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  1. #76
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Quote Originally Posted by sharktooth162 View Post
    Nothing much happened but it was still anice change of pace and I liked it. I'm curious as to whether tim will end up losing one of his pokemon for the gyarados as considering the way he lost his raticate I would be surprised if he would be prepared to lose someone again. I think he might end up catching a Gyarados and then release it after realising he cant bear to lose any of is pokemon. I kind of don't know if I want keith to get a dratini or not seen as I still want him to get rainer back and stuff but we'll see what happens.
    There's going to be some serious juggling of Pokemon between now and the end as the characters' teams fill up. I don't want to give too much away, but the way Tim deals with it will be kind of boring, the way Criss deals with it will be insightful, and the way Kieth deals with it will be... unpredictable (see what I did there?). I know I've kind of been shunting Tim to the side, but I have some things planned in the next several chapters to give him some more depth.

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    Registered User sharktooth162's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    See now i'm beginning to think that Keith will decide to flout the leagues laws and have seven pokemon anyway if he gets rainer back. For the other two I really dont have a clue but I cant wait to see what happens. Well I just tried to predict the unpredictable so ha.
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    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Sorry that it took me so long to even begin reading this fic, originally I thoguht it as really long but I eventually got hooked by it. I kind of felt bad when Criss left though since I thought Keith would get to travel with her. I liked the plot, the whole psychic ability seems isn't exactly knew but it was done right and that's what counts. However there are some drawbacks, firstly the description of the first ten chapters which is where I am now since I just finished chapter ten and I wanted you to know I was reading. Anyway, the battles need a lot more description, the character's themselves and the scenery is good but the battles lack a lot, not just that but they're missing a lot more action so I hope they got better in later chapters. Also Keith is developing too fast, in the first chapter he barely knew how to battle by the third one he could take out Pokemon in one clean shot by by the time Tim was introduced he was experienced enough to be a bit of a mentor to him.

    I also liked Nolan though I still haven't seen him with such importance since I still don't know much about him, but the action in 9.5 was really good and well...actiony.

    I'll keep reading this so don't worry.

  4. #79
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Quote Originally Posted by sharktooth162 View Post
    See now i'm beginning to think that Keith will decide to flout the leagues laws and have seven pokemon anyway if he gets rainer back. For the other two I really dont have a clue but I cant wait to see what happens. Well I just tried to predict the unpredictable so ha.
    You're close, but it won't happen the way you think.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky Flame Haze View Post
    Sorry that it took me so long to even begin reading this fic, originally I thoguht it as really long but I eventually got hooked by it. I kind of felt bad when Criss left though since I thought Keith would get to travel with her. I liked the plot, the whole psychic ability seems isn't exactly knew but it was done right and that's what counts. However there are some drawbacks, firstly the description of the first ten chapters which is where I am now since I just finished chapter ten and I wanted you to know I was reading. Anyway, the battles need a lot more description, the character's themselves and the scenery is good but the battles lack a lot, not just that but they're missing a lot more action so I hope they got better in later chapters. Also Keith is developing too fast, in the first chapter he barely knew how to battle by the third one he could take out Pokemon in one clean shot by by the time Tim was introduced he was experienced enough to be a bit of a mentor to him.

    I also liked Nolan though I still haven't seen him with such importance since I still don't know much about him, but the action in 9.5 was really good and well...actiony.

    I'll keep reading this so don't worry.
    Glad you like it! Don't worry, Criss comes back. I wouldn't let a character as awesome as that come and go. Chapter 11 is where I really started putting a lot of effort into my writing, so it gets much better. The Surge and Erika gym battles are much better than the Brock and Misty ones.

    I know, Keith is overpowered. His training with Sabrina gives him a reason to be that way, but before that, I retroactively blame it on Rainer being a badass. Plus, he had a lot of time to sit and think about battling, strategize, train, etc, while he was in Cerulean. I left a pretty big open space there time-wise.

    Nolan's my personal favorite. Chapter 16.5 will give a bit more background. He'll stay mysterious for a long while, as I introduced him much earlier than I should have.

