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    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Voice of Energy

    Chapter 1: Escape



    Mark awoke with a start. He checked his alarm clock: 6:05, his parents wouldn't be up for another hour. He stepped out of bed, taking care not to make to much noise. He went to his bathroom and brushed his short brown hair. He looked at his reflection, staring into his own blue green-eyes. Through his head came all the thoughts, how his parents never let him leave his town, how they never let him see his friends unless at least three trusted adults were watching, how he had been eleven years old before his parents even gave him the chance of having a friend by sending him to school, how they constantly scolded him for arguing with his teachers, how they tried to meticulously groom him to be their opinion of a perfect son. Today was the day, he was gonna do it, he was gonna run away, he was gonna challenge the gyms, and if he was good enough, the champion. He would show them, show them that freedom and grit can make you strong He put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It was the middle of April, exactly 1 month after his thirteenth birthday, the day when some kids left home to take the gym challenge. But his parents wouldn't let him go, no matter how much he begged and pleaded like a baby asking for a toy they would always say: "No it's to dangerous for a little boy to go out alone." He had tried to explain that he wasn't little and helpless anymore and that he would have his friends with him but they wouldn't listen. Mark had always been rebellious, hating to feel tied down, having no say in things, often if someone told him to do something he wouldn't, but if they asked he would gladly oblige. All these thoughts ran through his head as he packed a backpack full of clothes and grabbed his pocket knife from his shelf. He crept past his parents room and down the stairs. In the living room he found his elekid sleeping on the carpet. As many good thoughts came into his head as bad ones moments earlier. How he had found the creature starving on the outskirts of town, how he had nursed it back to health, how, by some miracle his parents let him keep it, how it always pulled pranks and put on shows for him and his friends. He shook it awake. "Come on buddy we got to go." Mark knelt down to allow the small yellow humonoid to sleepily climb up to his shoulder. Mark then opened the front door to the fresh, sweet morning air and stepped outside. The air seemed to invigorate the sleepy pokemon on his shoulder. It spun its arms causing static electricity to jump between it's antenna. "That's right Viro" said Mark. "We're going on an adventure."


    Chapter 2: Traveling


    Mark knew three things:that he wanted to find his friends, that he wanted to challenge the gym and that he needed to get as far away from his town a possible. Mark pulled out his map, checking to see where the nearest gym was. It was east, through a forest and a small city. He needed to go quick if he wanted to catch up with them, so he caught up a light jog and ran out of the town. He had always had a good build for running, long legs, slightly skinny and a little above average height. so it was only an hour later, with Viro was jogging at his side, when he came across the forest. A quick check of the map told him that he was going the right way. So he headed inside. The forest was a nice place, little underbrush and the trees spaced a comfortable distance apart. Mark allowed himself a respite from his jogging and went along at a leisurely pace. Rays of sunlight came through the canopy, falling to the ground like molten gold. Their were some pokemon sunbathing in the brighter patches, some of them doing it for energy, some for pure enjoyment. It really was a nice place, but Mark decided that he really better get a move on, so he and Viro began running anew, with a greater pace than last time, hoping to reach the city soon. His friends had only left a week before him, and one of them had family in "the nearest city with a gym" and had agreed to wait for Mark there for another week. So he had a day to reach the gym.

    About twenty minutes later he came out of the forest and found himself right in the city, a sign told him that he was in Wald City, another look at the map told him that it was another ten minutes journey to the gym city, which was called... Everend. So he decided that he would take a rest. He went to the big white building with the red roof that everyone knew was called a pokemon center. As he stepped in he was greeted by a nice girl who looked to be about sixteen. "How can I help you?" she asked.
    "I'm just here to rest" Mark replied.
    "Judging by the fact that your elekid is not in a pokeball I suspect you don't have any, do you?"
    "No."
    "Would you like any?"
    "If it's not to much trouble than sure."
    She left and than came back holding six baseball sized balls, the bottom part was white and the top was red and see-through.
    "Thanks." said Mark as he took the balls. He tried to put Viro into one, but Viro seemed not to like the idea, shooting small amounts of electricity out of his outlet like antenna. "It's ok Viro, only for a little while." Viro stopped shooting electricity but still looked sulky as Mark put him in the ball.
    "Why is the top see through?" asked Mark "I've never seen any like that."
    "That's because most pro-trainers don't like to give away what pokemon their using if they can help it, and marts don't carry any, but to answer your question it's that most travelers prefer being able to talk to, and check on their pokemon without having to send them out of their balls."
    "Cool, and thanks for everything, but I should get going"
    Than Mark stepped out of the pokemon centre, and started running to Everend.


