Untitled Fanfic (Please View)

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  1. #1
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    Default Untitled Fanfic (Please View)

    This would be my first fanfic. I very much enjoy writing, so I figure I'll give it a go. This fanfic series will be done in chapters...assuming all goes well and people actually like it. Please comment!!! Thanks!

    Prologue

    "Five minutes until your board meeting, Mister Stone."

    "Thank you, I'm on my way. Oh, and would you mind pouring me some coffee very quickly? I'm still not fully awake yet...I need to have my senses about me for this very unexpected meeting...I have no clue what it’s about..."

    "It’s no problem at all, Mister Stone." His secretary pours his mug full of piping hot dark coffee. "I'm sure its nothing. The board always has something going on. I'm sure it will be just another boring meeting that lasts about six hours, like they always do." She sets his mug down on his desk.

    "The only thing that worries me is that I'll be spending a half a day in this meeting, most likely. They bore me to death. I swear, the more board meetings I attend, the closer I am to dying of boredom. I look older every time I leave them. Ha!"

    "Well it apparently hasn't affected your good nature. Not yet anyway. And who knows? Maybe something unexpected will happen this time."

    "Maybe, but I doubt it. Oh, and if Steven calls, just tell him that I'll get with him as soon as I'm available." Mr. Stone slides his chair back, and rises. He is not a very tall man, with a pale face and white hair. He has on his traditional light purple dress suit with black dress shoes, topped off with his favorite white hat that completes the look. His whole wardrobe is made by his company. He grabs his briefcase and heads for the exit from his office.

    "Of course, Mister Stone. I'll be in here when you return. Tell me all about the meeting! I'm sure something interesting will happen today." She accompanies him to the exit and opens the door for him.

    "Ha ha! Oh, yes, I'm sure there will be much to talk about! Ha ha ha..." Mister Stone walks down to the elevator, drinking his coffee in short sips. He presses the down arrow and waits for it to be sent up. He blows and sips his coffee as he waits. "Something doesn't feel quite right. I've never had any engagement at work so early in the morning." he quietly mutters to himself while looking at the little orange lights that signal which floor he is currently passing. He then takes a glance at his watch. It is now just two minutes past five-thirty in the morning. "Damn, now I'm late." The elevator then dings on the first floor and the doors open, and Mister Stone steps out and rushes toward the boardroom, careful not to spill his coffee.

    The double doors to the boardroom suddenly open, and with a hot mug of coffee in one hand and a briefcase in another, Mister Stone rushes towards his chair at the end of the long boardroom table.

    "Ah! Mister Stone! Wonderful, now the meeting can begin. Don't worry, you're only three minutes late, nothing's held up or anything," said one of the board members, who is seated to the right of him, "of course, we really can't begin this meeting without you."

    "Thank you, Cart. My apologies to everyone, I got a bit of a late start. Well, I don't want to hold up anything else, so let's get down to business, shall we?"

    "Ah, but of course." said Cart, the man sitting to the right of Mister Stone. "Mister Stone. The board of the Devon Corporation has called this emergency meeting on the count of recent, and might I add, historical events, as I will explain to you shortly. Better yet, why don't all of you see for yourself?" Cart pulls out a tiny remote control and presses a button. A very large screen slowly descends from the ceiling. The entire board automatically shifts their attention to it, and Mister Stone is a bit confused.

    Cart then presses another button, turning the screen on. A large of a pie chart is centered in the middle of it, clearly visible to everyone. "I assume you all know what this is." exclaimed a surprisingly enthusiastic Cart. "This chart shows exactly who owns what share of Devon Corporation. We see here that the purple section of the graph, that's Mister Stone, owns a little more than one quarter of the company. The rest of the people who claim shares don't even come close. Now, I want all of you to focus on the tiny red section of the chart. That would be my share of the company, a mere two percent. Now, if the board and Mister Stone would observe the next graph..." Cart pressed another button on the remote, and a second pie chart appeared next to the first one. "Members of the board and Mister Stone, please acknowledge the red section of this second graph!"

    Mister Stone was in disbelief. He was wondering if he was dreaming, it being so early in the morning. He rubbed his eyes and took a very large gulp of his black coffee, and somewhere in between the scalding hot sensation he felt in his mouth and the time he finally realized what was going on, Mister Stone very suddenly exploded, "WHAT IN THE HELL IS THE MEANING OF THIS!!!" His hand in which the coffee mug was held was raised above his head then slammed down with a loud crash and the shattering of his mug. The scalding hot coffee seemed to explode from it in all different directions along with tiny fractures of his mug. The board members sitting fairly close to him burst out of their chairs in pain from the bits of the sharp mug and the piping hot coffee that rocketed towards them. "ANSWER ME!!! WHAT DID YOU DO!!! WHAT DID ALL OF YOU DO!!!"

    Well, it’s quite obvious. I've bought you out, with a little help from Silph Co. So, naturally, according to law, I own the company. And as my first act as the new president of the Devon Corporation, Mister Stone, you are hereby no longer employed with us. Goodbye, and thank you for your service."

    Cart’s words seemed to effectively paralyze Mister Stone, as if he had just mouthed a magic spell. Mister Stone said nothing when Cart had security called. He did not move when the guards came into the boardroom. As the guards approached him, he fell unconscious face first into a mess of still steaming black coffee and the sharp shards of his mug.

    Mister Stone’s secretary sat at his desk taking his calls, waiting for him to return from his meeting. At about two in the afternoon the phone rang, yet again.

    “Mister Stone’s office.”

    “Hello, this is Steven.”

    “Oh! Steven, hello! It’s always nice to hear from you. Your father has been in a board meeting since early this morning, but I’d imagine it can’t last too much longer. If it’s urgent, I’ll have him come up.”

    “Well…yes…it is urgent. I think you’d better get down to Rustburo General right away…my father has some other business he needs you to do for him right now.”

    “What in the world are you saying? …Steven?”

    “…He’s not feeling very well…he’s in the hospital. I’ll explain everything I know when you get here. I have to go now, there are other people waiting to use this phone.” *click*

  2. #2
    Java Girl Barb's Avatar Retired Staff
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    This story has a good beginning, but there's one aspect I found distracting when I read it:

    His secretary pours his mug full of piping hot dark coffee.

    We're meant to understand that the fic takes place in the present day. But you don't have to put all the verbs in present tense to get that point across. It reads a bit like a script when you do so. Try another version: "His secretary kindly poured him a mug full of piping hot, dark coffee."

    His hand in which the coffee mug was held was raised above his head then slammed down with a loud crash and the shattering of his mug. The scalding hot coffee seemed to explode from it in all different directions along with tiny fractures of his mug. The board members sitting fairly close to him burst out of their chairs in pain from the bits of the sharp mug and the piping hot coffee that rocketed towards them.

    This is a very good action scene by itself. But try wording it differently to get more effect: "He slammed the coffee mug against the polished wood of the conference table, shattering it completely. The hot coffee burned the few board members sitting closest to him and a few moved their chairs away from him to avoid the coffee and the bits of porcelain mug that skittered across the table."

  3. #3
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    I'm glad you liked that scene, I thought it was alright. I finished this in the middle of the night, so it might not be as good as I might have wanted it to be...lol. Thanks very much for the comment, I'll touch it up.

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