!” the trainer had said. Quite forcefully, at that. “If it weren’t for spirit, we wouldn’t have the world we’re in now! We couldn’t enjoy life for what it is. I wouldn’t be friends with my Infernape here either,” he had added, “if we didn’t share the same fighting spirit that let us become Pokémon masters. Or with my Floatzel, my Crobat, my Gardevoir, my Garchomp, or any of my Pokémon!”

    “Enough with your blathering!” Cyrus had shouted. “Is this how you justify spirit as something worthwhile?”

    Cyrus knew that that trainer – was his name Tom? No, Gary? No, it was Lucas – was wrong. But something deep inside of him also knew that that trainer was indisputably right. He wanted to banish that part of himself – the part that was constantly reminding him about his emotions – but that part stubbornly refused to let go of him.

    He looked up at the dark sky. The sky was always dark here – like the murky darkness of the “spirit” that was still a part of him. He did not want to feel anger, bitterness, or frustration. But right now, he felt something else, something less charged – a longing for something familiar. A way out of all this.

    Suddenly, something roared far away. Cyrus looked around for the sound. He ended up looking behind him, and saw Giratina flying above. Was it disturbed? Did it still feel the hatred against him? Cyrus watched Giratina circle overhead above him. To try and clear his mind, he concentrated his thoughts on watching Giratina fly above him. Watching the Pokémon that had captured him and put him in this place in the first place. Watching its graceful motions as it curlicued around in the air, twisting and turning this way and that—

    Where were these thoughts coming from? Had that trainer – Lucas – really rekindled something inside of Cyrus that he could not put out?

    A thudding noise shook Cyrus out of his thoughts. Something had landed to his left. He turned and saw Giratina, in its six-legged form, walking towards him.

    He simply sat there, not moving, pretending to ignore the giant dragon that was walking towards him. The pretense was half-true – he had nothing to do with the dragon, and did not want to attract its attention. It had grabbed him once – he didn’t want to go through that again.

    Giratina itself would have nothing of that. It walked straight up to Cyrus, folded up its legs, and sat down beside him.

    There they sat. Cyrus was trying to concentrate on planning out his new world again, but he could not banish the thought that there was a gigantic dragon that was the ruler of this world, sitting right next to him as if nothing was wrong.

    But then again, nothing was wrong. Cyrus wasn’t doing anything to harm it anymore – nor could he, as Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf had fled for their own world again. It would be foolish to try and take this dragon on with his bare hands – that would both violate his own principle, and be impossible – Giratina would overpower him as quickly as the fight started. Giratina seemed to notice that, as it could now sit down beside him without any fear. Cyrus tried to keep his gaze unfocused and contemplative, but sooner or later, he could not resist peeking a glance at Giratina.

    As he peeked at it, he could have sworn that it smiled at him. No, not a smile – it was just an upward curving motion of its mouth. But he called it a smile. Why then? A smile meant nothing to him.

    He then felt a nudging motion at his left side. Now that he was powerless to stop it, Giratina was poking around at him, trying to play with him. It was nudging at him with its muzzle, and Cyrus suddenly felt like he was being tickled.

    No! he thought. I must keep a straight face! But as Giratina kept trying to nuzzle him, he fell onto the ground, starting to laugh from the tickling. Giratina thought this was funny, and kept poking at him. Cyrus was horrified at what he himself was doing – he, the man of no spirit, was laughing? Preposterous! And yet he was enjoying it more than he had enjoyed anything since he was twelve years old.

    Finally, Giratina moved out of the way, and took off again. Cyrus wondered where Giratina was going, but then, it came back instantly behind him.

    Giratina was holding something in its mouth – a branch of humongous grapes, larger than any Grepa Berry that Cyrus had ever seen. Do grapes even grow here? thought Cyrus.

    Giratina placed them onto the ground that Cyrus was sitting on, and picked one off for itself. Cyrus looked intently at the grapes for a few minutes, as Giratina kept biting on the one it was eating. When it had swallowed the whole lot, it looked at Cyrus again, as if to say, those grapes aren’t going to eat themselves, you know.