    Chapter 3: Defiance


    "Where in the name of god is he?" Asked Marks father, Noah. He and his wife had just spent the last two and a half hours scouring their house and neighborhood for their son, but he was nowhere to be found, not at the school, not at the park, it seemed that he had vanished of the face of the earth. Noah was unhappy, to say the least, but his wife Lynn was furious. She had already been on three rants about how "if that boy doesn't smarten up I'm going to take away every last thing that makes his life worth living!" Noah was now just searching to humor his wife. He doubted they would find their son. Most likely he had gone for a stroll into a the forest and just wasn't home yet. He had promised to his wife repeatedly that he would thrash the boy within in inch of his life when they found him, but she didn't seem satisfied with just searching the town. She said she was going to go out and find him. "If he's not in here than I'll find him out there!" And with that then she ran out of town.

    Mark had just arrived in Everend. It was the kind of place that Mark wished he had grown up in, their were open air cafes, happy family's walking down the streets, markets everywhere and it seemed that their were at least a dozen parks. Mark decided that after his little trek he had earned a nice swim and maybe a bight to eat. He walked to one of the parks and plunked down his pack in the shade of a maple, released Viro from his ball, took off his shirt and jumped right in the small river running through the park.
    He had barely touched the surface of the water when a sudden movement startled him. Something in the water was moving right below his feet. It darted out of the drink and onto the shore with Marks pack. One look at the animal told him that it was a buizel. Small streamline body? Check. Blue fins on its arms? Check. A long double tail? Check. Orange fur? Once again, check. Mark had always wanted a buizel, their was just something about them that he liked. He tried to remember what they had taught him in school, it needs to be weakened before you can catch it. So he shouted at Viro: "Viro shock that!" pointing at the buizel. Viro (who had been sunbathing) got up and looked around, saw what Mark was pointing at, and let loose and electric shock that caught the creature off guard and caused it to fall to the ground. Mark quickly ran to his bag, grabbed the poke balls that the girl had given him, and hurled one right at the buizel. The ball opened and pulled the weasel like creature inside, shook once and then was still. Mark walked over to the ball and picked it up. He had just caught his first wild pokemon. He was overjoyed. But his glory was cut short when a man in a uniform walked up to him and said: "Hey kid, you can't catch pokemon here, that's disturbing the wildlife!"
    "Sorry I didn't-" Mark began, but the officer said "can it kid either release that pokemon, or your coming with me." Then he grabbed onto Marks arm. "Get off me!" Mark shouted as he punched the officers arm away. "Oh and assaulting an officer, your in deep now kid." The officer drew a pokeball and from out of it emerged a black canine like pokemon, a houndour. The hounder quickly leaped onto Viro, bit it and then threw it onto the bank of the river. The speed of the attack stunned Mark for a second, than after realizing what had happened Mark looked at the officer with fire in his eyes. "You did not just..." Then he through the pokeball containing buizel onto the ground. And out came the buizel, still looking a little woozy, but sensed something in the air, and a will to fight came over it. "Hit it with whatever you got!" Mark shouted, pointing at the houndour. The buizel took one look at the houndour, seemed to recognize it as a threat, and shot a blast of water at it. The houndour was blown backwards and fell over, and didn't get back up. The officer immediately drew another poke ball and threw out a plant like creature, it looked like a skinny root with four off shots that resembled arms and legs and a bell shaped head,a bellsprout. It wasted no time beating the buizel back with its vine like arms. The buizel tried to fight back, jabbing at the bellsprout with its arms, but it would either weave around it, or just beat the attempted offensive back. Mark knew why the fight was not going well, water based pokemon like buizel hated to get hit by plant mater, and that was essentially what bellsprout was, plant matter. The more this went on the more Mark hated watching, frantic ideas zoomed around his head, each less likely than the last, when suddenly, out of nowhere their was a whooshing sound, and a small clump of flames slammed into the bellsprout, knocking it back. And then another, and another. Mark looked in the direction the flames where coming from and saw the last thing he expected: his friend Richie and his magbie, the small red dinosaur shaped pokemon was spewing flames at the bellsprout, until at last the bellsprout fell over and didn't get up. Mark ran over to Richie and sized him up. The boy had spiky black hair and a small build, which he made up for with his big personality. "Thanks." Was all that Mark could manage, but Richie looked at him punched him in the arm and said "Someone had to teach that guy a lessen." Mark smiled, punched his friend back and looked down at the buizel and said: "I'm gonna name you Grit."