    A note to all of my readers:
    I'm terribly sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I haven't even started writing Chapter 22. What little writing time and energy I have goes to my SuBuWriMo fic (which is still going slowly). School gets out in two weeks for me, and I'm planning on spending the first weekend entirely on writing.

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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Just thought I'd let you know that I'm really enjoying this. Caught up now and will offer thoughts on new chapters from now on.

    Some great ideas in here and you mostly stay away from cliche, and where it is done you cover it well. Like someone else in the thread I'm not such a fan of how quickly Keith became "UberBattler", but each chapter stood on it's own and now he's been that way for awhile it seems more natural.

    Good stuff, look forward to more.
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    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Where the next chapter? *glares*

    I caught up and I thought I'll already be a couple of chapters behind so I was disappointed. Anyway, to summaries my review on the last ten chapters I'll point out the key elements of each of them. The battle against Surge was a little quick but it was good to see him getting curb stomped by Keith, then having Rainer get captured was what could count as the most sad and thrilling part of the story since Rainer had been Keith's ace from the beginning and it also allows Keith to pay more attention to his other Pokemon. Growlithe has always been a Pokemon that interested me, I was even going to put it in an old fic I had but I changed my mind at the last minute, so you get extra points for putting a Growlithe. The battle against Erika was easily the best one yet and the longest one since it took a whole chapter and Criss is finally a part of Keith's group for real.

    Also it seems like Nolan and Keith will meet each other soon, though I thought Criss already knew him.

    Anyway, I hope you finish the next chapter soon so that Keith can finally start his second training session, and get a good montage.

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    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Guess who read the first sixten chapters? *points to myself*

    Yeah, I'm enjoying this quick pace of yours. I mean, you are with six chapters already in Cerulean and in my story the journey hasn't even started. xD

    Well yeah, Keith does remind me of an ordinary teenager, yeah. Like I said, I like the fact you have a quick pace and with short chapters it's much easier for me to go through it all. At first I was intimidated a little by the fact you have 21 chapters, but this has been going relatively easy. I'd ask to be tagged, but since I didn't catch up yet that won't be necessarily. But don't worry, you're doing great imo.

    I also really like Criss, she's not that typical "damsel in distress" kind of girl. I hope she and Keith meet up again and seeing how you gave her some sort of backstory and hatred towards the Rockets, there is no doubt in my mind she'll appear again. Keep it up!

    EDIT: Okay, I read four more. Wow, a LOT happened. I have one big nitpick though.

    - Your main character, he's badass at battles, has just learned how to merge his mind with the one of his Pokémon, his psychic powers are slightly better than those of Criss, even his best friend admires him. What I'd like to see is Keith struggling, because in these 10 first chapters he didn't struggle a lot. I dunno, it's like he has no real flaws. That might be just me, but I would enjoy seeing Keith lose a gym battle for once. xD
    Last edited by Tsutarja; 3rd July 2011 at 09:00 AM.

  8. #83
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    HA! The server thinks its sooo smart, going down right as I'm posting my new chapter. But I'm paranoid! I copied and pasted the entire post into Notepad! WHAT NOW SERVER? WHAT NOW?

    Moving on...

    In the words of Russel Casse, in "Independence Day": Ha-ha-ha! Hello, boys! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! *giant alien spaceship explodes*

    Great movie. Fitting, seeing as today's Independence Day. Anyway, moving on again... I'm so pumped to get back to this fic.

    Quote Originally Posted by Monster Dungeon View Post
    Just thought I'd let you know that I'm really enjoying this. Caught up now and will offer thoughts on new chapters from now on.

    Some great ideas in here and you mostly stay away from cliche, and where it is done you cover it well. Like someone else in the thread I'm not such a fan of how quickly Keith became "UberBattler", but each chapter stood on it's own and now he's been that way for awhile it seems more natural.

