Though the blood was stark against the cream of her fur, she felt nothing.
You’re not real, either.
This entire intro was really cool. The contrast between third person past tense and the rarely used second person present tense did a great job of communicating that it was a dream and a memory, a bad memory. I do have an issue, though: You said in one of your review replies that it was implied that Salem broke her own Pokeball. Now I consider myself to be fairly perceptive, but regardless of how many times I reread this bit I can't see where that is implied. The sentence "You left when it broke" makes it sound more like her trainer broke it or it broke on accident, the epitome of a series of stressful events that triggered her departure. I'm sure it works with the plot (after all, you wrote it), but I just thought I'd point out that the implication was not very obvious.
“I was pretty real, last time I checked.”
Character entrance with a witty remark? A sure sign of a badass. Well done.
Strangely, she seemed to possess a trio of short, stiff tails and an elongated left ear, each a deep carmine – closer examination revealed them to be feather-like in nature. Salem had heard of far more bizarre species from her master, but this morph seemed uniquely outlandish to her, despite – or perhaps because of – their similarities.
I had three or four guesses as to what Pokemon this was supposed to be. None of them were correct. This probably has less to do with your descriptive skills and more to do with my lack of familiarity with Pokemon introduced in Gen II, however. It seems obvious in retrospect.
“I’m just a sneasel, save your gawping for the serpentine hybrids.”
I'm not sure what the implications of this remark were supposed to be, but it sounds like a hint at bitterness towards the serpentine hybrids. If so, nicely done.
“Mine’s bloody long, but you can shorten it to Dusk, so call me that.”
Congratulations. You have officially committed towards eventually telling us her full name ;)
“We’ve been assigned to the same squad, Salem, so we’ll train together, work together, eat together, sleep together – in a strictly chaste sense of course, unless that’s something you’re into,” said Dusk with a grin. She sighed when all Salem gave her was a blank look. “That was a joke. Never mind.”
It's funny because lesbians.
If you do want a guide, I’d be happy to start you off with a tour of this lush paradise we find ourselves in, courtesy of our friends the Syndicate.”
I'm sensing some sarcasm here... :dodgy:
“You fell asleep at the daftest time. It’s two in the morning, most sensible morphs are asleep.”
Not exactly. Most animals (and, it would follow, Pokemon) are nocturnal. That's up to you though. No one said this had to be scientifically accurate :P
Salem did not entirely understand why that should be the case, but she accepted this explanation without comment.
Touché. Perhaps their habits change as they adapt to being part human (I almost typed "subhuman," is that racist? Or just stupid?).
Most of the space was taken up by a large enclosure; an arena with the League standard pokéball emblem painted onto it.
Does this perhaps hint at an involvement with the League? Or am I over analyzing?
Dusk squeaked, apparently not expecting a counterattack, then laughed again, seemingly endlessly amused.
I'm sensing some sadism. Or perhaps just battle lust. Who knows?
Dusk cracked her knuckles gleefully. “First to yield to the other is defeated. That’s it!”
Struggling was impossible.
Of course it is. You aren't out of PP yet.
“Fine, fine! I’ll tell you. You were just muttering weird phrases. Stuff about how something wasn’t right, how things weren’t as they should. I didn’t catch all of it, but you said something about you leaving. You said ‘I left when it broke,’ I think and ‘it’s not real’. You mostly used pokéspeak, except for the occasional human word.”
Wow that was totally worth it and not at all vague or obvious.
“Okay, whatever, but you should at least practice regularly or you’ll be sorry for it during training,” opined the sneasel, before sauntering out of the arena.
WHAT TRAINING?!?! DAMMIT SALEM WHY AREN'T YOU MORE INQUISITIVE?!?!