    Cyrus gingerly reached over and picked one off of the branch and bit into it. As he chewed, the taste lit something up inside of him. He had never had anything this tasty before, but whatever it was, to him it was heaven.

    He suddenly realized what he was doing. No, he thought. I’m betraying myself!

    He put down the half of the giant grape that he had not eaten, and turned away from Giratina again. Giratina walked around Cyrus, but no matter where Giratina tried to walk, he would just turn in the opposite direction.

    Then, Cyrus felt a pair of leathery claws pick him up by the back of his collar, as he was loaded onto the back of Giratina’s neck. The grape that he had been eating promptly fell into his hand as well.

    Giratina growled once, and then launched its legs into the air as it took off.

    Cyrus had to hold on for dear life, as Giratina flew higher and higher away from their platform. Suddenly, Giratina flew a loop in the air, and Cyrus started falling down. Giratina swooped under and Cyrus fell on top of it – now in its six-winged form. Cyrus could barely hold on to one of Giratina’s back ridges as it kept flying.

    Suddenly, a hole opened up in front of them where they were flying, and they launched back into the regular world. They had exited from a waterfall somewhere near Veilstone City, and were now flying high up into the sky.

    Cyrus could make out the boundary of Sinnoh, and then the boundary of all of Japan. As they kept flying higher and higher, the air got thinner and thinner, and Cyrus started to run short of breath. Giratina noticed this, and turned down.

    As adrenaline coursed through Cyrus’ body, he realized that he was feeling it. And the rush was awesome. He had never experienced anything like it before, and he loved the feeling, even though he had tried with all his might to hold it back. Before this, he would have dismissed it as a simple biological reaction, but now that he was experiencing it himself for the first time, he could not resist the feeling, nor did he care to resist.

    At that thought, Giratina folded its body inward, diving even more quickly to the ground. Just as they were about to crash into a forest, however, a hole opened up again, depositing them back inside the Distortion World. Giratina crashed into a platform, knocking it downward a few metres. They lay there for a few moments, both in a daze.

    As Cyrus got up and dusted himself off, he suddenly had an impulse to run up to Giratina and hug it. He had never felt this exhilarated his whole life – and Giratina was the one responsible. As he tried to embrace Giratina, it made a purring sound that Cyrus could feel all over his old, skinny body.

    Then, Giratina got up and yawned, turning back into its six-legged form in the process. As it did, Cyrus became aware of his own drowsiness. As Giratina curled up and laid its head down, Cyrus decided that he would use Giratina’s side as a pillow, and lay down within Giratina’s lap. Giratina then fell asleep, its wing covering Cyrus like a blanket as he, too, gave in to the Sandman’s will. His last thought before falling completely asleep was that – perhaps – spirit wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    Awesome story. I loved the dueling emotions throughout that Cyrus was battling with. The ending was great as well. Cheers.

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    Requiem Raver Drakon's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    Love it!

    I love how Cyrus's dueling emotions were portrayed and the ending was sweet too.

    But one question, why make Giratina genderless?
    What are the Legendaries really like? Find out in The Life of the Legendaries

    Humans and pokémon no longer live in harmony. Hear their tales in The Poké Wars Chronicles: Tales From A World At War

    Cynthia once had it all: powerful pokémon, fame and hordes of adoring fans. But Ho-oh's campaign tears her life asunder. Now to survive this deadly new world, she must do the one thing that she never wanted: kill. Follow her trials through a world at war in Poké Wars: Downfall of a Champion

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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    Quote Originally Posted by Drakon View Post
    Love it!

    I love how Cyrus's dueling emotions were portrayed and the ending was sweet too.

    But one question, why make Giratina genderless?
    Well, this is the game-verse, and Giratina is genderless in the games, so...

    ...didn't want to make it a she, basically.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    EL-OH-EL Italics's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    My corrections are in yellow, my comments in bold. Cool? -- Italics

    For Want of Spirit:



    CYRUS DEATH COUNT: EIGHT TIMES. And a couple I missed or gave the benefit of the doubt.

    Lots a commas. I can tolerate a lot of commas in a story, but most of 'em were unnecessary. Work on that mostly.
    Last edited by Italics; 14th February 2011 at 04:49 AM.