    Chapter 4: Confrontation


    Richie had brought Mark back to his Uncles house in Everend. They had spent several hours training their pokemon and where now just about to start dinner.
    "So have you got the badge yet?" Asked Richie.
    "Nope, I just got here, you?" Mark replied.
    "Got it yesterday, the leaders a total pushover."
    What kind of Pokemon does he use?"
    "Grass."
    "Electric and water don't work to well on that. Crap."
    "Ya I kinda thought you'd say that."
    "What am I going to do?"
    "Easy, we just find you a pokemon that counters grass."
    "Where."
    "You're kidding right? This place is full of bugs and birds and whatnot, it's where I found Lito." The pidgy that had been sitting on the floor flapped up to Richie's shoulder and nibbled his ear affectionately. "Tomorrow morning we get you a poke to beat that leader good!" Richie shouted enthusiastically.
    "I thought it was illegal to catch pokemon here."
    "Only if you get caught."
    "I had almost forgotten why I liked you so much."

    Lynn had just entered Wald City. She had planned on just searching the forest, but the growlithe she had been using had picked up a scent trail that led right into Wald. The orange black-stripped canine was sitting on the ground next to her, looking like he expected a treat. "Find him and maybe you'll get something." said Lynn to it. The growlithe got up and once again began following her sons scent.

    Mark and Richie were in one of the city's many parks, looking around for a pokemon that would have type advantage over the grass type gym leader. So far they had had no luck, only seeing buizels and sentrets. Mark was just looking around well Richie scoured through a bush, looking like a headless man with his arms tangled in a plant. When suddenly, out of nowhere, something slammed into his back with what seemed like a small explosion. Mark fell forwards onto face. His back felt like it had been burned, but also not burned, it was an odd and painful sensation that he had no intention of experiencing again. He turned over onto his back and saw the source of his displeasure: a roselie, wait not just any roselia. It had the normal small green body and three pronged head, but the roses it had for arms were mixed up, with the red one on its left and the blue one on its right. "Mom's." Mark breathed. "Richie! Use Valcen, and burn that roselia!"
    "He was at home sleeping! Remember?" Was Richie's answer. Mark groaned, he specifically remembered that the magbie had been sleeping on the couch. "What about Lito?"
    "Also asleep."
    "Crap."
    Mark now saw the roselia's trainer. His own mother, with a growlithe at her side. "It's time for you to come home Mark." She said.
    "No! I'm not coming home until I've done what I set out to do!"
    "Don't make me hit you again!"
    "Go ahead and try" Mark said defiantly as he got up. Viro immediately through his small body in front of Mark and spread out his arms. Given that Viro was barely higher than Marks knee, this wouldn't do much good. "No Viro, I can't drag you into this." Viro shot some electricity into the air and stood his ground. "Richie, move him" Mark said to his friend. "Sorry Viro." Said Richie as he picked up the struggling pokemon and dragged it out of the way. "Magical leaf, Rosa." said Lynn to her roselia, which promptly raised its rose-arms and shot two streams of glowing leaves at Mark. Mark raised his arms to protect his face as the petals hit him. Than hit him again, and again, again, and again. Then, just before the petals could hit him a sixth time, their was a yelp and something small and brown-orange jumped in front of the stream and took it for him. Than it skidded to the ground beside Mark. It had six tails and a fox- like body, a vulpix. The vulpix let out a clump of flames from its mouth that slammed into the roselia and knocked it into a tree. And before the growlithe could charge at him Mark threw Grits ball in front of him. Grit quickly emerged and without needing orders shot a blast of water at the growlithe, which was knocked into Lynn, and seemed to be to injured to continue fighting. "Hey officer! Officer! That women attacked us!" Shouted Richie to a passing man in a uniform.
    "She attacked you, you say?"
    "Ya came out of nowhere and hit my friend here in the back with her roselia."
    "Is this true mame?" The officer asked Lynn. "He ran away from home!" She replied.
    "He looks to be about thrirteen, isn't that when most boys leave for an adventure of some sort?"
    "He left without our permission!"
    "He doesn't need it, the law states that at the age of 13 any child may leave their home for a maximum of seven months without returning." He said to her polity. "And even if it didn't, it's still no excuse for assault, on a child no less, your coming with me."
    "Or what."
    "Than I'll bring you in by force, you'll serve at least two months for your crimes, now come with me." "Psst, Mark." Whispered Richie "catch it now while he's not looking." "What?"
    "Do it."
    Mark looked up to see that the officer wasn't looking and than put the vulpix in the ball, it seemed content to let him do so. He looked at the officer and said: "Can me and my friend get going." The officer looked at him and said. "Of course." When Mark and Richie were out of earshot, they highfived each other. "I think that vulpix will do nicely for the gym." said Mark with a smile. "What are you going to name her." Asked Richie
    "Her!"
    "You couldn't tell? Yes, it's a her."
    "Weird, I've got no idea what I'm gonna name her."
    "Name her something heroic, after all, she saved you from getting beaten up by your mommy."
    "Richie?"
    "Yes."
    "Shut up."