    Good stuff, look forward to more.
    Good to see I've got another reader. Keith being amazing at battling is part of his character. He's a semi-Sue. He's very good at what he does, he rarely loses, and he almost always knows what he's doing. And he knows that he's good. But that's his flaw. He's got an ego. Sure, he deserves the ego, but he's still pretty arrogant. I have something special planned for Keith's first (and second) loss, so stay tuned. It's all part of his character and will make sense in the end.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky Flame Haze View Post
    Where the next chapter? *glares*

    I caught up and I thought I'll already be a couple of chapters behind so I was disappointed. Anyway, to summaries my review on the last ten chapters I'll point out the key elements of each of them. The battle against Surge was a little quick but it was good to see him getting curb stomped by Keith, then having Rainer get captured was what could count as the most sad and thrilling part of the story since Rainer had been Keith's ace from the beginning and it also allows Keith to pay more attention to his other Pokemon. Growlithe has always been a Pokemon that interested me, I was even going to put it in an old fic I had but I changed my mind at the last minute, so you get extra points for putting a Growlithe. The battle against Erika was easily the best one yet and the longest one since it took a whole chapter and Criss is finally a part of Keith's group for real.

    Also it seems like Nolan and Keith will meet each other soon, though I thought Criss already knew him.

    Anyway, I hope you finish the next chapter soon so that Keith can finally start his second training session, and get a good montage.
    Look below ;) Growlithe's one of my favorites, so I had to put him in. I'm glad you liked the Erika battle, I put a lot of time and effort into making it extra awesome.

    Well, Nolan won't become too relevant for a long while now. (Slight spoilers ahead) Sure, Nolan knows Criss so it logically follows that she knows him as well. Keep in mind, though, Keith may have seen Nolan, but I suggest you go back and re-read the end of Chapter 20. Does Criss actually see Nolan? The Nolan-Criss deal is my personal favorite part of the story, and easily the most complicated. Major kudos goes to anyone who can guess a significant portion of Criss' background. Speacking of which, there is a very slight hint in the chapter below. If you want another big hint, go back and read the beginning of Chapter 2. I'm surprised no one caught it yet. Put it in spoilers, though, if you do get it, so that you don't give anything away.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    Guess who read the first sixten chapters? *points to myself*

    Yeah, I'm enjoying this quick pace of yours. I mean, you are with six chapters already in Cerulean and in my story the journey hasn't even started. xD

    Well yeah, Keith does remind me of an ordinary teenager, yeah. Like I said, I like the fact you have a quick pace and with short chapters it's much easier for me to go through it all. At first I was intimidated a little by the fact you have 21 chapters, but this has been going relatively easy. I'd ask to be tagged, but since I didn't catch up yet that won't be necessarily. But don't worry, you're doing great imo.

    I also really like Criss, she's not that typical "damsel in distress" kind of girl. I hope she and Keith meet up again and seeing how you gave her some sort of backstory and hatred towards the Rockets, there is no doubt in my mind she'll appear again. Keep it up!

    EDIT: Okay, I read four more. Wow, a LOT happened. I have one big nitpick though.

    - Your main character, he's badass at battles, has just learned how to merge his mind with the one of his Pokémon, his psychic powers are slightly better than those of Criss, even his best friend admires him. What I'd like to see is Keith struggling, because in these 10 first chapters he didn't struggle a lot. I dunno, it's like he has no real flaws. That might be just me, but I would enjoy seeing Keith lose a gym battle for once. xD
    Eh, pacing is part of what makes Journey fics different from each other. I jump right in after Viridian Forest while you start days before he even leaves. I'm glad you like Criss, I figured a damsel in distress girl can only ever stick around if she's a love interest, and I didn't want to do that with Criss so soon in the fic. Look above for my response to your nitpick, it's a common issue.

    Hey, since the new rules have come out, I won't be VMing any more. Let me know if you want to be tagged!

    OOOOOOnnnnnnnn to the chaptah! (I'm a little hyper right now )

    This time: MONTAGE! take two. Not really, but Keith starts training.

    Chapter 22



    Peace out broskis

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  9. #84
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Heh, I'm glad you're giving Tim more focus. By the way, I managed to catch up with all the chapters. Some descriptions here and there wouldn't hurt but therefore I like your battle scenes, I especially liked the one with Erika. Each of your characters seems to have a personality, but I'm a bit bugged by the fact Rainer's lost didn't have much impact on Keith. Yeah he's thinking clever now but I would have still liked an entire chapter dealing perhaps with his depression and Criss and Tim trying to cheer him up or something.