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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    Quote Originally Posted by Italics View Post
    My corrections are in yellow, my comments in bold. Cool? -- Italics
    My replies are in blue. Alright? -- Zekurom



    CYRUS DEATH COUNT: EIGHT TIMES. And a couple I missed or gave the benefit of the doubt.
    Cyrus is probably dying of laughter from your comments as we speak. That makes it nine. x_x

    Lots a commas. I can tolerate a lot of commas in a story, but most of 'em were unnecessary. Work on that mostly.
    A few of the ones you marked as unnecessary are actually essential for the flow :/

    Also, you changed all the dashes to double hyphens T_T

    Thanks for the funny comments at any rate. :D

    Ah, yes, one more thing. I'm Canadian. :P
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)



    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonite Ernston View Post
    Cyrus is probably dying of laughter from your comments as we speak. That makes it nine. x_x
    HEY! THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT, OKAY?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonite Ernston View Post
    A few of the ones you marked as unnecessary are actually essential for the flow :/
    I'm just touchy about commas in general. Seen too much fan fiction (and regular fiction) that decides, "Hm, well, to sound like I know what I'm doing, I should probably add in a ton of commas!"

    Now, you don't do it wrong. But still: A comma counts as drawing a breath, and whenever I'm in doubt about where to place a comma, I say the sentence aloud. When I read some of those sentences I marked up, I ended up...breathing too much? Yeah, breathing too much.

    You don't have to follow my corrections; just look 'em over and think about them. REMEMBER: IT'S ALL IN THE BREATH!

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonite Ernston View Post
    Also, you changed all the dashes to double hyphens T_T
    Dashes are double hyphens.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonite Ernston View Post
    Thanks for the funny comments at any rate. :D
    Poor man. You've probably never seen something funny before, have you?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonite Ernston View Post
    Ah, yes, one more thing. I'm Canadian. :P
    DAMN IT.

    And stop trying to steal my catch phrase.

    I'M AN UTTER BADASS.
    Also, my fan fics, my episode recaps, and my reviewing badge.

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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)



    HEY! THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT, OKAY?
    Didn't know that. XD I guess it was a compliment for yours too.

    I'm just touchy about commas in general. Seen too much fan fiction (and regular fiction) that decides, "Hm, well, to sound like I know what I'm doing, I should probably add in a ton of commas!"

    Now, you don't do it wrong. But still: A comma counts as drawing a breath, and whenever I'm in doubt about where to place a comma, I say the sentence aloud. When I read some of those sentences I marked up, I ended up...breathing too much? Yeah, breathing too much.

    You don't have to follow my corrections; just look 'em over and think about them. REMEMBER: IT'S ALL IN THE BREATH!
    I'll keep that, in mind. XD

    Dashes are double hyphens.
    More like double hyphens are lazy dashes. They were used when the equivalent of a dash was impossible to transcribe on closed captioning.

    Poor man. You've probably never seen something funny before, have you?
    I'm sorry to say I haven't. Keyboard Cat didn't even elicit a chuckle.

    DAMN IT.
    Well, be glad that it's over. You got it right on the third try - that's 20 points.

    And stop trying to steal my catch phrase.
    Ah, yes, one more thing. What catch phrase would that be, anyway?
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    Ooh, I liked it. Overall anyway. The change in Cyrus comes on too quickly, but I love the idea of him recovering (hey, it happened in one of the comics, and it's theoretically possible, albiet unlikely, that he could recover in other continuities) and finding something to be happy about.

    But yeah, it really happens too fast. What about these actions is winning him over? Also the whole thing seems to be one scene, and I think it would play better to stage it out over a while. Like Giratina approaches him once and he turns it away, his mental barriers getting worn away a little each time.

    As for his pokemon, you sort of handwaved it, but maybe Mars took them? If she found him (which she said she would), she'd probably leave if Cyrus told her to.

    And his old body...has much time passed or is that just refering to how prematurely aged he is? Since he's stated to be not even 30 yet.