    I'm gonna do a reply for the next couple of chapters
    Last edited by Teapot Salty; 26th June 2013 at 09:22 PM. Reason: adding to story

  2. #2
    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    Hey guys, let me know if their is a poke that you want mark to use, cause im kinda drawing a blank beyond elekid and maybe scizor or crobat

  3. #3
    Brock's Pikachu LightningTopaz's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    First of all, a chapter should be at least a page or two long--what does Mark look like? What do the surroundings look like? Pretend I'm not familiar with Pokemon--how would you describe Elekid to me? It's details like this that make a story come alive.

    Second of all, how does this story stand out from the millions of other stories that start out just like this? It doesn't have to be earth shattering, but just have a unique element that allows you to stand out from the crowd.
    My URPG stats: Maya's status

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    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    Thanks for the insight, I knew i was missing something. But im tottaly blank about making it unique, I know i shouldnt ask but do you have any ideas?

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    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    I'm just going to add a bit more to what @LightningTopaz pointed out.

    It is a nice start because we all need to start somewhere even if it isn't set in stone. The biggest thing is never get discouraged about your story. You can always, always fix it, add to it and redo it. I have done just that with my story as I am on version three of the same story and I feel as if I have gotten better with each version.

    Here's what I see from my point of view:

    • Your Chapter 1 seems more of a Prologue (Intro to a story) than an actual Chapter. And it's nice start but we don't have a reason as to why Mark is running off. Because his parents told him no isn't very creative so this would be a good place to toss in a bit of background. Maybe something happened to him as a kid to make him want to run away.
    • Another thing you should work on is describe Mark, his Pokemon and his surroundings. Don't worry I have a bad habit of this as well. I'm using to certain people already knowing what my characters look and act like. So when I posted my story here I had to go back and describe everyone after is was pointed out to me.
    • I'm not sure if you do this yet but it's always good to write ideas down even small ones in a notebook or whatever you may carry with you. You could always do it on your phone if it's possible. I use my phone a lot because it's a lot easier and more convenient for me. Write it out and then go back with a different color and fix it. Maybe something didn't seem right the second time around because at that point you're just trying to get the idea down at that moment.


    Hope these few things help you out and I can't wait for more. :D
    [ Fan Fic: Loving Hope (CH 9) | Breeding Center ]
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    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    Thanks so much :), i think what ill do is an actual prologue instead of just the first chapter, or maybe a flashback. Thanks for the encouragement, but unfortunately their might not be a new chapter for a while, with school and all, i dont carry a phone but ill be sure to right down any ideas if they come to me. Thanks a lot, i really appreciate it.

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    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    can i ask you something? to add new chapters should i just keep editing or should i do something else?

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    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    Quote Originally Posted by Teapot Salty View Post
    can i ask you something? to add new chapters should i just keep editing or should i do something else?
    It all depends. Most people seem like like to make a new post every time they post a new Chapter. It just makes it look neater.
    [ Fan Fic: Loving Hope (CH 9) | Breeding Center ]
    3DS Friends Code: 0834-1774-6902 | Friend Safari: Electric - Electrode, Stunfisk & Zebstrika

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    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    Quote Originally Posted by Caite-chan View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Teapot Salty View Post
    can i ask you something? to add new chapters should i just keep editing or should i do something else?
    It all depends. Most people seem like like to make a new post every time they post a new Chapter. It just makes it look neater.

    But doesn't that make it harder to find?

  10. #10
    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    Quote Originally Posted by Teapot Salty View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Caite-chan View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Teapot Salty View Post
    can i ask you something? to add new chapters should i just keep editing or should i do something else?
    It all depends. Most people seem like like to make a new post every time they post a new Chapter. It just makes it look neater.
    But doesn't that make it harder to find?
    Not really. Some people will post a link to the Chapters in the first post. You can find an example in my story that I have posted.
    Last edited by Caite-chan; 23rd June 2013 at 08:50 PM.
    [ Fan Fic: Loving Hope (CH 9) | Breeding Center ]
    3DS Friends Code: 0834-1774-6902 | Friend Safari: Electric - Electrode, Stunfisk & Zebstrika

  11. #11
    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    how do i post a link? im kindof a noob

  12. #12
    Brock's Pikachu LightningTopaz's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    There is a button that looks like a globe and link of a chain in the quick reply window--that is the post link button
    My URPG stats: Maya's status

    SuBuWriMo status: 28,103 words in all!

  13. #13
    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    Quote Originally Posted by Teapot Salty View Post
    how do i post a link? im kindof a noob
    [*URL="URL HERE"]LINK NAME HERE[/URL*]

    Just take out the * and replace the URL HERE with the link to the thread.

    Feel free to PM me if you have any problems or any other questions.
    [ Fan Fic: Loving Hope (CH 9) | Breeding Center ]
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    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    thanks a lot, i really appreciate it

  15. #15
    Popping Corn Teapot Salty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Voice of Energy

    thx

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