    Out of the three main characters I like Criss and her sarcastic attitude is the best. Keep it up and make sure to tag me!

    Oh, and Nolan is badass. :P

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    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    Heh, I'm glad you're giving Tim more focus. By the way, I managed to catch up with all the chapters. Some descriptions here and there wouldn't hurt but therefore I like your battle scenes, I especially liked the one with Erika. Each of your characters seems to have a personality, but I'm a bit bugged by the fact Rainer's lost didn't have much impact on Keith. Yeah he's thinking clever now but I would have still liked an entire chapter dealing perhaps with his depression and Criss and Tim trying to cheer him up or something.

    Out of the three main characters I like Criss and her sarcastic attitude is the best. Keep it up and make sure to tag me!

    Oh, and Nolan is badass. :P
    Thanks! To be honest, I'm still afraid that Tim will fade into obscurity as a sidekick character, but hopefully this next chapter will change that. Chapter 13 was supposed to be Keith's mourning scene, but I kind of suck at the whole emotion thing. Now that you mention it, though, perhaps I should add some more sad remembrances. Of course you like Criss, everybody likes Criss. Good job on catching up, I know it's not short.

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    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Sorry I took so long in reading this, I was trying to find a training montage that could work and wasn't overdone but I failed sadly.

    Anyway the chapter was pretty unneventful aside from the training, and it was funny that Keith finally got to feel what true physical pain is like. Also a little advice if you want to give Tim more focus, make the next chapter his battle against Koga and do it in his point of view.

  12. #87
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable" (PG-13)

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky Flame Haze View Post
    Sorry I took so long in reading this, I was trying to find a training montage that could work and wasn't overdone but I failed sadly.

    Anyway the chapter was pretty unneventful aside from the training, and it was funny that Keith finally got to feel what true physical pain is like. Also a little advice if you want to give Tim more focus, make the next chapter his battle against Koga and do it in his point of view.
    Well, about that... Below is what I had planned from the beginning, and it's similar to what you suggest. See my Post-Chapter Author's Notes, though.

    This chapter took me a lot longer than it should have to get done. It's fairly long, at 3k words (not as bad as the first two chapters). I didn't get to revise it much, so feel free to let me know of any mistakes or corrections. As you can see, this chapter is a little different than others. It was fun to write, though, especially in lieu of Nolan chapters, so I might do something like this again. I tried to make it the most epic catching of a WILD Pokemon ever (no cheating with having Pokemon "ask" to join the team). Let me know how I did.

    This time: Tim and Criss on their hunt for a Gyarados (these two characters are SO much fun to bounce off of each other!)

    @Sky Flame Haze ; @sharktooth162 ; @Tsutarja ;

    Let me know if YOU want to be tagged!

    Chapter 23



    EDIT: Oh! I almost forgot to mention. Thanks for nominating this fic for the awards! If memory serves, it's in for Best Journey Fic, Criss for Best Supporting Character, and Koga for Best Take on a Canon Character. I'm up against some serious all-stars, though. Nominations end in a few days, I believe. When they do, be sure to vote (even though Unpredictable isn't in any of the voting categories)!
    Last edited by AetherX; 9th July 2011 at 11:15 PM.

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    Registered User sharktooth162's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable"

    Well I cant say no to more Koga cause he is awesome but I still hope that Keith flaunts the rules if he gets wartortle back and then it bites him in the ass later. I was pretty surprised that Tim gave up Zubat so easily but I suppose if he thought it was better of with Koga then who am I to judge. Cant wait for the new chapter and hope you do well in the awards.
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    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable"

    Make this a Tim arc, so the next chapter should be Tim's gym battle. :D

    Awesome chapter by the way, I really enjoyed it. Keep it up! ^^

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    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Unpredictable"

    I think the next chapter should be Tim's battle mostly because once we get back to Keith it's not sure when he's getting any more focus so I think it might be good to choose the battle.

    Also I don't think what you should decide is whether the chapter will be Keith getting a Dratini or Tim's battle, I think the thing to focus on is the fact that where's Rainer gonna go once he recovers it.

    Also I nominated Sabrina for Best Take on a Canon Character on the first day.

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