    And re:, the own world thing, remember he said he wanted to bring that to everyone. To have it for himself would be useless. Yes I know he had that line about the new world being only for him, but then he contradicted it by talking about all the people who would be there and telling Cynthia that he'd never go off somewhere alone because it's his "justice" to bring that to everyone.

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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    Quote Originally Posted by Commander Mitsumi View Post
    Ooh, I liked it. Overall anyway. The change in Cyrus comes on too quickly, but I love the idea of him recovering (hey, it happened in one of the comics, and it's theoretically possible, albeit unlikely, that he could recover in other continuities) and finding something to be happy about.
    It happened in one of the comics? Really? Didn't know that. And that "something" in this one-shot is Giratina. XD

    But yeah, it really happens too fast. What about these actions is winning him over? Also the whole thing seems to be one scene, and I think it would play better to stage it out over a while. Like Giratina approaches him once and he turns it away, his mental barriers getting worn away a little each time.
    I could probably do it as a many-shot fic, but I was too lazy and realized that I probably couldn't keep it up for very long. Giratina does approach Cyrus many times, but they do happen a bit too shortly. It was a combination of the Trainer (Lukas)'s speech [although in canon, I think it was Cynthia instead] and Giratina's actions. The many steps before that were Cyrus' developments at Spear Pillar and inside the Distortion World, where he was constantly reminded of the importance of spirit by Cynthia and stuff. Giratina was just a catalyst. Or, as people have mentioned in the thread, a catalyst.

    As for his pokemon, you sort of handwaved it, but maybe Mars took them? If she found him (which she said she would), she'd probably leave if Cyrus told her to.
    Handwaved? Where? Where? I'm not sure I even tried to explain it. Or are you talking about my reply to Italics' review?

    Well, Cyrus does have them in the Distortion World itself, so I'm not sure Mars really would have followed them in...

    And his old body...has much time passed or is that just refering to how prematurely aged he is? Since he's stated to be not even 30 yet.
    I was thinking about how old he looked. Yeah, he may only be 27, but he looks 50.

    And re:, the own world thing, remember he said he wanted to bring that to everyone. To have it for himself would be useless. Yes I know he had that line about the new world being only for him, but then he contradicted it by talking about all the people who would be there and telling Cynthia that he'd never go off somewhere alone because it's his "justice" to bring that to everyone.
    Well, by "his own world", I meant the world that he wanted to create, which would his "own" in a way. But alright.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    Yeah, the handwave thing was in the replies, but yeah. And in Diamond and Pearl Adventure!, he has a turnabout and becomes, if not a good guy, then at least not a bad guy any more (I got the implication that he still wants to change the world, but he's learned to be more open about things and to get rid of his extremist nature).

    Even in a one-shot fic, passage of time is important. Yes, even in a world where time doesn't flow.

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    Default Re: For Want of Spirit (one-shot, 11)

    As part of the awards process, I also give some scathing reviews of my own fics, for some flavour and to poke fun at the whole process of me rating other people's fics. Well, sometimes they're scathing. A lot of it is my own comments on what I could have done better or things that I knew I screwed up.

    I call them "satirical reviews", but the ratings are still honest (I hope). Here is a taste.

    Plot: 13/20

    The plot was actually the last major part of the story I had cemented in my mind. First came the device that Cyrus and Giratina should somehow get together. Then, I needed some sort of plot to wrap it up.

    It came in the form of Cyrus being stranded in the Distortion World, and Giratina being a gentle but antagonized creature. When I look back on it, it wasn't that good of a plot, but it achieved its purpose.

    Characterization: 13/20

    I'll admit that I didn't keep Cyrus in character at all. But that was the point of the story, to turn his character into something else - a little lighter, perhaps, and definitely a lot less mopey and emotionless.

    Same with Giratina about the OOC-ness, although that was also part of the purpose of the story. I also wanted to play with Giratina's character a bit, to make him more like a misunderstood creature rather than a truly antagonistic one.

    Grammar, style, and flow: 6/10

    Now that people point it out to me, the story does move a bit quickly, doesn't it.

    Overall rating: 64/100

    Well, a little better than Generation 2021, at least.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 16th March 2011 at 11:02 AM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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